From: Teenager Hale Subject: Candy: Don't read if potty mouth's offend you Date: Fri, 10 Jan 1997 20:41:10 -0600 e-mail Laura Hale fluffer@prodigy.net with comments. I like comments. (sorry no spell check on thi one because swearing and spell check and my slang and my computer's spell checker do not mix...) Disclaimers: They belong who they belong to. Warnings: Lots of swearing, no sex in part 1, Lots of foul language, not much speculation: Only vague guesses as to what's happening on earth... Me:I own Christina, please ask to play with my toy. I loan them out. This is for fun and entertainment and is infact a J&D story but takes a hell of a ong time to get there. It's written in well defined parts. Whamamucka treats the station to Candy Part 1 Whamamucka Has a Large Mouth Christina Whamamucka was furious. How dare they do this to her? It didn't matter that she was smuggling contraband material from Earth. It was hers! She'd payed good money for it! First the centari tried to get it, but she through every book in the whole stinkin library of stellar law at them. Piss in their faces. Then, then, Did every species know she had contraband candy aboard her ship? Did they all like candy or did they all just hate her guts? The universe hates my guts. That's it. Damn the f'in minbari. They had to pick her up. Pick her up. The minbari. Damn them. Okay, so they were supposedly helping with the war. SUPPOSEDLY! Clark said they were screwin human superority way to much. Not that she agreed... but stealing her Candy, her cargo of age old human specialties. Her cargo DAMMIT! At least after hijacking her vessel, they had the remorse enough to take her to the HUMAN run staton of Babylon 5. But DaMN THEM, these were the same people who were supposedly fighting a f'in war for the past 2.5 years. She would ask, no DEMAND to speak, yell if she was truthful, at the f'in Minbari Ambassador. >From What she could understand, the Minbari Ambassador was some sorta hybrid freak. She didna pay attetion to the ISN enough to care. Why listen to proganda when she Could spew forth piss and crap as easily as that f'in machine. A minbari came over to her `cage', it was a room with a slanted bed. "So I'm free to go on my merry way now?" "No, you will be met by Babylon 5 Security who will file the appropiate charges." She glared at the Minbari bastard and then proceeded to swear vialy in seven tongues and curse the minbari's family in nine. Good thing she could walk to Security and spew that stuff at the same time... ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Micheal Meets a Culprit Micheal Garibaldi was not a happy man. A minbari ship was bringing in a contrabander. Not a bad thing all together based on the cargo the freighter held, but the woman who captained her was a pain in the ass. He'd met her on mars. She had a mouth that basically screamed for the use of old style BLEEPing, only in real life. She wasn't pro-earth, but also couldn'tbe trusted in the AoL. She was a me-me-me-me-and-me person. Totally self absorbed. You could kill her. He walked into the bay where the minbari ship was docked. Damn, he could hear her swearing alrady. "Do you f'in know who I am? I'm gonna kill your whole stinkin race for this offense! I don't ***BLEEP(ABleepmark for Sensative readers)BLEEP*** this. I got rights." Christina then kicked the Minbari. "Whamamucka! About Face! Straighten that ass! No BROWNIE POINTS HERE for Potty mouthed girls!" Whamamucka spun around so fast, it probably set a world record. "Just who the hell do you think you are you ***BLEEP**?" She gasped. Recognition crossed her face. Just the reaction he'd been hoping for. He'd wanted to nail her butt to the wall for so long for that incident that caused him so much trouble with his superiors. He swore that twent-four year old looked like she wanted him dead. Good, he had the high ground. He'd duck tape her mouth if she opened it again. "I believe I'm in charge of security for this station, Miss Whamamucka. Now, I'm sure" She opened her mouth as if to speak "If you say one word, I'll belt you in the face" He was in no mood for her antics. "We can work out an agreement on how to handle your cargo" "Touch and i'll cut off your ***BLEEP***. That stuff is worth more than your ***BLEEP*** life." That was that. Micheal belted her one. He'd deal with the consequnces later. Whamamucka looked woozy as she lay on the ground. Well, better now than never. Micheal crouched down to be more at her height. "Sign this form, and I'll release you of your own accord. Good deal. Better than the Minbari Ambassador would give you." She had a doopey smile on her face. He knew she was a coward at heart among those who knew her. "sure. Where do I sign?" Micheal put his finger where she should sign it. "OUCH! DAMN!" He suddenly cried as Whamamucka bit his finger. He put his finger in his mouth to suck it. "Zack, take her down to lock up." He hated today he thought as he turned on his heel and left. ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Drogos works in Customs Craig Drogos worked in customs. He was an inspector. He loved customs: the people, the smells, the sounds, the feel. He had to document contraband materials today. Oh he loved that too. People tried to smuggle intresting things. He had to open the boxes (clearly labeled, but none the less he had to open them) and catalog the contents. This would speed along the resolution and make the grumpy cheif happy. He opened the first box. "Oh my god!" He shouted. Hersey bars. He hadn't had one since the station broke away from earth. "Oh my god!" He shouted again. His stomach growled loudly. He slapped his link. "Drogos to Garibaldi! It's candy! It's CANDY! Sugar! Come down here or I'll eat it! It's candy." "I'll be right down there" was the reply. Good god he thought. He opened the next box. "Nerds" he screamed. He opened the third box. "M&M's" He hollered. He opened the fourth box. "Kit Kats!" He bellowed. He opened the fifth and final box "Hunt' Chocolate pudding cups!" He mouthed as he licked his lips. Aw no more he thought. The cheif then walked in. ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Interlude In the interlude of time between the past scene and the current scene, time has past. Garibaldi decided he wasn't going to handle this because of his sprained arm, accquired when Whamamucka decided the brig wasn't the place to be. Whamamucka, meanwhile, decied to sign the papers on the condition she could meet the minbari freak, err, Ambassador. Drogos begged the cheif for the pudding and Hersey bars. ~!@#$%^&*()_+ Delenn Intervenes Delenn was sitting in the quarters she now shared with her husband, John. She had promised Micheal Garibaldi she would meet the person her government had picked up for smuggling. From the files she had read on the person, she was unique for her propensity for doing good and bad in the same breath. According to the files, she had gotten food to a colony, with a lack of it, while getting into a fist fight with the local relgious head for *aquiring* church funds for this effort. She wondered what she would be like in person. As if on cue, the chime on the door rang. "Come," Delenn answered. "I don't know why in flying hell you had to escort me here you imbecile! I can *READ* a map! I am not an f'in baby!" The face talking suddenly looked as if it just occured that the door might be open. The face grew red. "Now why did you shittin have to do that? I have the mental Cpaticity to do it!" The face grew really red. "Just get out of might bleepin sight so I can get this Make- nice meeting the crap over with." The body that belonged to the face stepped into her quarters. Delenn didn't expect to see from the person who she was supposed to see. She appeared to be slighly flustered and from what she had gleaned from the file, she wasn't flustered. Delenn couldn't help but stare. "Hello. I'm Christina Whamamucka. You can call me Miss Whamamucka the third or Chris. Whatever suits your pie." "I am Delenn. Of Minbar. I am pleased to make your aquantence Chris." Delenn smiled as the other woman's mouth practically fell to the floor, probably in shock she thought. "Ya know that damned ass hole clark dan't give you nuf credit for sweet talk. He makes you out as the freaktress from Minbar with an eye on matin wildly with every human man with in five miles. He musta been wrong on 'is account." Delenn's eye brows rose. This was intresting to hear.... though she wasn't wuite how sure she was about the source.... "Then again I donna listen to much to the news after ISN became a freakin propo machine that spewed forth shit worse then the lies they probably claim you make." "That is intresting to hear." Actually it wasn't that intresting to hear. It was unerving. She wanted to get rid of the woman, which wasn't like her at all..... She had better things to do then listen to this, how would humans put it, potty mouth. "You had something you wished to disscuss with me..." Maybe she *should* have let Lennier handle this.... "I wanted to find out about what your plans and motives were when you f'in confiscated my ship! It provides my sole source of income!" Delenn sighed. So this is what she wanted. She understood, in a way, what the women was thinking. She would be upset to if some one had taken her prize posseions. "It was operating illegally in space controlled by the Minbari Federation. We had no motives then to protect our selves from the unknown. We have posseion of your ship and its cargo until we can decide how to handle this case." Chris looked really upset. She looked like she wanted to kill Delenn on the spot so it wasincredibly surprising when she said "Fine let's talk." ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Whamamucka comes to an Agreement Christina Whamamucka was darn right happy at the minbari fre- Ambassador's reaction. It was comical. It was genuine. It was proably the mot kindess she had gotten in along time. SHE *HATED* THAT! Damn the women. "What would you suggest as a way of opening up our talks?" The minbari, Delenn, said. Oh crap, she was begining to think of the woman as a person. She was going f'in, damn soft. "I suggest I sell you all my cargo-" She needed her ship back. She *needed* it back. "for the price of my ship so I can buy my ship-" Damn, she suddenly feeling soft and mushy and honest. This person must be some sort of weird minbari witch! "And leave the station ne'er to be seen again. She crossed her arms and stared at the witch, mentally challanging the witch to say no. "That sounds fair. I will set it up immediatly. Now if that was all..." Whamamucka barely had the strength to turn around and walk out of the door in shock. That had been to ace in the whole easy. THERE HAD TO BE A CATCH! She got to the door, which promptly opened, and railed the guard with many exlicits that she wished had come to her when she had been spell bound by the thing in the room. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Micheal Smirks at the Culprit Micheal watched as the Christina Whamamucka came in the room. She was once again showing the world how big a mouth she had. She just didn't know when to shut up did she? "Back so soon Whamamucka? I thought you'd still be arguing with the lovely ambassador about you secret stash." The reply came as fast as he'd expected it. "Shut the hell up." *well now back to the brink with you* "Hope you like the accomidtions at this facilty." Is what he said. She stuck out her tongue at him but other wise remained silent as she entered the cell. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Doen for a while. This story eventually ends with Delenn having a nerds face. Enjoy. From: Laura Hale Subject: NEW: Candy (3/3) Date: Thu, 13 Feb 1997 22:04:46 -0600 This is another instalment of my Candy story. Yes it is. Okay. Some of it is a repost. If you tink this is bad, be glad I can't post my other stories. Anyway, I wanted to get back to this because I like Christina Whamamucka. She is my friend. Besides, I still want Delenn to get that Nerds Face. Um. Yes. The Legal. stuff That covers that. Ummm what else. Ah, yes. I am dedicating this part to the b5teens who fuel my insanity and comment repeatedly to me. Of course, while I'm at it, YO! Christina!!!! POST WON'T YOU! Oh, yea, I gotta post several stories by some one else for them because I promised too. I'm excessivley Lazy, don't ya no? Any way, the first two sections are a repost. I finish it rather rapidly. I wanted to get it done. Would you want Christina wandering around your brain? One last thing, I have no Idea how Delenn would act while on sugar... so pardon any charector being screwed up. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Micheal Smirks at the Culprit Micheal watched as the Christina Whamamucka came in the room. She was once again showing the world how big a mouth she had. She just didn't know when to shut up did she? "Back so soon Whamamucka? I thought you'd still be arguing with the lovely ambassador about you secret stash." The reply came as fast as he'd expected it. "Shut the hell up." *well now back to the brink with you* "Hope you like the accomidtions at this facilty." Is what he said. She stuck out her tongue at him but other wise remained silent as she entered the cell. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Candy Thief Chelsea Chelsea Brockton smiled to herself. Medlab was quiet. Her assignment at this time was to make sure the candy brought in was edible. You could never be to sure when it was contrband material. Chelsea Brockton scanned the candy. *Damn* she thought * I haven't had candy since we broke away from earth. I need something to help alleiviate my stress*. Chelsea ate a piece of candy. *Damn but this tastes good. Now I can forward it on to the ambassador, but not before I take out the CONTIMANTED samples. Yes yes the contaminated samples.* Chelsea took about three bites of candy before shoving ten pounds in a body bag and high tailing to her quarters with the bag. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Interlude The Cargo is Delivered to Delenn's quarters by mistake. Go figure. Delenn is rather surpirsed by this but takes it like she takes life: In Stride. Christina finds God while praying that a certain minbari fre- female would drop dead. The conversion is immediate. This is a possible for shadowing to the events that happen in a biographical essay on the lives on b5's famous "Good Morning San Juan!" By Jaura Lanis Wale Hard. Micheal begins to realize Chris may actually have a brain. John Sheridian recieves a disturbing message from Lennier that AMbassdor Delenn has gone off the deep end and has had a "sugar high". John rushes to her quarters. ~!@#$%^&*()_+-= Johnny boy sees the Face John Sheridian keyed the door open to Delenn's quarters. He didn't know what to expect from Lennier's message. "Hello John!" Delenn squealed when she saw him in the doorway. "Come in my love." John Sheridian stepped in. Delenn was really out of it from the looks of things. Her gown was rumpeled *Man I love that purple gown to. It comes off so easily* and her kitchen filled with empty cardboard boxes labeled "Hersey's" "Nerds" "M&M's" "Kit Kat's" and "Hunts Chocolate pudding". "Like them?" Delenn said with a giggle as she waved her hand across the room. "They are mine. Federation bought them for me! I like chocolate. John how come you never showed me Chocolate before?" John shook his head no. He had no idea Sugar could do that to Delenn. He took a gander at her beautiful hands. Boy was he surpised\upset to find her holding a box of double dipped watermelon\apple nerds. Her hand with nerds moved up to her face. Delenn poured the nerds into her open mouth. She made the nerds face and John never loved her more then in that instant. ~!@@#$%^&*()_+-= Never thought it would end did you? The sequel to this is Good Morning San Juan (by me of course) primarily because it has Christina in it. Don't we all love her? (Laura ducks and hides as the tomatoes come a flying in her direction.) This was just awaiting to be written. -- ********************Laura Hale's Signiture********************* **********http://pages.prodigy.com/fluffer/laura.htm*********** *******************To Err is human...************************** To really screw up... Well that requires me and a 3000 computer **************To mess with people's mind is natural************ to really screw people's minds over, well that requires jms...* ********************I love Babylon 5!!!************************ Babylon 5 Teenage Fan and Moderator of the b5teens mailing list **********Sister Whammy of the fellowship of *********** **********Susan and Taz '4'Ever! Susan and Nog '4'Ever!********