Date: Thu, 08 Sep 1994 10:14:57 -0500 (CDT) From: Richard Hazlewood Subject: New Story: Crumbling Walls Dear Reader, This is my first attempt at fiction. Please be gentle.... ============================================================================ Crumbling Walls copyright (c) 1994 by Richard Hazlewood Dear Diary, June 14, 2258 I am starting this separate journal because of something that happened yesterday that has really upset me. I have been keeping a journal for my entire life and every month, when I get my check-up, the doctor takes a look at the journal and checks on my mental health. But, this is something that I don't want to share with Dr. Franklin. I think something is really wrong on this station. I had never noticed how people around here treated me until yesterday. Oh sure, I don't have any real close friends, but I work a lot and don't have a lot of time for socializing. There is a lot of work for a Level 3 mechanic in the Orange Sector let me tell you. But, I don't mind. I like to work. But everything changed yesterday when I met Commander Sinclair. I had never met the Commander before, but I'm a nobody and he is the station commander. Yesterday, he was making a tour of Transfer Hold 14 and I was working on one of the conduit relay units that had shorted out. Commander Sinclair came up behind me and asked me how the repairs were going. Well, I hadn't seen him coming and I jumped so bad I hit my head on the access panel. That wasn't the amazing thing though. What really amazed me was that he APOLOGIZED to me. To my knowledge, no one has apologized to me in the last couple of years. Also, Commander Sinclair treated me really well, he seemed sincerely interested in what I had to say. This really threw me for a while and I couldn't figure out why. Later, after he had left, I was thinking about what he had done that was so different. I came to realize that he treated me like he did everyone else. Nothing different, nothing special about the way he treated me. I know this sounds paranoid, and I'm still thinking about talking to Dr. Franklin about it next week, but I don't think anyone else around here treats me normally. I wonder why? Dear Diary, June 20, 2258 I just got back from seeing Dr. Franklin. I am now convinced that something is definitely wrong here. Dr. Franklin made a comment that several of my co-workers had noticed that I was acting differently since I had met Commander Sinclair. My first reaction was, logically, what are my friends doing talking to a doctor about me for? I was speechless for a minute, but I didn't want him to suspect anything so I made up a story about having a headache from when I bumped my head. I don't know if he believed me, but he looked at my head and said everything looked OK. I told him that I was feeling much better. I really feel guilty about lying to him, but what else was I supposed to do? Dr. Franklin looked at my diary. That was when I realized that I had made a mistake. I had been noticing more and more things that were just not right in the last week. I had not kept up my diary. Dr. Franklin was really concerned about that. He told me that it was important that I keep up with my diary and that I put everything I am feeling down in it "For your own good mental health." I'm not sure I believe that anymore. But, I have learned my lesson, from now on, I am going to keep up my regular diary and make it nice and clean. Anything that I suspect about what is going on will go in this paper diary. I don't trust the computers anymore. Dear Diary, June 21, 2258 I saw The Boy again today. It was really the first time that I had noticed him. He has been around almost every day for as long as I can remember. I never gave him a second thought. He just stands out of the way, watching. Watching me. Today I finally realized that Andy, the supervisor, should have run the kid off the first time he saw him. Just like he did for that group of kids that came by this morning. It was after he chased off the kids that I realized that Andy never bothered The Boy. I don't know what he keeps watching me for, but I am going to find out. Dear Diary, June 23, 2258 I overheard some of the guys talking this afternoon. They didn't know I was around. I wasn't spying or anything, but when I heard them talking, something kept me from revealing myself. They were talking about the guy that Security caught this morning. The one accused of killing all those Lurkers. Rumor says he killed a security guard. I don't think he did though, Mr. Garibaldi would have killed him if he had. Anyway, the guys were talking about what they were going to do with the creep after (not if) they found him guilty. Several suggestions were made: space him, PPG him, send him back to Earth. After a few minutes though Missy made a comment that sent a shiver down my spine and I don't know why. She said that maybe they would wipe him and put him to work down here in Orange Sector "Because we have all the experience." There was this kind of nervous laugh from the group and then everyone sort of drifted off real quick. For the rest of the day, I caught the guys looking at me with weird expressions on their faces when they thought I didn't notice. I wonder what "wiping" means. Dear Diary, June 24, 2258 There is definitely someone watching me and not just The Boy. I went to the library today since it was my day off. I wanted to look up what "wiping" was so I could figure out why I reacted the way I did when Missy brought it up yesterday. I decided to go to the library rather than use the computer in my room because I thought someone might be monitoring it. At the time it seemed like a stupid, paranoid thing to think. Now, I'm not so sure. When I got to the library, I got a private carrel. I tried looking up all the variations of "wipe" that I could think of. Nothing seemed to match. Finally, I looked up "punishment" and then "wipe". That was when I got my first (but not my last) surprise of the day. The computer denied me access. I had never had that happen before. Sure, there were security things that I shouldn't know about and stuff, but wiping was something that everyone at work seemed to know about. It couldn't be important enough to classify. I sort of sat there wondering what I was going to do. That's when the door opened and Mr. Vincent, the head of security for Orange Sector, came into the carrel. I was very surprised. Mr. Vincent has always made me nervous. I don't know why, maybe it's the way he makes me feel like a bug under the microscope. "So Darren," he said to me, "What are you doing in the library today? I didn't think you knew how to read." Mr. Vincent always talks like that to me so I didn't let it bother me. But I was surprised to see him in here. What had I done that would be bad enough for the Head of Sector Security to come visit me. I didn't think that this "wipe" thing was that classified. I told him I was looking up something. That's when he said something that really scared me. He said, "Don't go looking for things you don't really want to find Darren." I promised him that I wouldn't and got up to leave. He grabbed my shoulder and said, "Remember what I said." He let me go and I got out of there as fast as I could. I was sweating and shaking and really scared. I went to the Dark Star for a drink to try and relax. I sat there for several hours thinking about what happened. How had Vincent known what I was doing? Why was the information on punishment/wipe classified? Why did everyone at work seem to know what it was except me? How was this wipe thing related to the way everyone was treating me different, or was it even connected at all? Too many questions and I didn't have any answers. The only thing that I could figure out was that someone must have been following me and then monitored what I asked the computer and then told security that I was looking up something that I shouldn't have been. Why that information was denied to me I still don't know. I still don't have the answers to the other questions but I am more convinced than ever that there is a big secret here that I don't know. Something bad. Dear Diary, June 26, 2258 I had another one of those weird things happen today. I was working down in Orange-24. I hate working in those low-g areas. Low gee always gives me a queasy feeling in my stomach. I was working on a power bus when I noticed The Boy watching me. I got up and started to walk towards him so I could find out what he wanted. He took off at a dead run. Like a fool I tried to chase him. He got away when I went crashing into some support structure trying to go around a corner. I never could run in low-g. Anyway, I cut my left arm pretty bad and the guys had to take me to Medlab. Dr. Franklin fixed my arm up real good. He told me that I might have a little scar but that "It will match the one on your right arm." I was shocked. I started to tell him that I didn't have any scar on my arm when I looked down and saw the scar. It is about 10cm long and on the inside of my right forearm, right on the edge of where the hair starts to get dark. I had never noticed it before. I mumbled something totally incomprehensible and got out of there quick. I kept looking at the scar. I had absolutely no memory of how I got it. It's a pretty big scar, it must have been some cut. It should have really hurt. Why don't I remember ever getting it? Dear Diary, June 30, 2258 I haven't seen The Boy since the day I chased him out of Orange-24. The guys at work have begun acting really strange again. Conversations stop whenever I come around. They all just kind of look at me like I have a second head or something. I try not to notice, but it is really starting to get to me. What is going on??!!?? I've also spent some time thinking about the scar on my arm. If I don't remember where I got it, what else don't I remember. I don't trust my own memories anymore. There are all these little holes in my memory. For example, I remember my brother and his wife. But I don't remember what color my brother's eyes are. I don't remember his wife's maiden name. I don't seem to remember many of the details. But I can remember everything for the past few months very well. I remember what Missy's eyes look like, I remember what her favorite color is. I know what Andy's wife's maiden name is. Why can't I remember any of the details from just last year? Dear Diary, July 3, 2258 I'm finding it easier and easier to keep up this double life. One part of me acts like I always have, working, laughing, joking with the guys. The other part of me notices little things; the way they act when I'm around compared to the way they act when they don't know I'm watching. The way I can do something and then have someone from security act like they know what I am doing. Like yesterday. I decided to test out my theory that someone is monitoring me while I'm alone. I deliberately stole some paint and tried to take it back to my room. I know that no one saw me take it. I didn't even make it out of Orange Sector when I was stopped by security and arrested for stealing. Mr. Garibaldi himself had me come to C&C and gave me this long lecture about keeping my nose clean; at least they didn't file charges. How could they have known what I had done? No one saw me! At least I now know that there is someone or something watching me all the time. The big question now is WHY? Dear Diary, July 27, 2258 I've been really busy the last couple of weeks helping to get the station ready for the President's visit. By the way they were working us around here you would think that President Santiago was going to come down to Orange Sector himself for a white glove inspection. Polish this, clean that, sweep up the other, like he would even come down to this puss-filled section of the station anyway. And another thing, I have noticed that since the incident with the paint, there is always a security guard around me. I guess I'm not supposed to notice them, but really, they are so easy to spot. What did I do to deserve this sudden attention. Today, I had my monthly checkup with Dr. Franklin. He asked me to take a psychological test "part of a research project I'm working on". Yeah, right. Anyway, he asked me to take this test. There were all these questions about what would you do if you found out a friend of yours was stealing? Things like that. At first I thought that maybe someone at work was in trouble and they were trying to get me to tell them what was going on. Then I realized that they were really testing me. Checking to see if I was still a law-abiding citizen. I started thinking like my old self, I sort of put on this mask, it was really very easy. I was able to keep all of my suspicions hidden. Dr. Franklin didn't suspect a thing. I passed his stupid test without even having to think. I am sure that no one suspects that I know there is something wrong around here. I used to think that the problem was with me. Now I think the problem is with everyone else. They have some big secret that they don't want me to know about. But I will find out about it. I will. If it's the last thing I ever do. Dear Diary, August 6, 2258 I have started to piece together what has been going on around here. I was able to access the InterWeb and find out what Punishment/Wipe was. I borrowed Missy's ID card and used her account to access the library files. I have returned her card and she doesn't even know that I had it. Some people have no clue. Punishment/Wipe was detailed in the library files. I was so appalled by what I read that it took all the willpower that I had not to break the damn computer right then and there. The file gave me the following information: Mind Wipe: The process developed in 2195 of erasing an existing personality without physically damaging the subject. Developed by Dr. Marcus Antoly of the University of Kiev, Ukraine Combine, this process involves a series of injections that inhibit the transmission of information along neural pathways. Inhibiting these pathways for at least 48 hours causes the brain cells to atrophy; effectively erasing memory. A new neural pathway can then be imprinted on the subjects brain cells using a ViCaR unit and treatments of Proxialtoline(tm) to encourage neural pathway development. A subject can normally be given a new personality within one week. This process is currently restricted to use by Earth Alliance police force personal as a humane alternative to capital punishment. The subject is usually imprinted with a personality allowing integration back into the existing society. See also: Personality Replacement, Memory Erasure, Mnemonic Recording They destroyed my mind!! They erased who I was and made me someone else. Someone that everyone around me knows committed some crime that deserved capital punishment. What did I do? Why didn't they just kill me if my crime was so terrible. At least now I know why everyone treats me differently. Now, what am I going to do about it? Dear Diary, August 10, 2258 I have managed to get a look at my personal medical files. Franklin is so easy to manipulate. I just went into Medlab, said I wasn't feeling well and when Franklin left the office for a minute, I accessed his computer files and downloaded my records. Piece-of-Cake. I didn't even have to hunt for his password, the idiot kept it taped to the bottom of his keyboard. After I got out of there, I went to the Zocala to surround myself with people so that I could read the files. I found out what had been done to me and when. Now all I have to do is find out why. I used to be Joseph Martin Cassidy. I had my memory erased on December 21, 2257 and a new personality implanted on December 24, 2257 (Merry Christmas). There were no clues as to why I my mind was destroyed. There are some entries by some Psi named Lyta Alexander about verifying that the personality had been completely erased. The bitch's entries were very clinical. Almost as if she didn't see me as an individual at all, just some hunk of meat. What kind of people would do this to someone else? When I find out who was responsible for this, I'll get my revenge. Dear Diary, August 12, 2258 Well, I finally crossed the line today. Before, I had been borrowing things from people to get the information about myself that others had tried to hide. Today, I truly broke the law. The strange thing is that I don't really seem that upset by it. In the months past, I would never have even thought of breaking the law, part of my "programing" no doubt. Now, the law seems to be a rule for others. I guess I have lost my innocence.. no big deal. I got access to the security files dealing with my case. I cornered one of the security-types that have been following me around and took his access card. I hit him over the head with a piece of pipe. There was a really weird sounding thump and crunch, he slumped against the wall and I got his card and gun. There sure was a lot of blood. I got some on my shoes, guess I'll have to get a new pair. When I accessed the security files, I found out that Joe Cassidy had come to Babylon 5 in May of 2257. He/I was a Mech Tech Level 9 from Orion-4. There had been a string of unsolved murders, mostly in Downbelow, after four months and seven deaths, Security Officer Jason Vincent tracked him(me) down. I/He was tried in the court of Ombuds Wellington in late November and sentenced to Mind Wipe. Dr. Franklin's predecessor, Dr. Kyle, preformed the "procedure". Both Kyle and Alexander were later transferred off of B5. I really need to think about what I am going to do with this information. I should get rid of the security card--too hot. What am I going to do to the people responsible for destroying everything that I was and turning me into some kind of robot? Dear Diary, August 14, 2258 I found The Boy today. He was hanging out around the Zocala. I didn't let him see me. I followed him home after he left the work area. His name is Rico Sanchez. He is the son of one of the people I/Joe killed. I haven't decided what to do with him yet. Dear Diary, August 15, 2258 I talked with Deuce today. He's like the head of one of the Downbelow gangs. I had to ask around a lot in Downbelow, but I finally found him in this little dump called the Happy Daze Bar. People down there are really strange. Deuce has some way to get rid of Ombuds Wellington for me that will not implicate me or anyone else. I'm too hot right now to take care of that little detail, Wellington is around people too much of the time. But I can trust Deuce to do this, he wants to get rid of the Ombuds almost as bad as I do. In exchange, I gave him the security card and PPG. The card won't work of course. Garibaldi's gang found the body almost immediately. They have been tearing the station apart looking for me. Of course, they have no proof that I did it, but they know, Garibaldi knows, and so does Vincent. Well, I have a plan for Mr. Vincent. He thinks he can to anything he wants because he is security. He thinks he's so smart. But I am the smart one. I am smart and I WILL get that son-of-a-bitch for what he did to me. Before I made my deal with Deuce I did something about The Boy. He was pretty smart. After I did the security guard, The Boy disappeared. It turned out he hid in this little rat-infested hole in Downbelow. Hiding from me I guess. But I found him; took me a while but I found him. Well, he won't be following anyone around ever again, that's for sure. I didn't know that a PPG shot could go all the way through a wall. Learn something new every day. Dear Diary, August 16, 2258 I got him!! That little shit was in MY area, looking for ME! Like he could outsmart the fox in his lair. But I got him! Vincent was heading up the search through Orange 10. He deployed all his men and that was where he made his mistake. All his men were in teams of two, but Vincent left himself all alone. Left himself alone for me. Like a sheep coming to the wolf. It was really very easy. I just crawled through one of the ventilation ports to a spot over his head. I jumped down. One quick jerk and night-night Mr. Vincent. I managed to get his PPG before the other guards noticed me. They chased me, guns blazing, but those morons couldn't hit the side of the station with a bazooka. I played with them for a little while, took out a couple I think, then I gave them the slip. Well, now that I have finished Vincent and Deuce is taking care of Wellington. I need to get off this shed. Maybe I'll go back to Earth. I hear Ms. Alexander is doing very well there... ============================================================================ Well, there you have it. Please tell me what you think. I am hoping for lots of USEFUL criticisms. I decided that the story that JMS had to drop about someone who had undergone a mind wipe deserved to be told. I didn't intend for it to be so dark at the end, but this thing seemed to write itself. It is amazing what some people will do to avoid writing there MS thesis... Virtually Yours, Richard Hazlewood RHAZLWD@KUHUB.CC.UKANS.EDU Invention, my dear friends, is: 93% Perspiration 6% Electricity 4% Evaporation 2% Butterscotch Ripple - Willy Wonka