From sfxbk8@scfn.thpl.lib.fl.us Tue Jan 28 21:54:40 1997 Date: Sat, 11 Jan 1997 15:12:56 -0500 (EST) From: Starfire To: b5-creative@lists.best.com Subject: NEW: Something REallly Really weird (but read it anyway) Crazy Jen strikes again! Hahaha! Here is a (I hope!) humorous treatment of Disclaimers. (I really wrote this, people. I'm not joking!) This is just a piece of harmless, mindless fluff. Read at your own risk. But, give me a little lee-way; I was bored out of my mind when I wrote this. The unnamed narrator and plot are mine. About everything else isn't-- it pretty much belongs to JMS and PTEN. I think I'm fully covered . . . GENERIC DISCLAIMER: You guys know the drill: I don't own these characters, or Babylon 5. I don't even covet them (okay, maybe a little) and I'm just borrowing them. I swear to JMS that I'll put them back as soon as I'm done. This weird little six-minute thing can be passed around as long as my name, the disclaimer, and everything else remains attached-- in other words THE WHOLE THING goes or NOTHING goes. ====================== "Disclaimers" (01/01) by Jen McEllen It was all just one big accident, really. I swear it was. I never meant for any of this to happen. Please say you believe me, sir-- ma'am, um . . . I mean it wasn't a Shadow plot or anything . . . I'll try to explain . . . oh THANK YOU! It'll only take a few moments, sir-- ma'am, um-- ! Can I get you anything-- never mind, I'll just-- well, here goes. It all started with the Sliders, Mulder and Scully, and Deep Space Nine-- well, I'll explain. Really, it wasn't supposed to happen. I never meant for any of this to happen. I was just sitting, y'know, in C & C one day, and I was so *bored.* I remember I heard the Chief-- Chief Garibaldi talking about some old cartoon to you-- I wasn't eavesdropping, I just-- well, I'll get on with it . . . Something *ancient.* So I was bored and I started fooling around on the computer. I know I was on duty, but I swear *nothing* was going on! Well I found this stuff on the database-- called fanfic. Something from Earth. It was neat. So I read a lot of it . . . and then I got this idea. I was gonna write some. I thought maybe I would write some about the last-- DS9. It's kind of like here-- Babylon 5. Then-- they were *all* so neat! I read some, called crossovers. So I started to write one, a crossover, I mean. And I included Babylon 5. I finished it, and I dropped it out on a fiction forum, for other people to read . . . didn't really explain fanfic. And I forgot about something that was *essential* to fanfic. It's called a disclaimer. So *then* there was this program. Called a disclaim-a-bot. It's left over from a *long* time ago. Like the Chief's cartoons. It found *my* story on the forum. And flooded my e-box. With messages, a program, and five people-- I know it makes no sense, sir . . . Well, five people. First, there was this guy named Chris Carter. Then there was Tracy Torme. Then there was Michael Piller and Rick Berman, some people from *networks*. Finally, there was this guy named Straczyn, or something like that. He called himself "God". Or people called him God, or something. Sort of like they call you-- um, never mind. And I got scared. And the program got loose. I swear to-- well, God, that I never meant for the *entire* station to be flooded with these disclaimer thingies! No! Really! Oh, please, Commander, you've gotta believe me! I know you don't appreciate finding-- oh no. You're going to read it to me. How should *I* know what that means? I never even *heard* of JMS. I didn't do that! At least-- I didn't *mean* to. I don't know what a macarena is. No-- no, I'm not trying to make excuses! Yes sir. Yes sir. And I'll get on getting rid of all this stuff. No sir, I won't ever do it again. Yes sir, I'll remember the disclaimers. No sir, you won't have to get up at 3 am because the disclaim-a-bot came my way. Goodnight sir-- er, good morning? Um, I'll get to work . . . ============================ See, stupid, harmless fluff! It probably made *no* sense at all, but I hope you laughed at least *once* while reading it, if only because of the absurdity of it (are you sure? are you absolutely sure?). --Jen McEllen in search of flames, praise, criticism (pref constructive), and *virtual pizza* at [sfxbk8@scfn.thpl.lib.fl.us].