From: Michael K Stidham Subject: EA Divorce Court Date: Sun, 18 Jul 1999 22:53:57 -0500 DISCLAIMER:Many of the characters in the following are the intellectual property of J.Michael Strazcynski, Warner Bros. TV and TNT. These are fictional characters and no resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is intentional. ISN now presents: Earth Alliance Divorce Court! Your host for today's proceedings- the Ombudsman! Ombuds :OK, bring on the first couple of losers! Bailiff: This is August 22, 2248. We have John Sheridan and Elizabeth Lochley-Sheridan coming before this court seeking the end of their marriage. Ombuds: How long you two been married? Sheridan: Three months, Ombuds. Just ain't working. Ombuds: Well, tell me your side of the story, son. Sheridan: It's something like this... A week earlier, the Sheridans' apartment: John: Liz! Where's them fragging oranges? You know I like oranges! Liz: Get 'em yourself, you got two legs. Who's this guy in the encounter suit? Vorlon: We are all Kosh. Liz: You said nothing about a dinner guest, let alone who knows how many guys named Kosh! Vorlon: Impudent. Liz: Okay John, you want your usual breen and orange sauce. OK Vorlon boy, what do you want? Vorlon: Never ask that question. Liz: Well, we're having breen and orange sauce. That all right with you? Vorlon: Irrelevant. Go...leave now. Liz: Well, I never! (leaves room in a huff) John: Hey, uh Kosh is it? Uh, me and Liz would like to be alone for a while, get the ol' Agamemnon up to ramming speed, know what I mean? Vorlon: Voyeurism is a three-edged sword. Liz: I heard that! You're on the couch tonight, Orange boy! Mess with me anymore and I'll turn it Minbari style! Scene returns to courtroom... Ombuds: I've seen some troubled couples in here, but you guys take the cake. You make me sick. Now get out of here! Divorce granted! Announcer: Let's talk to the former Mrs. Sheridan. Liz: Now I can maybe hook up with that Dynasty deal, steal a spaceship, take it back about 250 years, get discovered as an actress...Hey, where's that Zathras guy pushing those time machine thingys? THE END Mike the bookstore guy "Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going? Who do you serve? And who do you trust?" (Crusade)