From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part one; Water Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:04:14 -0400 Elements part one; Water Fluid, pure water simple, clear, calm. Quenching, a martyr to the cause, then flowing on. -"Elemental" by Martinelle G. Rodrigues ***************************** A darkly elegant man clothed in a dark, sombre cloak to match the equally sombre look on his bearded, hair framed face, stared down at his hands. He exuded an aura of "keep away-I'm not in the mood to talk" which had emptied the tables nearest him of all but the most drunk. He was depressed. Severely so. Around him the light was dim, tendrils of smoke and music drifting lazily around like lost spirits. It wasn't so much that he was depressed, he thought, but that he had no right to be gloomy when all around him people were rejoicing over the end of the Shadow war. A new strain of music emerged from the woven tapestry of people-sounds, and his head snapped up, like a wolf hearing prey, or a dog hearing the call of a dear play-mate. Slowly and intently he rose, moving towards the stage with new purpose. ************************** "Martinelle! What are you doing here?" "My dear Marcus. I've been here ever since your darling Delenn was declared Entil'zha." She sat on the edge of the stage and laughed. "Had it never occurred to you that I would be among the many rangers onboard the station? Of course, as I recall, you were in a bit of a bad shape after letting Neroon use you for a whipping goat. Poor dear, you always were one for hopeless fights and noble causes." He brushed the comment away. "Fine. So you've been here two months and never tried to contact me. That much is crystal clear. And, may I add, I'm delighted to see you. But the question is, what are you doing * here *?" He gestured at Martinelle's brightly spangled costume. "That is certainly not a Ranger uniform." "Why my dear handsome Arthurian, I am here to keep an eye on you. I worry, you know" She made a mock frown, then grinned. "Marti, the Shadow's are gone, Neroon is not going to kill me, and EarthGov can't touch us until they clear up their last fiasco. What are you going to protect me from?" "Yourself." She grinned at his bewildered look. "Scuttlebutt says you're in love, love, and I just had to see that!" The grin grew wider as his face assumed a look of shock. "....I don't know what you're talking about." Marcus slumped against the stage beside the glittering Ranger-turned-singer. " Hogwash, honey. You've been pining away for the lovely Commander ever since I arrived. Probably before. Everyone's noticed it." Her voice took on a teasing tone. "I must say, you have good taste." Marcus rubbed his temples like his head hurt. "Can't believe it" he muttered. Then he straightened up. "I don't know where you're getting this, Marti, but it's none of your business." "'I don't know where you're getting this'. Hunh." She touched his hand and he looked up, eyes flashing. Her voice softened. " Marcus. You're hurting." She sounded mildly surprised. "You sit there, pretending you don't know what's wrong, or maybe you're hoping it will just go away. You may think nobody knows what's going on in there," she touched his jacket, above his heart, "But you can't hide from me. You have the same expression on your face that you used to get after a bad pike staff session. It's like you're trying to find a way around an insurmountable wall. But I've never seen you give up like this." Marcus swore softly, then laughed. It was a bitter laugh. "I haven't given up. I've been broadcasting my feelings like a projective psi 12. I just spent 20 minutes with her, doing everything outside of outright telling her, and what do I get?" He threw up his arms in disgust. " She asks me when I'm going to introduce her to my mystery woman. You see it," Here he gestured at the crowd, "They see it. The only person who doesn't see it is the one that matters. Because she doesn't want to see it, see me." The last words came out in a rush, like a dam had been broken. "Dear, that's not necessarily true. She's scared, honey, just as much as you are. She depends on you too much to risk loving you." He looked at her incredulously. "Where do you get this stuff?" "The Babcom web. There's this group called the BTW... but that doesn't matter. What matters is that she is afraid that if she loves you, you'll leave her!" " I would never do that!" he replied vehemently. "I know sweets. But heroing is a risky business. The commander doesn't have a good track record for keeping people she loves. Did you know that her mother committed suicide?" "No, I..." " 'It just never came up.' I know. You have to listen beyond what she says. Sweetheart, there's a lot of depth to that woman." A trace of bitterness, unnoticed by Marcus, entered her tone. "Don't let yourself believe you're not worthy of her. Darling -Marcus- this may be one sided, but somehow I don't think so." Marcus Cole, Ranger and Hero Extraordinaire, hid his face in his hands. "Martinelle, is love always this painful?" "Sometimes, Marcus." Her sapphire eyes misted over with tears of her own, for this man who had never noticed what she did to be near him, this man in pain. "Sometimes, you just do what you can." END PART ONE From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part 2; Fire Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:04:39 -0400 Elements part 2; Fire "Complex fire, warming and bright Devouring those who come too close... Defying night." -"Elemental" by Martinelle G. Rodrigues ******************* Doctor Stephen Franklin scanned the room for a familiar face, finally moving to stand beside a nearly empty table. "Commander! Are you eating alone?" Commander Susan Ivanova looked up and smiled. "Well, I was. Have a seat, Stephen." As the Doctor sat down, Ivanova explained. "Usually I'll eat with the Captain, but he and Delenn are eating alone." Her face assumed a look of disgust. "They're still pretty upset by that ISN report. I wish I'd thrown that bastard out the airlock when I threatened to. *Without* clothes." "What about the others?" Franklin eyed his food with interest. "Garibaldi is who-knows-where, Zach's with Lyta, Corwin is on duty, Lennier's meditating, and the only other person I could find was Londo." Franklin chuckled. "I can see why you decided to eat alone." He half-smiled. " Do you know where everyone is all the time?" "Usually. Except..." "Except what?" Stephen covered his smile with his hand. Susan looked down at her plate, busily toying with her food. "Except Marcus." "Why not Marcus? I thought he was usually around you." Stephen tried to suppress his grin, remembering how he had reacted to Marcus' confession that the Ranger loved Susan Ivanova. You had to admire the guys persistence. "Lately he's been prowling the station. I can never predict where he'll be. So, how are things going with you? I thought you were still busy with those cryo patients." Ivanova changed the subject with admirable speed, but not soon enough. "Well, we all have to eat. Speaking of Marcus, did you know I just saw him at a bar downbelow? He was talking to one of the singers." Franklin took a bite of food, then gestured with his fork as he chewed. "She was pretty good looking." "Really?" Susan did her best to look disinterested. Failing, she leaned forward. "I wonder who she is." "I think they were heading towards Marcus' quarters. Maybe he'll introduce you." "Maybe." Susan stood up and disposed of the rest of her unidentifiable lunch. "I'll see you later, Stephen." Dr. Franklin watched her leave with a fully visible smirk on his face. Susan left the room and checked her chrono. I have two hours before I have to be on duty, she thought. I might as well check on Marcus. I'm not curious, just- interested. Susan strolled casually towards Marcus' quarters. Turning the corner, she almost ran into a rather striking lady who was striding the other way. The woman looked at Ivanova and blinked. She stopped in her tracks. "Well." she said, "Susan Ivanova. Hello, darling. I'm Martinelle Gatineaux Rodrigues, and I've been dying to meet you." "You have?" Susan Ivanova peered suspiciously at the woman- Martinelle Gatineaux Rodrigues, she'd said her name was, and she was dying to meet *her*, Susan. Something didn't feel right about this. Martinelle flashed a charming smile. "Yes, I have. I admire you greatly, Commander Susan Ivanova. You have done things no one else has ever been able to accomplish. To add to that, you are the one who contacted the First Ones, you're a General in the Army Of Light, and you are a brilliant tactician! Of course I've been dying to meet you, sweets." Before Susan had a chance to ask what the 'things' no one else had been able to accomplish were, the flamboyant woman continued. "I've been on this station two months, and this is the first time I've had a chance to talk to you, darling." Something started twigging in Susan's head. Before she'd turned the corner she'd heard a door open. There wasn't usually much traffic around this part of the station, so it must have been Ms. Rodrigues. The only way she could have gotten to the corner when she did was if... "Tell me, Ms. Rodrigues,-" "Please, Commander, call me Marti." Susan ignored the offer and continued. "Tell me, Ms. Rodrigues, do you know a Ranger Cole?" Marti narrowed her eyes at the Commanders coldness, then replied coolly, "You mean Marcus? Of course I do. I've known Marki for years and years! We're very close. Why, do you know him?" "Not as well as I thought, apparently." "One does find that about people." "Yes." Susan brushed past Marti. "Excuse me." "Gladly." Marti gave Susan a cold look as the Commander strode off in the direction of Marcus' quarters. All the sudden she felt guilty. "Commander?" But Ivanova was out of sight around another corner. "So much for good intentions," Marti muttered to herself as she turned to go. "But I don't know what he sees in her. She's all fire. They're total opposites." She brightened as a thought came to her, and walked back to her quarters humming to herself. END PART TWO From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part 3; Earth Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:04:59 -0400 Elements part 3; Earth "It's elemental, my dear. I don't know much, but this is it- let your mask fall if you want her near- It's all elemental, my dear" -"Elemental" by Martinelle G. Rodrigues ******************************** "Susan! What a surprise. Do come in." Marcus stood up as Ivanova entered, hiding a picture of her with a sweep of his arm which knocked it face down. Susan stood in the doorway of Marcus' quarters, alarmed by the forced cheerfulness of his tone. What was going on here? She had marched to his quarters, intending to....she couldn't remember what she had been intending to say, but it had something to do with that woman. The nerve of Ms. Martinelle Rodricks, acting like she had. How dare she say something like that to....Susan tried to remember what exactly Martinelle had said to upset her so much. Marcus watched Susan standing in his doorway, a confused look on her face. "Well, come on in." He urged her. She stepped in just enough for the door to slide shut behind her, then she looked at him, like she wasn't exactly sure why she was there. Marcus busied himself with getting a drink to offer her. "So," his voice emerged from the cupboard where he was fetching a cup, "what motivated you to stop by my humble abode? Susan? Are you okay?" Her silence was beginning to unnerve him, and he put the cup down to move toward her, trying to judge her mood. "I'm...fine." Great. How was she going to get herself out of this one? She had come storming into his quarters, and then she couldn't even find a reason to be there. "Good. So, why are you here?" He motioned for her to sit down on the one chair in his otherwise bare living space. Handing her the drink he had prepared, he sat on the floor, looking up at her. She looked at the steaming cup. "Tea. Go ahead." He said in response to her questioning look. Susan took a tentative sip of the tea, then tried to answer his question. "I was curious." she said. "Curious? About what?" "Stephen said that you'd been seen with a singer from down below. He sounded...intrigued, so I told him I'd check it out." Silently Susan sent an apology to Stephen for using him as an excuse. It isn't a total lie, she told herself, Stephen had sounded curious, and I did tell him I would see what was going on. "Ah. Station gossip. The only known faster-than-light communication." he drowned out her protests. "Tut, tut. You were gossiping about me. And now you want me to tell you if your suppositions are right." Susan smiled slightly then sighed. "Right. So. Who is she?" "She, as you so delightfully put it, is none other than my old friend and fellow ranger, Martinelle Gatineax Rodrigues, the most outlandishly flamboyant ranger in the whole organisation. She was also my training partner for over a year. I think you'd like her." The door chime rang, and Marcus went to answer it. "Maybe not. I just ran into her in the corridor, and we seemed to take an instant dislike to each other." Susan said as Marcus answered the door. "Come in." He turned back to Susan while waiting for a response "I don't understand why- she was telling me how much she was looking forward to meeting you just a few minutes ago- maybe it was somebody else." The door opened to reveal the brightly garbed figure of Ranger Rodrigues. "I'm afraid not, Marcus. Forgive me," she looked at the two occupants of the room, "both of you." "For what? Marti, I..." Marcus looked from one woman to the other. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I froze you out for no reason. You tried to be friendly, and I, well, I don't know why I reacted like I did." Susan dredged the words up from somewhere inside her. "I'm sorry." Marti accepted the apology with a nod of her head. "All's well then. Here." She handed Susan two data slips. "I think you'll enjoy this. It came, in part, from you." She turned, her cape billowing up momentarily, then left. Marcus gaped at Susan. "What was that all about?" "..." Susan opened her mouth, then closed it. "I don't think I can explain." She handed one of the data slips to Marcus. "I'll see you tonight." Then she left Marcus staring with bemusement at what he held in his hand- a pass to one of Marti's concerts for that evening. END PART THREE From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part 4; Air Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:05:40 -0400 Elements part 4; Air ***************************** Marti held her position as the melody ended, her taut muscles glistening with sweat as she let the sweet spell of the music roll away, leaving her tired, thirsty, and hot from the bright show-lights. Slowly, she relaxed as the stage dimmed for an intermission. She sat on the edge of the stage, letting her eyes accustom themselves to the subtle lighting as she scanned the crowded tables. Taking a proffered glass of water from the stage manager, she waved off his compliments on her performance and strolled across the crowded room. Marti could still feel the heavy beat of the music echoing through her veins, but even that faded, and she came to sit at the table she had noticed earlier, beside Marcus and Susan. At least they're sitting together, she thought. For a while, she hadn't been sure Commander Ivanova was coming at all. She had seen Marcus come in before the last segment, had known he would come even before that; if not for her singing, then out of curiosity. But the Commander...that was a different story. After her earlier encounter with Susan Ivanova, Marti was surprised to find herself in the same room with the station's exec. whispered Marti's inner voice. Marti told herself, Marti shook herself, and smiled winningly at Susan and Marcus. "Marti, that was fabulous!" Marcus smiled back and glanced over at Susan. "Uh, yeah. Wonderful." Susan quickly agreed. "I must admit, though, I still don't know why you asked us here." She sounded faintly suspicious. "I wanted you to hear a new part to an old song I wrote while in the Rangers." Marti told them. she thought. "I'll be performing it in the next set." Marcus' eyes widened at the mention of the Rangers. He started mouthing 'no' at Marti, accompanied by small shakes of his head. "You wouldn't.." he murmured. "What's that Marcus? Did you want to say something?" Marti faked innocence as she questioned the Ranger, but the corner of her mouth turned up in a mischievous smile. Susan turned so she could see Marcus' face. Marcus noticed Susan's attention and replied. "Nothing," but he glared at Marti as he did so. "Are you sure?" Marti was openly teasing now, leaving Susan totally baffled. "What are you two going on about?" Ivanova demanded, feeling uncomfortable. "Nothing, Commander" Marti reassured her. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give." She walked away from the table, leaving Marcus to field Susan's questions as best he could. Ascending the stage, she felt her spotlight rise as she addressed the crowd. "Ladies, Gentlemen, and Gentlepersons of all persuasions, I am honoured to be here tonight." Acknowledging the applause, she continued. "I am going to slow down tonight's pace a bit with my next number, a tribute to a dear friend of mine. If my music moves you to dance, then dance. If it moves you to sing, join in. And if it moves you to change your life...well, I don't think I need to tell you what to do." Her gaze rested on Marcus. "Your heart will tell you that. So here, for your enjoyment- a song I wrote years ago, with a few minor adjustments- The Unicorn." She sat on the one stool on the otherwise bare stage, and picked up the synth-fiddle that lay beside it. She played the first few bars in total silence, weaving a two part harmony when the accompanying pianist started playing a counter melody. Silencing the synth-fiddle, she continued her melody with her voice: "Once, I knew a unicorn of a planet's senseless dying born. Grieving madness pays it's price: He sought to make a sacrifice to forgive his living, to appease his dead. Trying to lose his life instead in guilt." The melody took a minor turn, twisting and weaving in and out through the piano score, until it sounded like one multi-toned voice, rising into the chorus. Some of the audience must have recognised it from earlier performances, for other voices joined in, softly. "Ooooh, crimson unicorn, ooooh, so tattered, torn. Inside he cries for empty nights, outside he looks for noble fights, oooooh, Unicorn." Now there were couples dancing to the sweet, haunting music. Some of the tables had been cleared away to make more space, and the few voices that had joined in on the chorus dropped out again, as Marti sang of her love, telling Marcus the only way she could, or ever would. "Once, I loved a unicorn, sacrificial, empty unicorn. Loving actions served me none, for now he watches only one. Forgive his living, I beg his dead, his heart with love of her instead is filled." Her voice faltered momentarily, and she picked up her synth-fiddle, and played a lonely and quiet interlude. Her eyes, which had up until the previous verse rested on Marcus, now gazed on Ivanova, who was watching her closely. "Ooooh, crimson unicorn, ooooh, so tattered, torn. Inside he cries for empty nights, outside he looks for noble fights, oooooh, Unicorn." Finally, she looked back to Marcus, questioning him with her eyes and her voice, as she sang the song to a close, a shadow of her previous mischievous grin dancing around the edges of her mouth. " Is there a cause worth so much more than dying; a cause worth living for, my unicorn?" She remained on the stage after the song ended, then turned to the pianist and motioned that there would be no more intermissions until the night was over. She needed a drink dreadfully, but she wasn't ready yet to answer the questions or hear the answers she'd seen in Susan and Marcus' expressions. That could wait. She'd done her part for now. END PART FOUR From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part 5; Alchemy Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:05:59 -0400 Elements part 5; Alchemy "Water & Fire dance a three-step. One step forward, two steps back, their distance kept." -"Elements" by Martinelle Gatineaux Rodrigues ************************ Marti stayed on the stage until after the bar closed up, until the only people left were her and the janitorial staff. She knew that she would have to talk to Susan and Marcus sometime, but tonight was not that time. She was too tired to do anything but sleep, and try to forget what she had done. Later, in her quarters, Marti reflected on Susan and Marcus' reactions to her performance. She could guess at Susan's reaction: it would be sympathy, and curiosity. But, even though she had known Marcus for years, she had no way of knowing what he would do in reaction to her added lyrics. she thought, She remembered the day he had told her he was waiting for the right woman. She had nodded, and congratulated him on his common sense, but inside she had felt her heart sink as she realised that she would never be that woman. Reassuring herself with that thought, Martinelle Rodrigues drifted off into a disturbed sleep. ****************************************** Marti didn't see Marcus or Susan until late the next day. Susan had been on her morning shift (or what passed for morning in this sunless habitat) and Marti had been asleep much of the day; as was her habit after a particularly taxing performance. Marcus had left on some mysterious mission. Marti wasn't sure whether to be concerned or relieved. That afternoon, Marti was practising in the deserted performance chamber, bending her will and mind to the conquering of a new tune, something proposed by her accompanist. Three-quarters of a way through the most difficult section, her concentration was broken by the sound of footsteps from behind. "Marti?" It was Ivanova. Marti did not change position to acknowledge her. "Yes." "You love him." It was not a question. "Yes." Susan stood, trying to reconcile what she was about to ask with who she was. She'd never asked for help before. She'd been close to death, fighting...yet she'd never had to ask for help. She'd never needed it. She had survived so much- she was strong, she'd had to be. But now she was confused. And she was going to have to ask for the answers. "Your song..." Susan looked for the words she wanted. "Who is she?" "..." Marti turned and looked at Susan for a long while, measuring some inner quality with her eyes. At last she answered, "Ask him." and sat at a nearby table. She looked up at the sound of the chair opposite hers being moved. "I can't." Susan sat down facing Marti and silently implored her to understand. Understand how everytime she came close to asking Marcus, some undefinable emotion in his gaze stopped her. How the words caught in her throat when she listened to him talk. How she was scared. Frightened. She was scared that she already knew the answer, deep inside. Scared of losing control of what had slowly become a very important relationship to her. She was scared of being wrong, and scared of being right. Susan tried to send this to Marti in one look, and some of it must have gotten through because Marti looked down at her hands again and said, "I understand. But I can't tell you that, sweets. Believe me." Susan thought about that, then replied, "What can you tell me?" "I can tell you about Marcus." Marti said, and she did. She told Susan about Marcus' brother, and how they'd been friends, and all the stories he'd had about his family and why he joined the Rangers. She'd heard of Marcus long before she'd met him - he was the kid brother, the worry free optimist. The clown. She told Susan about how she'd heard of the disaster which had killed Marcus' brother and destroyed his home. How the news had been announced to the acolyte rangers at a general meeting in a solemn tone, the death of one of their own. She had mourned for Marcus' brother, she still did. Marti told Susan about the first time she'd met Marcus, about how the look in his eyes had haunted her. She'd seen holo's of Marcus which his brother had carried, and he looked the same but also...different. Something had gone out of him, and something- some grieving determination- had taken it's place. She'd wept for her friend's kid brother, and then she'd wept again, for Marcus. Then she told Susan about the close times. The year they'd trained together. The lengths Marcus drove himself to overcome an obstacle. The good times, when the Minbari and the Human Rangers celebrated victories and love, and the healing of old misunderstandings, and the bad times, when it seemed like there was no purpose, and old wounds ran too deep to cover. Then, in a quiet voice, Marti told Susan about the times that bound. When all the pain welled up, and couldn't be hidden, and there was no one to lean on but each other. When the training had grown unbearable, and the only thing that staved off depression was Marcus' quirky sense of humour, and her singing. The day she'd learned that her family's home had been attacked- and the day she learned they had escaped, and she'd had so much joy, she'd tried to parcel it out, sharing laughter and tears with Marcus as if to make up for his family being dead. The day when she'd learned he was leaving Minbar. Marti gave it all to Susan, the pain, the joy, the love she'd felt, leaving no memory untouched until there was no more, and she fell silent. Susan listened quietly as the memories flooded out. When Marti finished Susan looked at her, not understanding. "Why? Why tell me this?" "Still more questions? Darling, haven't I answered enough? The question is not why I told you, the question is, why did you listen? Susan, you are a smart woman. Use what God gave you and answer your own questions for a while!" Marti smiled at the Commander. "The answers are all there. *All* of them. Now I get to ask you a question, sweetheart." "What?" Susan said, standing up. "Do you love him?" "I...don't do too well on yes or no questions." "Do you think you might love him?" Susan left the room, her voice barely audible as she answered."....yes." Marti smiled and then rose from where she sat. She took a deep breath and looked up. "I hope I'm doing the right thing," she said. Then she picked up her synth-fiddle and picked up where she had left off. END PART FIVE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From: The Whittakers Subject: Elements part 6; Gold Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 22:24:50 -0400 *Note- This takes place some weeks after the events of Elements part 5. In addition, it isn't quite as good as I'd have liked. I ran out of steam, and try as I might, couldn't get back into the swing of the story. If the story had continued as *it* wanted to, it would never end, and they'd never get together! :-) Elements part 6; Gold When water burns and Fire is wet, Then is made gold, air-stirred and earth-set -"Elements" by Martinelle Gatineaux Rodrigues ************************ "What the hell.....?" Commander Susan Ivanova swore to herself as she heard the door beep. You could count on it- the minute she was in the shower- or asleep- some idiot would ring the doorbell. She finished rinsing herself off and stepped out of the shower. The door beeped again. Insistently. "COMING!!!" Muttering to herself in not-so-nice Russian, Susan Ivanova towelled herself off and quickly shunted on a bathrobe. Striding over towards the door, she told it to open, ready to bite the head off anyone who would interrupt her down time for anything *but* a life threatening situation. , she reflected, The door opened in front of her, revealing the ever-elegant Martinelle Gatineaux Rodrigues, otherwise known as Marti. Except this time.... "Marti...are you okay? Come in". The glamorous ranger-turned-singer was a mess. Her hair had been pulled back into a severe ponytail which only served to accentuate the worry lines, which seemed to have dug years into her face in the few months since Susan had last seen her. She'd applied make-up under her eyes in a futile attempt to cover up the blue half-circles caused by lack of sleep. "I'm...fine. How is he? Where has he been?" Marti stepped into the quarters, let the door shut behind her, then stood shifting her weight uneasily from foot to foot. It took a minute for Marti's words to sink in. "Marcus?" Susan was confused. Shouldn't Marti know where Marcus was? It wasn't exactly a secret that he was with Sheridan on the White Star, waging war on earth. Then she realised the implications of Marti's words. "You mean he hasn't talked to you since....how could he?" "Since before he left for Mars. Before the concert. I gave him space, I knew I wasn't a top priority, but I couldn't help wondering if he were avoiding me. Because of what I did, what I said." Marti sank into a chair and stared into space. "I didn't think he'd do this, I thought it would help him understand why y- she hadn't noticed, I thought it would help....I wish I hadn't now. I wish I hadn't." Susan stared at the woman in front of her. She wasn't storming over her treatment, she wasn't angry or heart broken, she just looked...lost. And very alone. If this is what love was- Susan resolved to herself once again that Marcus would never know what she felt. "Avoid you, because you loved him? Not even Marcus could be that cold hearted." "Couldn't he?" As if she had read Susan's heart, Marti asked what they both were wondering. She sounded very small, fretting over the question like a child with a scab. Susan's jaw tightened as she tried to comfort Marti with words she didn't believe. "I'm sure it's not true. Marcus would never do that to you." *************************************** Susan Ivanova had a headache. A very large headache. It had been a week since her talk with Marti, and she had yet to get a moment alone with Marcus. Captain Sheridan was off on some wild goose chase to rescue his father, leaving her in command of a large fleet, which was due to rendezvous with yet another group of Earth Force ships in about two hours. Which meant she should probably be on deck instead of in her quarters feeling sorry for herself. "Damn this war." Ivanova muttered as she strode out of her quarters towards the lift. "Why couldn't this happen in someone else's lifetime?" The lift hissed open in front of her and she boarded without looking at the lifts only other occupant. Which made her that much more surprised when she heard Marcus' voice from behind her. "Head hurt, Commander?" She felt her temples throb as she turned and snapped, "It's none of your concern how my head is, but just to satisfy your curiosity, yes, it does. It hurts like hell." Marcus stepped back and raised his hands as if to ward off an attack. "Calm down! It's not me you're supposed to be fighting. What have I done to deserve this?" Susan raised her chin and looked at him. she thought. "Why have you been avoiding Marti?" The look on his face was one of utter surprise. "What....?" "She showed up on my doorstep last week, trying to find out if there was some reason for you to be avoiding her, outside the obvious explanation. I couldn't give her one. If you have an excuse, let's hear it." "...let's go somewhere where we can talk." "I have a better idea. Computer, stop lift." The computers voice chimed, "This is highly irregular procedure and in direct contradiction of safety regulations 342, 343, and 345." then proceeded to quote the relating procedures in case of lift malfunction until Susan Ivanova gave her security authorisation, and over rode each regulation separately. "It's never as easy as in fiction" she muttered, turning back to Marcus. "Now, what do you have to say for yourself?" She stopped. Marcus was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands looking extremely tired. " I felt so stupid." his voice was so low Susan had to strain to hear it. " I just kept thinking, how could I not have noticed? How could I have been so unobservant...." His eyes met Susan's. "I lived with the woman for 3 years, you'd think I would have seen something which would have told me!!!!" Susan felt her anger melt away as she knelt beside Marcus. "It's OK...what could you have done? She didn't *want* you to know. She wasn't ready. She knew you didn't love her, she grew to accept it." "If I had only known....I would have acted differently. I never wanted to cause her pain. All those times I wondered when I would find love, all the times when I asked her for advice once I found...." Marcus' gaze moved away until he was looking at the floor again, "someone to love, it must have been like hell for her, and now- now I can't even look at her without feeling guilty. It would be better for everyone if she could just forget me." "Would it? Marcus, she doesn't need you to love her. Just be there. And you have other friends to talk to about...love, if you think it would be too painful to talk to Marti." "Like who?" His voice was tinged with bitterness. Susan was taken aback. She'd never seen this side of Marcus before. All dark and sad and....alone. "Like me. I'm your friend, Marcus. You can talk to me. Tell me about her..." They both knew who Susan meant. Marcus gave up. In a very few hours they could all be dead. "Well....she's a lot like you. Very stubborn, very passionate, and at the moment, I think she'd rather forget I existed." His eyes took on a dreamy look. " She has long, raven hair, and dark eyes which hide what she's feeling. She's beautiful, and she's so far beyond me I could cry. I love her so much....I've waited my whole life to meet someone like her. But she's been hurt so often. I wish I knew how to break down her walls and meet the person hiding inside. But she won't let anyone that close. I'm afraid of losing her, even though I've never had her, and I'm afraid of taking that risk by revealing my love. She's a lot like you. A lot like you." Susan's heart fluttered, but she firmly squelched her rising hopes and fears. "Can't you see? That's how Marti feels about you." "Tell me, Commander, do you think that Marti did the right thing?" Marcus looked at Susan, deciding what to do next. "Yes....yes, I think she did the right thing. Now you both know where you' re standing. You're the one who should have dealt with it differently." Susan stood up, brushing off her knees. "Are you going to talk this over with Marti?" "Yes. But first...." Marcus rose to his feet in one smooth motion and, before Ivanova knew what was happening, lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was short and sweet, but thorough enough that Susan could not mistake it for anything but what it was. A profession of love. She looked at him, a look of surprise flittering across her face. It was quickly replaced by an amused smirk. "Marcus, your timing is impeccable, as usual." She said, but her voice was soft and breathless. His eyes searched hers as he breathed out the words his heart had been shouting for months. "I've been searching for you my entire life....." Time seemed to stretch on forever until a message interrupted their reverie. "Commander? There's a message for you....and it's about the Captain." Susan looked up, alarmed. "I'll be right there." She commanded the lift to resume operation, all thoughts of love fleeing. There are no happily ever afters on Babylon 5 "Fluid, pure water simple, clear, light. Complex Fire, warming and bright. Water & Fire dance a three-step, waltzing along their distance kept. When water burns and Fire is wet. Then is made gold, air-stirred and earth-set" THE END