From: creative-archive@anxst.com Subject: Epsilon Mirrors by David J Baker Date: Tue, 19 Aug 1997 13:38:57 -0700 (PDT) name = David J Baker email = DAVID_J_BAKER@compuserve.com title = Epsilon Mirrors story = Epsilon Mirrors by David J Baker. DAVID_J_BAKER@compuserve.com Disclaimer: This story is based on J. M. Straczynski's Babylon 5. All main characters are based on characters created by JMS (well most of them anyway!). Dedicated to Claudia Christian in honour of her character Susan Ivanova. EPSILON MIRRORS A Cry For Help It was a relatively normal day aboard Babylon 5. Captain Sheridan was missing, presumed dead, and Mr Garibaldi had vanished without a trace. Citizen G'Kar had left Babylon 5 in search of him.. Ambassador Delenn was in the mists of organising a mission to Z'ha'dum, ever hopeful of finding the Captain, alive. Commander Ivanova had assumed command of the station. She was not taking Sheridan's apparent death easily. She stood in C&C staring out into space. It was a wonderful view during normal circumstances, but now there was only darkness. She was interrupted by the sudden materialisation of Draal's holographic form. "Draal... What can I do for you?" "A very serious situation has arisen here on Epsilon 3. It is imperative that you come down here, alone." "What sort of situation?" "I do not wish to discuss it here, please come down as quickly as possible. Do not tell anyone." Susan was perplexed. Her intrigue caused the darkness in her soul to lift a little. There was nothing worse than standing around with nothing to do. She left C&C giving only a transfer of command order. "Lieutenant, assume command." "Yes ma'am." She went down into the fighter bay and scrambled her starfury. She watched Babylon 5 grow smaller in the reflection of the canopy. She was glad to get out of that place. Here in space everything was silent, almost tranquil. Susan had other things on her mind. She drew into orbit around Epsilon 3. It was a wonderful sight, even in her state of mind. She began her decent down through the cloud layers. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! "Evasive manoeuvre gamma 12!" Her craft came under fire from the planet surface. She opened a communication channel. "Draal, Draal, it's me, Ivanova. What are you doing?" ZAPP! ZAPP! ZAPP! ZAPP! She took the ship on manual and began to clime out of the atmosphere. Some of the fire was very close. It was total bedlam around her, the sky lit up by laser fire! She carefully manoeuvred to a safe orbit. She bit her lip and took a number of deep breaths. "Draal I'll strangle you, you idiot!" Draal's hologram appeared in the cockpit beside her. It flickered as if it were unstable. "I am most sorry Susan. Please accept my most sincere apologies." "If I could touch you I would rip your head off! Did you see what happened? BOOM! That's what happened!" "Yes Susan, that is why I must see you. Take care, I will do my best to give you a safe landing." His hologram drew weak and disappeared. "Yeah, but it's not your butt on the line here!" She began her descent again. "Here goes nothing!" She passed through the cloud layers and flew directly towards the opening in the mountain. "BEEP BEEP BEEP! Incoming missile at heading 175." The computer voice was very calm and relaxed, almost indifferent. "DAMN! Evasive manoeuvres." Susan flew the fighter into a canyon. She dodged in and out of the sheer cliffs. "Draal, I AM going to kill you!" The missile hit the side of the canyon. Susan narrowly escaped. "Third time lucky." She re-established her original course for the great chasm in the mountain. This time she passed through without any incoming fire. She descended into the docking bay. After she had secured the ship, she took of her helmet and shook her head. She opened the canopy helping it with a kick. She was about to step onto the landing pad when she had a disturbing thought. "The internal defences? Are they active too?" She carefully climbed down onto the pad. It was strangely cold and eerie. She could remember most of the defence mechanisms, but all of them? She walked along the narrow corridor made of rock. Suddenly, there was a crack! She hit the deck at lightening speed. "S-H-I-T!" An array of plasma bolts cascaded over her head. It was like standing in the middle of a fireworks display. The noise was deafening. After a few moments the barrage stopped, all was quiet. She took her head out from beneath her hands. "Susan, Susan, that was a big boo-boo." She whispered to herself as she crawled along the corridor until she arrived at the entrance. She stood up and was once again awe-struck by the size and beauty of the great machine. For a few seconds she just stood, admiringly. The machine was huge. It extended for miles upwards and miles downwards. She could not see the bottom, only this massive machine. She brushed herself down and began to walk across the bridge. Below her was a sheer drop of almost infinite proportions. "This better be good, Draal." She muttered to herself. She approached Draal, whom was embroiled in a mass of machinery. His eyes were closed and he looked unconscious. "Wakey Wakey! Draal, it's me, Ivanova." She unclipped his neural interface and Draal slowly came around. His eyes rolled a little before they opened. His throat was very dry and he was disoriented. "Ivanova, you came." He whispered. "Here I am. So what is so important?" "We cannot speak here, we must go. I'll lead the way." Draal was very unsteady on his feet, so he used Ivanova as a walking stick. "Take it easy Draal." "No time to waste, no time..." They walked around the great column of machinery until they arrived at another bridge. This led to a dark cave. "This way." They stumbled over the bridge, trying not to look down. Eventually they reached the cave entrance. "Must rest, get my breath." Years of integration with the great machine had left Draal's body very weak. So they rested for a minute. "Are you going to tell me what this is all about?" "In time, we must go on." They walked into the cavern. It was very dark and chilled the bones. Stumbling over rocks and crawling through damp passageways, they eventually came to an opening. The narrow corridor gave way to a large, well lit cavern. The lighting was enigmatic with no apparent source. There were strange symbols all over the walls. A large stalactite made of amethyst projected down from the roof. The cavern seemed to absorb sound so no echoes could be heard. Draal sat down on a large rock, Ivanova sat beside him. After a brief rest period, Draal looked more comfortable. Ivanova broke the silence. "So." She said. "Now we are here, I can tell you. The great machine has been suffering from a problem." "You're kidding! I would never have guessed." "When the Shadows were here, they planted something in the machine. It was a sort of virus, called a masynchi virus. It is taking control of the machine and must be stopped." "Can you stop it?" "I am not the one." "I see, so that is why I am here." "Yes, you can stop it." "How?" "You must merge your mind with the machine. You will then confront the virus at a subconscious level. The machine will take images from your mind and produce manifestations. These will be archetypal in nature. Their exact form will mirror your mind, and that of the collective. You must defeat these forms and thus purge the virus from the system." "A bit like a role playing game?" "This is no game. It is important that you understand what is at stake here." Draal got up and walked around a little. He was getting used to his body again. He stood in front of Susan and looked very serious. "You are travelling through life on the tip of a very sharp point. This point is what you call reality. On every side of this point lies existence. What has been, what could have been, what might be and what will become. It is fluid, dream like, devoid of reality. How sharp is this point? If you take a close look at it, you will see that it is composed of consciousness. Your perception, your experiences, your essence. If you take a very close look, consciousness evaporates. There is then no point on which to stand. You merge with the dream like nature of existence, you cease to be..." Ivanova looked worried. "That sounds pretty serious to me." "Susan, you may lose your mind, your very essence." "If I don't do it?" "If you don't this complex will fall into the hands of the Shadows. They will use it to destroy Babylon 5 and from there... From there they will defeat us." "It sounds like I do not have much choice then?" "The choice is always yours. Look into your heart and ask for direction." Ivanova sat for a minute pondering the decision. She smiled at Draal. "There is no decision. I will do it!" "Excellent! we must proceed immediately." Masynchi Integration Susan stood under the amethyst stalactite and the mind transfer started. The stalactite started to glow and produce a high pitched sound. This sound became louder and louder as the light became progressively brighter. It was a piercing blue light. A strange chill came over the place accompanied with the smell of burning. The atmosphere was electric. The light became so bright that it penetrated Susan's body. She could feel its rays burning like the sun. A shadow of her skeleton could be seen. The sound was deafening and grated like white noise. Susan held her hands to her head and screamed. She then fell to the floor and passed out. A surreal form of etheric shadow left her body and entered the stalactite. Her mind was leaving her body and being absorbed into the machine. The light dimmed and the whirring subsided. Her body had been turned to glass in the extreme heat. It resembled a statue and was partially transparent. As it cooled it became opaque and resembled the red rock of the cavern. Susan had a petrified expression on her petrified face! Fear Susan found herself in infinite white-space. Her first thought was that she was dead. She caught site of a strange shadow fleeting in and out of existence. This place was very strange. There were many dimensions extra to the physical universe. It was like a hall of mirrors, each way she looked there was a different reflection. "Hello! Hello! Can anybody hear me!?" The shadow scuttled at the periphery of her perception. "Stay calm Susan. Stay calm." She comforted herself. The shadow scuttled about some more. It seemed to pass through her and a cold chill went down her spine. She was getting anxious. Then she heard a hideous screeching sound. She tried to block it out by covering her ears, but the sound was in her head. The shadow seemed to approach from all directions. Fleeting glimpses of hideous shapes. Then a voice. A menacing, cold voice. "Susan, Susan... You are like a thought. Both arise from nowhere and vanish into oblivion." "Who said that? Who said that?" The shadow scuttled around and seemed to laugh at her. "If you stop thinking here, you will cease to exist." "You don't scare me!" "Are you sure... Can you keep the train of thought going. Don't stop or you'll vanish. When you sleep, then what will happen?" The shadow seemed to crystallise out into a form. It was very difficult to see. It was ungraspable, like a disintegrating dream. Susan peered, but the harder she tried the more difficult it was. "What's wrong? Having trouble seeing? That is the first sign of dissolution." Susan tried to cover her eyes, but it was useless. She became more and more frightened. "You are dissolving into the void, little by little. Soon only bare consciousness will be left. Then you will disappear!" "NO! NO!" The shadow laughed. "Who do you think you are. Up against us you stand no chance!" Susan could feel herself loosing it. Then another voice appeared in her mind. "Let go Susan. Let go. It is only an illusion, it cannot harm you. If you let go you will not fall into oblivion. Trust me." Susan tried to collect herself. "Do not listen to him. He is lying." Suddenly she remembered the words Sheridan had said in his personal log. 'If you fall off a cliff, try to fly. You have nothing to loose!' She let go. A wonderful calm brightness filled her entire being. The shadow seemed to dissolve in the bright light. It faded and vanished... "I owe you one John." She thought to herself. For a few moments she enjoyed the taste of victory. Hope Susan saw her mother. She was being given drugs to suppress her telepathic abilities. "Mother! Mother! Don't let them do this to you!" This old nightmare memory had been taken from her mind. It was amplified many fold. The pain, the grief, they were tremendous. She tried to run over to her, but it was hopeless. The feelings of helplessness and inadequacy were tearing at her soul. Tears ran down her face. "Mother, please!" She felt her mother dying. She felt death within her. She wanted to grab hold of her, but it was like grasping at the moon. Every step she took, her mother moved back one. Susan was frantic. She was now running and screaming. She had totally lost track of her mission as she became absorbed into this hell of hopelessness. Her mother disappeared and all was grey. She was running in this greyness. The further she ran, the darker it became. It seemed to close in on her. She could actually feel the pressure. She wanted to scream, but this too became impossible. Susan sat down in an embryonic position, sobbing. She could feel all her hope drain from her. She was becoming lifeless. The shadow had one, time to die. "Look up! Look up!" It was the mysterious voice again. She chose to ignore it. "SUSAN! LOOK UP!!!" She lifted her head slightly and wiped her tears. "Straight up, above your head!" She did as the voice said. There above her was this grey sky. She looked very closely. "There, can't you see it?" "See what?" "It is there, look!" She scoured the sky. Then she saw this little white light the size of a coin. "That's it!" The voice was full of glee. She was encouraged by this and the light started to expand. As it expanded, she floated upwards. She eventually reached the light and passed out of this hell into bright sunshine. "Well don!" Susan smiled. "I did it!" Her hope returned. It was stronger, she was stronger. Her experiences were making her very strong. She was now grinning ear to ear. "So, you reckon I am weak. I'll show you scum!" Complacency Ivanova strolled through the white space. "OK Draal, I have eradicated the virus. Time to come home!" She was full of glee. "That was pretty easy!" She gloated. She walked along in the 'sun-shine' totally unaware of the new danger that was approaching. Unaware that she had a shadow in her mind. It planted itself deep into her subconscious. Her previous fear had helped her to keep alert. She was now becoming complacent. The shadow worked away, erasing her mind like a computer virus erases files. It erased key pointers in her mind that act as bridges between events. Without these life looses its connectivity and becomes a random sprawl of memories. As long as Susan was unaware, she would be in grave peril. Her memory was still there, intact. It was the ordering of memories that was being disrupted. This would eventually lead to an identity crisis. As in the masynchi continuum, where she now was, thought creates form. If this thought is random, then the forms will be random. Eventually they will run out of energy and disperse into oblivion. In other words, the point of Ivanova's reality was being whittled down. It would soon disappear altogether. Her apparently coherent though process would break down like a disjointed dream. As she was separated from her physical body, there would be no nucleation point for her consciousness. If her mind and body were still one, then she would simply wake up! In here though, she would vanish without a trace. "OK Draal, what is keeping you so long? Where is the way out of this miserable little place!?" She was on a high. This is what the shadow had hoped for, this was going to be its chance. Ivanova did not notice it fleet around inside her mind. She was oblivious. In a sense it was shock, she had been through a lot. Then.... Suddenly... She fell down a chasm into total darkness. WAAAAA! She seemed to fall forever. The walls closed in on her, it was claustrophobic. "Let me out of here! Now!" The voice she had heard before, the one giving her encouragement, arose in the darkness. "Now I have you attention, I can warn you." "YOU! I thought *YOU* were on my side!" "I am *Susan*, I am!" "No you are not. You are just another manifestation of that virus! Get out of my mind!!!" Susan could not bring herself to trust this voice. Her fear though, had cut the shadow off. Her mind was reorganising itself. Soon she would be out of danger. The walls started to thin. She could breath again. Unbeknown to her, the strange voice had saved her life. "OK Susan, get a grip!" She tried to encourage herself. She sat there collecting herself whilst her mind repaired itself... Trust "I have the key. Trust is the key." Ivanova looked up. There before her stood Ambassador Kosh. "Kosh! Is that you? How did you get here?" "I am in all places at all times." "Am I glad to see you. The shadows are here." "I know." Susan got up and smiled. She walked over to Kosh and put her hand out. She touched his encounter suit. It was the first thing in this place that seemed real. "Are you real, or another illusion?" "Reality is subjective." "Well, it certainly sounds like Kosh" Susan thought to herself. Kosh turned round and started walking. He paused for a second. "Come!" Susan obeyed and followed Kosh. He led her to a portal. It was an oval of shimmering light. Through it she could see his ship. This portal was the back door! Kosh walked through the portal and Susan followed. "Are you the voice I have been hearing." "I have many voices." Susan took this as a yes. She followed him to his ship. She had often admired it in the docking bay. The chance to go in it though... That was a dream! The door opened and she followed Kosh into the ship. It was totally amazing, like nothing she had seen before. The ship was organic. It was like being in the belly of a giant space creature. "Stay." The Vorlon disappeared to another section of the ship. She felt it begin to move and looked for a porthole or a view-screen. She found a small 'hole' and looked out of it. She saw Epsilon 3 being left behind. The ship rotated and headed towards Babylon 5. She was glad to be out of that place! It approached the huge chunk of metal that was Babylon 5 and started docking procedures. After a few minutes, the ship came to a halt. Kosh reappeared. He did not say anything, just waited. The door then opened and she followed him into the docking bay. Susan was rather tired. She went up to C&C to make sure everything was OK. "Report Lieutenant." "Everything is running smoothly commander." "Good. I am going to my quarters. No one is to disturb me. Understood!" "Ma'am." Ivanova walked down the corridor and made her way to her quarters. When she entered, the BabCom displayed an incoming message. "Play!" It was monotonous station evaluations. She poured herself a large vodka and sat on her couch. After a couple of minutes, and finishing her vodka she lay back. "Stop!" The BabCom fell silent. Ivanova could now get some sleep. She drifted off fairly quickly. She found herself and white space... "Oh no! not this again." She stirred a little and opened her eyes. She smiled and said out loud. "Only a dream... The hour of the Wolf!" She poured another vodka and sipped it. Again she slowly fell asleep. There she was, in this white space. The voice arose again. "Susan. Susan." "Kosh!" "NO! I am not Kosh. He has deceived you. You are not on Babylon 5." It was a very vivid dream. "Where am I then?" "You are on Epsilon 3, in the great machine." At that Susan heard the BabCom... She began to awaken. "No Susan. Stay." She was already half awake. "Remember your consciousness!" This perplexed her and she turned her attention to the voice. "What?" "What is dream and what is reality. It does not matter, consciousness is the key." The BabCom sounded again... She started to come round. She was pondering the voice's words. "Who are you?" "Patients, Patients... All will be resolved." The voice vanished. Susan found herself fully awake in this white space. It dawned on her, she *was* still in the machine! She took some deep breaths and thought out loud. "You though you had me that time! You'll have to try something better, if you want me." The shadow responded. "Do not be too sure. That *was* Kosh!" "It was an illusion!" "All is illusion, like a hall of mirrors. That *was* Kosh." "You are beaten, out of my way." Susan stormed off... Love The white-space began to crystallise out into forms. She found herself in a big forest. The trees were very tall. The sun shine produced large columns of light. It was beautiful. She could hear the wind rustle in the trees and feel its cooling breeze on her face. The sun too was most pleasant. It was warm on her skin. She closed her eyes, Bliss! She took a deep breath and the smell of pine encased her. It really was most wonderful. She could even feel the soft moss beneath her feet! As she became more absorbed into this, she began to smell a very familiar smell. It was the perfume her lover, Talia Winters, used to wear. She smiled broadly and submitted herself to the moment. She was in that wonderful state between sleep and wakefulness. Then she felt a warm breath on her cheek. This was closely followed by a touch. A touch Talia alone could give her. Then the gentle words. "Susan... Susan... " Susan slowly opened her eyes. There before her was Talia. "Talia... Is that you?" "Yes!..." They embraced. Gently at first, then passionately. This was followed by a kiss. "Talia, what happened to you?" Susan was breathless. "The shadows took me... It was terrible!" They embraced again. "I was so worried about you. They told me you were dead!" "In a sense I was. The shadows took my mind. They implanted it in this machine. There was nothing but whiteness." "I know the feeling... I am here to purge a virus..." They stared into each others eyes. Both were telepathic and their minds merged. They experienced their own and each others experiences, simultaneously. These experiences merged and expanded at the same time. It was like taking joy, love and bliss, and reflecting them off each other. The situation was perpetual, like infinite reflections between mirrors. Then there was clinging. "Don't let go! I can't survive without you!" "Nor me without you!" They embraced once again. They squeezed each other so tightly that Susan could feel Talia's heart pounding against hers. They kissed passionately. There hair became entwined. As it was their minds that were meeting, they actually began to merge. It was like slowly relaxing into a warm bath. It was becoming difficult to tell were boundaries lay. Susan had a nagging thought, or was it the voice. "It is a trap!" She tried to gather herself, but was too entwined to let go. She did not care, Babylon 5, The Shadows, Epsilon 3. All she cared about was being with Talia. "It is a trap!" She tried again to stand back. It was useless, like being too drunk to get up. Talia was like a great magnet from which she could not escape. "Susan! Listen! If you stay, your consciousness will be wiped out!" "I don't care!" "Then the Shadows have won!" She made a supreme effort of will and pushed herself away from Talia. Her hands seemed to sink into her, like pushing against foam. She struggled, consoling herself with. "It's only an illusion!" She fell backwards and scurried away along the ground. Talia looked pleadingly at her. "Susan, Susan! Please!" "NO!" Talia began to fade. "It *IS* me Susan. Please help!" Talia faded. In Susan's mind she heard her scream. "WAIT! I'm coming Talia!" Susan ran over to her and tried to embrace her, but she vanished. Susan realised the irony. The only REAL thing in all of this place *was* Talia! Now she had let her die. The shadows had used her as a trap! Susan fell to the ground and began howling with remorse. Tears streamed down her face. "TALIA! TALIA! I am SORRY!" The forest vanished and she was once again in white space. The Sour Taste of Victory A fleeting shadow skimmed around and disappeared into the brightness. She could hear it scream as it dispersed into the void. The white space became even whiter. Draal appeared before her. "Another trick!" She was not in the mood for any more. "No Susan. You have defeated the shadow. There will be no more." "What about Talia" Susan was sobbing. "What is left of her is within you. Do not diminish this... It is time to leave." "The voice?" "That was Zenchi. He is a masynchi being from beyond the dimensions." "Zenchi, huh." "Yes, he is your personal guide and mentor." Susan tried a fake smile. After what she had been through, her sadness was understandable. A great black space was in her heart. It hurt like hell. Draal looked at her with compassion. "You did the right thing Susan. You probably can't see that now, but you will." This was sour comfort to her. A part of her had just died, a very big part. Draal disappeared and the white space became very bright. It was so bright that it was painful to look at. Susan felt her 'body of thought' being infused with a great brightness. For a moment her heart was full again. Her body began to disintegrate and her consciousness contracted. It shrunk to the size of a pea. Her vision was strange, like through the eyes of a fish. She felt herself being pulled into a vortex. She began to spin, then she spun very fast and blacked out. A white streak of light entered Susan's petrified body. The amethyst stalactite radiated pure blue light. Slowly Susan's body morphed back into its original conformation. The light stopped suddenly, she lay on the floor, unconscious. Draal gently touched her shoulder. "Susan... Susan..." She stirred a little and opened her eyes. She was very stiff and her body felt like lead. "I feel terrible!" "The effects will ware off." "I hope so." Draal sat with her in the cavern for over an hour. He comforted her and wiped her tears. "We all owe you a great debt of gratitude." "I just want to leave. Please!" "Very well." Draal escorted Susan to her starfury on the launch pad. This time she got in very carefully and closed the canopy gently. She started the engine and slowly lifted off. She flew out of the great chasm and towards the clouds. All the time she was thinking of Talia... She arrived back on Babylon 5 exhausted, both physically and mentally. She did not bother to check in and went straight to her quarters. The BabCom was full of petty messages. She poured herself a glass of Vodka and reclined on her couch. "ENOUGH!" She threw the glass at the BabCom, it smashed with a satisfying crack. She sat down and a tear rolled down her cheek. "Oh Talia, I am sorry." The pain in her heart lifted for a moment. She swore that she could see Talia. "Talia!" The image faded as Susan tried to grasp it. She sat there for a moment, dumbstruck. She lay back in her couch and stared out into space. She quickly fell asleep out of exhaustion. She heard Zenchi's voice as she drifted off. "Patients... Patients... All will be resolved..."