From jennyann@ix.netcom.com Sat Jun 15 14:16:22 1996
Date: Sun, 9 Jun 1996 17:48:00 -0700
From: Jennifer Lyon <jennyann@ix.netcom.com>
Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com
To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com
Subject: NEW: "Explanations"

Here's a little short one that follows immediately after the excellent 
two parter episode of the third season, "War Without End." I think I 
could write forever and not begin to touch all the possibilities in 
that episode. But here's a little vignette for you.
BTW: TONS of *SPOILERS* contained herein...




"Explanations"
A Babylon 5 Fanfiction Story
by Jennifer Lyon
jennyann@ix.netcom.com

<Disclaimer: Babylon 5 and its characters belong to J. Michael 
Straszynski and PTEN. They are borrowed with nothing but the 
deepest respect and admiration. No infringement is intended. This 
little scene  takes place immediately following the extraordinary 
two-part episode "War Without End."

	Trying to explain to Michael Garibaldi what had just 
happened to his best friend was one of the hardest things John 
Sheridan had ever had to do. He was a command officer, and he'd 
had to deliver bad news before. The problem was that he hadn't 
had to deliver *this* kind of news before - nothing in his entire 
life could have begun to prepare him for what had just happened. 
And if he couldn't understand it, how could he ever begin to 
explain it to someone else.
	Garibaldi had taken it badly, *very* badly. No big 
surprise there. John was still shaken by the amount of pain and 
rage that had bled from the other man, though, and the bitter 
words directed in his own direction had hurt him terribly. He 
knew that Sinclair and Garibaldi had been close friend for a long 
time, but he thought that he'd earned the other man's respect, 
possibly even some measure of trust.
	Sighing, he sank down into his chair after the other man 
stormed out, unwilling to look up at Delenn who was still 
standing there, watching him silently. The pain in her eyes hurt 
too, even though he knew that some of it was for him. But in a 
way, as deeply as he trusted, even *loved* her, the knowledge 
that she had kept secrets from him - such *important* ones - 
wounded him deeply. He didn't know how to cope with all of 
this, but he knew he had to.
	So he swallowed all of his emotions, and forced himself 
to lift his eyes to hers.
	"Why?" he asked, leaning forward in his seat. "Why 
didn't you tell me?"
	"Because it wasn't my choice...I didn't have the right."
	His eyes widened with surprise. 
	She sighed, and came forward to sit down in the chair 
opposite his desk. "Don't you see, I had to let him decide for 
himself who would know and when. It was his life at stake, his 
decision to make. He wanted to keep it quiet, maybe because it 
was too difficult to explain, maybe because he was afraid that if 
he told too many people, it might change something. I was afraid 
of that, also, that if everyone knew what was going to happen, 
that knowledge might make them act differently. The 
consequences could have been devastating. So much was at 
stake, it was hard to know what the right thing to do was. So I 
simply obeyed his instructions, and did what I knew I must."
	Sheridan frowned, his mind working over everything she 
had already told him. Running a distracted hand though his sandy 
hair, he asked, "How long have you known...about Sinclair."
	She paused, biting at her lower lip in a surprisingly 
human gesture of uncertainty. "For certain - only since the letter 
from Valen arrived, no more than two standard days. But I have 
known for many years that Jeffrey Sinclair had a destiny awaiting 
him. I knew he was important, more important than any of us, to 
the success of our fight against the Great Darkness, I just 
couldn't be sure how or why. I had guesses, but I was not sure. 
So all I could do was wait and watch. That is the very reason I 
came to Babylon 5 in the first place."
	She smiled wryly. "It is not the usual custom of my 
people to assign the designated heir to our Holy One to an 
Ambassadorial position."
	His mouth dropped open. "Designated heir?"
	She nodded gravely. "I was - and no longer am. After 
Dukhat died, he named me his successor, but then the war 
happened and there wasn't time for the Council to consider such 
things. And then, when we captured Jeff and found what he was - 
that he held a Minbari soul - we were too busy trying to deal with 
the shock of seeing prophecy come true. You see, Valen had left 
a long series of prophecies regarding the future, most warning of 
us of the time when the Shadows would begin to move again. 
They were cryptic, of course, so that he could warn without 
altering the outcome too much.
	"All we knew then was that we had to stop the war, and 
wait. And watch. Especially to watch Sinclair. At least, I was 
sure of that. Some of the others had a hard time believing. It had 
been a thousand years since the time of Valen, and while the 
religious caste held strong to the Covenant we had made with 
him, the warrior caste was beginning to have doubts.
	"Even so, I was able to make them listen enough to get 
Sinclair posted as Babylon 5's commander and myself on board as 
our Ambassador. I had a feeling about him. He wasn't the only 
human pilot we'd picked up with a Minbari soul, but his shone so 
brightly. He glowed with the light. It was as though I could 
*sense* the hand of the universe upon him.
	"And then, during the two years we were here, he 
proved himself again and again. Always, he acted with honor and 
compassion. I don't think I've met anyone with a greater integrity 
or a stronger ability to reach beyond himself and see the universe 
though the eyes of others."
	Sheridan couldn't conceal the sudden leap of pain in his 
expression in response to her words, and she shook her head at 
him. Instinctively leaning towards him, she stretched out her hand 
between them. "John," she said softly. "We are all called to the 
service of the Light in different ways.  Remember what Zathros 
said, all three of us have our part to play. Jeffrey Sinclair's role is 
in the past, yours is in the future. His talents make him uniquely 
suited to the role he must play, just as you are suited to your 
own. I would never doubt your integrity or your honesty for an 
instant." She smiled warmly at him. "But you simply do not have 
Jeffrey's ability to understand the viewpoints of others, and *see* 
the common ground that binds us all." Her smile settled into a 
frown as she found her words wanting. "That does not explain it 
well, but he an ability that is truly unique. No one else could have 
created the Rangers, brought human and Minbari warriors to 
work together as a unit. Certainly not as effectively or as quickly. 
It is simply who he is. Don't feel yourself lessened because it 
wasn't you.
	She gaze deeply into his eyes. "Look at what you 
*have* accomplished here. You swore to create a line against the 
darkness and you have done so. Your ability is to lead men, 
people, in combat, to see how an enemy will act, and find new 
ways to react. You have an ability to inspire the people around 
you to become better than they thought they could be. And above 
all, you are an original thinker." She smiled again, this time with 
pure amusement. "In fact, you sometimes think *very* oddly 
indeed." 
	Then she got serious again. "But that is a gift, too. We 
need it, and we need *you.*"
	He found himself smiling at her, relaxing slightly in his 
chair. "I wasn't *really* fishing for a compliment, Delenn, 
but...thank you. I think." 
	He chuckled, then wearily rubbed at his eyes. "I guess 
it's just that this whole thing is so strange. I can appreciate 
Sinclair's talents, really I can. I respect the man greatly. Goodness 
knows, I've seen plenty of evidence in this station of his ability to 
gain cooperation from unlikely sources, and some of the solutions 
he found during his time as commander her were nothing short of 
astonishing. But what he's done now...it's beyond belief. Taking 
Babylon 4 back a thousand years in time..."
	"Yes, but you and I had something to do with that too, 
remember."
	"Yeah, don't remind me," he replied, making a face at 
her. "It's probably a very good thing I don't have to be making 
reports of Earth Central right now. Whew..."
	She laughed. "That is very true."
	They shared the first truly peaceful smile between them 
since leaving Babylon 4, then he returned to another of the many 
questions still troubling him.
	"This change that you say he is going to make...it is like 
the change you made when I first came to B5?"
	She nodded. "Yes, he will be using the same machine."
	"So you gave it to him?"
	"Not exactly. In fact, I still have the device I used in my 
quarters. The machine actually originated from the Great 
Machine on Epsilon three. Zathros brought it with him and 
Jeffrey will bring it with him when he meets up with my people in 
the distant past. We will keep it for a thousand years, until it 
becomes my turn to use it. So it is the same machine, it has just 
gone through a great journey through time."
	"That's incredible!"
	She nodded, then looked up at him with suddenly tearful 
eyes. "I wish that I could have been there for him when he makes 
the change. It is... not easy."
	He agreed, mirroring her sorrow. "And at least you had 
friends and loved ones around. I can't even begin to imagine what 
it must be like to be living nearly a thousand years before your 
own birth, and on top of that, to have to give up your entire 
identity." Sheridan paused for a moment, considering, 
remembering.
	"He didn't seem at all afraid, though. He seemed to 
really want this to happen."
	Delenn nodded solemnly. "He accepted it. There really 
wasn't much choice - it *had* to be. If he did not become Valen, 
then all would have been lost. Without him, we would probably 
have lost the first war. A thousand years of history could have 
been wiped out in an instant. No one could bear that kind of 
responsibility, assuming he lived to see it happen. And, I think..."
	She stopped for a moment, her eyes focusing off into 
space. "He was always looking for a purpose, a reason for his 
life. More than anyone I have ever met, he was a True Seeker. So 
to find that purpose, that meaning - it gave him a certain peace. 
He told me while you were lost in time that for the first time in 
his life he knew who he was and where he belonged. In a strange 
sort of way, I envy him."
	Sheridan pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Yeah, I do see 
what you mean. And I am glad he will be all right. He does live 
for quite a while doesn't he - even if it was a long time ago?"
	"Yes, oh yes," she responded. "Valen led our people for 
close to a century. He accomplished a great deal in that time. He 
unified our people, stopping the wars between the castes, and 
created our entire way of life, including the establishment of the 
Gray Council."
	Sheridan shook his head, still reaching for 
understanding. "It's a bit recursive, isn't it. I mean, he goes back 
and creates the government that he knows exists now. So how 
does it actually get started? Did Valen create it first in the past, 
so that Sinclair could learn how it should be before he goes back 
and becomes Valen to create it all over again, or did...God, this is 
making my head ache!"
	Delenn got up and walked over to him. "I know. I have 
struggled with such questions myself, and have decided that there 
are some things you just have to accept as being so. Besides, you 
have just been through a great deal yourself, and must be tired. 
Get some rest, John. These concerns will still be there 
tomorrow."
	"Yeah, yeah..." He yawned loudly, suddenly realizing 
just how exhausted he really was. "You're right." He got up and 
turned to face her. Reaching out to place his hand on her 
shoulder, he gazed at her with tender concern.
	"You should get some sleep too, Delenn." He squeezed 
her shoulder gently. "And...I'm sorry. I guess I forgot to say that. 
Everything happened so fast. But I *know* how much Sinclair 
meant to you, and I'm sorry you had to lose him."
	She bowed her head to him, then half-smiled her 
appreciation at him. "Thank you, John. I will miss him very 
much."
	Stepping away from him, she walked over to the door. 
Before making the final turn out into the hallway, she looked 
back over her shoulder at him.
	"Goodnight, John Sheridan. Sleep well." And then she 
was gone.
	He stood still for a moment, staring at the spot where 
she had stood, then he whispered softly after her.
	"Goodnight Delenn. Until...tomorrow."

The End

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"Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs 
the millstone of humiliation." Fox Mulder  "The X-Files"

"What's the going rate for putting an innocent man away 
for the rest of his life, Doctor?" Ted Hoffman  "Murder One"
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