From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 1/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:42:28 +0100 Big Thanks to my beta readers Adele, Paula, Ria and Julie For all their help and support. This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 1 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. The dawn light streamed in through the window, dazzling David with its brilliance. He had been born and raised in space, but the planets he had walked on numbered more than he could recall. They almost blurred into insignificance. The explorer ships were the prime assignment, but there was so much to see, so many places.....There was not enough time for him to go as far as he wanted. His mother had told him that he had his father's spirit and it was that which drove him ever onwards into the void. Maybe she was right, David couldn't be sure. The memories of his father were dim. All he recalled was a tired man, old before his time. He walked slowly about the room, pausing to gaze out of the window. He was at the top of the citadel, high above the tangled rain forest. About a mile distant he could see a similar structure rising from the trees. They had made planetfall two days ago. It had been a difficult landing, there was very little open space breaking the relentless vegetation. Captain David Sheridan and his team had made first contact with the aliens twelve hours later. No...It couldn't be first contact because the humanoids had spoken Interlac. Another mystery associated with this place. David hoped that the answers to his questions wouldn't be far away. He had been brought to this room barely an hour ago and told to wait. Who or what for he wasn't sure. Maybe they were taking him to their leader. David smiled to himself. It reminded him of some of the old vids he had seen when he had been a child. He used to love them, but for some reason they had always made his mother sad. She said they were a gift from an old friend. Even as a child David had guessed that whoever the old friend was they weren't around any more. Lost in the war probably. He was aware of his parent's place in history, but he knew little of those who had shared that burden. Names, places, dates, but not the people. That was probably one of the reasons he was out here, trying to escape the legacy of being John Sheridan's son. " John ?" David turned at the woman's voice Why did she call his father's name ? Unconsciously he pushed his hair back, revealing the traces of the Minbari headbone, the evidence of his mixed heritage. She did not appear offended or revolted by the sight. " I'm sorry," she continued. " You remind me of someone I knew a long time ago." He couldn't be sure how old she was. Her hair was pure white, hanging well past her waist but her face and eyes still showed traces of incredible beauty. " My father's name was John," he replied. " I'm David....David Sheridan." " Yes, you must be. " There was sadness in her voice. A loss, deeply mourned. But what could this woman have to do with his father ? A smile crossed her features, banishing the pain. " Do I know you ?" David found himself asking. " No, we've never met. I left before you were born," she replied " Left where ?" " Babylon 5." David sat down heavily. Who was this woman ? How did she get here ? " I think you require an explanation," she smiled. " If it had been anyone else I would have sent you away " " Who are you ?" he demanded. " Susan Ivanova." He knew the name. Vividly, the history lessons of his teenage years came back to him. Susan Ivanova had been his father's second in command. She had even taken command of the fleet for a brief time, while Sheridan had been imprisoned. History had recorded a loyal and dedicated soldier, bereft of flowery epithets. " You disappeared forty years ago !" " Is it that long ? I'd lost track. We don't get seasons here. You don't know how much I miss winter.....especially since.... Are they all gone ? Am I the only one left ?" Was she speaking to him ? David couldn't reply. He didn't understand her words. She fell silent for a few moments, lost in memory once more. David was loath to prompt her. His senses were still reeling. " What year is it now ?" she demanded. " 2305," " What do you know ? I'm seventy three. " There was a trace of humour in her voice as she ran her fingers through her white hair. " Congratulations," David replied. She became silent again. David tried not to show his impatience. It was almost as if he could see the burden of memory reflected in her eyes. Why was it so painful to tell her story ? " The Great War was over," she began quietly " It was the beginning of 2262 when we left the Station......." ************************************************************************ ******* The stars shone brightly every night, the stars shone brightly every day. Susan Ivanova hated them. She hated having to stare at them, glowing before her just like nothing had ever happened. The view had once been awe-inspiring. It had reminded her of the first time she had seen the Southern Cross, the Magellanic clouds, watched a meteor storm. The stars had represented the future for a girl who had lost almost everything she cared about. Where were those youthful certainties ? Despite her troubled childhood Susan Ivanova was certain that she had them once. She had passed tears, screamed, railed against the universe, cursed God, but He had not let her die. Who made that decision ? Who had decided that her life was worth more than another's ? Deep down she knew the answer but she couldn't bring herself to say his name. Sometimes, late at night, she could still feel him. Sometimes she said things, words her own mind could not have formed. Somewhere deep inside , the remnants of the life he had so selflessly given. . Duty was all she had to turn to, so here she was, at her post, pretending everything was normal. It was easier than being off-duty, than being alone. Funny, she had never used to mind solitude. Now it served to remind her that someone was missing. That was the wrong word, it seemed to imply that he was coming back. Why was she still on Babylon 5 ? The decision had not been an easy one. Stay where the pain was greatest, or run away. The Interstellar Alliance was very much in its infancy. Two short months had passed since the battle for Earth. Life on Babylon 5 seemed remarkably 'normal' considering the fact that the President of the Alliance now resided there, although as captain of the Station she had to endure the constant complaints of her Chief of Security. Every day he came to her with some new worries about the safety of President Sheridan. Ivanova often found herself on the edge of antipathy with regard to the subject. Unfamiliar feelings, which she continuously fought against. She was tired. That much she did admit to herself. The past year had drained them all, but relaxation was out of the question. There was still so much to do. Even now, in what was supposed to be the middle of the night, she was trying to mediate ambassadorial wrangles, worker's disputes, the hectic docking schedule. And now..... " Captain," Lieutenant Corwin interrupted her thoughts, " We have a signal coming through." " Patch it through to my station," Ivanova replied, moving to her control desk. The message was verbal, but in a language she did not understand. She set the computer to translate and trace the source of the message. Modulated tones, scales, it was like music. Ivanova found herself listening attentively, trying to make sense of the notes that trickled from the speaker. It had a strangely soothing quality. "You must be going senile, Susan," she told herself. Angry that her mind was straying from her duties. " I'm sorry, what was that ?" Corwin asked, interrupting her thoughts. " Nothing Lieutenant." " Are you all right Ma'am ?" " Yes." Susan immediately regretted snapping at him. Corwin always got that hurt expression on his face. It made her want to pat him on the head and give him candy. Damn, but she was going to be forced to get some sleep soon.. The computer was taking its own sweet time. Maybe it wasn't a recognisable language after all. Reluctantly she turned to speak to Corwin, " Lieutenant, signal me as soon as the computer comes up with the translation." " Yes Ma'am," he replied. Susan didn't return to her quarters. She found herself heading towards Red Sector. Couple of drinks, that was all she needed, just enough to see her to sleep. She almost made it to the bar. Three steps away when a voice said, " Could I speak with you a moment ?" Ivanova manufactured a smile and turned to face Lise Hampton, " I really am very busy..., "Susan protested " This won't take long." Lise nodded towards one of the tables, unwillingly Susan seated herself. The other woman hesitated for a moment. " It's about Michael," she said eventually. Susan was silent. Michael Garibaldi was the last person she felt the need to discuss. Undeterred by the cold reception Lise continued, " Don't you think he's been hurt enough ? He's trying to put his life back together and quite frankly you are not helping." " Look, I let him back on board, against my better judgement, I might add. That's the only help he is going to get from me." " Really......I think all you've accomplished is to make him worse." " He should have thought of that before....." " Before the Psicorps kidnapped him ? " " I know what those bastards do ," " No.....no you don't. You don't have to hold him every night to stop him screaming in his sleep, so don't for a moment think you understand what's going on in his mind. " Susan felt angry tears forming . Garibaldi wasn't the issue here, his betrayal of her trust was. God, she needed to get away , learn to cope with her own grief before coming to terms with someone else's. " Susan...!" John Sheridan's voice interrupted any further conversation between the two women. Ivanova turned to face Sheridan, Garibaldi was with him. She couldn't help noticing the way Michael hung back, just a little. The fear wasn't just her imagination. " Join us for a drink ?" Sheridan asked. " Its late," she protested. " I should be going to bed." 'Please someone save me,' Susan prayed. If there was a God surely he would intervene. Three sets of eyes were focused on her, waiting for a reply. She opened her mouth just as her link bleeped. Corwin...bless the boy, " Corwin to Ivanova." " Ivanova here, go," she replied. " The computer's finished the translation you requested." " Great...I mean, pipe it down to my quarters." " What translation ?" Garibaldi asked, his curiosity piqued. Ivanova couldn't bring herself to look at him as she answered his question; " Just a stray message we picked up. Its probably gibberish. Still I should check it. Sorry, I'll have to take a raincheck on that drink. Enjoy the rest of your evening." She hurried away, slightly more rapidly than protocol demanded. Even so their voices reached her ears.... " Is she all right ?" Garibaldi was asking. " I wish I knew...." John replied. Susan quickened her pace. What did they expect ? Was she supposed to make believe the events of the past year hadn't happened ? Was she supposed to pretend that everything was status quo ? Was she supposed to forgive ? Where had that thought come from ? Some people were not worthy of absolution. She glanced over her shoulder. Garibaldi's eyes met hers. It was a relief to enter the sombre darkness of her quarters. Every day was becoming more of a struggle. Each moment closer to the one where her control would be lost and she would break down on duty. Duty, she was starting to hate the word. Marcus had been right, she had always neglected the duty to herself. That in mind she poured herself a large vodka before turning her attention to the message light that was flashing on her terminal. " Here's to the Wolf," she whispered to herself. " Computer, play message." " We are dying. Send help. Cannot sustain. Where are you ? Need answer. Need help," the computer intoned. " Message origin ?" " Co-ordinates Sector 12 by 34 by 5." " That's Vorlon space ?" " Translator units confirm Vorlon language." The Vorlons were gone. They had left the galaxy with the Shadows, the First Ones, Lorien....This couldn't be possible. Unconsciously she poured herself another drink. No one had ever checked to see if the entire Empire had been deserted. If there was still some trace of Vorlon influence what should she do about it ? Another glass of vodka and she still wasn't sure. It was a distress call, and as such she should find a way to respond. " Ivanova to Corwin," she spoke into her link. " Yes." " Tell maintenance to prepare a shuttle for launch." " Yes ma'am." There was a pause, he obviously expected something further in the way of an explanation; " The message was a distress call," she told him. Still silence. Susan gave up and shut the link down. ************************************************************************ ******* " Station 2 take over for ten minutes." Corwin ordered, removing his headset. He shouldn't be doing this. Leaving the Observation Dome when he was still on duty, but Ivanova always said that you had to bend the rules sometimes. It wasn't as if Corwin knew exactly what he could do. Or what he could persuade someone else to do. One of her friends had to be able to help. If they couldn't see what was happening to her they had to be blind. Corwin hesitated about confronting her himself. She would probably just order him away. Either that or put him on report for leaving his post. Besides, being close to her outside of a work situation made him nervous. He would never pluck up the courage to say what he needed to. So here he was, standing outside Michael Garibaldi's quarters, debating whether to push the door signal or not. Garibaldi may not have been the best person to ask, considering the way his relationship with Ivanova had deteriorated. Even so he was the person she had been closest to, with the possible exception of John Sheridan. There was no way Corwin was going to knock on The President's door. " Okay David, " he told himself. " Just bite the bullet and do it. " " I thought you were the last person to be sent over the edge by this place," a voice interrupted him. " Sir ?" Garibaldi was standing behind him, Lise by his side. " Talking to yourself," he explained. " I need to speak with you sir...." " Sure." " In private." " Oh...right." " I know when I'm not wanted," Lise smiled and left the two men alone in the corridor. " So ?" Michael asked. " It's Captain Ivanova, sir. I wondered if you would talk to her." Garibaldi looked surprised. Talk to Ivanova, he'd rather jump into shark infested waters. It would be safer. He knew that John had done some very slick negotiating to persuade her to let him back on the Station . He had often wondered why the hell she had agreed. " David....as much as I would like to help....Ivanova an' I aren't exactly on speaking terms anymore." " But you are her friend." " She wants to shoot me." Corwin raised an eyebrow, Ivanova hadn't been the only one. " I am the last person she will want to see, never mind talk to," Garibaldi continued. " I could order you to." " What !" "Technically I outrank you, so I'm ordering you to speak to the Captain. " Garibaldi's mouth fell open. He was speechless for a least ten seconds. " Have you got a deathwish Lieutenant ?" " No, but I think Captain Ivanova might have. She should be in the shuttle bay." David didn't wait for a reply. He spun on his heel and walked away . Garibaldi ran his hand over his head, considering Corwin's words. In his heart he knew that the younger man was probably right. If something did happen to Ivanova and Garibaldi hadn't tried to help her......Thoughtfully, he let himself into his quarters. Lise was curled on the couch watching the vid screen. He sat beside her, pulling her body against his own, absently planting a kiss on her hair. " What is it ? " Lise asked, sensing his abstraction. " Ivanova," he explained." Corwin's worried about her. I have to admit that I am too. I think maybe I should go see her. Ivanova's not been herself since Marcus died and I'm afraid she's gonna do somethin' stupid " " Michael, she wants to shoot you." " I know, sometimes it's the fact that she hasn't tried that scares me the most. She's taking a shuttle out......I think I should go with her." " What makes you think she'll talk to you ?" " She always has before." The expression on her face told him that Lise was not happy. He couldn't really blame her, but he felt uneasy explaining the other reason he was forcing himself into Ivanova's company. Part of him needed to be with her, needed to have some measure of forgiveness. The others may have acquitted him but without Ivanova's friendship it meant nothing, apart from a constant reminder of everything that had been done to him. He had something to prove both to Ivanova, and to himself. " Lise. Ivanova's my friend. Before...before I went away, she always trusted me, believed in me. She's part of what made my life here so much better than it had been anywhere else. On Mars, you were the only person who gave a damn . " " Is that why you left me ?" " Hell, do we have to go through this again ? How long do you think we would have had ? How long until I damn well drank myself to death ? I had a job I hated, where they treated me like scum. I tried to make it work. You know the hours I had to work, what my CO put me through. If I didn't call it was because I was so damn tired 'coz I'd worked a sixty hour week on riot duty or stuck in some ghetto stopping the lurkers from raiding the food stores. Jeff gave me the chance to escape an' you know what ? You could have come with me." His voice was breaking up and he turned away from her, ashamed of his anger. Lise didn't reply, she just held him for a long quiet time. Concern for his friends was part of what made Michael....well, Michael. She knew that these people had helped him in ways that she had never been able to and he was anxious to repay that debt. " I know," she whispered eventually. "You have to go with her." " Really ? You don't mind," he looked up, surprised. She gave him a long serious kiss before replying, " Get out of here so I can start eating chocolate and watching romantic comedies." " I love you," he told her with a gentle smile. He was always so careful to say that, she realised ruefully. She thought he meant it. Hoped he did but.... She playfully pushed him out of the door. When he had gone she turned slowly, surveying the empty room. This is what her life amounted to now, what she had known would happen if they returned to Babylon 5. It was a fact she would never get used to. Michael was married to his job first and her second. Although sometimes she felt as if she were much further down the list. What were they really doing together ? They loved each other, true, but that wasn't enough. A need to repair the mistakes of the past had driven her back into his arms. This time, when he had asked, she had come to Babylon 5......And hated the place. ************************************************************************ *********** The shuttle bay was earily silent. Susan worked alone at the end of the bay, rapidly checking her shuttle prior to departure. She looked up sharply when she heard familiar footsteps. " What are you doing here ?" she asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders; " I thought we could talk." " I don't think we have anything to say." " Look I know you're still pissed at me, hell I'm not exactly happy with myself....but we're still friends right......Right ?" There was fear in his voice, he was almost pleading with her for reassurance. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling it out of the loose braid. It wasn't something she wanted to talk to him about. The memories of his betrayal were too close, too distressing. She could empathise with his pain, but the one fact she couldn't escape from was that he had been somehow tainted by his experience. Changed in ways she could not imagine. There were some who had been willing to forgive and forget but how honest were they being with him ? Was he really free of Bester's influence ? John was convinced that Michael was now himself again but Ivanova wasn't so sure. Who knew what else those Psicorps bastards might have done ? Her solution to the problem was to keep as far away from him as possible. No wonder she was feeling so isolated. All her friends seemed to be so far away, most divided from her by the impenetrable barrier of death. Maybe that was why she was taking the mission, part of her wanted to launch itself into the void and never return. " Garibaldi, can the soul searching wait ? I have a distress call to answer." " That message ?" " I'm just about ready to leave." " Mind if I tag along ?" " Yes." " Great." He started up the steps to the shuttle. " I meant yes I minded, not yes you could come," Ivanova objected. Garibaldi halted and turned back towards her. There was a speculative look on his face as he came closer. Bending towards her he gave a suspicious sniff. " Can I smell alcohol on your breath Captain ?" he asked mildly. Ivanova blushed angrily, it was enough of an admission . " Well, in that case you're not authorised to take this shuttle out, " he stated. " Go to hell." " My duty, as an honest citizen of Babylon 5, is to call security. A quick blood test and I'm sure we can clear up this little matter. " " You wouldn't ?" " Ivanova, you know me well enough not to ask that question. Of course you could let someone else fly the shuttle for you. " " And you'd volunteer ?" " Can't see another qualified pilot here." He'd caught her, fair and square. There was no smile on his face, he wasn't playing games. Standing here arguing with him was wasting precious time. As much as it pained her to admit it, she wasn't going to win the argument. " Well, come on, if you're coming," Susan muttered. Garibaldi sighed and followed her into the shuttle. Perhaps attempting to re-establish his friendship with Ivanova wasn't such a good idea. It didn't seem like she would welcome the overture. All he was trying to do was to get his life to resemble some form of normality again, if it was possible. Ivanova's acceptance meant a great deal. She was the only one who still regarded him with overt suspicion. Not that he could blame her, but she was obviously hurting for other reasons and he thought that, under the right conditions, she might talk to him. Marcus' death had been a blow to them all but Susan had taken the news very badly. Considering the way Marcus had died that wasn't surprising. Michael didn't really want to think about it. His own life had been saved by the same machine....For the first time he really appreciated the risk that Sheridan and Franklin had taken. " So where we goin'?" Garibaldi asked as they settled into their seats. " Vorlon space," she replied. " What ?" " The distress call came from Vorlon space. If there is some remnant of their civilisation we need to know about it. " " Logical....What if we come across one of those Planet Killer's ?" " We run away and Garibaldi any more comments like that, I'll space you. Understood ?" " Loud and Clear. C+C have given us clearance to leave." Susan inclined her head in reply, as he guided the shuttle smoothly from its moorings. ************************************************************************ ***** Ruth King From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 2/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:36:22 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 2 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. Silence. After ten hours of it Garibaldi was getting a little annoyed. " How long ?" he asked Susan. " You asked that ten minutes ago," she replied. " In fact you have asked me the same damn question forty times. Having a problem telling the time, Mr. Garibaldi ?" " Can I ask another question ?" " Whatever." " When you get up in the morning do you put on your right sock first or left sock first ?" She scowled at him, " Is there a point to this conversation ?" " The silence is deafening. Come on Ivanova, this is me." " Exiting Hyperspace in ten minutes. Prepare to activate jumpgate." He was doing no good whatsoever. Damn, she wouldn't even look at him. Perhaps it was time to give up ? She obviously didn't trust him anymore....It was something he was reluctantly coming to terms with. " Proceed with jump," she ordered. " Entering normal space...What the hell ?" The shuttle burst free of the jumpgate, exchanging the psychedelic patterns of Hyperspace for peaceful stars. " What the hell ?" Garibaldi exclaimed, there was something in their path. " Take evasive action. Back through the gate if we can make it, " Ivanova yelled. " Setting retro course." The shuttle moved relentlessly under its own inertia, while Michael struggled with the controls. " Garibaldi !" " Can't break away, jumpgate won't activate." The explosion ripped through the shuttle, sending them into a spin. They collided with something but neither could tell what....The jumpgate ? Power went out, plunging them into blackness. The air was thick with smoke, burning away their precious oxygen supply. All Susan could hear was the sound of her own laboured breathing. She struggled out of her harness, her fingers instinctively reaching towards Garibaldi. He was slumped over his controls. She had to put the fire out. The airlock was at the back of the shuttle, stumbling across the floor, eyes streaming, breath coming in painful gasps she fought her way towards it. A couple of seconds of vacuum would be enough. She hoped she hit the right controls when she reached the airlock, she couldn't see anything worth a damn. " Ivanova, Ivanova !" Michael's voice, he must have regained consciousness. " Stay put Mister and close your eyes, we're going to be sucking vacuum." Confidently she overrode the safety protocols and engaged the mechanism. Her body was assaulted by a hail of objects, all being sucked towards the open airlock. Something hit her, something large, it was enough to loosen her grip. Her fingers scraped against the deck as she was pulled inexorably towards open space. She was screaming but her mouth made no sound, her lungs felt like they were exploding. How much longer ? Had she set the timer correctly ? Open space was coming closer and closer, her fingernails bleeding as she struggled to find something, anything to hold onto. Suddenly a strong arm clamped itself about her waist, halting her slide towards oblivion. Two more seconds and the airlock slid mercifully shut. The two of them crashed to the floor still holding each other, lungs greedily gulping in the renewed atmosphere. Susan was ashamed to find herself shaking. " We'd better go over the systems, see how much damage we sustained." Ivanova ordered when her breathing had returned to normal. " Yes ma'am." Garibaldi replied. Shakily, they both scrambled to their feet, making their way back to their flight positions. " So how bad is it ?" Ivanova asked. " Communication's out, we still have power, heat, but air supply is down." " I've made a survey of the surrounding area. There's one Earth type planet in the vicinity ." " How much fuel have we got ?" " We lost a tank......I guess....Enough for a two hundred second burn which would put us down in....eight hours." " Our air supply will last eight and a half. We have thirty minutes supply in the spacesuits but we better save that for final approach." They looked at each other, the odds weren't good. For a moment Garibaldi got the impression that Ivanova didn't care. He was almost certain that, if he hadn't been present, she would have just let herself die. " We better set the systems on automatic and try and get some sleep," Susan ordered. " Save on oxygen." " So that's your new excuse for not talking to me." " I don't know what you mean ? Our air supply...." " To hell with that." " I am not authorising this conversation." Garibaldi opened his mouth to continue the argument but Ivanova had turned her face to the wall. Even now he didn't seem to be able to get through to her. " Aren't people facing certain death supposed to open up to each other ? You know those heart to heart discussions....." he ventured. " Those discussions where people then get saved and regret they ever said anything ?" " Susan, I'm worried about you. Is that so wrong ? Stephen told me about...." " The ice queen loosing it ?" " That's your problem isn't it ? You never let yourself go, you just bottle it up inside. " " I have responsibilities." " Not now, not to me !" Susan didn't reply, but he could see her face was troubled. She was still holding back, but it was near the surface, if he just pushed a little harder.....But now was not the time. He could see that she was on the edge of angry tears. Her anger was not what he wanted. It would only serve to increase the hostility between them. Now they had to sleep, conserve oxygen....stay alive. ************************************************************************ ***** It was a sheer physical effort to draw breath. Susan tried to ignore her splitting headache as she hauled herself over to the flight console. The exertion had left her dizzy, her lungs straining for air that wasn't there. The effort had been worth it. Below the planet turned serenely, resplendent in the green and blue of her own home planet. Aft, she could hear Garibaldi moaning in his sleep. A nightmare, she guessed....Guilty dreams. " Mr. Garibaldi," she called. " Michael..." His eyes snapped open. For a moment they saw something else, another time.....another place. " We're ready to go into orbit," she said gently. " Get into your suit. Anything's better than trying to breathe this soup. " " Do you think we can make it ?" Susan just shrugged. Again he got the feeling that she didn't really give a damn. It took them less than a minute to climb into their suits, taking long, cool draughts of the clean, fresh air. " Where do you suggest we land ?" Garibaldi asked. " I don't think we have much of a choice. Somewhere in the temperate region, I don't think water supply will be a problem. Less than fifty percent of the surface area is land. " " What's that ?" " What's what ?" " On the horizon. Is it my imagination or can I see lights ? " " You're right. I think you just selected our landing site." " Three minutes to atmospheric entry." Michael rapidly loaded the references into the shuttles navigation computer. Not that he thought it would do much good. They were going to have to fly this one by intuition. The braking burn initiated ten seconds later, filling the cabin with a deafening roar, painstakingly slowing their descent. There was a severe jolt, followed by another as the shuttle skimmed the layers of the upper atmosphere. The shuttle's nose lifted higher, and the glow of ionised gases cast a red light throughout the cabin. It was difficult to realise that they were, in fact, slowing down. The shuttle dipped through the cloud, revealing the stunning vista below. Bright blue water sparkled beneath them, a yellow ribbon of coast was visible in the far distance. Of the city they had seen from orbit, there was no sign. Another minute passed and it was possible to make out the swell on the surface of the water. " We have just enough fuel for a five second burn," Ivanova announced. " Hell, will we make it ?" " May have to ditch in the water. I hope you brought your water wings, Garibaldi." Ivanova cancelled the automatic pilot and assumed manual control. The main engine fired once more, the low fuel warning shrieking through the cabin. Susan resisted the urge to swear loudly as the engine cut out a second later. She pushed the shuttle's nose down, hoping to pick up enough speed to enable them to reach land. A shuddering crash ripped through the space craft, driving air from their lungs. Everything went black for a second and Garibaldi found himself struggling to keep conscious. The last thing he could afford to do was black out. There was the touch of cold water swirling about his feet. Dimly some part of his brain realised that the hull had been breached by the impact. Even before he reached the seat restraint release the water was about his knees. The shuttle settled lower as water poured in through the open airlock. Ivanova was already on her feet and helped him pull free of his harness. The force of the water about the airlock was such that Garibaldi had to push Ivanova out with his foot. He took one more look round the cabin. There was one more thing he needed to take; the shuttle survival gear. He grabbed the pack, sliding it onto his back. The water was like a living wall piling against his chest as he hung onto the surround and pulled himself out of the spacecraft. He then pushed himself clear and trod water. " Susan ! Susan !" He yelled. Water stung his eyes, choking him, making it impossible for him to cry out again. The space suit he was wearing was heavy, dragging him downwards. Struggling, he opened the seams and kicked his way out of it, keeping a desperate hold on the equipment that could help them survive on whatever planet they had managed to crash on. The beach was about two hundred yards away. Where the hell was Susan ? He looked about himself wildly. It was almost a relief to finally spot her. Almost. She was floating on the surface, her face immersed. Frantically Garibaldi struck out towards her. She had managed to free herself of her suit but something must have hit her. The water about her was stained red. Garibaldi hooked an arm about her neck, holding her head above the water. He kicked off from the doomed shuttle and started to swim strongly towards the shore. After ten minutes of sustained effort, he was hardly aware of his surroundings. All he cared about was the fact that his feet made contact with the sandy ocean floor. He staggered forward, his arms about Ivanova, hardly clear of the surf before collapsing. His limbs were tired to the point of numbness, but somehow he managed to push himself upright, straddling Ivanova. He only hoped he wasn't too late. He could hardly feel the arms that pushed air back into her lungs. To his relief she coughed almost immediately and started to breathe by herself. He rolled sideways, to lie beside her. They were on a beach of dazzling white sand, bordered by a tangled forest. The seas washed gently about their ankles...of the shuttle there was no sign. Garibaldi squinted up at the sun. At least they wouldn't freeze to death. Michael pushed himself up so he was propped on his elbows. What a sight they were. They were dressed in the light clothes they had worn under their space suits, uncomfortably wet and covered in sand. Michael turned his head to check on Ivanova. Her face was covered in blood. It stained her hair, her shirt, the sand on which she rested. Carefully, Garibaldi wiped the worst away. He rummaged in one of the packs, managing to find the medical supplies. The sterile packaging had prevented the dressings from becoming too waterlogged. He did his best to attend to the wound. He hoped she wasn't concussed. There was very little chance of finding immediate medical attention. " We'd better find some shade, " he said to himself eventually. Staggering to his feet he picked her up in his arms and carried her towards the treeline. Once out of the glare of the sun, he could do little else but drop to the ground. He made Susan as comfortable as possible, there on the sand, before dropping into a deep dreamless sleep. ************************************************************************ ********** Ruth From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 3/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:42:59 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 3 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. " Where....?" Ivanova's mumbled. Michael Garibaldi awoke immediately. The sun was still glaring down on them, but something about the freshness of the air suggested that it was now morning. " We crashed in the ocean," Michael reminded her. " How are you feeling ?" " I have a headache." Gentle fingers probed the wound on her head. Ivanova tried to pull away but it hurt too much. Michael allowed himself a small, tight smile. The cut was clean enough and it seemed to be healing. Garibaldi forced Susan to rest for the first day, while he reconnoitred their immediate area. Their biggest problem was going to be food supplies. The packs they had bought with them proved to be inedible. This was an earth type planet, he could only hope that the local flora and fauna was earth type too. He seemed quite cheerful when he returned. They had water, they weren't going to starve. He'd even managed to catch some fish. He lit a fire that night, roasting them in the embers. " Is it okay ?" she asked, staring at the fish as if it might bite her. " We have to eat something. Don't know if we can salvage anything worth a damn from the shuttle. Everything in the pack is pretty waterlogged. Probably be a day before it dries out." Tentatively she took a bite. " Not bad," she admitted. " So all we have to do is lie on the beach and wait until John sends a rescue party. Could be worse." Susan didn't reply, she chewed silently on the fish. Michael stretched out beside her, catching the last rays of the sun as it slipped below the horizon. His very demeanour was one of contentment. " Michael," she began carefully. " They won't be looking for us." " What ?" he sat up. " No one knows where we are." " Susan.....?" " I erased the flight plan." " Why ?" She couldn't reply. Taking her by the shoulders, Garibaldi forced her to look him in the eye. " Why, Susan ?" he demanded " Because I didn't know if I was coming back," Susan answered quietly. " What about me ? You may not have a life back on B5 but I sure as hell do." " I didn't ask you along for the ride, Garibaldi." His expression was one of incomprehension. He walked away from her. Ivanova was the last person he would have expected to run away from her problems. It was something he had suspected, which was why he had made a point of accompanying her. Then why the hell was he so surprised ? Suddenly this tropical paradise didn't seem so inviting. He walked at the edge of the water, watching the stars come out. The promise of spending a protracted period of time here....His heart called out to Lise. He'd only been gone twenty-four hours, how would she feel when the days stretched out to weeks, months even. He couldn't accept the fact that he might never go back to her. After all they had been through together, he couldn't believe that fate had conspired to tear them apart. He smiled wryly to himself. Yes, he could believe it, fate had never been accommodating when it came to Michael Garibaldi. He supposed the best chance for rescue lay in the city he and Ivanova had spotted from orbit. Assuming they had more than basic technology. Who were these people anyway ? Vorlons ? He hoped not. The last thing they needed was any surprises like the one which had awaited them at the jump gate. Presumably any Vorlon ship would have been allowed through unharmed. What were they protecting ? The air was starting to cool and a light breeze blew across the sea, bringing the scent of some exotic blossom. If Lise had been with him....Why the hell did Ivanova have to strand them here ? Susan's thoughts were morbid as she waited for Garibaldi to return. Suddenly, her anger had faded and she didn't know how to face him without its sustaining power. Now she needed to talk , to explain....If he would give her the chance. She had seen the thoughts of Lise deep within his eyes. There couldn't be any more hiding, she couldn't run from him. Slowly she walked a little way, rounding a bend in the coast. The lonely figure sat at the edge of the water, his knees drawn up to his chest. Susan came to a halt, debating about whether she should move any closer. His head was bowed and even in the semi dark she could see wetness on his cheeks. She crept away, leaving the man to his grief. Returning to their rudimentary camp site she stirred up the fire, feeding the angry flames. It was so damn quiet. Even with the noise of the surf gently washing against the shore, animals in the jungle. Now, out here completely alone the memories, the pain, came back with full force. She ached for company, for the bustle of the Station, the petty annoyances related to her command. Out here there wasn't anyone to give orders to, no one to interrupt her sleep, apart from the man whose life she had ruined. Presently, Garibaldi joined her. " I think we should start for the city tomorrow," he said. Susan nodded, trying to fight the urge to ask him if he was all right. She didn't have the right to ask that question, not with the way she had treated him. Silence fell between them. Eventually Michael yawned, stretching his hands behind is head, " Not used to all this fresh air, " he said, looking around their impromptu campsite. " I'll see you in the morning. He moved a little way from the fire to lie down, covering himself with a blanket. Susan found herself watching as his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. For the first time in many weeks pity stirred in her heart. The burden of the blame which she bore him lessened a little. Maybe some of it was hers, for not noticing what had happened to him. Now it seemed so obvious, now she was comparing the real Michael with the one the Psicorps had built. If only...She had to stop thinking that way, otherwise she might as well give in and die right here and now. That wasn't what Marcus had given her his life for. Brave thoughts. She didn't know how long she sat there, thinking about Marcus and the way he had lived his life. There were fewer regrets. Michael moaned gently in his sleep. Bad dreams again. This time she crossed to where he lay and placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder. She didn't want to wake him, just let him know that there was someone close. His mouth formed a single word.....A name. Spoken with a depth of fear and hatred; Susan found herself drawing back, huddling under her own blanket. Subconsciously he had felt her and thought....Oh God, what had they done to him ? Were the mental scars that deep ? It took her a very long time to sleep that night. ************************************************************************ ******* They walked along the beach for about a mile before following the course of a river inland. " Are you sure this is the right direction ?" Ivanova found herself asking. " Yeah, due west. That's the way we were heading when we hit ocean." " Have you any idea how far ?" " No, but this must be their main water supply. I reckon if we follow it we'll get there eventually." Part way through the fourth afternoon a storm hit. They trudged through the continuous freezing downpour. The ground turned to mud beneath their feet. Eventually they had to leave the course of the river, fearing flash floods. Their pace slowed, impeded by the increasing density of vegetation. Ivanova was too exhausted to care. She didn't admit that she hadn't really recovered from the crash. The jungle was unlike any place she had ever been. It was so, so...alive. In the distance, thunder rolled, and the wind answered, howling its way through the trees. " You okay ?" Michael asked, when the stopped to rest. All Susan could do was nod. Garibaldi looked at her closely. It was not her body that was failing but her mind. " I think we should stop now. This storm won't blow itself out today. I'll put the shelter up." " No, must make as much distance as possible." " Not in this." His quiet voice was enough to stop any argument. What the hell was she doing ? She knew she wasn't usually this impotent. If she could only get Marcus out of her mind. Everything she did was tainted with some memory of him. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine that he was with her. He would have found some way to make her smile. " Come on." Michael was helping her to her feet, guiding her into the tiny shelter. He handed her a blanket, " Dry yourself off," he told her before going back out into the storm. Slowly she stripped off her sodden clothes, wrapping the blanket about her body. Even after a day she was sick of being wet, sick of the discomfort, and so damn tired. What was wrong with her ? " Not up to my usual standard I'm afraid," he muttered, handing her some more fruit. " If only this damn rain would let up we could light a fire. Find something to cook." " There speaks the expert. Anyone would think you haven't spent the last six years holed up in a Space Station." Michael didn't say anything immediately, he picked up a second blanket, using it to towel himself off. " I spent most of the E-M war in terrain like this." Susan didn't quite know what to say. Michael had never mentioned his wartime experiences. Even now he didn't appear to be willing to elucidate. His gaze was turned inward....remembering. This strange, complex man.....Ivanova realised suddenly how little she really knew him. She reached out a hand, resting her fingertips on his shoulder. That reaction, he shivered. He obviously didn't like people touching him unexpectedly. " I'm sorry," she found herself mumbling. He didn't reply. Susan realised that he didn't trust her enough to confide in her. She wondered if he really trusted anyone, even Lise. So many people had hurt him. It was crazy. She couldn't talk to him, he would not speak to her. Michael hadn't missed the faint emphasis, but he didn't feel like responding. This wasn't the time to start exchanging sob stories. The isolation was starting to get to him. As Susan was starting to come out of her depression, he was sinking deeper. Too many memories. Stinking jungle, his friends dying, fighting just to survive without the added menace of Minbari snipers waiting around every tree. Damn Ivanova. It was ironic how their positions had been reversed. He had been so intent on getting her to acknowledge her grief at Marcus' death , and now she wanted him to open up to his own pain. He tried to think about something else....Lise. She was so far away that her very presence in his life seemed unreal. Everything did, as if he had been living in a nightmare. Which was exactly how he had existed, for almost a year. He could hardly believe it had been that long. His sleeping mind had had very little concept of time. He could have been gone a few seconds....a hundred years. The whole time screaming, trying to escape from the prison he had found himself in. Sometimes, in his dreams, he found himself still there. Unable to move, to speak, to shout for help. Seeing everything in dim surreal shadow. The pain had been unendurable. Part of him wanted to be hated, needed what Ivanova had given him. The rest of him had to beg her forgiveness. Being trapped here was making things worse. The nightmares were stronger without the comfort of Lise at his side and he had a presentiment that he would never have the chance to prove himself to the one he had hurt the most. His thoughts were resentful as he looked at Ivanova. Where had she been all those terrible months ? Now she was offering comfort. He regretted his earlier words, offering her that tiny piece of himself. Maybe he wasn't being fair to her, she had her own grief to cope with, but when it came down to it, that was the reason he was here. The rain beat a steady drumbeat on the canvas of the shelter. Ivanova dragged her fingers through her hair, attempting to free the knots. She suddenly became aware of Michael's eyes. A hint of forgiveness ? Shouldn't it be the other way round ? The question died on her lips as she noticed that his attention was suddenly diverted. " What ?" she asked in a whisper. " I heard something. Stay put." Susan could hardly do anything else since she was still barely dressed. While Garibaldi left the shelter she rapidly pulled her clothes back on. She crept outside. There was no sign of Michael, but it was difficult to see anything in the blinding downpour. Out of the jungle stepped three figures. Two men and a woman. Dark haired, dark eyed they were dressed in simple trousers and shirts. No sign of any weapons. They returned her curious gaze, making her self-conscious. Was she so different ? Where the hell was Garibaldi ? Pulling herself together Ivanova took the initiative and spoke to them; " My name is Susan Ivanova...," she began. " There is another ?" the woman said in perfect Interlac. At first Ivanova was tempted to lie, but something told her that the truth was the best option. After all, they were relying on these people for help. " My companion, Michael Garibaldi." The woman nodded and looked about herself expectantly. Susan found herself hoping that Garibaldi wasn't going to pull some macho stunt. There was a rustle in the undergrowth and Michael stepped into the clearing. He stood at Ivanova's shoulder. " Come with us," the woman said, and started to move away. " Wait, we need our equipment," Ivanova protested. Their visitors didn't stop, or give any sign that they had noticed. Ivanova and Garibaldi looked at each other. They had no choice but to follow. " Horses ?" Garibaldi questioned, as they came across three of the animals tethered in a clearing. Ivanova just shrugged as they were bidden to mount the animals. She heard Michael continue to mutter to himself. The two men continued on foot while the woman led the way through the trees. The forest soon gave way to a rough track, allowing them to ride two abreast. Susan drew her mount up to the side of the woman, " Can I ask your name ?" The woman seemed surprised but she replied " Maja," " Is that it, no other name ?" " Just Maja." " Its good to meet you. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't showed up. How did you know where to find us ?" " We were told." " Told ? By whom ?" " We were told." ************************************************************************ **** From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 4/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:37:27 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 4 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk " It took us five days to reach the city and it rained the whole damn time. By the end of it Michael had just about learned to ride a horse." Susan was smiling at the memory. " Michael Garibaldi......wasn't he the man that....?" " Betrayed your father ? Yes he did, but that was a long time ago, David, and he wasn't acting under his own volition." The man looked confused; it was as if his established ideas were being turned on their head. " Is that how Michael has been remembered ?" Susan asked. David did replied carefully, " My father never fully recovered from his incarceration. It shortened the lifespan he had been given from twenty years to five. I have very few memories of him." One memory to be accurate. Sitting in bed, his mother seated beside him, reading from a story book. Her low melodious voice reaching every corner of the room. John Sheridan stood in the doorway, smiling. His old eyes looking with love and a vague sadness. The end was very near for him then. David remembered his parents speaking in low voices when they thought he was asleep. They had been talking about what would happen when John was no longer there. It was years before David had found out the reasons why his father had died and couldn't be there to see his son grow up. Sheridan's face clearly showed the bitterness with which he regarded the man who, in his mind, had killed his father. If everyone thought like David did......That no one knew of Michael's kindness, loyalty, humour. " I am tired," Susan said suddenly." We'll speak again tomorrow." She left the room rapidly, not wanting David to see the tears which burnt in her eyes. She made her way out of the building, taking a path that led beyond the city boundaries, away from the unwanted memories. Knowing that John's short time had been curtailed by Michael's betrayal brought back all the old feelings of resentment. She had been so certain that she had forgotten how to hate him. Her pace slowed and she followed the trail as it wound upwards. Not for the first time she felt her age in the ache of bones and muscles as she climbed the hill. The day she couldn't make it up here was the day she gave up living. She paused to catch her breath, looking back at the city nestling in the cup of the hills. The city was a tapestry of rainbow colours, set in green, veined by streams. In the distance she could see the bright blue of a body of water almost large enough to be an inland sea . If she narrowed her eyes, she could see the people, her people, going about their daily business. It all seemed so peaceful, no sign of the turmoil of her own thoughts. The tears started to flow as she turned to climb the last steep incline. The top of the hill was cleared of vegetation. Just a few flowers and a stone, set upright in the earth. She knelt by the stone, running her fingers over the intricate carving. Susan knew that she couldn't stay here forever, that she would have to face David again....complete the story. John's son, so much like his father, all fire and passion. " Mother......," the hesitant voice caused Susan to straighten, she turned to face her daughter. Sometimes Susan could see so much of herself in Ria, in her long dark hair, clear blue eyes, upright figure. Today, however she was her father's child. " Maja said I could find you here," Ria continued. " Are you all right ?" So much like her father. " Where's Mickey ?" Susan asked after her second child. " With the stranger." " His name is David. I knew his father a long time ago." Ria took her mother's hand, fear starting in her eyes. She had never seen her mother so pale.....so old. It was as if her years were suddenly a weight. " I don't think it's a good idea for you to see him again." Ria said, truly worried about her mother's health. " Is that the doctor I hear speaking ?" Susan teased. " Mother, I may be a healer, but I am also very concerned. " " I have to. There are things he has to know, Ria. The record has to be set straight." She spoke with all of her old determination and power. For a moment, no longer an elderly woman. Ria did not dare to assist her mother as they walked back down the hill. ************************************************************************ ****** " My god," Michael breathed, as the reached the top of the hill. The city was spread below them. A multicoloured vista of buildings, gardens, rivers, covering at least a square mile. It seemed to have grown out of the forest, the trees were as much part of the city as they were of each other. Their companions seemed to relax as they started down the incline. Talking excitedly, breaking the almost unnatural silence that had accompanied the journey. The language they were speaking was not Interlac, but Garibaldi felt that it was something he almost knew. If they would just slow down a little he might be able to pick up a few words. " We will take you to a place of rest," Maja spoke, breaking Garibaldi's concentration. " You are most welcome here." " Thankyou," Susan replied. They found themselves riding through fields, neatly cultivated, which soon gave way to buildings. The true scale of some of the structures became apparent as they started to move amongst them. Hundreds of feet tall they seemed. " I wonder who built this ?" Michael wondered. " Maybe they did," Susan replied. She gestured towards the people who thronged through the streets. Michael shook his head. The signs were of a pre-industrial civilisation, if their mode of transport was anything to go by. Asking questions of their guides had already proved to be a futile manoeuvre. The only response was a smile and a refusal to explain anything. Maja was the most talkative, but her conversation was limited to enquiries after their health, entreaties for them to eat and rest. They halted eventually outside a single story building. " You will rest here." Maja informed them, gesturing inside. " I believe you will find all you need. Rest and tomorrow we will answer as many of your questions as we can." She did not follow them inside. The cool stone walls were a relief after the oppressive heat of the midday sun. The two officers wandered through the rooms that had been placed at their disposal. " A bath !" Susan exclaimed. " I think we could both do with one," Michael shouted from the other room. " If you're longer than fifteen minutes I'm comin' in too." Susan looked at the deep depression in the floor that was filled with water. It had to be easily three metres across. The bottom seemed to slope slightly, deep enough for her to stand at one end. Stripping off her clothes she lowered herself into the warm water. 'All the comforts of home,' she sighed to herself as she reached for what appeared to be soap. For a few moments she just let herself soak, loosening ten days of dirt and sweat, reflecting on events. With a guilty start she realised that it had been a couple of days since she had even thought about Marcus. The explorer within her was fascinated by this place, these people. She even found herself wanting to discuss matters with Garibaldi, but she didn't want to do it in the bath. His time limit was almost up, and with a frown, she hauled herself out of the water. She found a length of absorbent material to wrap about herself and another around her hair. " Michael, I've been thinking about....," the words died on her lips as she walked into the adjoining room. Michael was asleep, sprawled on the bed. For once he seemed to be resting peacefully. Susan was content to leave him there while she investigated the rest of the apartment. Food and clothes were her next target. The first she found in the bedroom. She pulled on a simple shift dress, in pale blue. The fabric whispered about her ankles as she moved back into the main room. A meal was laid out on a low table. Ivanova chewed on a piece of fruit, looking about the room. The furniture was simple, a table, couch, two chairs; carved from wood and decorated with cushions. Sunlight streamed in through two windows, although Ivanova noticed that there was a surprisingly sophisticated environmental control system: heat, light, air conditioning. The final room contained kitchen facilities. 'That should please Garibaldi,' Susan found herself thinking. She helped herself to more food: bread and a substance that tasted like cheese. A moan from the adjoining room sent Ivanova rushing to Michael's side. She placed her hand on his shoulder but he fought violently, sending her sprawling across the room. Slowly she climbed to her feet. He was awake now, His face resting in his hands. " I'm sorry...." he whispered. He looked at her, his eyes wanting something that she still felt she could not give. " I'd better go and clean up," he said eventually, moving towards the bathroom. " Michael...." Susan called after him, " What did they do to you ?" " You don't want to know." Ivanova sat on the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest. Rest, Maja had said. How the hell was she supposed to do that ? She knew that there was one thing she had to do before working on the problem of where they were and how they were going to get home. She stood, knocking gently on the bathroom door. There was no reply, so she walked slowly in. Michael was sitting against the wall, his expression blank. Carefully, Susan sat before him, taking one of his hands. She felt him flinch at the unfamiliar contact. " He's gone Michael, Lyta couldn't find...," she said sympathetically. " To hell with that. I know he's still there." " Even if he is, what can he do to you out here ?" Ivanova demanded angrily. " But I don't want to be here dammit, I want to be home. I want to be with Lise. " " And you reckon she's just going to be there waiting for you ? Michael, we've been missing ten days." " And what's that supposed to mean ?" " Your perfect woman will find someone else, just like she always does. Think about it. You leave her on Mars and what does she do ? Marry the next available guy. He divorces her and the next one moves in. He dies, but that's OK because good ol' Michael's back in her life." Vaguely, through his anger, Garibaldi realised that Ivanova was still holding his hand. The gentle pressure was more reassuring than he wanted it to be. He sprang to his feet, ripping himself away from her. For a moment she thought he was going to hit her. She looked at him steadily, no sorrow, no regret at her words. Her eyes didn't leave his face. They weren't getting through to each other. The past seemed too much of a barrier. Michael calmed himself with effort, " If you don't mind, I need a wash, I need to shave, then I need to sleep," he said in what passed for a normal tone of voice. " Yes, I do mind. For God's sake I got us into this mess...." " Did Marcus really mean that much to you that you'd throw your life.....Our lives away." How had she felt about Marcus ? It was a question she had been asking herself ever since he died. " He didn't tell me," she whispered. " If he had just let me known how he felt..." " Ivanova, he put you on a pedestal so high that he couldn't hope to reach you." " I didn't ask him to !" " Of course not. You just led the poor guy on for two years." When did the conversation turn to her and Marcus ? It was Michael's way of deflecting the pressure. Ivanova was annoyed at herself for letting him do that to her. They stood there, staring at each other, so much pain. Minutes went by before Ivanova got to her feet, leaving Michael to himself. Automatically he went through the process of washing himself, shaving. He didn't want to face Ivanova again but there was no way to avoid her. They sat together in the main room, until the sun set. Ivanova then took the bed, Garibaldi the couch. If he screamed in the night she pretended not to hear him. From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 5/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:38:07 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 5 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk A knock on the door roused Garibaldi from a very deep sleep. He rolled off the couch, landing on the floor on his hands and knees. The insistent sound didn't stop. " Okay, Okay I'm comin'," he shouted, pulling a pair of trousers and a shirt on. He opened the door to find Maja, their guide, standing outside. He stood back, allowing her inside. She seemed to hesitate slightly before crossing the threshold. Seeing the room was empty, she turned to Garibaldi with a broad smile. Michael couldn't recall having seen her smile before, and was pleasantly surprised at the improvement to her features. All of a sudden she seemed less aloof. Michael couldn't stop himself smiling back. She was dressed in a similar style to the garment Ivanova had worn the previous evening. The dress was a deep brown, matching the woman's eyes and the tones of her skin. " You have slept well ?" she asked. " Not bad, considering. Can I get you something ?" " No....thankyou. I'm here to take you to the high citadel." " Ahhh, taking us to your leaders. " " What ?" " Never mind." " Where is Susan Ivanova ?" " Still in bed probably. She's not very good at waking up in the morning. I'll go get her." Garibaldi took the precaution of knocking before going into the adjoining room. As expected Ivanova was asleep. " Rise and shine," he told her, pulling the pillow from under her head. She swore at him, the actual words muffled by the fact that the sheet was over her head. Eventually, sensing that he wasn't going to go away she emerged and glared at him. " We have a visitor," he told her. " Maja's going to take us to meet the rulers of the city." " Give me ten minutes," she replied wearily. She waited until he had left before climbing out of bed. The sun was shining, but it didn't make her feel any better about the prospect of facing the morning. Susan automatically went through the process of washing and dressing, feeling somehow distant. She looked at herself in the mirror, there she was, Susan Ivanova, soldier. Dressed now in plain trousers and a shirt, her hair scraped back from her face. Could she ever get away from that, even here, light years from any command structure ? Was this the woman that Marcus had loved so desperately ? Right now she couldn't understand the reasons why. Maybe he had seen something else, something beyond her command image. Maja lost her smile when Susan entered the room. She stood up quickly and moved towards the door. Michael wondered about this sudden change of attitude, but then again Ivanova could be pretty intimidating. " If you would follow me," The woman said. She led them out into the city once more, travelling in the opposite direction from the one they had taken on the previous day, towards what appeared to be the centre of the city. The sun was already shining strongly, Ivanova could feel the warmth on her back, and pinpricks of sweat starting to form. The people of the city appeared to be going about their normal business, although understandably curious about the strangers in their midst. They weren't actually staring, but heads were turning. Ivanova and Garibaldi looked at each other self-consciously. Their fair skin and blue eyes were distinctive and they both stood taller than anyone else they saw. They walked for about half a mile, towards what appeared to be temple of some kind. A pyramidal structure over a hundred feet tall. There was some kind of building at the top, windowless, a darkened doorway was the only access to the outside world. It was obviously their destination. " So who lives here ?" Garibaldi asked. Maja hesitated before answering, casting a nervous glance at Ivanova. " The Chosen Ones," she replied. " We must hurry, they are waiting." She started up the long flight of stairs which linked the earth with the summit of the pyramid. Ivanova placed a hand on Garibaldi's arm, preventing him following. " Is it my imagination, or do I make her nervous ?" she asked in a low voice. " Hell, Ivanova, sometimes you make everyone nervous." Garibaldi replied lightly. " I'm serious," " You're overreacting. Come on." He started up the steps. Ivanova followed more reluctantly. It wasn't a pleasant climb, hard enough even without the sun beating down on their backs. The steps were narrow and looking up only spun the world into a dizzying new perspective. Maja ascended easily enough but the two officers found it hard going and were soon sweating and out of breath. " I thought I was in good shape," Ivanova panted as they reached the summit. " Compared to me..." Garibaldi didn't complete the sentence. He sat on the top step to get his breath back. At least Ivanova was still standing. She raised an eyebrow, " Getting old, Garibaldi ?" " Please hurry," Maja pleaded. Garibaldi reached out his hand and let Ivanova haul him to his feet. The entrance was the only part of the building which was kept in darkness. A door slid open to reveal a brightly lit hallway. A woman was waiting for them. She was tall, almost Garibaldi's height. Clothed in black, long dark hair fell in a cape down her back, but this was her only beauty. Her face was hard, scarred, her eyes a pale amber. With a hand signal she dismissed Maja, who fled gladly. She then approached Ivanova and Garibaldi. " I am Rowena," she said, her voice was deep and unexpectedly melodious," Leader of the Chosen Ones." " Susan Ivanova and Michael Garibaldi....of Earth." Susan replied formally. Rowena did not reply. She came closer, staring first at Michael, then Susan. Garibaldi sensed Ivanova tense when Rowena looked at her. Her fingers clenched at her sides as if she was stopping herself from striking the other woman. He glanced at Ivanova. His eyes clearly wanted to know what was wrong. Susan shook her head. " You may leave us," Rowena ordered, looking directly at Garibaldi. " Now wait a minute...." Michael began. He took a threatening step forward, but Ivanova stopped him, placing a hand on his chest. " It's all right Michael, " she reassured him. " That woman looks like a psycho," he hissed back. " I'll see you outside." Reluctantly, Garibaldi departed. " He is very protective. Is that why you travel with him ?" Rowena asked. " I just want to know one thing....Why the hell did you scan us ?" Ivanova rounded on the other woman angrily. She had felt the touch of the other mind. It had been a subtle contact, like the brush of fingertips against her cheek. Michael wouldn't have felt it, and she didn't want to tell him. His general feeling towards telepaths was even more antagonistic than her own....If that was possible. " I needed to see if you belonged to us . The man is clearly subservient to you so we naturally assumed you were one of the Chosen. I had to have confirmation. " " You are all telepaths ?" " Yes." Ivanova felt a thrill of terror pass through her heart. It was illogical, here, so far from Psicorps. Just because they were telepaths, it didn't mean that they were automatically untrustworthy. She was going to have to tell Garibaldi and she feared what his response would be. " You have many questions. Come, let us take some refreshment and I will try to answer them for you," the other woman interrupted Ivanova's thoughts. Unwillingly, Susan allowed herself to be led away. *********** " How long do you think she's goin' to be in there ?" Garibaldi asked as he prowled around the building. " That is up to the Chosen Ones, but do not worry, there is nothing to fear." Maja was seated on the top step, enjoying the sun. Michael came and sat beside her. He looked out over the city, marvelling once more at its beauty. He wished Lise was here to share the view. Although he was unsure as to whether she would have shared his awe. Born and bred in the Domes of Mars, she tended not to like open spaces. He recalled taking her to the Great Lakes on Earth and she had hated every moment of their trip. Well not every moment....he found himself smiling at the memory. He wanted her here, not caring where they were, as long as they were together. Needing something to take his mind off Lise, he turned back to speak to Maja, " So what does that writing mean ?" he pointed to some of the intricate carving which ran around the facade of the building. " I don't know," Maja shrugged. " Is it a different language ?" " No, it is our speech." " You can't read it ?" She laughed at him, " Of course I can't. I'm not one of the Chosen." " Why not ? " " Only the Chosen Ones have that knowledge." " How about your homes ? Do you know where the light and heat comes from ?" Maja shook her head. " That's nuts," Michael said." What's so special about these Chosen Ones ?" " I don't know," she admitted. " I should....but I don't. I have never thought about it before. Can you read ?" " Yes." " Could you teach me ?" " It's not something I have ever done before, but I guess I could. I want you to do something in return." " Yes ?" " Teach me your language." Maja nodded enthusiastically. She looked at him expectantly as if she wanted him to start now. He found her excitement infectious. When they had originally met he had place her age somewhere in her mid-twenties, but now she reminded him of an excited child. " Will I be able to read books ?" she asked. " Sure....If you have some that will speed up the process. I'll also need something to write with." " I can get you suitable items," hesitation crossed her features. " Is something wrong ?" " The Chosen Ones have told us this knowledge is forbidden." " What they don't know won't hurt them. If it makes things easier we can start with your language." They spent the next hour seated in the shade of the building, Maja pointing out items to him, while Michael repeated the words parrot fashion. There were many questions he wanted to ask, but he hoped Ivanova was doing that for him. For now he was content to learn more about these people, build a relationship with them, and there was no better way to do that than through use of their own language. The lesson came to an abrupt halt when Ivanova returned. She looked drained, both emotionally and physically. She silenced Garibaldi's questions with a wave of her hand. Without being asked, Maja started to lead them back down the steps and towards their dwelling. Once she had escorted them inside she left them alone. Ivanova dropped onto the couch, closing her eyes. She didn't want to look at Garibaldi, she had seen the hope in his face. He wasn't to be deflected, however. " Well ?" he demanded. " They don't have space flight," she replied. " What technology they do have is more or less unknown to them. " " You mean they can use it but they don't know how it works ?" " That about sums it up." " How about communications equipment ?" " Nothing I could see. Rowena was most evasive when I asked. To be honest they were more interested in my genetic makeup than helping us." " Why ?" " As near as I can figure there are two classes. The worker class, who live on the surface and the ruling class who live beneath it. " " And the difference is ?" " The ruling class are telepaths. " " Telepaths ?" Susan nodded. Michael's eyes closed for a brief second as he fought with his fear. When he finally spoke his voice was tight with anger. " Even here we can't get away from them an' they still have the same damn superiority complex. Thinking they're better than everyone else. You know they don't let people like Maja read and write ?" He looked at her sharply. " Why were they so interested in you ? Because of your mother ?" " I don't know why," Ivanova heard herself lie. She couldn't tell him. Michael must have realised that she wasn't speaking the truth, but he didn't press her. " You must be tired," he announced, " I'll fix us something to eat." " Thanks. I'm going back there tomorrow. The distress call we received must have come from here. If they have the power to signal Babylon 5 then we'll find it somewhere." ************************************************************************ *********** For the next week, Ivanova spent most of her time with the Chosen Ones. Garibaldi wasn't sure how much she was actually achieving. Every day she returned late in the evening looking progressively worse. He wondered what exactly she was giving these people in return for information. He didn't trust the fact that they were telepaths. They had to be screwing someone up and he hoped it wasn't Ivanova. As for himself, he spent the time teaching. First it had just been Maja, but within a couple of days the group had expanded to twenty people. It was a strange career move but for some reason he enjoyed it. His own studies were progressing well. Perhaps because he was used to thinking in more than one language that he found it relatively easy to pick up another one. The people on this world were friendly, readily accepting him into their society, although they were still very reserved when Ivanova was present. They classified her as one of the ruling class and hence seemed to hold her apart from themselves. Ivanova pretended she did not care but Garibaldi could see through the feigned indifference. Some of their old camaraderie had returned but it was marred by the knowledge that they could hurt each other......hurt each other very badly. " Where are we going ?" Michael inquired of his two companions as they walked along one of the lesser used roads that criss-crossed the city. It was raining again and he would have much rather have been indoors. Maja and her brother Natan were impervious to the downpour. They did not seem to mind being soaked to the skin. Michael repeated his question. " Wait and see," Natan replied with a grin. " I love a mystery , but not when its raining," Michael grumbled to himself. They were moving out of the populated area of the city, towards the all- encompassing jungle. There was no sign of the cultivated fields which surrounded most of the habitation. In fact it looked as if no one had travelled this way in a very long time. Soon they were pushing their way through trees, following a path that was fading to non-existence. " Here," Maja said, indicating a green mound. " What ?" Michael demanded. " The city boundaries have not stayed constant. What you see here used to be part of it," Natan explained. " So what was here ?" " Come and see." Maja led the way around the small hill, until they reached a point where the earth had been moved away revealing a low doorway. The three of them crawled inside. It took a few moments for the sensors to recognise their presence and turn the lights on. Illumination revealed a large chamber, but it was the contents which took Michael's breath away. Books, shelf upon shelf of leather bound volumes. " We found this when we were children," Maja whispered. " Some of them have pictures we could look at. " Michael moved further into the room, picking up one of the books. " It's in English," he exclaimed. " You'll help us read them ?" " Shakespeare, Tennyson, Dickens.....Earth writers. How did this get here ?" " We don't know," Natan admitted. " What's the history of this city ? You must have legends." Both Maja and Natan looked uncomfortable. " The Chosen Ones...," Natan began. " I want you to tell me." " We have been here from the beginning of time, that is all there is to tell." " There has to be more than that." " There is a story," Maja began, " that tells of another place. A place our ancestors were taken from." " By whom ?" " The First Ones." " I've heard that name before," Garibaldi admitted wryly. " They say we have been here for fifty cycles." " What is that ? Years ?" " I'm sorry, I can't tell you anymore." Michael looked about him once more. He had never been one for literature, despite Sinclair's best efforts, but finding all this here.... He was going to have to take some books back to show Ivanova. " We must hurry back," Natan implored. " We have duties." " They will miss us if we stay much longer," Maja added. At random, Garibaldi pulled half a dozen books off one of the shelves. " Come on then," Michael grinned, wrapping his prize in his jacket. The rain was still falling when they emerged, but Garibaldi hardly felt it. He was full of enthusiasm for his discovery. Finally the mysteries of this place were starting to unravel. These people had come from Earth. Their appearance and language had hinted at the fact, but now he had concrete proof. Of course there was still the question of what the hell they were doing here ? The Vorlons had obviously brought them here for a reason. Whatever it was, he was looking forward to finding out. Ivanova was in the house when Michael returned. She was sitting in the dim twilight, staring into space. " You know what would be good in here ?" she said as he walked through the door. " What ?" he asked. " A real fire." He sat beside her on the couch, and handed her the books, " Look what I found," he grinned. She barely glanced at them. Her features were more drawn than usual. " You want something to eat ?" he asked. " No." " Is something wrong ?" " I'm just tired." " I'll get us some supper." Susan smiled to herself, listening to him puttering around in the kitchen. She seemed to have spent the last week answering questions rather than asking any of her own. Stupid tests, she had submitted to them in the hope that she might learn a little about these people, and the technology they still controlled. All they seemed interested in was the extent of her telepathic powers.....or the lack of them. That and the fact that they thought they could use her as some kind of breeding machine. Light years away and the equivalent of the Psicorps was still alive and well. " Here you go," Michael handed her a steaming bowl; a thick vegetable stew, no doubt made to one of his famous recipes. That was about the only advantage of being here, she had Michael's cooking to herself, but despite herself she couldn't manage more than a few mouthfuls. Garibaldi looked at her with more than a little concern. " I think you should rest tomorrow," he suggested. " They want me back, I might...," she protested. " Why ? I think you had better tell me." Maybe she could do it. If she pretended that it was John she was talking to....or....she didn't want to think about the only other person she would have been able to tell. " I'm a latent telepath," she said slowly. There was no response. Unbidden tears sprang to her eyes. She didn't want to look at Michael, so she continued speaking in what she hoped was a normal tone of voice. " I can sense emotions, block a scan, but there is no need to worry. I can't go inside your mind. " " Good," he modified his harsh words with a watery smile. " Psicorps breed telepaths, and that is what they are trying to do here. The gene isn't dominant though.....they're dying out. I think they see me as new blood. " " That's disgusting. " " I know, but if we want to get home I don't think I have much choice." There was something very fragile about her voice, as if she was pleading with him. He didn't say anything, but she sensed a relaxation in the hostility between them. Maybe they were starting to understand each other ? It could have been because she was the only familiar thing in this place. It wasn't worth trying to rationalise it. Ivanova realised that she was shaking, but she thought it was an emotional reaction. Michael placed a cool hand on her forehead. For the first time that evening he looked at her closely. His expression changed to one of concern. Michael cursed to himself. Her state of health must have been deteriorating for days. She should have said something. Nuts to that, he should have noticed. " You're burning up," he told her. He then helped her to her feet. " Where are you taking me ?" she protested. " To bed. Then I'm going to see if there's a doctor in this place." Ivanva made a few feeble protests, but Garibaldi was unmoved. In truth, it was a relief to slip between the clean sheets. Michael made sure she was comfortable before he went back out into the rain. He hurried through empty streets, it was getting late and he was obviously the only one mad enough to be out in this foul weather. He was really worried about Ivanova now. Who knew what she might have picked up on an unknown planet. Something her body did not have the defences to fight. He couldn't forget that he would also be prone to whatever was affecting her. He was more than a little breathless when he arrived at the house where Maja lived. The sound of his frantic knocking could hardly be heard over the noise of the storm. Just as he was about to turn away Maja opened the door. " Michael, what is it ?" she asked. " It's Susan," he replied. " She's sick, she needs a doctor." " But the Chosen Ones have healers..." " I wouldn't send my dog to them." " What ?" " Never mind. Look Maja, I trust you, I don't trust them. You have to help me." She nodded and, flinging a scarf over her head, accompanied him. ********* " Get some fluid into her," Mardra, the healer ordered. She was a large, capable woman, somewhere in her late sixties. For some reason she reminded Garibaldi of one of his aunts. He obeyed swiftly, bringing a jug of water and a glass from the kitchen. Mardra nodded in acknowledgement. " We have to bring this fever down." " Have you seen anything like this before ? " Garibaldi demanded. " No, not in this form." " She is going to be okay ? Isn't she ?" She looked him in the eye, " I don't know, Michael." In the short time he had been away, Ivanova's condition seemed to have deteriorated. " You must be able to do something !" Michael protested. Mardra turned to Maja, " Get him out of my way," she snapped. Maja took Michael's arm and practically dragged him out of the room. He protested loudly, but Mardra wasn't paying attention. Susan was vaguely aware of someone standing over her, forcing water down her throat. She thought that it should be Stephen, but it wasn't.....Why not ? Her fever ridden mind was confused. She remembered sometime before, what had happened ? Who had saved her ? Sleep seemed to beckon. " Susan....Susan," the woman's voice was calling. Ivanova had just enough strength to mumble a reply, " Good girl," the woman continued. " Now drink this." This time the liquid was bitter, she almost spat it out but firm hands made her swallow the last of it. Susan fell back against the pillow, exhausted. " Look at me Susan." That voice again, but Susan had to obey. " We have a long fight ahead of us. I need all your strength. Will you help me ?" " Need to rest. I'll be fine." " Help me Susan." " Where's Michael ?" " I'll fetch him in a moment, but I want your promise first." Susan nodded. She was rewarded a few moments later by the sight of Michael's concerned face. He looked at Mardra, wanting some sign of hope. " We have to give her all our energy, all our support," she told him. " Whatever it takes....I can't afford to lose her." Mardra placed a motherly arm about him, " Just be here, Michael," He sat on the edge of the bed, taking one of Susan's hot hands in his own. Mardra seemed to be making herself busy, by pulling several items out of the bag she carried; a pestle and mortar, various herbs. Michael felt a twinge of concern which he valiantly fought down. He had to trust this woman and the knowledge she held. " Her life force is still strong," Mardra smiled at him. She then placed one hand on Susan's pulse and another on her temple. The healers lips moved silently as she mumbled words that seemed to take her into a trance. " What is she doing ? " Michael hissed to Maja, who had crept back into the room. " Giving her energy, keeping her alive." Maja replied. Michael could feel it, or maybe that was wishful thinking. It was almost as if energy was pulsing into Susan's body. " Talk to her, keep her conscious," Mardra urged. " What do I say ?" Michael asked. " Use your imagination, man." " Susan," he gripped her hand tightly, it must have been painful for her, but she gave no sign that she even heard. He cast a worried glance towards Mardra. " Susan, what you told me.........I think I guessed. " " Sorry I abandoned us here," Susan replied faintly. Michael couldn't reply for a moment. He wanted so much to tell her that it didn't matter. " I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me," he managed to say. " You mean that ?" she asked. He planted a brotherly kiss on her forehead, hugging her soundly. There was no response. " Mardra ?" he asked, panic clear in his voice. " She's asleep," Mardra reassured him. " What now ?" " We watch, wait and pray." ************************************************************************ *********** From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 6/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:38:48 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 6 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. " Did you believe what he told you ?" Ria asked her brother. They were standing in the hallway, just outside their mother's room. Mickey shrugged, " I don't want to," he said eventually. " Our history has been so simple. I can hardly imagine mother anywhere but here." " Maybe she didn't tell us the whole story.....I wouldn't blame her. " Ria opened her mouth to argue, but somehow she couldn't find the words. Her mother's story would have been biased, her children would naturally have shared that view. Their opinions clouded by love. Ria thought of her own husband , her three children......and wished heartily that the Earth ship had never found them. Why couldn't they have stayed lost ? Allowed to live out their lives peacefully. There was a certain attraction to ignorance. " Will you wait for mother ?" Mickey asked suddenly. " Of course," Ria agreed, " You know she'll complain ?" " I know, but I'd rather be safe. These sessions have been very difficult for her." " Yes, she seems a little older every time she comes out of that room." Ria picked up her book and started to read, but another voice spoke the words in her mind. The voice of someone who had read to her as a child, played with her, taught her to climb trees, cook......the voice of a man who had betrayed his friends and everything he had believed in. Ria entered the room quietly, just in case her mother was sleeping. Susan stood by the window, braiding her long hair. The moonlight reflected off every strand, turning it to silver. " Do you remember, Michael used to do this for me ?" Susan breathed into the night. " I remember," Ria replied, " I never quite understood why." " It got to be a habit." " You're thinking about him again, aren't you ?" Susan smiled to herself, lost in the past. She had been sick for so long, and Michael had hardly left her side. The Chosen Ones had tried to take her to their part of the city but Michael hadn't let them. According to Mardra he had been quite....forceful. She recalled awakening on the first day after the fever had broken, to find Michael's head resting close to hers, pillowed on his folded arms. Her fingers reached down, touching his close-cropped hair. It was softer than she expected. A little like touching velvet. The next moment Mardra had bustled in, tutting in annoyance when she saw where Michael had fallen asleep. She had then shaken Michael awake and told him to go and find something to eat. Mardra had been a combination of mother, aunt and best friend. She was gone now, like so many others. Gone to the place where no Shadows dwell. 'I'll be there soon,' Susan thought, but she did not express those words. For some years now she had been more afraid of living than of dying. There was an ache within her soul, a dull pain that talking with John's son was easing.....just a little. It was almost as if she was being given a chance to say goodbye to all those people who were no longer with her. " I think when David leaves, Michael may go with him," Ria said suddenly. " And you ? " Susan asked. " No....Maybe later, I would like to see the places you've told us about." " Many of them are probably gone by now. David said that Babylon 5 no longer exists. It's funny, I cried when he told me." " You won't stop Michael leaving ?" " No. He must go. In the same way the others left to explore the far continent. It's part of being human." " Don't you want to go back ?" " Too much of me is here." Ria nodded, thinking about the monument on the hill. A large part of her mother was buried under that stone. " Tell me about him," Ria said suddenly. " What else is there ?" Susan asked, surprised. "I want to know about the man you loved." " He...... " Her voice faded away. When had it started ? When had she allowed herself to realise ? She smiled to herself, the first time he had touched her hair. She had been as weak as a new born after her illness, unable to do anything but lie in bed. Michael had continued teaching during her convalescence. She vividly recalled lying in bed, hearing his voice, quoting poetry, reading Shakespeare. There was one occasion when he had reduced her to tears. He had come into the bedroom, after the lesson was over, to find her crying softly to herself..... *********************************** " What's wrong ?" Michael asked, seating himself on the edge of the bed. " I remember Marcus quoting from that play," she told him with a watery smile. " I'm sorry. I'm sure he read it better than I did." " Just differently. You have more passion in your voice. Marcus had that within him, but he couldn't express it. Just like he couldn't tell me....." " That he loved you ?" Susan looked at Michael in surprise. Had everyone known ? She supposed Marcus had made it pretty obvious to everyone...everyone apart from the woman he professed to love. " He said that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met....but he could only say the words in Minbari. " Her voice was calm, and all the more heartbreaking. She smiled to herself. Marcus had almost seemed more comfortable with Minbari ways. " He was right about one thing," Michael smiled. " And what was that ?" " You are beautiful." She saw it for a few moments. A raw need, but she couldn't tell if it was for herself or for Lise. " He loved without reservation. I knew that whatever happened, wherever I had to go, Marcus would be at my side. " "You didn't feel the same way about him, did you ?" " No." Susan made the admission with difficulty, " and I can't stop myself feeling guilty for not loving him the way he wanted. " Susan ran a hand through her hair, disgusted at the feeling of the lank, tangled mass. " Michael, could you find me some scissors, or a knife, " she asked abruptly. " What the hell do you want those for ? " Michael demanded, confused by the sudden change in subject. " My hair. I'm going to cut it off. I should have done it ages ago." " Don't do that," he protested. " I can't stand it like this any longer, and I don't have the energy to wrestle with it." " Why didn't you say so ?" Michael grinned, helping her out of bed and through to the bathroom. Gingerly she leant over the wash basin. He carefully poured water over her hair. She gasped at the sensation. " You can't imagine how good that feels," she sighed. " No, I can't," he replied, a touch wistfully. The effort had almost been to much for her. She felt very dizzy as she stood straight, her damp hair wrapped in a towel. Michael's supporting arm was strong as he took her back to the bed. As gently as possible, he combed the tangles out before dividing the thick rope into three and braiding it. " Better ?" he asked finally. " Thankyou." He reached out, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. The expression in his eyes was so gentle. Her stomach turned to water as his hand brushed, inadvertedly, against her face. Slowly, she leaned forward and kissed him. As she felt the welcome response, the kiss deepened. 'It shouldn't feel like this,' Susan told herself. This was Garibaldi. No it wasn't, it was man showing how much he cared about her. Why couldn't Marcus.....? Something seemed to jerk him back to reality as he remembered who she was and what they were doing. He pulled away sharply, painful surprise in his features. " You should sleep," he told her abruptly. Susan nodded. Bitterly disappointed she lay down, her face away from him. Even with her eyes shut she knew that he was still in the room. As she drifted off to sleep, she thought she felt his hand briefly caress the side of her face. She opened her eyes slightly, the look on his face was one of pure betrayal. What the hell had he been thinking of ? Michael couldn't believe what he had been about to do. All those years he had remained faithful to Lise, even when they were apart, why did he want to be with another woman after only a few short weeks of separation ? 'Because real life didn't live up to your fantasies, Michael.' He told himself. It was a fact he didn't want to admit to. He still loved her, but it was the Lise of his memory, not the woman who had married William Edgars. Lise had said it herself, they were different people now. But the memory was the one thing he found it difficult to betray.....had always found it impossible to betray. If they were rescued tomorrow he knew that he would go back to her. Part of him was attracted to Susan, had always been. If they were stuck here, wasn't it better for both of them ? John would have declared them dead by now. Lise would have mourned for him, tried to rebuild her life....found someone else ? He should finish this now, just walk away.....except there was nowhere to go. ****** " Michael, I'm really not sure about this," Susan protested as they approached the circle of firelight. He squeezed her hand, " It'll be okay," he grinned. Susan wasn't so certain. It was a day of celebration. The inhabitants of the city were gathering in the square for food, music, dancing. Michael had been invited to attend and he had persuaded Ivanova to accompany him. She still wasn't very comfortable with these people. They continued to regard her as something different from themselves. Conversations were likely to stop when she walked into a room. Even Garibaldi had stopped telling her that she was imagining things. It was the first time she had ventured outside since recovering from her illness. Under any other circumstances she would have enjoyed a walk in the still evening air. The stars were very beautiful.....Was it so long ago that she had hated the sight of them ? " You look great," Michael whispered to her. Susan gave him a glare, as if that was supposed to make her feel better. He chuckled to himself, taking a long sideways glance at her. In the dim twilight, the red dress looked almost black. Her hand clutched his convulsively as they stepped into the square. The happy chattering seemed to fade as people were suddenly aware of her presence. Garibaldi put an arm about her shoulders to stop her turning away and fleeing. He couldn't protect her from the hateful glances as they pushed their way through the crowd. " I said she was allowed out," a familiar voice rang out, " I didn't say you could bring her to a party. " Mardra bustled up and placed a professional hand on Susan's forehead. She made a disparaging sound, then rounded on Garibaldi. " She can stay a couple of hours....no more," she told him. Garibaldi nodded sheepishly. Mardra then grabbed Susan's hand, dragging her towards one of the tables, muttering something about being sure she was eating right. " No one argues with Mardra," Natan said, coming to stand at Michael's shoulder. " She certainly is one scary woman," Michael agreed. " Why did you bring Susan Ivanova here ?" " What kind of question is that ?" " This is supposed to be for us, not them." There was an underlying current of hatred in Natan's voice, something that Michael was determined to stamp out here and now. " It's not a case of 'them and us'," he snapped. " Susan is my friend and I trust her. That should be enough." His anger was partially guilty. After all, he had his own prejudices against telepaths, but there were those he trusted. He was afraid that Natan wasn't convinced, but his attention was fixed on the spot where Mardra was heaping Ivanova's plate with delicacies. " Your word is enough, Michael ." Natan decided. " Michael !" Maja interrupted, flinging her arms about his waist. " Come dance with us." Michael tried to protest but was dragged into the mob of dancers. " He's a good looking man," Mardra observed. Susan felt herself nod in agreement. In fact Michael did look particularly good. He had abandoned the dreary browns that had been his wardrobe of late; a colour that definitely did not suit him. Susan had picked out his shirt, a blue that matched his eyes. Black trousers, fitting well enough to emphasise the fact that he had a great......Susan mentally shook herself. His muscle tone had definitely improved, a result of working in the fields, and he had lost the pallor that was indicative of life away from the sun. " I'm surprised the two of you still manage to sleep apart," Mardra continued, candidly. " Mardra.....!" Susan exclaimed. The older woman gave Susan a hug, " I was just teasing, my dear. Although something about him worries me. He seems to sleep very restlessly. I noticed it when I was tending you." " He....he's had a rough time recently. I guess he still has nightmares." " What happened ?" " I don't exactly know, he won't tell me." Their conversation was brought to a halt when Garibaldi appeared, grinning. " Great party," he told Mardra as he appropriated some of the food from Ivanova's plate. " Not so fast," Mardra scolded, " she's all skin and bones." " No she's not," he replied suggestively. Susan swatted him on the arm. " Go on you two, enjoy yourselves." " Would you care to, Captain Ivanova ?" Michael asked. " Delighted, Mr. Garibaldi," Susan replied, letting him take her by the waist and swing her into the circle of dancers. ******* " Michael, you have two left feet," Susan laughed. It was just after midnight. The noise from the celebration could still be heard as they made their way homewards. " I hope I didn't trample you too badly," Michael replied. Michael smiled at the memory of Susan dancing......her beauty in that moment took his breath away. Her eyes partially closed, she was one with the rhythm of the music. The dance had been a mixture of every style he had ever seen, as wild as the forest that surrounded them. After a while he had been content to sit and watch those who had a great deal more talent than he possessed. It had been one hell of a party. Mardra had taken Susan under her wing and introduced her to everyone who came within shouting distance. Soon the community were viewing her with acceptance. Michael was very grateful. Susan walked beside him, head held high, more alive than he had seen her in a long, long time. There was something almost girlish about her as she moved beside him. He couldn't decide quite what had put that thought into his head. Maybe it was because she had been released of all her command responsibilities. This was a glimpse of the young woman who had been denied existence for so long. Susan Ivanova's life had been dedicated to her career. She was a very good officer, but Michael had often wondered if she was something else besides that. Marcus had thought so, but Michael wondered if the Ranger would have found the true Susan Ivanova. The womn was being slowly revealed in a place light years away from her command responsibilities. It was an enthralling process. " Let's go up there," she said suddenly, pointing to one of the hills that surrounded the city. " Are you sure you're well enough ?" he cautioned, " Mardra's not going to like it." But he knew better than to argue. They climbed slowly, allowing them to arrive at the summit without being seriously out of breath. They walked across the open space until they found a place where they could sit with their back to the city, facing out towards the tangled vegetation. The smell of the night air was glorious. The music from the celebration could still be heard, brought to them on the light wind. A flute, sweet, almost painfully sad. " This place....It is beautiful, isn't it ? Sometimes I really believe that I could stay forever," Susan whispered to him. Michael was silent. Susan reached out, squeezing his hand, " About the other night, I guess I got my signals mixed." " I didn't exactly object. Look, if we start to build a life together here I'm goin' to have to accept the fact that I'm not gonna see Lise again.....an' I don't think I'm ready for that. " " You must miss her." " Yeah." Susan lay on her back, her face upturned towards the stars. " Look at that, shooting stars," she said joyfully. " High meteor activity in this system," was Michael prosaic response. " Michael, can't you just pretend that they were put there for us to wish on." She laughed as she pulled him down to lie beside her, focing him to look at the sky from her perspective. Garibaldi's earlier impression of a young carefree woman was reinforced by the playful tone in her voice. Hours seemed to go by. Several times, Michael thought Susan had fallen asleep, but her eyes never closed. She seemed quite content to lie there, watching the stars, waiting for the sun to come up. The sound of the celebration faded and died. Indeed Michael felt a strange sense of peace within himself. The psicorps, Babylon 5, Lise, were all forgotten. " Michael...." Ivanova hissed. Several hours must have passed because the country was bathed in the grey light of approaching dawn. Ivanova was standing on the edge of the hill, gazing to the east, where the sun was poised to make its appearance. Her eyes were staring into the depths of the forest. " Can you see it ?" He strained his eyes, looking in the direction she pointed. Yes, he could see something. A faint glow, deep within the abundant vegetation. " What do you think ?" she asked. " I'm not sure." " Then let's take a look." " We'd better get some transport." " I'll pick up some food and meet you back here in ten. " Michael snapped off a textbook salute. Something that could have been a growl issued from Ivanova's throat as she gave him a well deserved glare. He was grinning as he made his way back down the hill, hands shoved comfortably into his pockets. ******** They had to be about half a mile from their destination when the horses refused to go any further. Leaving their frightened mounts tethered to a tree Michael and Susan continued on foot. Both of them felt a reluctance to go closer, a tangible dread. They drew closer together, not quite touching, as they walked. Dimly Susan could hear birds singing, their delicate tones ringing through her mind......She put out a hand, halting Michael. Susan placed a finger over her lips, listening. " What ?" " I can hear something." She stood immobile , looking out into the trees. Now her eyes were adjusted she could see something, a blurred shape, glowing gently. Silently she pointed it out to Michael. They approached it slowly, not quite believing what they were seeing. " It is, isn't it ?" Michael whispered. Susan nodded dumbly, now they were close she could hear the song clearly, see the shapes shifting on the glowing skin. " A Vorlon ship, " Michael breathed. " Still alive....." She placed a hesitant hand on the surface of the ship, feeling its pliant warmth as the song surged through her mind. For a moment she was....somewhere else. The very air seemed to be singing to her, her body made of light. She could fly....Dear God, she could soar amongst the clouds. " Susan.....Susan," There was a voice.....there was a voice....It was calling to her. She could feel the energy flowing through her body. The song, she had to follow the song. She turned away from the voice, " Susan !" Michael was dragging her through the jungle, his hand harshly bruising her arm. Susan screamed and cursed at him, but to no avail. His strength was very much greater than hers. She wanted to go back, be part of the ship again. But he wouldn't let go. Not even when she hit him, kicked him, dragged her nails across his skin. By the time they reached their horses she was exhausted. He took her by the shoulders, looking deep into her eyes. " Susan...?" he asked. " I'm....all right," she heard herself reply. " You sure ?" " Not really." She suddenly realised that she was shaking violently. To Michael's surprise she put her arms about him, holding him hard. " What happened ? " he asked quietly.. " I don't know....For a moment.....I think I know what it felt like to be a Vorlon," Susan replied . She shivered again, and his arms automatically tightened about her. He didn't persue the conversation. They did not start back immediately. Michael made sure Susan had something to eat and then rest until she had a little colour back in her cheeks. They sat together, chewing on dried meat and bread. " It's time we started to use our brains here. We know the Vorlons have taken people from Earth's past...," Michael began. " Sebastian..," Susan recalled. " Exactly. " " Are you suggesting that they abducted an entire city of people ? " " Yes. Secondly Vorlons interfered with human genetic structure, creating telepaths. They could have done the same thing here. The only thing I can't work out is why." " Why did they create telepaths in the first place ? To fight the Shadows. If you wanted to protect something from them wouldn't you use telepaths ?" " Makes sense. But what are they protecting ?" " I don't know." " You've been places I haven't....Have you seen anything ?" " No, " " Tomorrow, I think we better both start diggin'." " Agreed," From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 7/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:39:40 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 7 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. " I'm getting too old for this, " Michael complained, as they rode back towards the house. He was talking for the sake of it. Susan's eyes still showed the strain of her experience with the ship. He groaned loudly as he dismounted. " Michael ! Susan !" Mardra's voice made the couple jump. The older woman was running towards them. A sight which would have been comical if her face had shown less concern, " You have to get out of here," she panted. " Why ?" Michael protested. " They came this morning, took all those you have been teaching." " My god.....What for ?" " You were teaching them to read, " Mardra explained. " Something that has always been forbidden." " That's crazy !" Susan exclaimed. This was typical of Michael. He hadn't informed her that what he was doing was illegal. Not that she would have stopped him. She could see why this culture knew so little of the systems which supported them. Without written tradition the knowledge could so easily be lost. No doubt the Vorlon systems (she recognised them now) were fairly self supporting. Even so, repair would have been necessary from time to time. Which was probably the reason that many parts of the city were not inhabited any more. " What do they do to people who break the law ?" Susan asked. Mardra took a deep breath before answering, " Natan was good at repairing things. He had a genius for understanding machines. One day they found out and took him away. When he came back he couldn't do it anymore. Sometimes they aren't returned to us. I don't know what happens to them then. " Susan couldn't help the exclamation of horror. Michael started towards the road but Mardra blocked his path. " You can't help them. You'd never get that deep into the Citadel. The other city dwellers are looking for someone to blame and they're on their way here. You have to go now." Without another word Susan walked into the house. For the first time since they had come to the city she checked the charge on her PPG and tucked it into her pocket. As a precaution she picked up Michael's too. Neither Michael or Susan wanted to leave, but Mardra was insistent. Running away from a fight was alien to both of them and they felt like scum as they rode quickly away. They heard the shouts behind them. By now Michael knew enough of the local language to understand most of the angry words: " She has betrayed our children," they said. " She has taken them to the Chosen Ones." They were blaming Susan for this. Hell, it was his fault, he was the one who had broken whatever dumb law they had in this place. He urged his horse faster, there were people converging in front of them now. These people were angry, far too angry for reasonable discussion. " Don't slow down," he shouted at Susan, but she had already reined in her horse, not wanting to ride over the people who now stood before them. With a chill Michael noticed that they had armed themselves. The spell of this place was broken. He no longer felt at peace with himself. Some part of him realised that he may be forced to hurt these people and he hated himself for that thought. He had really begun to believe that that part of his life was over. It was almost a revelation. He was actually starting to accept that they weren't going to be able to leave this planet, that he wasn't going to see Lise again. Michael glanced at Susan, then at the people who blocked their path. For a moment both parties stared at each other. " She must go," the leader said in his own language. " Then I go too," Michael replied in kind. " Let us pass and we won't trouble you again." He could see Susan's hand holding onto something within her pocket. He prayed that she wouldn't have to use the PPG. Very slowly, Michael forced his horse forward. The crowd parted before him. Susan brought her animal close behind. Even if she hadn't understood the words, she understood the hostility behind them.. They were within the crowd, then past them. Michael made Susan ride in front, scared that someone would take a shot at her, but nothing happened. They were allowed to pass from the city boundaries, out into the jungle. At first they discussed going back to the coast. Their initial days there had been comfortable enough, but both felt a reluctance to be so far from the civilisation they were now part of. Michael led the way to the deserted areas of the city and they found shelter in the building Maja and Natan had first taken him to. Susan was as amazed at the sight of the books as he had been. They now had a suspicion of how they had got there, which led to the question of when the inhabitants of the City had been abducted from Earth. And why they had been allowed to bring these examples of their culture. The age of the books was no clue but enough time had passed for a great deal to have been lost and this new culture to have arisen. Telepathic development on Earth had only been occurring over the last century, perhaps this place had provided the blueprint. " How do you think this got here ?" Susan wondered. " Maybe the Vorlons brought them," Garibaldi replied absently. " Why ?" " I'll ask them, next time I pay a visit beyond the rim." " Michael....." He ignored her, moving further into the room. Susan followed him, not sure whether he would accept an offer of comfort. Hell, neither of them were happy about sitting back and doing nothing. " Michael !" Maja's voice, from the outside. " Maja....Maja," Michael called back as the frightened woman came into the room. " Did they hurt you ?" " I don't know, I can't remember." Maja burst into tears as Michael put comforting arms about her. Susan felt a flash of jealousy, which she valiantly fought down. Tactfully she walked away, pretending to study some of the volumes on the shelves. " I can't read any more," Maja sobbed." What have they done to me ?" " It's okay, I can teach you again," Michael reassured her. He had his doubts. It all depended on the extent of the telepathic manipulation. " The others, what about the others ?" " Them too. You won't have to depend on the Chosen Ones anymore, I promise." " Come back to us." Michael was quiet for a very long time. " I can't, not without Susan," he said gently. " Then you are just going to leave us. Wait until they take us all, stop us even remembering who you are." " No, I won't let that happen. How many live in the city ?" " 3000." " And how many in the citadel ?" " I don't know." " A hundred at most," Susan supplied. " There are more of you than there are of them, " Michael observed. " Go back to the others and wait until you hear from me. " " What shall I tell them ?" Maja asked. " What I told you. You won't have to depend on the Chosen Ones any more." Maja looked doubtful. " I promise," Michael reiterated. " You're not thinking what I think you're thinking ?" Susan asked when Maja had left. Michael was silent. His gaze was turned inward, hatred for those who ruled, hatred of telepaths, of himself. Susan felt a moment of self doubt. Was he really comfortable with the fact that she was a telepath ? Or had he just spoken those words as a meaningless comfort ? Suddenly he was looking at her, she backed away from the intensity of his gaze. " We have to find some way to help them, " he exclaimed. " I know....." " If we could just find a way to get into the Citadel...." " They woudl accpet me." " I couldn't ask you to do that." " Then you could go back to the city." " No way in hell !" How could she even suggest that ? Before, she had been able to return to the city, back to his protection at the end of each day. That avenue would no longer be open to her. If she returned to the Citadel how long would she be there ? What would they do to her ? To be alone among telepaths.....Susan's eyes were on him. Could she really understand ? He couldn't deny the truth of her words. Although Susan had not understood the angry shouts of the city's inhabitants, she knew to whom they were referring. Michael would still be accepted, even if she were not. He wouldn't go back if she stayed with him and, if he was to help these people, he had to return. They needed her help, if they were to have any chance, his logical mind accepted that. Unwillingly he heard himself agree to her suggestion. He couldn't think of another way to get the information. Maybe she wasn't afraid, as he had been. Perhaps they wouldn't hurt her as badly. He kissed her once, a brief touch of the lips. Susan did not sleep that night. Her eyes did not leave Michael. His dreams seemed as violent as ever. Not for the first time she wished that she had the right to hold him while he slept. A shudder passed through his body, a whimper from his throat. Susan threw caution to the wind. She couldn't just sit and watch him. Slowly she reached out a hand, touching him as she had done so many weeks ago. This time there was no expression of hatred, he seemed vaguely aware that the presence was meant to comfort, not to hurt. She left in the early hours of the morning. Michael awoke alone in the cold dawn. He felt a pang of guilt as he looked around the empty room. Susan had gone, and it was actually causing him pain. It was a long time before he took the lonely path into the city. From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 8/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:40:07 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 8 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. Susan looked at her son. He was lying on the grass that bordered the central square, his eyes fixed on the sky. She couldn't decide which scared her the most. That he would leave her....or that he would not. She could see ghosts in his eyes, David had been talking to him again. Damn the man. He seemed determined to destroy her child's faith. Ria was different, she had Susan's strength of belief. Mickey was too prone to his father's tendency for self doubt. Carefully, she eased herself onto the ground beside him. In one wild insane moment she wanted to take him in her arms, holding him like she had done when he had been a child. She never thought she would feel this way about John's son. In some ways he had disappointed her. She had expected him to be more like John, but she caught glimpses of a mind that was closed within walls of its own prejudice. She wondered how Delenn felt about him. Was she as proud of David as Susan had been of her children ? They had all grown into strong, beautiful people. She wanted to keep them with her always but first death and now the stars were slowly taking them away from her. The bittersweet pain was offset by the knowledge that she had to let them go. She wanted to tell Mickey about all the things he could see. St. Petersburg, Tikal, Athens, Mars, the Orion colonies. Part of her did want to visit those places again but she knew she couldn't go with him. Sometimes her life on Babylon 5 seemed like a dream, a pale imitation of her existence here. For a brief moment Marcus Cole's face floated before her eyes. She had thought about him many times over the intervening years. Poor Marcus, she had so much to be thankful to him for. A loving husband, wonderful children, good friends, peace in her life . She sent a silent prayer to him, wherever his soul might rest. Mickey looked at his mother, almost surprised to see her seated so close, " The ground is damp," he told her. " You should find something to sit on." " That's what your father used to say, when we were out in the jungle......well, never mind what we were doing." Mickey's face became troubled when she mentioned his father, " Is what David said true ?" he asked. " Yes," Susan replied sadly. "Why didn't you tell us ?" " Because that part of our lives was over. There was no reason to dig up the past. You see what David said to you is only right from a certain perspective. He has chosen not to tell you the whole truth, just the truth he wants to believe." " Then what is the whole truth, mother ?" " Your father was used by those who sought to control." " What did they want to control ?" " Everything. They took away his ability to control his own actions and while he was in this state he betrayed his best friend. The guilt almost killed him. Michael, listen to me. If you want to leave here you have my blessing, but you have to be clear about what you will see. Yes, you will learn, you will grow, but in ways you probably will not expect. This is no romantic journey to the stars. " " I know, but I still need to go." " I would be disappointed if you didn't." She struggled to her feet, " Dinner will be ready soon. I'll see you inside." She glanced back as she left him. He had made no effort to move. His presence at the midday meal was doubtful. He had to understand about the life she had left. She hoped to God the Psicorps weren't still in operation. That was one question she hadn't been able to bring herself to ask. Thinking about the organisation reminded her too forcefully of the time she had spent with the Chosen Ones. It had not been a happy experience... ************************************************************************ ********* There was someone in the room with her. She could feel them at the edge of sleep. Susan wanted to wake up but for some reason she was unable to. Whoever it was came closer, she could hear shallow breathing. Someone was telling her to sleep....and she wanted to obey. In response to an unheard stimulus she shifted obediently onto her back. There was the hum of machinery, scanning devices. The cold touch of the machine seemed familiar. They were telling her to relax and her body was obeying. Susan Ivanova's eyes snapped open. The room was empty. She sat up in bed, hugging herself defensively, trying to dismiss her uneasiness as a bad dream. In her entire life she had never felt so homesick. In some ways the underground city reminded her of Babylon 5. There was the same vague feeling of claustrophobia that she associated with being away from the sun. All the people looked the same, pale skinned, pale eyed...the effects of living underground plainly evident. They were powerful telepaths. Susan could constantly feel their minds brushing against hers. It took most of her concentration to block the probing thoughts. She was still unsure as to why she had been accepted so easily into the ruling class. It couldn't just be her telepathic abilities, she knew that they were minimal. This morning's experience only strengthened that feeling. She dismissed any other reasons from her mind. It was not something she wanted to think about. The way they lived filled her with curiosity. There seemed to be no form, no function to their existence. Their needs were serviced by the people who lived on the surface. The tasks they gave Susan were meaningless; checking equipment that was functioning perfectly, making inventories of supplies. When those supplies started to dwindle, Ivanova had a pretty good idea who was responsible, but she kept silent. Sometimes she saw inhabitants from the city outside. She could not find out where they were taken, or what was done, but it made her physically sick to see them dull-eyed, drained of any spark of hope. She thought of those people as she showered and dressed. Six weeks and she had found nothing that would answer the questions she and Michael needed to answer. She ached to return to the surface, to the brightness and life that infused the city above. It was time to leave, if only for a short time, sse Michael, talk to him. Ivanova waited until darkness fell before making her way to the surface. She took her PPG with her, just in case. It was a relief to stand under the sky once more, breathing non-recycled air. She slipped easily through the darkened streets, hoping that Michael still inhabited the house they had shared. The door was unlocked, the house still. Michael was not there. She took several deep breaths. He had to be somewhere. Resolutely Susan went in search of Mardra, but the first person she met was Natan. " What are you doing here ?" he asked angrily. " I need to see Michael. Where is he ?" Susan asked. " You don't know ?" " Would I be here if I did ? He's all right, isn't he ?" Distrust flashed across Natan's features for a brief second. As he took in Susan's obvious distress, his features softened. " He was taken....three days ago." Susan heard herself utter a low cry. She didn't know what to think, what to feel. Natan laid a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. " Why ?" she asked him angrily. " He found a way to hurt them," Natan replied simply, " and for the first time in our lives we saw a way to free ourselves." " This is all my fault. " " That's a very selfish view. We all participated freely and we will continue what Michael started." " Stop talking like he's dead." " He won't be the Michael you knew anymore. None of us are the same after being taken. Now you'd better get back where you belong before someone else sees you." Susan realised that she still wasn't welcome in the city. She wondered why Natan had taken the time to talk to her. One thing was plain, she would get no help here. " One more thing," Natan called after her. " We will take our revenge. You may want to be somewhere else when we do." Susan nodded, feeling the chill of his words. She hurried away from him, back towards the citadel. Her path took her past the city square. It was no longer a place for celebration. That was what was different about the city. The inhabitants were quietly mobilising for battle. She had to get Michael back before they did anything stupid. Susan hoped to God that Michael hadn't been hurt, or tried to hurt himself. She never really remembered her journey back to the Citadel, she was just too angry. On her return she went directly to Rowena. " Welcome back," the other woman smiled coldly. " Where's Michael ?" Susan demanded. " He is safe, we are helping him." " Don't give me that crap. I know what you people consider help. " " Susan....You are one of us." " No, I'm not." Rowena did not appear to take offence. She could not comprehend why someone would deny their heritage. " Michael has committed a crime. In your society wouldn't he deserve punishment ?" " Not for being a teacher !" " They work, and we lead, there is nothing else." " What the hell are you people afraid of ?" " Afraid ?" Another term she did not appear to understand. " I want to see Michael now." Rowena nodded, and led the way out of the room. Four others fell in behind them. Susan was very comforted by the weight of the PPG in her pocket. The cells was clean, stark....Very much like the rest of the Citadel. Rowena had activated the monitors, flicking rapidly through the inmates. There was a disturbing similarity in the appearance of the prisoners. Seated in their cells, blank eyed and there were far too many of them. She wondered what these people had been guilty of. Michael was far down the list. Susan was relieved to see him pacing the length of his cell. She could see the tension in his body. He was scared, very scared. " I want to see him," She demanded. " For a few moments," Rowena agreed. Susan was aware that she was being monitored as she stepped through the door. " Michael...Are you all right ?" She wanted to put her arms about him, and tell him that everything was going to be all right. It was prudent, however, to keep her distance. " Yeah....yeah I'm fine. I just don't know what I'm doin' here." But he wasn't. She could see the ghost of his previous incarceration deep within his eyes. Susan moved past him, forcing him to turn so that his broad back was between her and the sensors. She slipped the gun out of her pocket, handing it to him. His eyes widened in surprise. Too late, the telepaths had picked up his thoughts.... " What do you think you are doing ?" Rowena snapped. The anger that had been missing before was now apparent. " Getting him out of here," Susan snapped, bringing the second PPG to bear on the group who were now standing in the door way. They may not have seen the weapon before but they understood its purpose. The five telepaths stared at her, she could feel them trying to invade her thoughts, trying to implant sensations of pain and fear. Ivanova blocked them with the strength of desperation. Michael wasn't so lucky, she felt his knees start to buckle, but she held onto him, until they could back out of the room. She dragged him along the corridor, not giving him time to think. Keeping his mind confused was probably the only way they could make their escape. Michael seemed to understand that and didn't try to ask any questions. They eventually found themselves in the elevator that linked the various levels of the underground city. Ivanova hit the control that should have taken them to the surface. Nothing happened. " What's wrong ?" Michael asked. " Must have locked out the controls. Well, what won't go up, must go down." " Are you nuts ?" " We can't stay here." She sent the elevator down towards the bottom level. They seemed to drop for a very long time, deep into the bowels of the planet. The doors slid open revealing an antechamber, not the corridor they expected. Curiously, the two of them stepped out. " Respirators," Garibaldi pointed to the racks that adorned one of the walls. " Do you think this is some kind of airlock." " Yeah, and I think I can guess where it leads." " A Vorlon ?" " A Vorlon." " Better put them on." They both pulled the respirators on, before cycling the airlock. The corridor they entered was reminiscent of the Alien Sector on Babylon 5. The same dim lighting, adjusted for eyes that did not see in the same wavelengths as their own. Whisps of vapour, freezing cold when it came into contact with human skin. It was empty. They walked past doors that led nowhere, corridors that ended in blank walls , vast echoing chambers. Whoever had built this part of the complex had not done so in a way that was comfortable for humans. The angles were disorientating, curves when there should have been angles, colours that hurt to look at. Susan whispered one word....Vorlons. She had seen places like this, been part of them. " Then where is it ?" Michael asked. " I don't particularly care. We have to get out of here." They came to another airlock and passed through in the hope that it would lead to a way out. The air was breathable and the rooms showed clear signs of previous habitation, but whoever the occupants had been they were long departed from this place. " I think we might have bought ourselves some time," Susan commented. Michael responded by throwing himself into the nearest chair, eyes closed, head thrown back. " John would be proud of you," she told him. " Yeah, sort of stupid thing he would do.....find a new civilisation, start a revolution. Get thrown in jail." " It's probably something you both ate." That raised a smile. " I'm sorry," he apologised, " God, I'm tired." " They....they didn't do anything to you ?" " No, no they didn't touch me." Susan hoped to God that was true. She wanted to hold him, but couldn't decide if he would let her. There were still no signs of pursuit. Michael needed sleep. Susan doubted that he had closed his eyes in the three days since his capture. " Do you think this was designed for humans ?" he asked. " Minbari," she replied, gesturing through to an adjoining room." Can't get away from those damn beds." " There has to be something here," Michael said suddenly. " Something to tell us what happened." Almost frantically, Michael started to search through the rooms. There was something almost desperate about him. The complex was larger than they had first expected. Room for not just one man, but many. They searched methodically. There were signs that this part of the complex had been evacuted fairly rapidly. Items blonging to the previous inhabitents were scattered about. Often it was just one object, something of special significance to whomever had walked these corridors in the past. A period of history that stretched back at least a thousand years. There was something very dead about the air, some indefinable sense of horror that made Susan want to turn and run. If Michael was affected, he gave no sign. It was a whisper in her mind. One she could ignore at first. The whisper became a voice, the voice a scream. Suddenly she was almost overcome by the urge to turn and run. She didn't realise that she had stopped moving. " Can you hear something ?" Michael asked. Susan couldn't call out, her voice was overcome by the scream in her mind. She watched powerless as Michael's footsteps became unsteady. The world was swung before her eyes, taking her to some dark safe place. ************************************************************************ ********** Consciousness returned with sharp pain. Susan lay very still, waiting for nausea to subside before she even dared to open her eyes. She took several deep breaths. Yes, she could move now. Slowly she pulled herself into a sitting position. For a moment she thought she was back in the upper areas of the city. The floor beneath her was slightly warm, and she could feel a faint vibration from some unknown power source. Her mind was free of the voices, which she should have been grateful for, but something else had replaced them; a death. Someone was dying, very slowly, in pain. " Michael !" she called out. Where was he ? Why had he left her alone ? Using the wall for support Ivanova managed to regain her feet. The room had only one exit and, still unsteady on her feet, Ivanova walked through it. Nausea overcame her again and she felt her consciousness slipping. She tried to call out, but her voice was ineffectual. The second room was dark. When her eyes adjusted she wished that she had remained blind. She had seen this terror once before. Part living being, part machine, in pain, in fear. Her stomach heaved again. There had to be hundreds. In horrified fascination she moved between them, towards the centre. She followed bundles of fibre optic cables towards a nexus. Deep within the circuitry she could make out the figure of a man.... This being wasn't.....hadn't been human. " Susan, get back," Michael was beside her. He tried to guide her away, but she held fast. He was shaking, she could feel it in the hands that held her and the tremor of his voice. Slowly, she circled the figure, eternally entwined in its noose of wires and circuits. " He's dying," Michael whispered. " I can feel him," Susan replied, her eyes filling with tears. " Why ?" " He controls all this." They stood alone, staring up. " Do you think he can hear us ?" Susan asked. " No. I tried to speak to him, to make him listen to me." Michael's reached up, caressing the hand that was free of the skeletal wires. It was a familiar gesture. The eyes opened, blinded by the metal of the living machine. How long could someone live like this ? Susan knew many ages had passed for this being. " Can't we....?" Susan asked. " We'd kill him." " It would be a mercy." " If he dies so do the rest of them. Can't you see Susan, that's why they were so interested in you. They needed someone to take his place." " Oh God.... we have to stop this. I know how you feel, but we have to. They are all in so much pain. You may not be able to feel it, but I can." Garibaldi sat for what felt like hours, trying to make the decision that Susan was now urging. She left him alone, not really knowing how she could help him, or even if it was wise to try. The Chosen Ones had known that death was close and had tried to find a replacement. From their own numbers, from the community that served them....never quite finding the characteristics they needed. So they had sent out the distress call. A last cry to the darkness. The Chosen Ones must have retained enough knowledge to do that. Susan wondered if they had been hoping to contact their former masters, waiting for them to return, just as the ship waited. She knew the Shadows and the Vorlons had been close in technological terms. It sickened her to find out that they had both been using live beings at the heart of that technology. How many had they taken from the community that served them ? Susan recalled Mardra's chilling words. People that had been taken, and had never returned. She couldn't stay here, amongst all this pain. She lightly touched Garibaldi's shoulder. " I have to get out of here," she told him. He looked up suddenly, " There has to be something else Susan. Why would they build all this ? What are they protecting ?" Susan remembered asking Rowena the very same question. " Come on," she told him, leading the way out of the chamber. The exit was opposite the one they had entered by. This time the corridor led them downwards, a spiral that seemed to be never-ending. As they descended the temperature dropped dramatically. They had been wandering for hours. Both of them were tired, cold and hungry. They walked in silence to avoid snapping at each other. The door they eventually came to was another airlock; another Vorlon area of the complex. " My God !" Michael exclaimed as they stepped through. Susan found herself drawing protectively closer to him. The chamber was the largest they had come upon. It very depths were shrouded in darkness. The dim illumination unable to define the boundaries. It was cold, cold enough for the two humans to start shivering after a few brief moments of exposure. They wrapped their arms about one another, taking a few hesitant steps forward. The walls were covered in what appeared to be row upon row of glowing crystalline forms, alive; the source of the light. Somehow Susan knew what these lifeforms were. Her mind took her back, back to when she was in communion with the ship. She whispered one word....Vorlons. " This is what they are protecting. A new Vorlon civilisation," she continued. " Are they alive ?" Michael asked. " Dormant. Suspended animation." " What do we do ?" " I don't know." " You come with us," the cold voice belonged to Rowena. She, and a dozen others, stepped out of the darkness. ************************************************************************ *********** From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 9/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:40:32 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 9 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. "You know what we want from you ?" Rowena said. " And if I don't agree ?" Susan replied defiantly. " They all die....starting with him." Rowena gestured towards Garibaldi. The man was slumped in a corner, bound hand and foot. He was barely aware of his surroundings, his face showing clear evidence of the efforts taken to subdue him. Susan felt the pain from her own bruised knuckles; the Chosen Ones had been considerably more gentle with her. They were still down below the main levels of the citadel, in one of the rooms adjoining the living machines. Susan remained silent before the other woman, not allowing herself to believe that the threat was a real one. " Don't make the mistake of not believing me, " Rowena said. " I wouldn't do that," Susan answered. " Good. Your answer ?" " I'll do it." " Thank you. We'll return in a few moments." Susan crossed to Michael. He was just about regaining consciousness. Reaching out, Susan ran her fingers along the contours of his face, commiting them to memory. Suddenly, she was holding him tightly, digging her fingers into his back with bruising strength. A moan of pain escaped his mouth at the violence of her kiss. " Susan...What is it ?" he gasped. He wanted to return the embrace, but his hands were securely tied behind his back. " No words, Michael," she implored. " Enough," Rowena had returned. Roughly they pulled Susan away from Michael, binding her hands behind her back. Michael shouted his protest, but received a kick in the head for his pains. Unable to fight anymore he was pulled from the room. " Where are you taking him ?" Susan screamed. " You said you wanted me." " We do, but not for this. What you carry is far more important." " Please...!" " You gave us permission." Then she was gone. Susan called after her again, but there was no one to hear her. She strained against her bonds, until her wrists were slick with blood. The ropes did not break. Susan told herself to relax, wait for her chance. With effort she slowed her breathing, letting the analytical part of her mind take over. She examined the ropes which bound her. If she could just...Muscles protested painfully as she contorted herself enough to bring her hands round to the front of her body. Using her teeth, she started to work on the knots. She would chew her way out if necessary. It took fifteen minutes, but the knots started to loosen and she managed to free herself. She rubbed her hands, trying to get blood flowing into her numb fingers. Pain flooded through her body as she attempted to stand. She knelt on the floor, head spinning. Slowly, cautiously, she forced herself to move. Why had they taken Michael ? Surely they wanted her telepathic powers ? Surely....Oh God, maybe they could use him in their damn machine. It was all her fault. She had dragged him from Babylon 5, from the woman he loved. He had followed her because he thought he owed her a debt of friendship. Poor, stupid fool, he should have let her die. For a second she wasn't sure if she was thinking of Michael...or of Marcus. Susan Ivanova hastened her step. She was not going to let them hurt him. ************************************************************************ ****** He stood beneath the machine, staring up at its inhabitent. What was he thinking ? Was he going to feel anything ? Did he care that someone was going to take his place ? " Will it hurt ?" he heard himself ask. " The sensation will be momentary," Rowena replied. " Not me....him." " The process is quite humane. We will not let either of you suffer for long." Michael laughed. Just like the Psi Corps, the same interlectual superiority. They still had him bound, knowing that if he got a hand free, he would rip someone's throat out. He had never been the type for mindless self-sacrifice. There were several others approaching. It was almost time. Michael fought so hard that he barely felt the needle. He only noticed when the world started to fade. The arms that supported him were almost gentle, as he felt himself slide to the floor. " I can't move," he whispered. The panic was building, " I can't move." " Don't fight it," a quiet voice was telling him. " We don't want you to damage yourself." Thinking was too much effort, fighting was impossible. The hands that held him were soft, like those of a lover. He relaxed at the touch, letting them take him to a warm, safe place. " Lady Rowena..." The breathless voice sparked at the edge of Michael's conciousness. " I left instructions not to be disturbed." " There is a disturbance in the Citadel." " I'll deal with it." " What about him ?" " Leave him. There is nothing further to be done until the drugs take effect." They were going away. Alone, he should do something, but his muscles refused to obey any commands. There was a disturbance at the very edge of his hearing. The sound of bodies hitting the floor. Michael managed to force his eyes open. " Michael..." it was Susan's voice. He could see her concerned face above him. Sensing that he could not respond, she pulled him to his feet. He sagged against her, barely holding himself upright. " Gotta get out of here," he muttered. " Back to the surface." Susan moved as fast as she was able, but Michael's condition was slowing them down. He barely seemed to be breathing. If anything he was slipping deeper into a catatonic state. He had obviously been drugged during the preparation of his system for melding with the machine. She hoped that, given long enough, he would shake off the effects. She allowed him to rest when they reached the airlock. A few moments were all she needed, her muscles were screaming. If she stopped for too long, she would never be able to move again. She picked up two respirators, making sure Michael's was secure, before adjusting her own. He still seemed to be unaware of his surroundings, although he did manage to walk when Susan urged him. The path through the Vorlon section was a confusing one. Susan thought that she recalled the correct route, but she was never sure until she saw the exit. She put out her hand to activate the airlock, brushing against the surface of the wall. It was hot. Susan backed off a few steps. She sarted to swear softly, her voice muffled by her respirator. With her last effort she pulled Michael away, back towards the other exit. She was staggering under his weight by the time they could breathe freely again. " Come on, Michael," she urged, slapping him lightly about the face. There was a vague response. " Michael, I can't carry you," she continued. His eyes opened, as he blearily tried to take in his surroundings. " I thought we were getting out of here ?" he asked. " We can't....the citadel is burning. At the moment we're protected by the atmosphere of the Vorlon section, but if there's a breech the whole place will go up." " We have to find...." " I know. Are you strong enough to move ?" " I have to be." Michael ignored her offers of assistance. In a way, she looked worse than he did. Her movements were slow, deliberate, she was not as steady on her feet as she pretended to be. They made their way through the corridors, relentlessly searching for a way out. " I told them to wait," Michael was saying to himself. " The time wasn't right." " You can't blame yourself. I think revolution was brewing before we even got here. You may have been the catalyst, but not the cause," Susan replied. " There were so many of them depending on me and I've probably just managed to get them killed. Michael Garibaldi screws up again." " This isn't helping, Michael. Let's find a way out of here first, indulge in self pity later. " I'm outta ideas, unless we hide out in the Vorlon's graveyard." " The atmosphere should give us some protection, and if they got in there, there has to be a way out. " The chamber was colder than he remembered. His limbs started to shake after a few short seconds of exposure. Freeze or fry, great choice. Michael had the uncanny sense that he was being watched as they walked through the cavern. The walls were unrelenting, no sign of the shadowy portal that may portray an exit. Michael felt a mounting sense of panic. Despite the size of the shelter, there was a certain sense of claustrophobia as his mind started to strain against the thought of being buried alive. Susan strode next to him. Strong, despite the weakness of her body. He felt a sudden tenderness, an incongruous emotion given their current situation. Unconsciously he drew closer to her. A protective gesture, one she didn't even seem to notice. He smiled roughly to himself. So unlike the woman he had left on Babylon 5. She put out a hand, halting their progress. " What ?" Michael asked. " Can't you feel it ?" She hissed back. A tremor, a vibration that he could feel through the souls of his feet. It was getting stronger. They threw themselves to the ground as the quake grew stronger, dislodging sections of the cavern roof. Garibaldi instinctively covering Susan's body with his own. Rocks crashed about their heads, smaller stones grazing their prone bodies. Ivanova found herself muttering prayers under her breath. The other Vorlon section had fallen prey to the fire that raged above. They could only hope that their present refuge would survive. " You okay ?" Michael asked, when the dust had settled. " I'll live," Susan smiled wryly. There was a greater need for speed, but they had now been in this cavern for longer than was comfortable for the human body. The cold was digging into their muscles, slowing them down. They stumbled along, holding each other. Slowly realisation was beginning to dawn. The air supply in their respirators was beginning to run out. Soon every breath would be poison. In mutual exhaustion their steps finally failed. Neither of them had the energy to urge further movement. It was hopeless. They couldn't even find comfort in each other. Every breath had to be cherished. " Is it my imagination or is it getting warmer in here ?" Susan heard herself wondering aloud. " Can't feel a thing," Michael replied, not even aware of the hand he grasped in his own. Susan forced her eyes open, the glowing shapes were moving. She could hear....what was it ? Her frozen mind struggled to analyse the sounds. Moving away from Michael, she stood among the Vorlonic forms. Their bodies clustering close, their touch as gentle as a lover's caress. She could no longer see Michael. They were asking her questions, and her mind was compelled to answer. She told them of the war, of the Shadows, of the actions of their own race, of departure. She told them of Lorien, John Sheridan...Kosh. Infinite sadness greeted her revelations. She started to ask her own questions. To her surprise she received answers. A people abandoned by their peers. A race set apart. She asked why ? The answer came crashing into her mind. Victory had been their aim. Even if their people were wiped out by the Shadows, the race would live on. Rise again. Secure victory. The younger races had been more than willing to help them, treated them with a Godlike reverence. " What about the Humans ?" Susan's mind asked. There was a laugh. So many had been taken over the centuries, bringing few belongings, willingly leaving their lives behind. " All telepaths ?" Defence agianst the Shadows. " No !" she heard her voice shout. She tried to make them understand. It was all so pointless. Their race had gone, their battle over. They could see into her mind, they had to know it was true. Her barriers were crumbling, they were pushing further into her mind. It hurt so much, so much.... ************************************************************************ ****** From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 10/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:41:03 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 10 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. Someone was pouring water into his face. Michael Garibaldi opened his eyes. This wasn't where he expected to be. It was raining, one of the periodic storms that swept the forest. Through the vegetation, he could just make out the outlines of the city. He pushed himself, " Susan," he called. " I'm here," she replied. She moved carefully, there was pain lurking behind her smile. " We should be dead," he observed. " You sound disappointed." " The Citadel !" " It's still burning." " Then what are we doing here ?" Michael, started back in the direction of the city. " Wait, the Vorlons, they're leaving the planet. We have to warn someone, " Susan urged. " How ? Any communication equipment is probably burning....unless...." " What ?" " You never saw anything in the Citadel ?" " No," " If the equipment had been in the lower levels we would have found it. " " You think it could be somewhere else ?" " The abandoned part of the city.....My god !" Susan followed Michael's gaze. Breaking free of the vegetation that had ensnared it for so many years, the Vorlon ship rose gracefully into the sky. On the ground, they had never appreciated the shear bulk of the vessel. They had seen this terrible things before. It was capable of destruction on a planetary scale. " Come on," Michael said tersely. Susan allowed herself a small smile. Michael was as fired up as she had ever seen him. It reminded her of the way he used to be, before the Psicorps had taken him. The Citadel was still burning, smoke hung heavy in the air. The streets of the city were crowded with people, trying to stop the flames spreading to their homes. If it hadn't been raining....Susan shuddered to think of the city reduced to ashes. " Go find that communicator, Michael," Susan ordered, " they need my help here." He didn't waste time with words, disappearing rapidly into the crowd. Wordlessly, Susan joined one of the human chains ferrying water from the city's irrigation system. " This isn't working, " Ivanova said to herself. There was no chance in hell of controlling the fire. The only way to handle it was to let the flames consume the citadel, and stop it spreading to the rest of the city. She started to fight her way to the front of the crowd. The heat was intense, she could almost feel her skin burning. She fought her way free of the mass of people and turned to face them. Her voice was almost drowned out by the noise of the flames, but years of military training meant that when Captain Ivanova spoke, people listened. She could tell that they were still suspicious, that they didn't want to do as she ordered. They stood before her, silent, surly. " Don't you want to save your homes !" she yelled. " Clear the area of everything that's remotely combustible. The trees, everything has to go." " We still have people in there," someone yelled. " They're dead." Susan replied with a coldness she did not feel. " You need to save yourselves." " She's right, " Maja pushed her way out of the crowd and stood beside Susan. Ivanova flashed her a look of gratitude. " OK, Maja take the north side, I'll take the South. I just want bare earth between here and the rest of the city. Get to it people." There was a pause. For a moment Ivanova thought that her orders were going to be ignored. Then the crowd divided themselves, some moving to the opposite side of the structure, the others started to clear the vegetation in front of her. Saying silent prayers, Susan moved rapidly to assist. Michael hurried through the streets, pushing people out of his way. He couldn't decide if he was wasting precious time, but there were people here who could help him. " Natan," he spotted the younger man running across the square. Natan stopped, surprised. " Michael, you're alive." " For now. I need your help, in the old city, have you found anywhere that has....machines, you know the ones you used to like to repair." " Who told you ?" " It don't matter. What matter's is that I need your help." " I have to help my people." Natan turned coldly away. Michael grabbed him, forcing him to stop. " A lot more are gonna die if you don't take me where I wanna go. I could do it myself, but it'll take time, which we don't have." There was desperation in his voice. He had to get a message out, it didn't matter where it went, as long as someone was warned. " Natan, please. You have to push past what they did to you," Garibaldi pleaded. " How can you say that ? How can you know ?" Natan snapped back. " I know, Natan. I know how much it hurts when they won't let you be yourself....when you're forced to betray what you believe in. You can't let them win." Natan gestured towards the flames, " They are dead." " But if you don't take back what they stole it's no victory. The Chosen Ones of my world took me. They made me betray one of the best friends I ever had. I nearly killed him." " And how did you regain yourself ?" " I didn't, until I came here." Natan was silent, watching the fire that stained the sky red. " Very well, " he said eventually and led Garibaldi away from the flames. ******************************* The building seemed older than the rest of the city. Unlike the other abandoned areas there were signs that it had been maintained with some degree of order. The two men entered cautiously. No light greeted their entrance. It was a small cramped room, hardly space for the two of them. The communications equipment stood, silent, dark. No sign that power had ever coursed through its circuits. " Hold the torch high," Michael instructed, as he studied the unfamiliar controls. If he could just find the 'on ' switch...... Almost in desperation he pressed a couple of buttons. He was rewarded by the gentle hum of power.....Which abruptly died. Michael swore, in several languages, before ripping the panels off of the unfortunate machinery. He was still muttering curses to himself as he started to trace the circuitry. The equipment had to work, if this was where Ivanova's message had come from. " See if you can get the lights on," he ordered. " I don't know if I can...." Natan protested. " Try, dammit. I can't see a thing down here. " Michael stood up, looking into the man's frightened face, taking a deep breath, he managed to calm himself. " OK, have you any idea where the power source connection might be ?" Michael asked. " It runs under the floor ." Natan replied with some relief. It was obviously easier for him to instruct someone else than to carry out the operation himself. Together they lifted one of the panels on the floor. It opened to an underfloor access crawl space. Michael hauled himself into it, "Tell me where I have to go," he said to Natan. " Straight, then to your left," came the reply. There was silence for a few moments, " Something's chewed through the main power feeds," Michael's voice floated back, " I'm gonna have to twist 'em together somehow. Man the main console and yell when the power indicator hits green." " I don't know..." " Yes, you do Natan. Come on, at lest a quarter million of my closest friends are countin' on you." >From his position below the floor, Michael heard the hesitant steps. He allowed himself a grim smile. His fingers were cramping in the enclosed space, as he attempted to twist the wires back together. It wasn't the brightest idea, he wasn't sure what sort of current flowed through the wires. He just had to hope it wasn't going to fry him. There was a shower of sparks as the connection was re-established. Swearing to himself, Michael managed to roll clear. " We have power," Natan cried out. The lights flickered on as Michael squirmed out of the crawl space. " Is this working ?" he asked Natan, gesturing towards the communication equipment. " I think so." Michael moved behind the young man, inspecting the readouts himself. " OK, that connection may not last. " Natan's hands flew confidently over the controls, " That should provide some stability," he told Garibaldi. " Good work, setting co-ordinates for Grid Epsilon 470/18/22." " Ready to transmit." Garibaldi cleared his throat. He would have to choose his words carefully. " Vorlon ship observed, thought to be heading towards human or Centauri space. Transit time ten hours." " Say again...," the voice from the speaker was almost drowned by static. " I repeat, Vorlon ship ten hours....shit." There was a small explosion, and the two men were drowned in another shower of sparks. The lights dimmed and went out. " Did you get through ?" Natan asked. " I don't know....I think so. Can we repair this again ?" " Yes, in time." " Come on, lets see if we can give the others a hand." ***************** They worked into the night, the fire finally dying in the early hours of the morning. The dawn broke, revealing the extent of the carnage. They had been lucky, the damage was far less than it could have been. The weary people turned away, returning to their homes. Within a few short moments Michael Garibaldi and Susan Ivanova were the only ones left. Standing together, alone. The rain had stopped and the skies were clearing. " Let's go home," Michael said, placing a weary arm about her shoulders. Silently, they walked through the city, returning to their house. This almost did seem like home now. Exhausted, dirty, muscles aching they wanted to do little else but bathe, eat and sleep. Somehow neither of them could find the energy to do anything. They sat together, quietly watching the sun rise. " Did you get the message through ?" Susan asked. " Yes, at least I hope so, the response wasn't too clear. I think it was Corwin," Michael replied. " I hope he won't panic. Did you tell them where we were ?" " Didn't get a chance, power lines blew. Natan figures he can repair it." " Good." " You don't sound too excited." " I am.....I just...I need to sleep." It was easier for him. He had something to go back to....or did he ? Michael's face was unusually thoughtful. His arm wound its way tightly about Susan's shoulders. He wasn't sure what he could say to her, or whether he wanted to talk her out of her decision. The thought of never returning was almost an attractive one. For the past five years their lives had been in constant turmoil, but he would never have thought Susan capable of abandoning Sheridan. She had changed. He could still sense her grief at Marcus' death. She still wanted to run away. Would she feel differently in a couple of days ? For some reason he doubted it. He was too tired to think. They had a little time, while Natan made the necessary repairs, time for him to come to his own decision. Where had that thought come from ? He was exhausted and confused, not the time to make a rational judgement about anything. " What happened today ?" he asked suddenly. " With the Vorlons I mean. Why did they save us ?" " I don't know," Susan shrugged. The Vorlons had always been capable of acts of unfathomable compassion. Kosh had given up his life for John Sheridan. Slowly, Susan told Michael what she had experienced while in communion with the Vorlons. " There's something almost tragic, isn't there ?" he said. " They could have accomplished so much, but all they can do is fight a war with an enemy that no longer cares." " I hope John got that message." " Nothin' we can do about it now. " " Does that help ?" " Not really." Susan moved away from him, throwing herself onto the bed, not appearing to notice that she was fully clothed. Michael was sure that she was asleep when he pulled off her shoes and tucked the blanket round her. He sat on the side of the bed, watching her sleep. He wasn't weary himself, not now, her words had been too disturbing to allow him to rest. How long had it been since they had left Babylon 5 ? Michael made the mental calculation....three months. Presumed dead, missing in action. He had heard those words so many times. A smile touched the corners of his mouth, a pity he couldn't pull off a resurrection trick as well as John could. He looked down at Susan once more. Tomorrow they could make their decisions, tomorrow would be time to rebuild. ******************* " So you destroyed the Chosen Ones !" the expression on David's face was one of horror. " No, they destroyed themselves. Survivors told us that it was Rowena who started the fire," Susan told him. " As soon as the City Dwellers looked like they were going to win the fight. I imagine those were her instructions. Protect or die. The systems naturally failed safe and the Vorlons were awakened." " What happened to them ?" " I thought you might be able to answer that." " You were instrumental in the deaths of those people." " They accepted the risk." How could she explain to him ? He lived in a time of relative peace, and had no comprehension of what people would do to free themselves. She found herself wondering how he would have coped with the decisions his father had been forced to make. " We didn't create some kind of paradise," she continued, " We have all lost. Even myself.......twenty years ago." " Michael ?" " No my first child, we called him John....After your father. The rains were very heavy that year. We had flash floods. John was killed trying to evacuate some of the livestock." Even now Susan couldn't think of her son without pain. She could see him, learning to walk, lisping his first words. His face still and pale as she held him in her arms for the last time. David put a hesitant hand over hers, the resemblance to his father was so striking that Susan couldn't stop the tears forming. " It was all so long ago. One learns to stop hating the universe," she said softly. " Have you really been happy here ?" David asked. " Yes." The simple word was spoken with total conviction. David could not hear any trace of doubt in her tone. Even now he could not understand. She had been an able officer, a safe bet for the admiralty. Why had she thrown it all away ? Was it for Michael Garibaldi ? Somehow he didn't think so. That could not be the entire reason. His musings were interrupted by the insistant beep of his communicator. He caught Susan's knowing smile as he raised it to his mouth, " Sheridan here, what is it ?" " Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but we've had a message from Earth Central. I think you'd better see it," the disembodied voice replied. " On my way...I'm sorry, I have to go." " Don't worry, I still remember what it was like. You re quite welcome to join us for dinner later." " Thankyou. " David gave a slight bow as he took his leave. He wasn't sure why. It just seemed appropriate somehow. His shuttle was in a clearing, just outside the city. It took him twenty minutes to reach it, another hour to rendez-vouz with his ship. Every time he returned he felt an obscure sense of relief. He wasn't sure why. It may have had something to do with the way Susan made him feel. She had the uncanny habit of forcing him to reassess his views, beliefs....himself. For the first time in his life he felt a twinge of fear when his superior appeared on the viewscreen. The Admiral was a small man, dressed in the black uniform that signified both his rank and his Earthforce Division. David felt the full force of his personality, even when separated by a viewscreen. He could almost belive that those eyes could see straight into his mind. " Sir ," David Sheridan stood to attention. " Captain Sheridan...at ease. I have just been made aware of your recent report," the man on the screen replied. " Have you verified the identitty of this person ? " " Yes Admiral....As near as I can. All physical specifications seem to be in order, and her memories have been consistent with our records." " And the other one ?" " Deceased." " A shame. I would have liked to have renewed my aquaintance with Mr. Garibaldi. " " Sir ?" " No matter. We have a problem, Captain. Ivanova techinically went AWOL. I think it is time she was returned to us." " But sir....she's an old woman." " And I am an old man, that does exclude me from my service to EarthForce. She can still be of great use to us." " Why ? Becuase she's a telepath ?" The Admiral just smiled and smoothly changed the subject, " How does the planet rate for colonisation ?" " High, if it was uninhabited." " Very good Captain Sheridan. Your mission is over, return to Earth for new orders. " " And Susan Ivanova ?" " Bring her with you." ************************************************************************ ********** Ruth From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 11/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:41:36 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 11 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. The sun was well above the horizon. In a way it was a beautiful day. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, and there was enough wind to dispel the smoke which still hung in the air. Michael walked slowly through the city, through the fields which surrounded it. He stood by one of the rivers, enjoying the sight of the water rushing past him. Staying here wouldn't be so hard, if it wasn't for the question of Lise. He tried to picture her face. All he could see was the moment when she had told him to decide between Babylon 5 and life with her...when she had told him that she was married to Franz. Not the happiest memories. He frowned to himself. Was there a time when they had caused each other anything but pain ? He walked on, towards the remains of the High Citadel. There were people here, starting to clear up the debris. He stood at the edge of the fire scorched area, unwilling to join the teams of workers. He still felt the burden of blame. All these people had believed in, their whole way of life had been destroyed. Didn't he have some responsibility to help them rebuild ? That was the one fact he could not ignore. " Hello Michael, " Maja's voice sounded from behind him. " Hi," he replied a trifle awkwardly. They stood for a few seconds, surveying the ruins. " How....How many did we lose ?" Michael managed to ask. " Thirty seven," Maja replied quietly. " I am so sorry." Michael felt his throat tighten. Maja seemed to sense his discomfort, she place a gentle hand on his arm, " Rowena chose to burn the city. She destroyed her own people." " Did none of them survive ?" " No. They died with her." Michael did not know what to say to her. She had changed so much in one short night. They all had. There was no joy in the victory, but there was a feeling of hope. " Where's Natan ?" Michael asked. " He's trying to mend the communication device. I've never seen him so happy. I don't know how you convinced him but......Thankyou, you've given me my brother back," she smiled. She kissed Michael on the cheek and ran to help her fellows. Confused, Michael found himself backing away. Why was he being thanked ? What had he done ? Got people killed was the answer. He did not understand. Michael Garibaldi was a soldier, not a leader. At least that was how he had always thought of himself. He had a sudden insight into what it would be like to be John Sheridan. They needed him. A sudden fear thrilled through his body. He was the one with the moral authority. He was the one they followed, knowing they might not come back. Was the cause just ? He could not answer that question. These people had been pawns in Vorlon games. The telepaths protecting the new civilisation from possible Shadow attack. If the Shadows had won, the Vorlons would have been in a position to fight back. They didn't care that they had enslaved a whole race....two races of people. That was the irony of the whole situation. Telepathic protection had come at a price, but it was unlikely that the Chosen Ones thought of themselves as subordinates, but they were. Just as they city dwellers had been used to serve the Chosen Ones. Just as humans had been used in the Shadow War. So what now ? He was scared that they would ask him, and he didn't have an answer. It wasn't his problem, or so he tried to tell himself. Few more days and he could be out of here, back on Babylon 5. For some reason that idea wasn't an attractive one. He couldn't shake the feeling that these people needed him. Then there was the matter of Ivanova. He couldn't just leave her here, on her own. He walked for hours. Saw very few people, did not talk to anyone. Eventually, he ended up where he started. " Michael, thank heavens you're back. " Mardra grabbed him as soon as he walked up to the door. " We've been searching for you for hours." It was the first time he had seen Mardra on the edge of panic. " What is it ?" he asked. " I came to check up on you and Susan. I told her.....I thought she'd be happy." " Where's Susan ? What happened to her ? Mardra you're not makin' sense." " I told her that she's pregnant." " Wait a second.....she can't be, we never....." " She practically threw me out of the house. Said that she would kill me if I came near her. I got the feeling she would have done." Michael's confusion was starting to clear. Susan had told him that she had undergone medical tests, that the Chosen Ones had been interested in her from a genetic point of view. He left Mardra standing as he pushed open the door to the house. There was some caution in the way he entered. Ivanova was more than capable of taking him down. Hell, she'd managed to trash the Babylon 5 casino on one occasion. He didn't know what to expect, the room was unnervingly quiet. On silent feet he moved through to the bedroom......still nothing. " Susan," he risked calling out to her. The lack of reply caused a sick feeling in his stomach. He tried the bathroom door; it was locked. " Susan !" he yelled again, panic entering his voice. " Open the damn door." He shoved his shoulder against the door. It seemed to require more than brute strength to break the lock, but that didn't stop him trying. He threw his full body weight against it. The surround protested , but held firm. Flames of pain ran through his shoulder. He didn't want to acknowledge the pictures of horror his mind was forming. Finally, he found a strength based on desperation. The door burst outwards with a shriek of splintering wood, and Michael practically fell into the room beyond. " Get out ! " Susan screamed at him. Naked, she was standing in the bath, the water level reaching just below her breasts. Her skin was bright red, bleeding in places. Michael plunged into the water, pulling her against him. She only fought for a few seconds, not enough to really hurt him. He scooped her up in his arms, carrying her from the water. " Don't touch me, " she snapped, as he attempted to wrap her in a sheet.. Hands raised, he backed away from her. " Are you OK ?" he asked.....Stupid, of course she wasn't. " I'm pregnant," she screamed. " They.....oh God. Get out of here !" " Susan, I wouldn't leave you three months ago, I'm sure as hell not goin' to do it now. What happened ?" He spoke harshly. It was the only way to get through to her. " I don't know dammit. Just leave me alone." Her last words were spoken in a whisper. Michael felt confident enough to move a little closer. She clasped the sheet defensively about her body. There was an aching familiarity about her words. He knew how she felt, how difficult it was to let anyone touch her. Very carefully, he took her hands in his. " Susan," he hesitated, his voice breaking up. " You weren't the only one.... they....The Psicorps." Michael took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. Cautiously Susan's eyes met his own. His eyes burnt with ice blue fire. Flames of guilt. He took a deep breath. Each word, clearly enunciated, in a voice she barely recognised. " They raped me " His hands gripped her almost harshly. Willing her understand. " I've never heard you use that word before," Susan said, trying to keep the shock from her voice. " There ain't another for it. " She could tell how much it had cost him to say those words. So much pain. For a man like Garibaldi it must have been almost unbearable. Being out of control for even a second..... " Tell me," those two words were the most difficult Susan had ever uttered. She was almost pleading with him. An acknowledgement of his pain would help alleviate her own. " I can provide intimate detail. " " Tell me." " You've only been in contact with a mind full of love, Bester's was sick....twisted. He enjoyed it, dissecting my life, my emotions, pulling me apart piece by tiny piece. Some of those other creeps came to watch. I was a lesson, a side-show attraction, an experience to share with friends. There was nothing I could do to stop him. Then it was too late....I was trapped. Sometimes...sometimes, I regained enough control to do somethin', say somethin' so stupid that I was sure someone would notice. The only person that did was Zack, but no one would listen to him. You know what the worse thing was ?" " Tell me." " Bester let me go." Susan pulled him close, holding him fiercely. Michael returned the embrace, grateful for the lack of words. He had never needed anyone as much as in that moment. Dammit he was crying. The tears wouldn't stop. Susan rocked him in her arms, as if he was a child. He didn't care what she thought, she could be strong enough for both of them. Not even Lise had known how badly Bester had hurt him. He needed her. Michael Garibaldi couldn't be alone any more. He knew that was the reason he and Lise had been together. It hadn't been enough. In the years they had been apart worlds had changed, wars had been won, his very being torn apart and remoulded. Lise could never be as close to him as Jeff, as John had been, as Susan..... ********************** When Susan Ivanova awoke the sun was high in the sky, and she was alone. Eventually she had to move. Getting out of bed, Susan ran her hands over her body, trying to feel the changes in it's form and structure. Some areas of her skin were still sore, evidence of her sensless assault. Funny, last night Michael had been able to take the pain away. She hoped that she had been able to do the same for him. Self doubt flashed through her mind. Maybe all he had seen was a chance to find a substitute for Lise. She pulled a robe about herself and moved into the other room. Susan didn't want to admit to herself that she had been hoping to find Michael there. She was rewarded by the sound of someone moving about in the kitchen. Standing in the door way, she smiled as she watched him working. He was oblivious to her presence for a few moments, but when he finally looked up, he grinned at her. It was a nervous expression, as if he wasn't quite sure how to handle this new level of intimacy. Susan took a few steps towards him, slipping her arm about his waist. " Good morning," she smiled, " What's for breakfast ?" " Surprise," he told her. There was a pause, " How are you feeling ?" he continued. " I'll be OK." " Couple of days an' we can be back on Babylon 5." Susan moved away from him. She stood by the window, her eyes on the city outside. It was beautiful. The thought of changing this for the grey corridors of Babylon 5 was more abhorrent than she had expected. Susan could almost feel the child move within her body, but she knew it was too soon.....far too soon for that. Michael came to stand behind her, his hands idly playing with her hair. She leant back against him, enjoying the sudden feeling of peace and security. " I don't want to go back," she whispered suddenly. Michael's hands moved to her shoulders, gently turning her so her eyes were looking into his. " Why ?" he asked. He didn't tell her that he had his own reasons for staying. If they did remain here together they would have to make damn sure it was something they both wanted. " Because it still hurts too much," Susan admitted, "because I'm sick of what we have to do, because if I go back I'm scared that I'll lose someone else I care about." " Susan..." " No, Michael. I've lost too much, I don't think I can live with that fear any longer." There it was, the one reason she had been unable to admit to anyone. Wordlessly, Michael pulled her into his embrace. " You are the strongest person I know," he whispered into her hair. His thoughts drifted to the previous night, when he had been crying in her arms. He winced at his own selfish behaviour. She had been the one needing comfort and all he had done was burden her with his own problems. This was all his fault. His mistake. He was the one who had sent her to live with the telepaths alone, all because he was too scared to accompany her. Instead he had stayed where it was safe and tried to play hero....and look what had happened. He didn't deserve the happiness she gave him. " I'm tired of having to be strong. I don't want to go back. Tell them I didn't survive the crash. Tell them I died of some illness.....I don't know," Susan pulled away from him, not wanting comfort. She wasn't sure what she needed from him. " Hey, not so fast. I meant what I said last night, Susan. I'm not goin' to leave you," he protested. " You don't have to do that . I'm sorry I tried to drag you into this. You belong to someone else, Michael. Go back to her, while you still can," she said gently. " This isn't your problem. It's mine, and staying here is the only way I can deal with it .I hate what they did. I should hate what is growing inside me..." " But you don't." " No, and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Michael, the chances are that this child will be a telepath. If I go back to Babylon 5......I can't put him through the same traumas that you and I were forced to experience. It's not your responsibility, or your decision..It's mine. " "I'm staying here, Susan, " Michael told her. " Our...situation aside, I have an obligation to these people and I have honour it. Sure I could go back, bring Lise out here, but she'd hate it....As much as she hated being on Babylon 5. We don't have the kind of relationship that can get past that. Both of us need more than just each other. " " I didn't know, I'm sorry." " In the cold light of day I guess I realised that, I just didn't want to accept it. I fooled her and myself. After Bester......Well, we both needed someone, it was easy . We had something once, I thought we could rebuild.....I was wrong." " And me ? Do you want me for the same reasons ?" " I don't want to be alone anymore....I'll admit that much. You know me, I'm not good at this, I can't write a poem to your eyebrows. God, Susan, when I woke up this morning, an' you were lying beside me....I love you, Susan...Those are the only words I can say." " That's all I need to hear, Michael." His hands entangled themselves in the mass of her hair as his mouth found hers. Touch, sensation, the only way he could find to express his feelings. Wherever Susan wanted to be, he would remain. ************************************************************************ ******* " How are you feeling ?" Mardra asked, as she and Susan were walking towards the main square. Michael had gone ahead, his presence had been requested earlier to aid preparations for a ceremony to honour the dead. He had protested, but his sense of duty had prevailed. The people of the city were slowly pulling their lives together. " A little nauseous," Susan admitted. " I'm sorry about yesterday." " I understand the news came as a bit of a shock." " You could say that. Has Michael explained ?" " Yes," Mardra paused, not quite knowing how to broach what had proved to be a sensitive subject. She put out a hand, resting it lightly on Susan's arm, " There are measures I can take." " No..." Susan shook her head. If she said anything else, she was certain that she would change her mind. " This has happened before ?" she asked Mardra. " Yes," the other woman replied sadly. " Whenever they found a characteristic they wanted. This is our fault, we drove you out, drove you to them....let them do this terrible thing. " " Mardra, don't. This isn't your fault. Michael and I have talked about it, we want this child." " You'll make very good parents." " Thankyou." Susan's smile was a little forced. Her emotions were still mixed. She had to continually remind herself that there was no one left alive to blame. The thought of having a child was not a repellent one. She knew that Michael would make one hell of a father. Sometimes she could make believe that this was a product of their love for one another. How was it possible that she could love this man and yet had remained cold to Marcus ? The question was a distressing one. She remembered what Stephen Franklin had said. That she had not been able to get close to Marcus because she had known that it would never have worked. Inadvertantly, he would have ended up hurting her. She would never have lived up to his ideal. The main square was crowded, Susan and Mardra had to push their way through to the front of the open area. Susan had felt herself hesitate at first. Waiting to catch a glimps of the hostility these people had once born her, but there was no sign. Several smiled at her, even offered thanks. Like Michael, she wondered if she was indeed worthy, but she wasn't going to start second guessing herself. A small raised area had been errected before them, where several city dwellers stood waiting to address the crowd. To Susan's surprise the first person to speak was Michael. He greeted the crowd in their own language, speaking carefully, unsure of his ability to make himself understood. He could only manage a few simple sentances, understanding more than he actually spoke. Finally he picked up a book and started to read in English, " This is something from my World, something we say to remember those lost to us in war; They shall not grow old,as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn, At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them. " He closed the book and stepped down from the dais. Susan gripped his hand tightly as he came to stand at her side. He smiled down at her, his eyes the colour of the summer Mediterranean sky. The service was short. Susan couldn't understand most of it, but the rhythm and beauty of the words stirred something within her. Again, that sense of peace. Michael seemed to feel it too. His hand never left hers and he seemed delightfully oblivious to the knowing looks Mardra was giving them. The final words of the memorial were ones of song, of joy, of hope for the future. Almost regretfully the group broke apart. Slowly, Susan and Michael started to walk home. Ruth From: Ruth King Subject: Heartsong 12/12 Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 16:42:06 +0100 This story contains SPOILERS for the end of SEASON 4 Heartsong 12 By Ruth King ruth@snowqueen.demon.co.uk Babylon 5 is copyright Warner Bros. & JMS etc. This story is not intended to infringe on these copyrights. Please do not reproduce without the prior consent of the author. David Sheridan sat in his darkened quarters. His thoughts were of his mother, his father, the ideals they had represented. He had always believed that he was following that dream. For the first time he had doubts about the people he served. Why had he joined EarthForce ? To serve something bigger than he was ? He could have done that within the Alliance. So many options had been open to John Sheridan's son. This was the one that had hurt his mother the most. She had wanted him to go to serve the Rangers. Naturally, the young David Sheridan had chosen to do exactly the opposite. He admitted that he and his mother had never been as close as they might have been. After his formative years, Delenn's influence had been minimal, by his choice. A young man, frustrated by life on Minbar, he had left as soon as he had been able. His isolation had grown when he left the planet. The rituals and ceremony had bored him, but his first years on Earth had been bleak, stripped of their comfort. His energy had been diverted into being the best damn officer he could. Now here he was, Captain of his own ship, everything he had dreamed of....and he was unhappy. His mother had once told him, if he had everything he had ever thought he wanted, and was still unhappy, it was time to change something. Maybe he should have listened to her. Making a decision, David got to his feet and headed towards the shuttle bay. It was dark when he landed, although the lights of the city still blazed brightly. He made his way quickly through the city. When he reached Ivanova's house he paused, glancing through the window. Susan sat before a fire, her grandchildren gathered about her feet. Ria and her husband were watching, Michael placing dinner on the table. David slipped into the house unnoticed. He stood for a moment, a strange sense of family pervading his thoughts. Returning to Earth would destroy Susan, her family. David couldn't take the responsibility. What would his father do ? Obey orders ? Find a way to ignore them was probably the more truthful answer. Just saying sorry would not be enough in Ivanova's eyes. David had the feeling that she was continually judging him against his father, and continually finding him wanting. To hell with it. He was his own person, not just some pale copy of John Sheridan. Too bad if she couldn't accept that. David coughed to announce his presence. Susan got up from her chair and came towards him, smiling. She tucked her arm in his. " Thankyou for coming back. We're just about ready to eat." " Susan, I'm sorry, but I can't stay. I have new orders. We're to head back to Earth in a couple of hours. I came to say goodbye," he replied. He wasn't going to do it. God knew what his excuse would be, but he would think of something and find a way to keep EarthForce away from this planet. " I'm sorry," Susan said, with heartfelt warmth. " If you're ever back in this direction....." " I'll come back....I promise." David didn't reply that he was unlikely to go anywhere ever again. " I've got to go," he made his apologies. Hurriedly he left the house. This was difficult enough without long goodbyes. " Hey David....Wait !" Michael's voice came to him out of the darkness. Reluctantly, David halted. " What about me ?" Michael asked. " Mike, believe me, if I could take you with me I would." " What's the problem ?" " Confidentially I was given orders to take you mother back to Earth. Now I'm not going to obey those orders, so I think things are going to get a little hot for me when I get home. " " So, you'll need all the friends you can get." " Michael..." " I think I would prefer it if you called me Mike." " Mike..." " I need to do this David. Please." Was there to be no shaking this young man ? David wanted to send him away, but there was something....What would his mother have said ? Destiny ? It was a word she used a great deal. David had never believed in it, before now. He had a sudden presentiment that his life was about to undergo a major change. " Don't you want to say goodbye to your mother ?" he asked. " Already done it ." " You think of everything don't you ?" " It's in the genes." David found himself laughing as the two men walked out of the city. ************************************************************************ *********** The Earth hung below them. Mike Garibaldi realised that he had never seen anything so beautiful. He accompanied David on the first shuttle down. It was doubtful as to whether he could have waited much longer. Where had David said they were landing ? Geneva, the headquarters of the Earth Administration. They flew across landscape that took his breath away. Mountains, gracefully reaching their whitened fingertips towards sky the colour of his mother's eyes. Lakes, so clear that he imagined that he could see fish moving about in their depths. Forests, dark green, with none of the lushness he associated with his own world. David Sheridan glanced at his young friend, as he guided the shuttle towards the landing pad. He could take no pleasure in the young man's excitement. The Captain was regretting his decision to let the other man come along. It would have been kinder to have left him behind. The shuttle landed gracefully before the elegant building. Glancing out of the window, David could see the welcoming committee making their way across the open space. He could see the admiral's diminutive figure in their midst. A shiver of fear passed through his body. There was no point in delaying, he opened the shuttle airlock. It was early march and the air that greeted them was cold. David took several deep breaths. Despite himself he was glad to be home. " What do you think ?" he asked Mike. " Colder than I expected," the other replied. " Captain Sheridan," it was the admiral's voice. Sheridan snapped attention, offering an impeccable salute. " You have not been answering my messages," the smaller man continued. " Sorry sir, had some communications problems." " Where is she ?" Mike chose that moment to step forward. " Mom couldn't make it," he told the admiral, " so she sent me instead." The admiral's eyes narrowed. It was almost as if he recognised this young man. " Your mother...She is well ?" " Not really. She probably wouldn't have survived the trip." David looked at Mike in surprise. He knew that there was nothing wrong with Susan. Didn't the man realise ? Didn't he know that it was impossible to lie to these people ? David immediately quashed that thought. The Admiral's full attention was on Mike but there was no point in taking chances with random thoughts. In fact, now he came to think about it there were signs of strain on his superior's face, yet Mike seemed to be unaffected. Casually he turned and stared straight at the admiral. " Don't do that Mr. Bester," Mike said mildly. " It only makes you uncomfortable." " Report to Section 12 for debriefing," Bester snapped to Sheridan. He then turned sharply and walked away. " Rather an unpleasant little man," Mike commented. " You could say that. I have to go. I'll get someone to take you to the Minbari embassy. When you get there tell them you have to speak to Delenn. " " What about you ?" " I'll join you later." " You sure." " Yeah. I've a feeling my military career is about to be severely curtailed. " Straightening his shoulders, David Sheridan marched after Bester. For a brief second he imagined that as shadowy figure was marching beside him. David smiled to himself as he prepared to face his future ************************************************************************ *********** Susan Ivanova sat alone before the fire. The children had gone home and she was left to dream in the magic hours between dusk and dawn. She liked this time. When she could be alone and at peace with herself. The fire provided the only light in the room, painting its flickering pictures before her eyes. Soft breath on her cheek, the brush of lips at the nape of her neck. " Hey beautiful, what you doin' up so late ?" " I was waiting for you," she smiled. " Am I that predictable ?" he laughed. " Always." The words failed into comfortable silence. " We got the new irrigation system working, food quota's are up again," she said suddenly. " Good, should take us through the rainy season." " Mickey left," she tried to keep the sob from her voice. " I knew he would go, but..." " Shhhhh," he whispered. " He'll be fine. After all he has Ivanova genes, he can cope with anything. " " I don't know, we hope Earth's changed, that John's Interstellar Alliance made a difference, but what proof do we have ? Maybe we were all just fooling ourselves ?" " Susan...surely you don't regret staying here ?" " Don't you ?" He fell silent, his eyes reflective. " Sometimes," he said eventually, " when it won't stop raining, when you were so sick after Mickey was born....when we lost John....but I couldn't imagine my life any other way. This place healed us, Susan." The scars in her soul had been touched. She was almost disappointed to find that the pain had all but gone. " Do you remember our wedding day ?" Susan asked suddenly. " I remember the wedding night better," he teased. She thumped him. He laughed, holding her tightly for a second. Susan closed her eyes, taking herself back. It had been dawn; in the light of the cool, clear sunrise. Holding each other close they whispered the vows that would bind them together in love and life. Susan could see everything, the tiny flowers that had been woven into the mass of her hair, his pale blue shirt, the spicy smell of the vegetation. Susan heard herself sigh, it had been so long ago, John had been barely a year old. Three years later Ria had been born, six years later ; Mickey. Tears sprung in her eyes as she thought about him. She prayed that David was keeping him safe. Rough fingers stroked her hair, offering the only comfort he still could. " I have to go," he told her eventually. " You comin '?" " Not yet," she told him. " Soon ?" " Yes, love, I'll be with you soon." " Promise ?" " I promise, I just want to see the children safely home." Ruth