From: Kate Bolin Subject: I won't fear love Date: Fri, 20 Jun 1997 13:15:49 -0500 (CDT) This takes place right after "Mourning". And I'm not normally a Susan-Michael sort of person, but those blasted B5 teens put the idea in my head by declaring "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" (by Sarah McLachlan) a Susan-Michael song. DISC: B5 prop of JMS, PTEN, WB, etc. ================================================== I Won't Fear Love by Kate Bolin "Peace in the struggle to find peace Comfort on the way to comfort And if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love And if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love..." Sarah McLachlan, "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" Susan Ivanova walked away from the cemetery, wiping tears from her chapped face. She had been there for almost three hours, reflecting on who she was; what she had become. She reached the gates of the cemetery and instinctively tensed when she saw who was standing there. He walked up to her, his arms open. "Susan," he said, his voice comforting. Susan stood her ground. "Get out of here," she said, her voice low and tense. "Susan, please," he said. "I just..." his voice trailed off. "I...I just wanted to apologize...for everything..." Susan looked at him, her eyes hooded. "Get the hell out of here," she finally said. She began to make her way back to the hotel. "Susan...wait!" the man said, almost desperately. She stopped, then turned around furiously. "Why should I?" she said, tears running down her face again. "Why should I wait? Why should I stand here and listen to you? How can I--" her voice caught. "How can I after what *you* did?" "Susan....I--" He paused for a second. "No, you're right. I should have known better than to come to you. You're still trying to find a scapegoat, someone to blame. Well, damnit, Susan, it isn't me!" Susan stood there, quaking with rage. Her hand shot out suddenly, landing squarely on his cheek. "Bastard!" she hissed. He caressed the mark on his cheek and looked her in the eyes. "It isn't me you want to blame, Susan. You've spent the past five years blaming me for what happened. But it has nothing to do with me, Susan! It has everything to do with *you*." She straightened, startled. "What...what do you mean?" she asked, her voice eerily quiet. "You've always held yourself responsible for everything; everyone. Everything that went wrong became instantly your fault, because you couldn't control it. You failed everybody, and so you had to put the blame on someone else. You cannot control everything!" He grabbed her by her shoulders. "Susan..." he said, his voice low and calm. "Susan, you have to let go." Susan began to sob again. She collapsed into his embrace. "Damn..." she said in-between sobs. "Damn you, Michael...Damn you for making me love you." He stroked her hair comfortingly. "Susan..." he said, his voice soothing. "Susan, don't fear it. Don't fear love." She continued to cry. "D-Damn you, Michael," she said under his breath. She looked up at him, her cheeks streaked with tears. "I've loved you for years...I couldn't let myself show it--couldn't let you know." She rested her face against his chest. "I love you, Michael," she said, her voice muffled. Michael Garibaldi closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Susan," he said, his voice quiet. "I've always loved you." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels." Kate Bolin http://studentweb.tulane.edu/~kbolin Founder of Delenn Deserves Better!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------