From ahighton@pine.shu.ac.ukWed Nov 22 14:20:32 1995 Date: Wed, 22 Nov 1995 12:04:58 GMT From: Tony Reply to: b5-creative@blob.best.net To: b5-creative@blob.best.net Subject: Kosh story Hello Heres a little story I wrote about Kosh :-) ------------------------------------------------ Kosh Goes Shopping. By Anthony Highton It was a cold dark night. The wind would have blown a cold chill on angel face Kosh but he had his encounter suit on. So it the wind got bored and stopped. Still onward Kosh walked. He had a mission to do. He was going to the local Vorlon conference at Tai Ci when his space ship fell out of hyper space. The dam thing had caught a cold. That's the problem with a living ship, they're always getting ill. One minute your happily flying along and the next minute your covered in ship phlegm. Still those wind screen wiper came in useful. Anyway it would take a few Vorlon days for the ship to get better, so rather than staying in space (were no one can hear you sneeze) Kosh set course to the nearest planet, earth. The ship landed with a bump and a large sneeze. A large blob of snot came out of the back of the ship, which sadly killed a family of woodchucks. Kosh knew that if any human was to see him, he could play the old "I'm a angle, bow down before me" trick. That got rid of them quick. Kosh walked on through the forest. He came to a clearing in the forest. There were quite a few building there. Kosh stayed in the shadows, as he walked up to the first building. He looked up at the sign above the building. "G-E-N-E-R-A-L S-T-O-R-E." He read. Kosh had a idea. He entered the store. No one took much notice as Kosh entered the store. Even the storekeeper didn't look up as he had taken loads acid when he was young and was use to "seeing" strange things at night. Kosh walked up to the storekeeper and looked him in the eye with his big iris thing and said. "The willows have burnt the rope." "Pardon??" replied the storekeeper. "The jumping beans play fishing on Mar" "What?!!" said the now getting surprised storekeeper. "Dance onward or feel the breath of doom." "Now look here, what the hell do you want? Say what you want or get the hell out of my shop!!" "The children play while the danger is away." "Is this all you do all day, talk sense butt wipe." If the shop keeper had X-ray vision, he would have seen the frustrated angel face of Kosh. "Oh fuck" thought Kosh "I shall have to work harder on these cryptic saying." "Give me some cough medicine." Kosh said in his best sounding voice. "That's better," said the shop keeper. "I recommend Acme Cold Medicine." The shop keeper reached up to a shelf and got a small sized bottle down. "Thank you Mr. Shopkeeper." Said Kosh as he pick up the medicine and put it in his Vorlon pocket. "That will be three dollar please." Said the shop keeper. "Ah the mice have gone and the tramps are playing. I have none of your earth dollars." "So you are a weirdo then." Said the shop keeper. "But stop, do no worry earthling. I have 30 Vorlon butt tokens."replyed Kosh. With that, he jumped on the table and in a squatted position deposited 30 warm Vorlon butt tokens into the hand of the shop keeper. "Arggg, I'm calling the cops" shouted the shop keeper. "Never fear, I'm a Vorlon. I can do that sort of thing. Due to the inconsistency in JMS's scripting" Shouted Kosh. As he jumped up into the air and smashed through the store front window.