From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Wed May 8 18:26:34 1996 Date: Sun, 5 May 1996 19:00:15 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" -- Prolog and Chapter One Hello all! Well, the "couple of snags" in chapter one of "Lia" turned out to be many. Those of you who read the draft will see that I've added quite a bit. Since I posted the prolog a while ago I am reposting it without the silly dating error & a few other tweaks. Hopefully the rewrite on chapter two will go faster. This story is for Felicia and Justin, whose past comments on "The Rescue" (my first attempt at this plot, where it was a Garibaldi procedural ... riddled with plot holes) changed the story to examine a complication and include Delenn. This story is also for Alison who proprietary claims of "mine, all mine" goaded me into finishing the draft, wherein Anna gets her say. And for Sue who is encouraging me to get it finished. This takes place in an alternative third season, after "Post Inquisitor", "Giddy", "Doubts" and "Gotcha!": John and Delenn's secret relationship started during the "Fall of Night" epilog and so is well established by this time. I do have a purpose for the story, but it's not to make predictions. jms is leading up to something that's going to be painful to watch. I've come up with an alternative situation from what I'm expecting so I can examine some emotional aspects that I don't think the arc is going to deal with directly. This story will have six chapters, a prolog and an epilog. Julie the Anna-obsessed PS: to those who requested I forward Cheryl Thompson's Analysis's: I could only get into the snail line on my modem this afternoon. It's going to take me a half hour to post this. I'll foreward the stuff when I can get a fast line, maybe Tuesday in the wee am. From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Wed May 8 18:26:37 1996 Date: Sun, 5 May 1996 19:21:05 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" -- Prolog (corrected) This is the beginning of a new story. There will be six chapters and an epilog. Usual disclaimers. There are no third season spoilers here; it begins about a third of the way into an alternative third season. I hope this catches your interest. Please send comments to the list or to julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu =========================== "Lia" : Prologue by Julie Watkins Sheridan stared at the work on his desk, feeling wistful. He was thinking about Delenn. He wanted to take her out to dinner. A real dinner, a real date. Not like the 'impromptu' 'let's finish business' meals--and they were few and far between anyway--when they had an excuse to stay in the same company without causing undo rumor. Delenn still had that black dress, he knew. She had never worn it again in public. They'd only had that one real dinner date, so long ago. And He hadn't been sure she thought of it as a 'date'. Hell, he hadn't even thought about it that way until afterwards. Now they had to keep it secret, it always had had to be a secret. He never had been in that situation with Anna. Anna and he always loved showing each other off. It didn't seem right; it had never seemed right. It seemed to question their commitment to each other, that they couldn't be honest. He sighed and forced his mind back to reports. There was nothing else to be done now, he admitted, hoping for a bright future with them both living and free from political duty. Two hours later and two thirds down the pile he was scanning sector security reports. The reaction was automatic. He popped the crystal, carefully placed it at the far edge of his desk, spoke into voice mail, and resolutely picked up the next report. By the end of the morning Sheridan was half way through the budget projections. His progress had been methodical, without the usual digressions and internal complaints. Garibaldi walked in, stepping cheerfully. "Hi Cap'n. What's the story?" Sheridan pointed at the crystal. "The paragraph's marked." His eyes didn't leave his screen. Hoo, boy, Garibaldi thought. I hate when he does that. He picked up the crystal and plugged it into an auxiliary data station on the wall. The "paragraph" was actually a photograph, and it set his skin into a crawl. It's another "next time", isn't it, captain? Garibaldi said to himself. The woman in the crowd looked enough like Anna that he was sure that was why he'd been called. Garibaldi pressed his lips together tightly and breathed in deeply. John stayed as he had been when Garibaldi entered. Tap, tap on the line advance. Pause. Three keystrokes meant "ok'd"; more meant a comment or adjustment. Taptap, pause. Ripple. Taptap, a longer pause. Maybe he's looking at my back, Garibaldi thought. Tapatap, back to work. Garibaldi looked at the photo good long time, figuring the chances. He stood quietly feeling the low rumble of an approaching storm. And if we survive this, what happens next? I was wrong, Garibaldi thought, his emotion mostly dread ... and a tiny corner of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this would be an "impossible rescue" after all. He remembered another summons months before. It had been a strange and strained December: The Centauri-Narn war had ended with the brutal bombing of the Narn Homeworld. The captain had almost started another war, but the Centauri declined the provocation. The captain met a bomb and he should have died but an "angel" plucked him out of the air. And in the midst of this a strange human named Sebastian had walked out of a Vorlon ship with an intent akin to torture (from what he could gather), but he couldn't understand why John would have cooperated with anything such thing. It had been close to the time, as far as he and Ivanova could estimate afterwards, that John and Delenn decided they loved each other and started their secret affair. Still ignorant of that affair, Garibaldi had been summoned to John's quarters, and John had shown him a creased photo of Morden that he had kept face down, pinned under the heavy brass frame that held a photo of Anna Sheridan, his presumed-dead wife. Morden, very much alive, had been crew on the ship Anna had died on. John had basically gone crazy and over-the-top trying to force the story out of Morden. Calmly, John had handed him Morden's photo and said "He knows who Anna was. He works for the Shadows. How are they going to use this against me?" Garibaldi had been very grateful for that 'was'. John was obviously worried about a false distress signal turning into an ambush. His first fearful thought had been that John was going to ask for his help for a rescue. They had talked for a long time, and he got a lot of questions answered he had been wondering about. The conversation could come to no firm conclusions, except for the firming of John's resolve to be prepared for the inevitable. He was vulnerable, though not so vulnerable as he had been before facing his fears. Garibaldi had kept it on the back burner and John had said nothing further about it from that day until now. It had been a good sign then that John had asked for his help. It was a good sign now how quickly he had asked again. Garibaldi put the photo on display, and called John over. John saw the photo, looked away as he stepped up to the wall. "Look at it," Garibaldi said. John head and eyes raised and Garibaldi watched the emotions play across his face. Nervous fear slowly gave way to grim acceptance. The place was a black market hall from Birkham station. The subject of the report was in the foreground: Long dark hair, menacing eyes. Wanted for arms smuggling. Behind him, her right arm hidden, was the woman that looked like Anna. Another man stood next to her, though maybe he didn't have an iron grip on the hidden arm. Other figures and a few glimpses of undefinable stock-for-sale filled the rest of the photo. The woman's mouth was open as if she were speaking, the visible hand was gesturing. The hall was dim, the photo was almost colorless, but an overhead light had caught her face though it put the target man's face mostly in shadow. "Wanted man" indeed. "Why do you think that woman is Anna?" John's hand rubbed the back of his neck. Garibaldi well remembered the madness that he now saw again in his eyes, this time tightly controlled. "The face is thin," John answered quietly. "The hair--that could easily change. But the way she holds herself. That arm ... she's angry." "I can see the resemblance," Garibaldi admitted. "It's close enough to be worth a check." John became agitated at his response, some of the madness escaping into frantic. "What am I not doing that I'm supposed to be doing? What threat is this distracting me from?" Garibaldi's hands were in his pockets and he rocked back on his heels. "I'll keep that in mind, sir." He paused, then spoke very carefully. "However, this might just be what it looks like: a chance photo, and we get a break." John looked down and his eyes blinked. "If that is Anna," he continued, "then I would say the enemy is in the process of setting up the ambush and she's not cooperating." John let out his breath, and looked back at the screen in hope, wanting to believe that was true. Garibaldi gave him a few more moments, then he turned off the screen, popped the crystal and pocketed it. "I'll take this," he said, all business. "This is my job now. Try not to think or hope too much." John nodded. He didn't have voice enough to say "thank you". Garibaldi was making plans even before he left the room. How he was going to do the rescue--if there was to be a rescue and this wasn't all a cruel sham--was going to have to be a lot improvisation based on how the situation arrived. But the next step was planable: how to keep Anna safe and hidden, somewhere there would be help, if (if!) there was damage that had to be undone. Well, secret meant it was going to have to be Ranger business and that mean Delenn. He was half way to his office before it occurred to him that maybe bringing in Delenn might not be appropriate. So he took that as a sign that his gut instinct trusted Delenn to be objective. Certainly more than the captain would be. John was right not to trust himself about Anna. Garibaldi's one hunch--beyond that he had a hell of a ride coming--was that he was going to need Delenn with him to keep John in line. The first thing Garibaldi did when he got to his office was send a 'call me' message to Delenn. He would tell Delenn, then he would tell John he told her. One less thing for the captain to try not to brood about. This ... yeah this. Situation? He decided he could call it that. This--possible--situation could get dicey just at the wrong time. ==end prolog== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Wed May 8 18:26:40 1996 Date: Sun, 5 May 1996 19:46:12 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" -- Chapter One Continued from Prolog; standard disclaimers apply. This story contains no third season spoilers. Please send comments to the list or to julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu =================================== "Lia" : Part 1 by Julie Watkins Maybe in the eyes you could see the reason. Matthew Gratton blinked. She had the eyes of someone who knew death. Her clothes were worn and threadbare, the woman who stood in front of him. A mended flannel shirt, blue jeans, marked with work stains. Her brown hair was in a short braid, her hand were oil stained. She had arrived as a maintenance worker on the _Amritsar_ but was staying on station. She had the minimum amount of credits on her chit to stay: he guessed she had traded work--probably honest work--to get passage here. She looked sane enough, attractive and hard-working enough, that she should be able to find a job. He didn't think he was looking at a future lurker. Why would she have such alerts on her ID? "Could you step aside, please?" +++ It was a clean, cold room. It was not the air but the place that chilled her. Monitors, cabinets. She didn't know if they were locked or not, she sat motionless at the table in the center of the room, facing the door. Only as he had opened it had she found her voice to ask the customs guard, "But why--?" He had shook his head. "Someone will be with you shortly." She waited, shivering, in a fearful trance. Click. The door slid open. Her eyes raised to see a tall man enter. Grey uniform, burr-cut dark hair. Cold as the room. He put the fake ID in front of her. "That's not your name." "I'm Anna--" "You've escaped, and this--" Garibaldi knocked the ID off the table "--is so they can't find you again." She started to object but he leaned over the table to silence her, fingers on her lips for a moment, eyes burning threat. Her eyes clouded in confusion and pain. She had dared hoped she was home free, and now the door was slamming in her face. "Good. OK, Ma'am, we've got a problem. I don't know what to do with you." She stiffened, not knowing if this was sympathy or sarcasm. He smiled at her silence, his projected mood moving from anger to serious. "Yes, Anna, I know who you are." Her eyes widened. "I also know who took you prisoner. People don't escape from there. They let you go. They wanted you to come here. Those people want your husband dead and they're using you." "No--" Anna covered her face with her hands. It was true, then, the small voice in the back of her mind that had called up such fear and guilt and longing. She had been afraid to come here, afraid for John, but there had been no where else to go. "I've got to assume they buried a weapon in your body or mind meant to kill the captain or this station. I know it's nothing you intend or know about, but I have to find that bomb and defuse it." She agreed to cooperate, and asked his name. He held off his introduction until the first few tests came up favorable. +++ "She's here," Garibaldi's message said. "Code 4R. Customs Examination Room Three." Delenn stared at the text several moments before she paged the others, thankful Garibaldi had not used Babcom, thankful he had not seen the emotion that must have crossed her face before she regained control. A chill covered her. This was too soon, too soon for battle. They were not ready to fight, John was not ready to face whatever mockery his wife might have become. "John's going to brood about this," Garibaldi had told her two months before, showing her the crowded photograph. "That woman may or may not be Anna. Her will may or may not be her own. He may or may not be getting a call for help from that face that may or may not lead to ambush." Delenn had received Garibaldi's warning in great unease. However the enemy planned to use this or some other Anna against John she could be sure that--somewhere--there was or there might be an innocent who did not deserve what had or might happen to her. If there was a way they had to try to save her. If they did not make the attempt it would kill John; if they did not make the attempt they would be no better than what they fight against. "We'll need a safe place to hide her," Garibaldi had said, "where she can stay until the war is over. I want to send her to the Rangers." Delenn had agreed. John didn't know what they planned. John had not asked. Delenn had come to John's room that evening, knowing that he would have already read Garibaldi's message, and he had stood in silence, slowly embraced her, and said no word. And no word since. Most days he was silent, distant. Some days--when his despair overwhelmed him--he sought her in great need. He spoke no word of the fears that churned inside him but she could well feel and understand them. His fears become her fears, and she had taken as much comfort as she gave. Anna Sheridan has come here, Delenn repeated to herself. Anna or her shell. Following the plan, Delenn called Marcus Cole to get _Andreth_ ready to take her away, hopefully before the Shadows arrived. She did not think any enemy ships were near yet; station operations seemed normal. She also called Dr. Peg Hinson, a ranger with combat medical experience, asking her to meet her on the way to customs. They had to check Anna as soon as possible to know what was safe, and Hinson would also be the link to the "safe house" where Anna would be sent, if they could get her away. +++ Nothing. Nada. Not a thing. Poor, scared girl was doing quite well, considering. Garabaldi knew he should try to say something encouraging to her as she lay on the examination table, but he was too tied up in confusion and fear and grief. It kept coming down to shadows, it kept coming down to Talia. One more person on the list of people he had failed. No, Anna, I won't let it happen to you. No, Anna-- dear God, Anna--I don't want it to happen to you. I don't think I could bear to see you die in John's arms the way Talia died in mine. Talia was no more than might have been and it still almost destroyed me, still haunts my dreams. What would it be to John to lose you? Garibaldi pushed away the memories. He had to think. He didn't want to come to the conclusion he was coming to, but it could be nothing other than another Talia. Maybe, with warning, they could come to a different outcome. There was no bomb, her personality seemed to be intact. There had to be a trap, and the only place for it was her mind. Somehow, the shadows still had control, though she felt herself free. It had to be an AP, just like Talia. Talia had had Shadows written all over her. It had been Shadows that put that murderous monster inside of her. Abel Horn--he was another man with a trap in his mind. He had had so little of his life left. A zombie. He was the "best" Earth science could do on it's own to turn a free mind into a slave. Talia had been there at Syria Planum. With the Shadow ships. With that alien machine. The Shadows there had put a monster into Talia's mind, to lay hidden. Talia didn't know the mole was there. Talia had lived and breathed and loved as her invisible sister listened and laughed. All the time he had known her--all the time he had tried to come closer-- her death had watched him through her eyes. The _Icarus_ had landed on Z'Ha'Dum, and there the Shadows had taken Morden and Anna and who knew who else. Morden had sold his soul to stay alive. Now he was their pampered messenger boy. Anna would have fought, John had been sure of that. Anna would have died rather than cooperate, and all her actions seemed honest now. At most she had been, was being, misled. Why would the Shadows have kept Anna alive if she would not agree to serve? Starkiller. Her husband was already an important man. That made her an important pawn, important bait. Garibaldi had taken Anna into the inner room, and started the scans himself, repeating the standard customs scans Anna would have already been given, in case the AP had caused Anna to make a distraction, and smuggled something past. The first scan had been the most important: her EEG-identity reading which they had taken from Anna Sheridan's medical records matched, just as the retina scan matched both that record and what was recorded on her identicard which was how she had gotten stopped at entry. Before UnTalia was released from the holding cell to 'her' quarters prior to being shown off station Franklin managed a few tests, on the justification of her 'aggressive behavior': the change in the EEG was the same as for mind-wipes, and the same test could be used for both, as a rough approximation. Of course the reading couldn't say if there was an AP underneath. The next scans were for bombs. Nothing large enough to damage the station. Not a smaller bomb or hidden weapon to be used for assassination. Nothing obvious that was a threat to her life alone, but such devices could be very subtle and hard to identify. He was far into doctor territory and he had difficulty interpreting the readings. But to stop would mean to invite questions from Anna. He was glad when he heard the door click and slide open. He turned to see Dr. Hinson entering, Delenn following behind. Delenn could see the tension in Garibaldi's stance, the knowledge of the danger to come. The fear of one who has been touched by shadows. The woman on the examination table turned at their entrance. She sat up and would have slipped off the table if Garibaldi's hand had not held her down. Her eyes pierced into Delenn's, stopping Delenn in midstride. Garibaldi swallowed at that, trying to fight down his fear. Hinson stood to one side. Delenn approached again slowly, battle readiness falling away into wonder. Anna. Anna only. There was no pain of warning, the Enemy was not here. John, John, she cried to him silently, fighting back tears. All you hoped for, all you dared not hope for. She is here, her spirit is free. Tool of the Shadows she might be, but she is not willing, nor is she guarded as Morden is guarded. No, the darkness must be here somewhere. Her sudden joy was replaced by bitter concern. So much more found meant so much more to lose. A cold determination settled into her eyes. "There are no Shadows here," she said to Garibaldi. "Glad to hear it," he answered, but his voice had a worry. It did not seem reasonable that the Enemy would have let Anna out alone. Delenn understood his puzzlement. She looked at Anna. "Perhaps they had been with you, but you refused to be herded?" Anna stared at her. Delenn extended her hand to her. "I am the Minbari Ambassador to _Babylon 5_. Our people have had ancient contact with the Shadows that held you. My name is Delenn." Anna grasped the hand hesitantly. Delenn released and motioned to Hinson. "This is Dr. Hinson. She is going examine you for traps." "Anything yet?" Hinson asked Garibaldi. He said "No" and listed the tests he was sure of. "'Shadows'?" Anna said to the Minbari. The other two were talking around her, but the Minbari had kept her attention on her. "I don't understand what is happening here." "The 'Shadows' are the Enemy we fight," she answered. "It was they who took your ship." "I can't remember." Her voice was low, unstable. Garibaldi and Hinson stopped their conversation to quietly listen. "I don't understand what I remember. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I tried to call out to the others, but I had no voice. I could not see what touched me ..." She faltered. "You felt the touch in your mind," Delenn said into the silence. "A blackness that called, a veil to your memory, an intrusion into your dreams." She stepped closer. "There was no air to breathe, a chill to the bone, hopelessness, a call to surrender." Anna shuddered, recognizing what she described. "When I first was taken, there had been no way to escape." Her hands knotted together. "All I could do was lay there, my mind dying, and hope for John to come. Then they took me out--" "Who 'they'?" Garibaldi interrupted. Anna shook her head. "I don't remember who told me, or how I knew what they wanted. Only wanting to escape. I don't know why they took me from that room." She stopped and stared at the floor in shame. Eyes still down she spoke again to Delenn, afraid she knew the answer to the question she was going to ask. "How did you mean 'herded'?" "That you were being placed as bait in an ambush." "No--" Her hands fisted on her cheeks. "I escaped. I saw a way-- I took it. They tried to recapture me, but I lost them. God help me, I thought I lost them." Delenn pulled Anna's hands away from her face, held them between her own. "I know." Her voice held no accusation. Her gaze flew upwards, begging forgiveness. "I thought I lost them," she repeated. "I didn't come here until nothing was following me. I wouldn't bring danger here. I won't hurt John. You know that!" Delenn nodded. "I wouldn't." Her breath was panicked, ragged. "They were trying to make me-- They wanted me to--" She was trying hard to remember, but couldn't find the words. "I wouldn't," she said finally, then repeated the words in a despairing whisper. "I got away. They meant me to?" She turned away again, trying to pull away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They're going to kill us all." Delenn held her fast. "You have done well," she said. "This is not according to their plan, I think." Her voice was pleased. "Perhaps they intended to keep a close control of you, and so made the trap inside you subtle, left you whole to better sweeten the bait." She made Anna lift her head, and spoke with certainty. "But you would not cooperate--they left you whole enough that you have your will--and the plan was not working." Anna's eyes lifted. Hope again was returning. Delenn smiled at her. "So they let you go, knowing you would come here once you thought it safe, putting a spy on station to watch for your arrival, who will send word." Garibaldi nodded. That might be an explanation and a reason to hope for maneuvering room. "If this had been their original intent," Delenn continued, "for you to arrive without escort, I think your trap would have been more lethal --a bomb or your mind already shackled. Perhaps they are-- How does John phrase it?" The tone of her voice lowered. "They are ... 'improvising'." "John," Anna said. Her eyes narrowed. "Yes," Delenn answered, in the same low voice. "It will heal his heart to find you whole. He will be here soon." "What?" Garibaldi interrupted Anna's reaction. "Delenn!" His voice lowered to a whisper. "Are you trying to kill her? They probably gave her an AP, and John's the trigger!" "AP? Trigger?" Anna said, slipping off the table and approaching as close as she dared. "You've been programed," Garibaldi explained, reviewing again the conclusions he had come to. Her trigger could not be as Talia's had been since she would come here alone and the target was John. There would be no one who could reliably get access to both of them at the same time. The trigger or the primer had to be John. "An 'AP' is an 'Alternate Personality'," he explained and Anna looked frightened. He decided to frighten her more. Maybe she'd believe the danger then. "Kind of an 'mind-wipe in waiting' just hanging there ready to take over. Only lawyers and courts and due process have nothing to do with it. See, you've already been through the machine." Anna's arms clutched across her chest, and she drew inward. Garibaldi moved in even closer, no mercy in his voice. "Hell, your invisible sister may have already made your body do things you didn't know about. She can take over when you're asleep." His voice changed from grim sarcasm to merely grim. "When the trigger's tripped she'll take over permanently. It happened to a friend of mine." His throat tightened, and he let some of his grief into his voice to better his argument. "Someone tripped the trigger and she died. Her body's god-knows-where now, helping the other side." "This will happen to me?" Anna asked, voice brittle. "When you see John, or hear his voice." "But I have," she said, incredulous. "What?" Garibaldi asked. His whole face said the word as he stepped back, unbelieving. His tight control dropped for a moment. A part of Anna's confidence returned. "The welcome video," she explained, eyes hard. That was a victory for her, that this tall, hard man didn't have all the answers. "No one else wanted to watch it. I checked the index, and John was only in the introduction." Her voice became stubborn and defiant. "I hit restart five times. I felt nothing--nothing bad. I can quote it back verbatim, if you want proof." Garibaldi stared back at her, working his jaw. He'd just lost his edge and he knew it. "Well, that's a data point," Hinson said. "The voice has to be present, not recorded. Or maybe a specific word." She motioned for Anna to lay back down on the table, starting to reset the monitors. "Possibly, the trigger could be touch, but that would be difficult to program." Anna kept her eyes locked with Garibaldi's. She didn't believe a word of it. He had to be the one to break contact. Cursing to himself he motioned Delenn to follow him back to the outer room. =====end chapter 1===== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Sat May 18 15:49:15 1996 Date: Thu, 16 May 1996 02:59:15 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" : part 2 Part two is finally done! Standard disclaimers apply. This story contains no third season spoilers. When finished, this story will have six parts, plus a prolog and epilog. Please send comments to the list or to julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu ========================================== "Lia" : Part 2 by Julie Watkins "I wish you hadn't done that," Garibaldi muttered. The door closed between the two rooms. Delenn read the anger in Garibaldi's posture and stood patiently, waiting to be yelled at. Garibaldi took a deep breath, trying to keep it calm. "Calling the captain in wasn't part of the plan." "The plan didn't say," Delenn evaded. "You didn't expect Anna to come here. Your plan was a 'snatch and run' rescue." Maybe I was wrong to bring you in on this, Garibaldi thought. He said aloud, "You also didn't have to talk about 'John' that way. I think you spilled the beans." Did you mean to do that? "I will not lie to her." Yes, you did mean to do that. "Maybe it would have been better!" Garibaldi lost the battle against his anger. "She has to leave and you get to keep him. Your 'nobility' is just going to make it worse for her." "John would will not lie either," she predicted as the outer door opened. "Delenn?" John asked, walking into the room. Her message was Code 7R, urgent, but Customs was an odd place for Ranger business. Then he saw Anna in the monitor screen, a doctor engaged in some kind of testing. Delenn was standing next to the monitor; he didn't see her. Silently, he approached the screen. Anna alive, John thought, Anna whole. It must be. His heart and mind raced. This was the trap, then: not lies, not ambush--madness. Show me what I will lose. Show me all I long for. --=*=-- *BANG* How far are you prepared to go? The white pain coursed through him. Not half the pain of anguish and disbelief as when Lt. Wade told his news: _Icarus_ had exploded. *BANG* How much are you prepared to risk? "I'm sorry, sir," Wade had continued. "All hands lost." John's mind had spun in chaos. Someone's hand had tried to touch his shoulder. He had knocked it away and stared at the wall as the room emptied. *BANG* How many people are you prepared to sacrifice for victory? Anna. Wife. You? Not in the past, but now? --=*=-- John tried to calm his heart. Had Sebastian known he would have to face this? Delenn counted three breaths before John turned to speak to Garibaldi, his emotion mostly hid. The voice was a bare whisper. "Is that Anna?" "All the tests say 'yes'. She came aboard the _Amristar_ as a worker. She's been on board something under two hours. Most of that time she was waiting to be processed. The retina scan on her false ID got her stopped at entry." More deep breaths, and John's eyes closed briefly. "What's the trap?" "Not a bomb," Garibaldi answered, relieved at the topic of the question. "We've checked. She's clean of anything large enough to harm more than herself. I'm guessing it'll be 'sell your soul or she dies'. My plan is to get her out of here and safe before the trigger gets tripped." "I'm the trigger." "That's my guess." His jaw set, eyes glued to the monitor. "Most likely it's your voice, saying something intimate same way you said it in tapes she'd kept. She saw and heard you on the welcome vid multiple times before we picked her up. I'd say she's been missing you." John found a smile to respond to that, but Garibaldi's face was troubled. "Here's the nasty:" his voice was grim. "She doesn't know what I'm planning. She thinks I can find and defuse the bomb and she's in and we can't do anything to let her think otherwise. If she's got an AP inside her it's waiting for the right moment to surface. We have to stay on the script until we can jump so far off the AP will be powerless." "Taking her off the station is off the script," John objected. "They haven't planned a 'happily ever after', Captain. The script ends 'KABOOM!' I'm sorry. I've got no guarantees. She can't stay. You know that." "Is it safe for her to see me?" "She knows you're coming here," Delenn said, and John looked at her for the first time. Sudden guilt crossed his face. "I don't think it's a good idea," Garibaldi said evenly, expecting a fight. "Too dangerous." "You can't send her away without giving them time together," Delenn answered and then turned to John. "You must go to her. She is willing to take the risk." Somehow, Garibaldi was not surprised at Delenn's interference. From the look on John's face he was afraid longing might win out over common sense. He tried anyway. "She doesn't understand the risk." "You're afraid of another Talia," John said softly, looking away from Delenn to speak to him. Garibaldi blinked. Perhaps he did have a chance to salvage this. Delenn was a lost cause, but maybe he could get through to John. "Yeah, Talia." His voice was ragged. "I loved her, I wanted to love her. I felt her die even as her body was struggling to kill me. Do you want that?" He looked away. "All I lost was 'might have been'. You've got a lot more to lose." John nodded, eyes dull. "Michael," Delenn stepped closer, speaking only to him. "This may be their only chance for goodbye." His eyes flashed angry that she would consider that possibility. "Would you take that from them?" "Don't, damn you." Garibaldi answered in a hiss. "You want to give up? Fine. Stay out of it. I'm not going to let her die." He then turned to John. "You stay here," he ordered. Walking to the door, he tapped it open. "I'll square this with Anna." John made no move to follow. Anna's head turned at the sound of the door opening. Garibaldi walked up to the table, trying to look unconcerned. "I haven't found anything yet," Hinson said. Her look added, "it must be an AP." She pointed to the EEG reading: still the same. "Is John here?" Anna asked. Hinson lowered her probe and Anna sat up, twisting sideways so she was sitting on the edge of the table. "Well, that's the problem." Garibaldi looked away, uncomfortable. "It's still dangerous." Anna ignored the warning. "Is he here?" "Yes," he admitted. "He's leaving it up to you--" "I want to see him." "I know that." he tried to sound reasonable. "I don't think that's a good idea." "You know why you're here," Hinson added her agreement to Garibaldi's. "You know the Shadows only let you go to further their own aims. I can't find anything of a booby trap on your body--nothing connected to your heart or brain arteries to cause heart attack or stroke on command--that means the trap is invisible. In your mind." "If there is a trap," Anna said. "Believe it," Hinson said coldly. "You didn't escape, even if you think you did. The Shadows did not let you go out of the goodness of their hearts." "It's a trap," Garibaldi continued. "They're going to tell John, 'Sell your soul, or she dies'--do you want to cooperate with that?" She looked away. "Or maybe it's 'Sell your soul to get her back'-- that's a real danger here. He can see you." He took a deep breath. "He knows it's you. He comes in, you see him, he touches you or says 'I love you' and *bang* your AP program takes over. Laughs and tells him the terms." "Do you know this?" Her voice was obstinate. "It's risk enough to wait, isn't it? Just a little while," he lied. "Just let us find the trap, make it safe, and then you can see him. OK?" "I need to see him. Now." "Anna, please. This isn't reasonable." "Please," she echoed, tears falling from her eyes. "I need him." She slid off the table, laid her hands on Garibaldi's crossed arms. "You say he's here, I don't know it. I don't know you," her voice quivered. "I don't know that Minbari who says she knows him." Garibaldi grimaced inwardly and would have rather turned away than look at her pain, but he stayed silent. Anna turned to Hinson, feeling outnumbered. "I need to know you're telling the truth! How do I know you're not ... shadows ... making a trap." Hinson shook her head, offering no help. "We are not the Enemy." "How can I know what's true?" Anna pleaded. "It's been so hard." She struggled to stop the tears. "It was all I could do to get here. No, I shouldn't be here," She admitted bitterly. "If I had known it was a war I wouldn't have risked being a danger. But I'm here, I know he's here. I can't undo what I've done--" Oh, god, love, John thought as he looked at this wife, his hands spread on the monitor. He could read her pain in every movement. Delenn stood beside him. He couldn't understand his feelings. This was not the attack he had expected; this was beyond anything he had dared hope for. Anna was dead, he had spent so long believing that. Anna--Anna as he saw her now--that Anna was only in the past. These two months since he saw the photograph had not prepared him for this. He had pushed his hopes so deep inside, how could he let himself hope? He'd been expecting a shell, a Morden. Something to fear. Not Anna, whole. Not Anna, needing his love. His emotions could only retreat to that time when it was only her. That time before that was without grief and guilt. "OK, OK," Garibaldi said. "What kind of proof would you accept?" Anna stood stubbornly silent. John knew that look. She wasn't going to budge. Garibaldi tried anyway, "Other than him." John could see he was frightened, trying to keep Anna from seeing that, trying to make her believe he was in control. Anna scanned the front wall, looking for the monitor lens. "John?" she pleaded. "Anna," he whispered back. She would not hear it: the intercom was closed. "Are you there?" Anna asked. Her eyes were looking right at him. John swallowed. "John, love, can you hear me?" "John, you must go to her," Delenn said. In his mind it was Anna's voice he heard. His jaw set. She repeated sharply, "John." He would not move his eyes. "I promised Michael--" "Her death may have already begun." His eyes closed for only a moment, then flew open again, still fixed on Anna. "A 'countdown'? Is that the word?" Delenn's hand shook as it hovered an inch from touching his arm. "John! Look at me!" Slowly his head turned to obey. She drew her hand back. "She saw you in the 'Welcome' vid. Whatever weapon she carries may have already been primed. Michael speaks of a 'trigger'--a specific trigger. Michael wants to believe he has a chance to win." Her voice had became stone cold, and now fell to grieving. "Much as we want a way to save her, it may be that nothing we do will change what will be." "No--" His hands fluttered. He didn't want to hear the words. He turned again to the monitor. He again heard her words as Anna's voice rather than being spoken by Delenn. "We do not know," she said. "We can not know." Finally she touched him, hand on his back. "Therefore you must follow your heart. Therefore you must answer her's." Garibaldi had just begun to hope he'd won when her heard the door hiss open. He grabbed Anna's arms, holding her back as she called John's name. "Stop," he told her. Releasing one of her arms he turned and to see John standing stiffly, just inside the door. He held his free hand palm out, giving the same order to him. John stayed where he was, face a mask of worry. Delenn entered behind him and stood against the wall. The door closed. If he'd had the luxury, Garibaldi would have swore at Delenn. She could have prevented this if she wanted to. "OK, Anna, you've got your proof." He tried to take back control of the situation before it became an avalanche. "OK?" Anna's face was still stubborn. Garibaldi turned back to John, desperate. "You promised me you'd listen. Promised." John looked down. "This scenario was specifically tailored for you--to trap or kill you." His eyes closed and his hands fisted. He opened his eyes to look at Anna. Shaking his head he turned for the door. Garibaldi heaved a sigh of relief. He wasn't fast enough to stop Anna from twisting out of his grasp. She caught John at the door, pulling his mouth down to hers. For a moment he tried to push her away, but then his mouth opened and his arms held her close. On his first embrace John pressed up her back, pulling on the fabric of her shirt which was then no longer tucked into her jeans. His hands were now under the fabric. Her hands released his neck and unzipped his jacket and then pulled at his white shirt. They were going to get naked, Garibaldi realized. Fine, fine. Exactly according to script. We're all going to die. Delenn watched the kiss, a look of fear in her eyes. Are you afraid? Garibaldi thought, looking at her. Why should you fear? This is what you wanted, isn't it? ===end part two=== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Wed May 29 19:34:09 1996 Date: Sat, 25 May 1996 09:13:56 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" - Chapter 3 This is chapter three of "Lia"; please contact me if you need the prolog or chapters one or two. There are no third season spoilers in this story. I should have mentioned that there were specific late second season spoilers in the prolog and first chapter. (Belated Warning for Australians.) There are three more chapters and an epilog still to come, once I finish my rewrite. Standard disclaimers. Please send comments to the list or to julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu ================================= "Lia" : Chapter 3 by Julie Watkins He was on station, but he couldn't have told you that. It was the year 2260, the name of the place was _Babylon 5_, and he was in Custom's Examination Room three, but he couldn't have answered the question. Anna. In three moments of her lips on his John was thoroughly intoxicated. He was fully in the past now, for it was in the past that Anna still lived. The funeral had been a joke. There had been no body. There'd been nothing to bury. It had taken him months to accept the damn farce as real. He'd barely talked to Lizzy. What reason did _she_ have to cry? It wasn't real. It hadn't happened. The only way he could keep himself from calling his sister a liar was to just say nothing. Had he apologized for that? He couldn't remember. Memory was hard. It had been the second week on the _Agamemnon_ before life had settled into a new, empty routine. A new ship, a tight crew that learned quickly not to ask certain questions. Long hours and whole days of the weeks between the explosion and the new assignment were lost to him, his mind blank or the pain too strong. Earth Force hadn't wanted to lose him and had decided work was the best healer. In truth, after the first few hours he was 'functional', even if the memories of those empty days had soon fallen away. It had been a long time before there had been much worth keeping as "memory" instead of data stored away shorn of context. It had taken him too long to wake up to life again ... to love again. Delenn. Often in his dreams he couldn't tell one from the other, not that it mattered. But he could only taste Anna in his dreams. It was the only time he could touch her, feel her skin on his. He was tasting Anna. It was another damn dream. No--why would he damn the dreams, waking in a cold, yearning sweat? That was all he had left of her? Anna. Anna, you're alive. I was right and they were wrong. How did I know that? How did I know you'd come back to me? How many hundred nights have I cried myself to sleep? How many wounds in my heart? There was always room for one more. Feeling the pain was better n feeling nothing. He had never thought to feel this again. He had said goodbye, he had gone on living. What a sweet, anguished pain to be taken back, if only for a moment. Every repeated wound he had taken in the last four years tore open at once, a blinding bloody blur, healed in the instant of that impossible pain by her touch. It was body memory, years deep. He was falling into the well-remembered dance of 'too long apart'. Mouth to mouth, arms pulling tight, her thigh pressed hard between his legs. Cool, moist skin. The scent of her was overpowering. Delenn had very little musk in her scent, and it would change in his embrace into something he had not yet defined. Anna wasn't wearing perfume (she had always worn perfume), and there was a faint smell of oil in her sweat, in her hair. Her mouth was harder than he remembered, chin sharper. Her ribs-- Gods, his hands could trace every rib through her skin. She was half starved. Oh, God, Love, he moaned. What have they done to you? Anna. It's only a dream, Anna. Like every other dream, I'm going to lose you when I wake, lose you forever. I don't want to wake up. "Captain," Garibaldi said again. "Captain." And the wounds ripped open again, one by one. No, John begged, as she slipped away. I've lost you again. I've found you, but you can't stay. I have to send you away. I can't even tell you I'm doing it. He throat closed so tight he could barely breath. I can't tell you "goodbye". "Captain." John broke the kiss. Anna moaned and clung to him, moving her mouth to his neck. He pulled his hands out from under her shirt, crossed them across her back and looked up at Garibaldi. "OK, that was a nice 'hello'," Garibaldi quipped, a light tone masking his concern. "Anna, can Dr. Hinson have you back now? We still have more tests. You can continue your reunion later." Reluctantly, Anna disengaged. Her hands came down and forward as he straightened, leaving a light touch of nails across his skin. Garibaldi started to send John away, spinning a lying banter about "won't be long". Hinson was getting a shot ready that would knock Anna unconscious so she could be transferred to _Andreth_ and leave. Delenn was suddenly among them. "No!" she said, fire in her eyes. "Michael, you can not do this." Anna stepped back from the examination table, and John's arms surrounded her. "You can not send her away without 'goodbye'." Anna's eyes went wide. She collapsed and brought John to the floor with her. All thought of sex disappeared. What she needed was time, and a reason. "John, no, don't do this. Don't send me away. I came here to be with you." Garibaldi starred at Delenn, realizing she had never agreed to the plan. She had never objected. Rather, knowing he had reasons that wouldn't change, she had made her own plans, and caught him without warning. Anna clung to John. "Don't send me away. I want to stay with you. I'm going to die." His hands clenched and her voice trembled. "I'm a mindwipe waiting to happen. It's going to happen." She was lost and hysterical, almost feral. Her words were barely comprehensible. "Let me die here, let me die in your arms." Garibaldi watched and cursed. Whatever good does this do? he wondered at Delenn. We've lost time we don't have, and now we're losing more. We've got to get her out before the Shadows get the message she's here. John struggled to keep his breathing silent. He could not answer Anna's pleas, unable to speak for fear of the trigger. All he could do was hold her as she wept. Delenn knelt on the floor next to them. "This is not Anna speaking," she said to Anna. "Your shadow gives you your despair. Anna would not give up! Anna did not give up, Anna got you here. They used you, followed you, but only because they could not lead you astray." Anna looked at her. "You, and he--" she whispered. John clenched his hands, saying nothing. "Yes," Delenn said. Hinson looked in surprise at Garibaldi, who nodded, tight-lipped. "One more complication," he muttered. Anna breathed in deep, then spoke, holding her voice steady. "Minbari. Strange, impossible choice. It must be some story--" "Yes," Delenn said again, a wry smile and a light in her eyes. "I hope you can forgive me, lady, I do love him." Anna's eyes misted in answer, and she buried her face into John's chest, and John pulled her closer still. Can you share? Delenn wondered, not speaking the words aloud. "Gods, I don't want to lose you," Anna wept, knowing she had. "Won't," John choked in spite of his intention, then cringed at the sound of his voice, afraid at the danger, though it didn't seem to trigger anything but a whimper from Anna. John's eyes went to Delenn, caught between guilt and love. Those eyes pleaded, "make her believe". "We thought you were dead," Delenn explained after a pause, feeling the depth of his pain, beginning to feel the awkwardness of her own situation, beginning to feel closed out. "It was no betrayal." The words were as much to John as to Anna. "We expected the shadows would use the records of the _Icarus_, use your image, to draw us out into an ambush, make a false call for help." Her voice almost caught when she said that: "we", "us". Did the unity still exist? "Make a false person?" Anna was also feeling her foundations crack and crumble. Am I not who I believe? She asked herself. Did we never love? "No!" Delenn voice was stern against her doubts. She put her hands on either side of Anna's face. "You are Anna. You have a soul." She put every ounce of belief and certainty into that reassurance. "Can you not hear it singing? I can." John closed his eyes, sending two tears down his cheeks into Anna's hair. Anna turned back to him as his hand caressed her face, giving wordless comfort. Gentle hands through her hair, he placed soft kisses on her eyebrows and temples. Her hands shaking, she began again to explore his neck and chest. Delenn continued in a whisper, "The Shadows are not gods enough that they can give their creations real life. Your memories of love are true." Her right hand still hovered inches from Anna's hair; John's hand had touched it as he had pulled Anna back into his embrace. She had been leaning forward. She now drew back her hand and retreated. "You live, Anna." Her voice remained sure. "And like all life you are dear to me." "If you want to keep living--" Garibaldi's harsh voice interrupted from above. His stance was tense, impatient. "We're way behind schedule." Delenn rolled back on her heels and stood. She answered Garibaldi's grim stare with one of her own. John lifted Anna's chin, gentle touch shifting back to desperate. He put his mouth over hers and kissed her hard, hand behind her neck. He shifted his legs underneath him and half-lifted Anna's too-light body up with him as he stood. Her feet also scrambled for balance and their lips parted for a moment, but she found his mouth again in an instant. He drank it in, one last time, then gently eased her face away, hands on her jaw. Tears again, but she didn't fight it. "I can't stay with you." He shook his head. Then he pitched his voice into something almost mechanical. "Find trap, take out, back," he said carefully. The words had nothing to do with emotion, he prayed it was safe. He couldn't let her leave without some hope and part of him. "I promise," she answered, wanting to believe. He did not let her kiss him again, but neither could he end the embrace. Garibaldi was anxious in the background. This was taking too long. John caught the motion and his body stiffened. This was "goodbye", he could say nothing. He could not speak how his heart was breaking. Only hold her. How many minutes had it been? Too few --and that was all they had been given: one look, one kiss, one embrace. Lips brushed her forehead. Time. He stepped back. One promise. "I love you." He said it, unthinking. He couldn't remember if spoken, whispered, or without breath. "I love you," Anna repeated. Delenn stepped behind her. John breathed in, a gasping breath. The words must have been silent, but it still might have been enough of the trigger. If "I love you" was the trigger. Too much danger, he had to leave. He motioned a caress on her cheek, hand inches from the skin, Delenn had her hands around Anna's upper arms, holding her still. John fled through the door, followed by Garibaldi. Anna closed her eyes, hand covering her mouth, trying to hold back her tears. She heard the door close behind John. She turned and fell into Delenn's arms ... because she was there, because she cared. Anna looked for comfort in those strange impossible arms, as John had found, would find comfort when she was gone. On the other side of the door John put his uniform back in order, then went to the sink to wash his face. Garibaldi handed him a towel, thankful for whatever had happened to make him leave. "Get to C&C," he told him. "If the shit's going hit the fan it'll happen in the next twenty minutes, when _Andreth_ tries to leave." He nodded. "If we're lucky," Garibaldi continued, "her keepers are still on route and we won't get the ghosts until later, in the next couple days. Hopefully they'll go home when they find their trap's gone." John nodded again, put down the towel. "Thanks," he whispered. "Keep me posted." He took one last look at the monitor and was gone. Garibaldi went through the other door, back to Anna, and was surprised to find her, silent, in Delenn's arms. This is too weird, he thought. "OK, ladies," he said aloud, "it's time to go." Anna lifted her head, mouth set. "I'm going straight to the ship. It's in bay eight," he said to Hinson. "Take them the back route so you're not seen. We'll be ready. Don't take long." The three women followed a few moments after Garibaldi. Hinson took the lead, turning a corner while Garibaldi, several strides ahead, kept going straight. Hinson glanced back to be sure Delenn and Anna were following. There was a maintenance transport several doors down the hall. She keyed it open and held the door until Delenn and Anna entered, and then she tried her best to be invisible in the cramped space. Anna breathed in deep, looking at Delenn. "I love him, and he still loves me." "Yes," Delenn answered simply. She tried desperately to hold back her tears. "I'm never going to see him again. This shadow will take control of me or the enemy will kill him some other way." "No, Anna," Delenn protested. "There is always hope. We will do all that we can." "Thank you for saying that, but I don't believe it." She lost her fight with her tears. "I've lost him. He's your's now. And I'm going to die." Delenn tried to protest again, but Anna waved her quiet, eyes angry. Her fear disappeared as her eyes cleared. She wiped away her tears and her mouth set. Fear was a thief. Strength was a weapon and a shield. It was also--if need be--the last comfort. "If you can't get me out of the trap, if I'm changed, accept it." Her voice was calm and determined. "Make John accept it. I won't have my life saved at the price of harm to others. Don't let John sell his soul." "You know him, Anna," Delenn said quietly, acknowledging her fire, understanding even more the depth of his love for her. "He has not changed. Much as he might wish the payment, much as he might desire your life above his own, he will not willingly do evil. He will not sell his soul, any more that you did." Anna nodded, satisfied. Delenn turned away. And what of me? she asked herself, afraid. ====end chapter 3=== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Sat Jun 15 13:55:40 1996 Date: Thu, 30 May 1996 06:56:15 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" - chapter 4 This is chapter four of "Lia". There are no third season spoilers in this story. There were specific late second season spoilers in the prolog and first chapter (a warning for Australians.) Standard disclaimers. Please send comments to the list or to julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu =================================== "Lia" : Part 4 by Julie Watkins We're hiding the captain's dead wife so the Enemy can't find her, security guard Lou Welch mused as he reviewed the situation. He didn't want to know why the station was no safe place for her, and Beck seemed to be unsure about how much he should be telling him. John Beck was a ranger, and the rangers were going to be hiding her off station. Up till this point Welch had known little about the rangers beyond Garibaldi's assurances that they were "ok," but "not something to talk about". Welch had kept his mouth shut. They were human, but had something to do with the Minbari--some of the rangers were Minbari --and they were trying to help the Narns against the Centauri. And it was maybe larger than that: they were somehow trying to keep the wars from spreading further. He was certainly in favor of that, but the command structure was screwy. They didn't seem to be connected to any government. They were a loose cannon, unless it was that they were taking orders from the captain, but that didn't make sense. Fifteen minutes ago he had been scheduling cargo inspections when the chief had called him and Ibrahim Nasri on a special assignment pronto, and his voice had that "something's going to happen" edge to it that Welch never liked to hear, especially when hauled out in such short notice. The chief was rarely wrong on his hunches, and the shorter the notice the badder the nasty. This situation had all the signs of a dozy. He'd been called from one of the customs examination rooms, but they had been ordered to report to Bay 8. Once they got there they got their orders from Marcus Cole, very apologetic, flanked by a pair of other rangers. "Mr. Garibaldi is on his way, but we need the halls cleared now, and you have authority to order people away while we don't." And, since it was major Ranger business, they really (on top of this strange business of dead people returning from the grave) didn't need Nighwatch to get wind of the fact that there was yet one more army on the playing board. Welch shook his head. "Jeez, chief, this is getting way too complicated," he muttered. "How long can you keep up this juggling act before we're all in over our heads?" Cole waved Beck to go with Welch, "They'll becoming from the maintenance transport down that hall," and then took Nasri with him to secure the main entrance which was the most probable path where a spy might try to slip in from public areas. Nasri was new or stupid enough that he seemed to enjoy it when things got "interesting". He also had some previous contact with rangers, getting the same "don't talk about them" orders from Garibaldi, which had only increased his curiosity. He seemed happy that he had been tapped for this. Rhea Keiser, another ranger, stayed at _Andreth_'s open hatch. There was one more ranger that Welch wasn't aware of: Kollad, a Minbari and Cole's co-pilot, was inside the ship. Welch and Beck verified the hall was empty, as it should be, and then waited by the transport doors. A few moments later the doors opened and there was the brown-haired woman that had to be Anna Sheridan, flanked by Ambassador Delenn and a doctor who Beck seemed to know. "It's clear," he told her. "Quickly, then," Dr. Hinson responded, taking the lead. Delenn and Anna followed, and Welch and Beck brought up the rear. Welch looked at Delenn curiously as they walked briskly to the bay. The chief had sounded way honked off at her, and he just couldn't figure it. There were too many questions and his head hurt. They turned the corner and Welch could see Garibaldi standing next to Cole. But at that same instant, the instant she saw the ship, _Andreth_, Anna stumbled. Garibaldi was running even before Welch yelled his warning. Anna fell when she saw the ship and the AP took over. I knew it!, he thought as he ran. The back of his mind exploded in curses as instinct took over. Should have done it my way, Delenn, damn you. Why did you tell her she was leaving? You've killed her. We had a warning and we still shot it to hell. Delenn tripped Anna's possessed body and Welch tried to take her down, but she squirmed out his grasp, filling the bay with protest. She was trying to run back down the hall when Garibaldi tackled her. She tried to knee him in the groin and he dropped his whole weight on her to stop the blow. She tried to claw him off but soon there were too many people holding her down; they only held tighter as she continued to struggle a short time longer. It was a loud silence of gasping breaths. Aw, hell, Garibaldi thought, looking down at her. This was precisely the scenario he had been trying to prevent. His gut and the rest of his body tensed. How the hell do I tell John? "You're a dead man, Garibaldi," the AP hissed and spat at him. He swallowed and carefully eased his weight off her. "You are all of you dead," she continued in an arrogant voice. It was Anna's voice, and yet not Anna's. Evil and mocking. "You can't win. Why do you even try?" Garibaldi ignored the words. He signaled Cole and they each took one arm and got her standing, somewhat unsteady. Pulled muscles, he assumed. The others stood near by, ready to give help if needed. He called to for a restraint, then he felt someone take his PPG. He twisted to see it was Delenn. She had the muzzle pointed into the AP's face. "Yes," he told her, eyes burning. "Why don't you finish what you started?" But Delenn's eyes were fix on what-had-been-Anna and he didn't think she heard his accusation. "Monster, I name thee Lia," Delenn said. "The created, the cursed. I acknowledge your existence only that we may speak. Go back to your hidden room, invisible sister. Bring Anna back to us!" "Why should I?" the AP asked, in almost-Anna's voice. "All you want to do is kill me." "Because your shadow life is life still." Delenn moved the PPG closer, threatening. "Bring Anna back." "You haven't the power to force me." "Do not speak to me as if you have control, Lia! Your personhood is weak. Anna has a life of living, your existence has been in the shadows, a few years only, perhaps only months. You have control now, but Anna fights you. You cannot fully take command unless Anna's mind is destroyed." Garibaldi saw, somewhat in awe, uncertainty in Lia/Anna's face. He didn't think constructs had the ability to question their programs. A small glimmer of hope entered his consciousness, but he sent it away, not wanting to be hurt again. Hinson's face was tight and upset and Cole's eyes were hollow. The guards--security and ranger--struggled to stay alert and ready though they didn't understand what was happening and could not connect this mad woman with Captain Sheridan. Delenn smiled a hard smile at Lia's silence. "You have harmed us," she said with authority. "We have the right to fight you. If you give recompense, cooperate, we will consider that and let you live. Your loyalty to your creators is a program: you have done no harm to them, but they will throw you away when you have served your purpose. They could not expect John to sell his soul for a mindwipe. Once they had him you would be discarded." "No," Lia said, gaining back her confidence. "You can not, will not harm me." "Bring Anna back." "Take that gun away." Delenn firmed her aim. Lia laughed. "Send that ship away." "Bring Anna back or you die." "Anna is here. Just sleeping." Garibaldi wondered if he could believe that. "I can kill her though, and I will--" Lia continued, "if you put me on that ship." Delenn repeated her threat, "You will go or you will die." "You wouldn't dare." Delenn's eyes were murder, and she smiled coldly. "I have Anna's permission to kill you." Lia's eyes blazed in anger, trying to hide her fear. "I will make her hate you, adulterer!" she hissed. "I will make her make John hate you!" Delenn held the PPG point blank at Lia's face. "Do it," she said. "You still die." Welch looked to Beck standing beside him. "Huh?" he said under his breath. Suddenly he knew more about the captain's personal life than he wanted to. The others, except Hinson, also squirmed. Oh, hell, Garibaldi said to himself. He felt as much as saw the ripple of comprehension spreading. On top of all this, we've spilled the beans. Maybe too far to contain this time. Now I'll have to worry about rumor control. Wonderful. Cole read Garibaldi's reaction and made his own complaint against fate. The captain and Delenn, then? Yes. It fit. It's all a moot point, though. I'm losing my lead time. This stalling only helps the enemy. If Ivanova reads any spooks I'm not taking _Andreth_ out. "Bring Anna back," Delenn said, and Lia looked back in silent defiance. "Time," Cole said. "I will count backwards from ten--" Delenn began. "Shit," Garibaldi muttered under his breath, tilting his head back. "--Bring Anna back or I will kill you." If Delenn fired point blank it could only be fatal. "Ten." "You won't." "Nine." "You _want_ me dead. What is John--" "Eight." "--going to feel about that?" "Seven." The count did not falter. Cole shifted position to take himself out of harm's way, and Garibaldi and the others did likewise. No, Garibaldi cursed. Don't do this, Delenn. It isn't necessary. His eyes were locked on the face of the woman whose arm he held. If Lia had turned her head to him to beg help, he would have stopped it; he would have thrown his body in front of her's. It wasn't necessary. They could stun her, knock her out, put her on the ship and leave. Try to fix it later. There was no need to kill. But Lia's eyes were locked with Delenn's, caught in the spell of her strength. Garibaldi could feel her arms trembling. There was no hesitation in Delenn's voice, no fear, only command. On "three" Lia's eyes rolled up and the body slumped. Garibaldi and Cole lowered her to the floor. Delenn went to her knees, put the PPG down and took her face in her hands. "Anna!" she called. "Anna." Cole looked at Delenn's face as she called Anna's name. It was almost as if it was the captain was there; that over the edge. No time for that, he thought, getting back to task. He stepped back, and called Ivanova, asking for the next possible slot. Ivanova sounded relieved. "Any spooks?" he asked, and she answered "Not yet". "I need more backup," Cole then said to the room. The situation had upgraded into Unknown and was forcing him into improvisation. The AP was no longer a fear but a dangerous fact. He was looking for one of the rangers to volunteer but he saw Nasri showing interest. Cole looked at him frankly and then looked at Garibaldi. The uniform, even if not EarthForce, could be an asset in the unknown situation he was heading into, as could his legal PPG. Garibaldi, coming to the same conclusion, paused a while before responding. "You want to work or do you want to play games?" he asked Nasri. "I want to help," he answered. "Yeah, right. This ain't official business, 'Brim, so I'm going to enter this as vacation time. You agree to that?" Nasri grinned. No one took vacation anymore, and he had plenty. "Agreed." "You got it, then," Garibaldi said sharply. "Try to behave yourself. Remember about curiosity and the cat." "Yes, chief." "We've got extra clothes and supplies," Cole said, getting his attention. "Get on board." Nasri obeyed. Cole then turned to Delenn and Lia. Or was it Anna? Delenn was still calling Anna's name. Cole was on the verge of pulling Delenn away when the body moved. "Anna?" Delenn whispered. Her eyes blinked. "Delenn?" she asked, in Anna's voice. Her eyes widened in surprise, and then filled with anguish. "No!" Her body felt stretched and bruised, and there a gun by Delenn's knee. "What have I done?" Cole held his breath. Delenn lifted to her feet. "You have returned. Now you must go." "John--" "He is not here. He has already said goodbye. You must go. I am sorry. Farewell." Anna seemed too dazed to speak. Cole took her arm and led her to the ship, followed by Hinson. Her steps were hesitant and she leaned on her arm. She was too much in shock to look back as they walked up _Andreth_'s entry ramp. It swung up after them. Garibaldi hustled everyone else out. He studied Delenn's hopeful face as he keyed the gate shut behind them. "You believed that." "Yes. That was Anna, back." "Or the AP mimicking her," he said bitterly. "You killed her." "Not I." "Don't give me that 'the gun did it' shit--" "If the program was set, there was nothing we could do or not do to change it. If she has died, then there was never a chance. At least they had their goodbyes." "Damn you." I don't believe it, he said to himself. You've just offed your competition, and have the gaul to lecture me. "Look to yourself, Michael." Delenn answered. "You would have kept them apart for nothing," her voice was bitter, "that you would not have to maybe see death." Garibaldi shook his head. Delenn continued her accusations. "If you had put her on that ship unknowing, unconscious she still would have awakened 'off the script'. Lia still would have emerged, all the stronger for Anna's despair. Anna chose to take the risk, and she and John now have renewed proof of their love. If there is any hope for her, it will be love that saves her." Her voice had turned soft, but then hardened again in certainty. "You would have done more harm to Anna than to she who dwells within by keeping John from her." He would accept none of it. "You killed her," he said. "No." "You're insane." "No." Garibaldi suddenly became aware of the remaining audience, still standing in earshot, still in shell-shock. "We're all going to die," he said fatalistically to no one in particular. "No," Delenn answered him. "You're too damn sure of yourself." "Perhaps." Garibaldi just stared. Bowing slightly, Delenn took her leave. Good riddance, he thought after her, turning away. He took a few moments to collect himself, and then turned his attention to Welch and the others. Time for damage control. "Finish up here," he said to Welch. "I'll do the paperwork on 'Brim later. I'll want you to let yourself into his apartment, back a bag, and keep it in your quarters until he gets back." Welch nodded, face uncertain. "Meet me in my office after this is done. I don't want one word between you or to anyone else. Got that?" "Yes, chief." He looked like he would have rather skipped the whole incident. God, I'm not looking forward to this, Garibaldi thought as he gave similar orders to Beck and Keiser, before going on to the next stage. The situation wasn't over yet: the exit had been much too loud and there was a spy out there, somewhere, watching. ===end part 4=== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Sun Dec 22 22:49:06 1996 Date: Sat, 31 Aug 1996 20:07:03 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k To: akosut@ace.nueva.pvt.k12.ca.us Subject: "Lia" - chapter 5 [updated] This is chapter five of "Lia". There are no third season spoilers in this story. This story takes place in an alternative third season--it is definately a "what if". Toward the end I quote from a story ("Doubts") that was not posted to b5-creative as it was just barely over the line; contact me if you'd like a copy. Standard disclaimers. Comments, anyone? I hope you like this. Julie who is trying to write too many stories at once. julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu ================================== "Lia" : Part 5 by Julie Watkins Did Rick the Loud Mouth ever find a clue? Ivanova wondered idly. What a waste of a good conversation. She had still been stationed on Io when she heard the news. She had had ISN on as background noise as she resolutely plowed through what should have been three people's work, trying to get herself noticed and promoted. The tone of the reporter's voice had changed to "bad news" but she hadn't looked up until she heard the words "War Hero John J. Sheridan." There was a woman's face on the screen and her memory supplied the words just prior, "wife of". She'd cursed when she realized the article was an obituary. Ivanova's first several months on Io had been under John Sheridan's command. She's known his wife well enough to know that it was a sweetheart's marriage, even if their careers had kept them mostly apart. She had just managed to introduce herself to Anna at D. Pai's retirement party when Anna overheard Rick spouting off (again) about the Dilgar and ancient Sumer. Ivanova volunteered some pithy ammunition and the two of them proceeded to, quite publicly, whittle his arguments into broken toothpicks. John finally took pity and pulled Anna away to another introduction, setting Rick free to vacate the premises. Laughing, Anna called to her over her shoulder, "We must do lunch," but their schedules had been too tight. Her visit ended after another week and John got reassigned two months later and there wasn't a reason for Anna to come back. So Ivanova had grieved--mostly for John, and a bit for her own missed opportunity. She sent another curse after Rick, this one dark and vicious. Why did the good ones have to die? Ivanova stood at her post in C&C. Looking at the spinning stars she amended that remembered thought: And why do the good ones have to suffer? She turned at the opening of the door. She took two seconds to try to read the captain's mood before turning her eyes back outward. She wanted to know, but she didn't want bad news. And could it be "good news"? If it really was Anna, then he'd found her only to lose her again. So it was John that spoke first. "Seen any ghosts?" His voice was soft and steady. "Not up here," she answered, in the same tone. "How 'bout you?" "Yes." His eyes went distant. Anna. Anna, really. Ivanova concluded, letting her breath out. "And what's that mark on your neck?" she chuckled, calling him back to task. He started, resisting the urge to haul up his collar. "Don't worry," she whispered reassuringly. "I only saw it because I was looking." "Gee, thanks." It was a long, tense wait. It was time for a lot of thought. John kept catching sideways glances from Ivanova, as if she wondered that he could be so calm, and he wondered that himself. This wasn't at all a case of what-used-to-be-the-usual fall into monk-mode when he and Anna were going to be separated for a time. This might well be permanent. It probably wouldn't hit until he was alone in bed tonight--thinking of Anna, also alone. A quarter hour, if that long--that's all the time they had had. But that was enough to lift the weight of grief. She was alive, they had saved her, he hadn't found her only to cause her death. It hurt to admit that except for that first/last kiss, the kiss out of his dreams, he had had to fight to keep his hands from trembling, he had had to fight to breathe, afraid she would die in his arms. Losing her--that had been hell. He'd lost her again ... but maybe not forever. Killing her --that would be more than he could bear. Cole had to miss his first slot; Ivanova shuffled so it wouldn't be noticed by outside eyes, or any Nightwatch people inside, and John's eyes had gone dull with worry. But _Andreth_ did leave when the second slot came open, and John was beginning to let himself breathe easier. Then Garibaldi walked in looking like bad news. After a quick glance Ivanova turned back to business. John's jaw set. "Take over," he told Ivanova, and walked back to the entrance where Garibaldi stood. "What?" he asked him. "We've been working under the _assumption_ that Anna had an AP hiding. That's been confirmed." John's eyes closed briefly. Oh, hell, he thought, trying not to die again inside. Why am I not surprised? Anna, wife. He could still feel the pressure of her embraces on his skin. You felt it coming, didn't you? That's why you were so reckless. "The AP didn't want to leave," Garibaldi was saying. "She took over and tried to bolt. Delenn shouted her into a retreat." John's eyes snapped back to Garibaldi's, breath stilled. Garibaldi continued to explain, "The AP did succeed in stalling departure; I don't know how much of a window we have left. We maybe got Anna back. I don't know for how long." John let out his breath. "'Maybe'?" he asked unsteadily. Garibaldi shrugged, and made a tight-lipped, sympathetic grin. "It was Anna back, or it was the AP mimicking. No time to check which, and it would have been the same next step either way: get her off the station and to help to get her/keep her whole." "And Delenn got her back?" Garibaldi handed him a data crystal. "Security vid," he explained. "We got it all but the first few seconds. I suggest you wait until it's quiet and watch it in private." A voice came from the floor: "_Andreth_ entering hyperspace." John turned to watch, hope returning within the sadness. Garibaldi watched with him. Once the gate had closed Garibaldi explained what was going to be happening next. There were no ghosts yet; whatever shadow agent was on the way hadn't gotten here yet to make its threat. But Anna still wasn't safe, if _Andreth_ could be tracked. So Cole was going to be acting as normal as possible to not call attention to himself. (Garibaldi left aside, for the moment, the question of the loud departure scene; enough had happened that whatever spies were the station could probably pin _Andreth_ as the ship that took Anna away, though hopefully the trail would have gone cold by then.) That meant he could not send messages, even if coded. But then there was still information he would want to get back to the station: if he was safe or being pursued. If Anna was Anna, or taken over by an AP. So he and Cole had worked out previously a set of menu codes that could be communicated in the "on course" squibs that _Andreth_, as well as any other ship leaving or approaching the station would send to C&C. The squibs were standard signals, sent on hour intervals. There was some leeway in setting up the protocols for the ship ID, and a small amount of information could be sent in "yes"/"no" coded fashion. Of course the code script had been ahead of time when Garibaldi had thought Anna was going to be put on _Andreth_ unconscious and hadn't known for sure if there was an AP, but Garibaldi didn't go into that. The codes were going to be hard to interpret. Cole could also signal for help in code: they'd worked out a correspondence table so the standard distress signals had dual meanings. Garibaldi really didn't want to see any of those codes: there'd be next to no chance of a rescue. The menu script was also on the data crystal with the security vid. John went back to Ivanova and Garibaldi went back to supervise the search for interior activity. John plugged in the crystal and checked the menu script. It was going to be a long time before they got anything definite. +++ It was several hours later, and Ivanova finally convinced John to leave C&C. The codes from Cole had been ambiguous, but seemed hopeful: Anna was Anna, not Lia mimicking Anna, or that's how he wanted to read it. The first possible ghost had appeared five hours after _Andreth_ left, and things got nervous for a while, echoed in some frantic station activity that Garibaldi couldn't quite define. Both on and outside of the station the ghosts seemed to fade away whenever they got close. A call came in for John, and he had bantered words with a person of unknown name and race. His skin had crawled and he had thought of Morden. There had been no visual, and the voice seemed altered. John couldn't get the person to say what he wanted and the transmission broke off before they could fix a lock on the location. John had managed to watch the security vid ... in small segments, and out of order. After two seconds of Anna screaming murder, John had forwarded to the end of the recording to see Garibaldi's "maybe", and decided he believed that it was Anna. He was glad that the monitor lens was at some distance and Delenn's back was to it during the countdown. He walked into his quarters to find Delenn there, huddled into a small ball on the couch, feet drawn up. Of course, John thought, pausing inside the door: the couch. That wonderful couch. Not where love began, but where our minds finally accepted what their hearts already knew. He tripped on the past tense of the thought. What I "felt" then I still "feel" now, don't I? She had not moved with the sound of the door opening. He came close, and sat on his heels on the floor in front of her. He looked at her. Every wrinkle of her clothing, every misplaced hair cried 'pain'. She had not sat down here peacefully, though now she was still. There had been much agitation before she had settle into this position in which to retreat from reality. Her knees were drawn up, her face buried in her arms. Gently he reached to touch her hair below her headbone. She drew her head up and away, eyes still closed. He ached to see her pain. Delenn, he thought. So much you have given me, and all I can do is hurt you. "Delenn--" he called softly. "No--" He could barely hear the word. "Delenn." Her eyes opened showing terrible despair. "Have I sold my soul?" He shook he head. "No," he said firmly, eyes locked to hers, trying to pull her out of her withdrawal. He had taken back his hand and they in no way physically touched. "I could not kill her." "You would have," he swallowed, "if you had had to." I'm glad you didn't. "You came closer than I could have. That's what saved her. That's the only thing that could have convinced Lia to back down." "Is there news from Cole?" She attempted a normal voice. John made no attempt to hide his worry. "It's unclear, but seems hopeful." "John, you must realize--" she had to warn him. "She told me she did not want life at the price of harm to others. If she thinks herself a threat--" "Don't say it," he looked away. "Just don't say it." It was a long time before he spoke again, still not looking at her. "When I said 'goodbye' to her, when I saw the gate close behind her ship, it felt ... as if it was the end. That I would never see her again. Delenn, I don't want that. I don't want her gone. Not again, not forever." Delenn looked at his longing, and felt ashamed for her own. What he wanted was what he couldn't have. Anna. Did she have a right to want what she wanted? Him. What was 'just beginning' compared to what was out of reach? A courtship and ten years married, then another four years grieving. Anna was his first love, as he was hers. Anna was his wife even though she wasn't here. She should admit it as over, admit he loved Anna more than she. They were wrong from the start to have loved ... but she did love, and she could not put it aside. So she begged, ashamed, "Can you share?" Even as she asked, the doubts returned. She recalled her feelings at watching John and Anna kiss. It seemed he had discovered Minbari ways more than he taught her to be human. What she had seen frightened her, the intensity, the uncontrol, ... the violence. She with him, they had not often reached such abandon, and never so quickly. And now having tasted that human love again, those human desires reawakened, could she satisfy what he needed? "I love you," she said. "I know." Tentatively John took her hands in his. Holding those warm, dry hands he stood slowly, then slowly guided her to stand as well. "I love you," he said. "I love you," he had said in the garden. She remembered his laughing face with a frame of roses behind him. He had knelt to ask her to agree to marry him. "Absolutely, positively, unmistakenly a fool in love again," he had told her. "And I won't take 'No' for an answer!" She had given her promise in return, a simple "yes", and his worry had changed to joy. Would she ever see that smile again? She looked down, unable too bear the pain she saw now in his eyes. She whispered, "Do you want me to leave?" "No," he said sadly. Delenn looked up, both hopeful and afraid. "I promised my love forever, Delenn. To both of you." "Can you share?" He embraced her, arms tense. "I don't know. But it seems I must." Her hands fisted. "I do not know what I want. I do not know what I feel. I know we both need." "Yes," he rumbled, lifted her chin and kissed her mouth lightly. The tension of their bodies lessened marginally. Three breaths, and then they parted. It wasn't going to work; not yet. Not for a while. They had done what needed to be done, could do no more, and now had to look at what was left. "I'm sorry." "And I." They could say that and mean it, and not want Anna dead. They wanted it all, though all was not possible. It would work out somehow, some way. ... what were wishes that they needed to be logical? And the pain gained was a small thing compared to the pain lost, that he had not known the full weight of until it had torn through him in its leaving: He had found Anna again, whole and uncorrupted. He had given his love, they had said "Goodbye". If he die, if she die, if love could be betrayed by putting another beside her in his heart, if they never saw or touched each other again, still love was saved. Love remained. Her spirit was free, and love knew no boundaries. Yet if she was to be lost--he prepared himself for the worst--at least she would die free. ===end chapter 5=== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Sat Jun 15 13:55:43 1996 Date: Sun, 9 Jun 1996 06:26:53 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" - Chapter 6 This is the final chapter and epilog of "Lia". This takes place in an alternative third season; a definite "what if". I hope I've kept your interest and I would like to know what you think. Please contact me if you are missing any chapters. I am now waiting in dread to see what jms is planning to do with this topic. It's going to hurt, I know. Standard disclaimers. Julie julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu ============================== "Lia" part 6 by Julie Watkins Her prison door opened. It was Cole. "Decision time," he said. "You transfer to another ship this afternoon. We have to figure out where to put you." She would be passed to a second ship, and then passed again to a third and Cole would not know where she had been hidden. At least Hinson would be staying with her. The immediate threat ended, her manner towards her had thawed somewhat. Anna was sitting on her cot. She looked up, feeling lost and vulnerable. It was the morning after the second night. She had spent the first night restrained, and had not slept well. The second night the room was safed and locked and she had gone to bed as "normal", trying to ignore the scanners she knew were under her pillow. "Lia came out a bit after you went to sleep," Cole explained. "She walked around a bit, looking. Left everything as it was. I would like to know what she was thinking. I do believe Delenn put the fear of god into her. Delenn's good at that." Anna shrugged, more than a little unnerved. Lia seemed to be able to watch what she was doing, but not the other way around. But she'd have more than enough of Lia in the days to come, she knew, and there was something else on her mind. Cole was the best source of information she'd have for a while, and in a few hours he wouldn't be available. "Have they been a couple long?" she asked again. Maybe this time he would answer. "John and her." "I don't know," he said awkwardly. "Probably. I hadn't known, but I'm not surprised. It'll be a political mess if the beans spill too far." "Trust John to go looking for trouble." "He does that." There was a long, awkward pause. He sat down on the cot, a few inches separating them. Looking at her he asked quietly, "Are you all right?" Anna shrugged, leaned back against the wall, drawing her legs up tighter. Minbari. She still could not believe that. She shivered, unbidden memories of terror from the War coursing through her. This was a puzzle she would have to solve if she wanted to keep him, some part of him. Her fear was from the last war, and John's mood had changed. There was a new war now that Earth didn't know about. And the Minbari had become allies. "I should be hurt; sad," she said aloud. "I'm not." I'm trying not to lose that. She saved my life, and she risked losing John to do that. "Too much has happened. She cares as much as he does. Garibaldi didn't want us together, but Delenn knew--" Cole nodded, relieved. "It was an arrogant guess, but it came out right." He didn't want to think about how badly this could have gone wrong. "Delenn acts sometimes as if the universe talks to her. Garibaldi had good reason to fear you'd die at first word or touch. Not that you would have known, but hell for the captain." "I was willing. I think that was me, not Lia pushing. Maybe. I understood Garibaldi's warnings, but somehow it wasn't important. Was that Lia? It's frightening to think about. Oh, God, I don't know who I am, where I'm going. There's no escape. I'm a mind-wipe waiting to happen." Her voice became small and frightened. "Anywhere I go, I'll just put others in danger. I keep telling myself I'm not worth the risk. Lia could do such harm." "Ma'am, I don't want to kill you." Cole could see that in her eyes: she did not want to die, but she was afraid of what might happen if she didn't. She was afraid she was going to have to convince herself that fate needed her to make that sacrifice. "It would be a huge favor to me if you didn't ask me to do that." His voice became broad and theatrical. "Lia won't cooperate, it will get ugly, and I will be scared for life." He made it sound as if he was a bit character complaining about an uncomplimentary script. She smiled in spite of herself and he smiled back at her. He had the look of John at his most charming, trying to sweet talk a concession out of her. "We know Lia's there," he said trying to reassure. "We can guard against her." She wanted to believe him. "Until someone gets lax, and she takes advantage." "We can chose a place where they won't be lax. At the moment this risk is worthwhile. Even discounting valid sentimental motivations. We have an opportunity here." He wanted her to know their motivation was more than charity. "There's the possibility that we can convert Lia to our side. Delenn seems to have done a good start at seeding doubts. And you haven't been debriefed." Her blood turned cold at that. Lia was with her, she knew, watching. Hearing every word. She pulled her knees up tighter. "Give it a wait, huh?" Cole continued. "Let us get what we can." He turned his head to look at the wall. "You've agreed to accept imprisonment." There was always, of course, an unpleasant side to be dealt with. He let his soldier's voice emerge. "We can find work for you to do within four walls that will be meaningful. If Lia starts trying to incite you to escape, then maybe we'll have to reconsider the wisdom of this sentimentality, but I see no reason not to give it a careful try." Walls again. She held back her tears. She didn't want walls. "Very well, Marcus. For you. For John." Never again alone in a free wind? Friendlier company, though. Peace, maybe. Letters from home? Where I am will be a secret, but I hope we can send messages. They had damn well better give me letters. Cole saw her eyes dull with the acceptance of her cage. He moved closer to her on the cot, shoulders touching. Then he lifted his arm and put it across her back in a friendly, supportive hug. She lay her head against his chest, just resting, so tired of fighting every minute. She felt dead inside. Was this how John felt when she 'died'? Had it been 'goodbye'? She didn't want 'goodbye'. Maybe the war wouldn't kill him, wouldn't kill her, but that would be too much to hope for. Take what she had and be welcome for it, that's what it would be, she supposed. Letters from the front. John and she had done that before. That's how they survived the last war, the war with Minbar ... day to day, on letters and hope. Dare I hope? Front line again. Dammit, John, why do you always have to be such a hero? Her eyes filled with tears again, and she tried to push them back. Tears never helped, it just made matters worse. Her eyes closed, her breathing slowed, then deepened again. Lia. Cole didn't have to look at the EEG to know that. He didn't move or tense, just held her. The door was locked from outside, he had to buzz Kollad to be let out, and Nasri was watching the monitor. There were no available weapons. If she tensed for a fight he'd know and had leverage. No way she could more than bruise him. Be nice, maybe she'll be nice in return. Her hand fisted, and then relaxed. You don't like being watched, do you, Lia? Cole thought, staying still. There's no way to escape, he could feel her coming to that conclusion, and no instructions about what to do next even if she could escape. Just wait, Cole hoped at her, wait for an opportunity we'll never give you. Wait until we can ease you away. After a time she faded out and she was Anna again, wondering about her unknown future. Cole held her close, hoping she hadn't noticed the blip. +++ Garibaldi buzzed the call button to John's quarters. "I'm alone," he said, and then wondered why he said that. He couldn't decide if he was hoping or dreading that Delenn would be there. "So am I," John answered. "Open." He was smiling when Garibaldi entered, but he became suddenly worried, seeing an "I have news" look on his face. Cole had already sent his last scheduled code four days ago. Garibaldi saw the thought, and waved it off. "No. Everything's fine, as far as I can tell. This is good news/bad news. Sort of. Marcus sent an encrypted message this time on a complicated relay, not a menu code. So we now know for sure. But this also means it's going to take him longer to get back--he's hid her deeper, and the communications path is going to be longer and more erratic. Here's the report," he handed John a data crystal. "By the index there's also a message from Anna. Text, not vid." John's face lit up, but then a bit of worry entered as he put the crystal in the port. Garibaldi hung by the door as John read. He waited a long time, and John seemed unaware that he had stayed. Slowly, John popped the crystal. He had read the messages in order: Cole's report, Cole's personal note to him, and then the letter from Anna. He was close to trembling when he started, but he soon relaxed. She'd set the tone, and he felt a great relief mixed with the regret that the text had to eventually end. She still loved him, she wanted him to write. It would be he and she and hopes for the future. She didn't want to hear about Delenn. Likewise, she had neither reassurance or confession about her imprisonment and flight. Such matters needed time, and face-to-face. Anything else that he or she might have done or would do could wait for later to work out. It wasn't Delenn that was keeping them apart. It was the war. And who knew who might still be alive at the end. Now was not a time to make plans. Now was not a time to question or doubt, not a time for confession or guilt. John leaned back, thinking. Garibaldi, hands in pockets, cleared his throat. John looked at him, and didn't say the obvious: you're still here? "Was it a good letter?" "Thank you for not reading my mail." Garibaldi rocked back on his heels. "It's a mess?" he observed, trying to keep his tone light. John tapped on the data crystal. "I'll take the mess over the alternative any day." "And Delenn?" Day by day her tension was lessening, though she was still unsure. "It's going to be a hard thing to untangle, and I'm sorry for her pain. She has no regrets, only joy we succeeded. I love her the more for that. Somehow I feel we've only just begun." "Yeah," Garibaldi's voice was carefully neutral. John bristled at his tone. "Anna, no Anna, from the word 'go' this has been a mess," he said firmly. "The 'engagement' is off. That is as far as we're willing to set aside. The rest we'll work out as we can." Somehow they'd work it out. "Officially" the engagement was "delayed", but they both knew the euphemism for what it was. They were not willing to deny the promise they had shared: it was an oath too strong not to remain binding, even if the timing seemed impossible. "Now you've got rumor to contend with," Garibaldi reminded him. "Several people know now, and some of them are very surprised. Luckily most of it is about Anna, and that isn't necessarily bad, but the curious might run across something we'd rather they didn't. As for Delenn ... Marcus and the other Rangers shouldn't be a problem--the rumor will spread, but not outside their ranks. Lou has agreed to his orders, and I will personally flog Nasri if he tries to be cute when he gets back." He sighed. "Lou would rather not have found out." "I've caught him looking at me strange." "Well, sir, I'm looking at you strange." John looked back, waiting for an explanation. It took Garibaldi a while to pick out the words. "It's been very hard to read you, lately. It's hard to understand what you're thinking." "I spent two years in hell," John clasped the back of his neck, remembering. "Then I was starting to climb out." He thought of Delenn in that slinky black dress, and how he hadn't thought of it as a "date" until long after the fact. "Not very far and not very fast. And the last year I've spent waiting for the other shoe to drop." Waiting for Morden and the Shadows to use Anna as a weapon against him. "When I asked for your help I never dared hope--" clutching the data crystal in his had he pressed his knuckle to his lower lip a moment, then the arm lowered and his eyes went vacant for a long time. Garibaldi knew he was holding Anna in his mind. "Write to me," Anna had ended her message, "whenever you can, as often as you can. Tell me a story, John. Tell me a joke. Make me laugh. Whatever this new life is I'm going to, whatever this prison, You have to be some part of it, even if it's only your words. I love you." I love you, John had answered her in his mind. It would take a long time to get that message back to her. "If you don't mind my saying, sir--" Garibaldi began. "Yes, I do mind," John answered. "Dammit, John--" "Dammit, Michael!" he stood and looked him eye to eye. "I won't abandon _both_ of them." He walked to the shelf that held Anna's portrait. There was nothing of Delenn to be seen. That hurt, and not for the last time. He turned back to Garibaldi. "I know Delenn deserves better than me, deserves better than 'mistress'. But she hasn't asked me to leave, and I don't want her to. From the word 'go' we were wrong, but that's love for you. Impossible love. We'll make it work, but it's going to take time." "What about Anna?" "What the hell do you want, Michael?" "If Anna comes back--" "Yes, I want her to come back. We both do. Is it going to happen? Not any time soon. If that happens, if I'm still alive, we'll work it out then." "You're serious." "Why shouldn't I be? They both know I love both," he said as if that covered everything. Garibaldi rolled his eyes and John answered his exasperated look with one of his own. "God help me Michael, I will be ecstatic if 'scandal' is all I have to deal with." He sat back down at the table, and his eyes went distant. "The war--the real war--is coming. We stopped them this time. Stopped a subtle, backways attack. They will come back, and it will be battle and death." The prospect didn't seem to frighten him much. He smiled at Garibaldi. "Take what you can get, Michael. There isn't much more time." "Have you got a death wish? You sound like Ivanova." "'Boom'," he quoted cheerfully. "Oh, hell, John, will you stop that? This isn't some stupid game." Not at all, John thought, seeing again the white light, but seeing hope beyond. "Yes, the universe is going to hell. But my own life just got a lot better. I hope you can forgive me for feeling a bit giddy." "Maybe." Garibaldi tried to stay miffed, but John's smile was infectious. "Does Delenn like flowers?" "Huh?" The question seemed to come out of nowhere. Garibaldi looked sheepish. "What I said to her ..." he fumbled. "I was harsh. I wanted to apologize." "Well, that's not necessary. She said she wanted to apologize to you." "She does?" he asked in great surprise. John grinned broadly. "Then I told her 'I told you so' wasn't an apology." "She--" "Well, no. That's not what she said, but that's what she meant." He shook his head. "Isn't it hard to deal with someone so arrogant when she's always right?" "Sometimes." It was a small smile. "I like it though." John looked down at the data crystal in his hand and sighed. Garibaldi saw the look and decided it was time to go. ==end chapter 6== From julifolo@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu Sat Jun 15 13:55:45 1996 Date: Sun, 9 Jun 1996 06:28:57 -0500 (CDT) From: watkins julia k Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: "Lia" - Epilog This is the last part. Standard disclaimers. ============================== "Lia" : epilogue by Julie Watkins Garibaldi was in his office looking at a bouquet of flowers. Ivanova walked in, and paused at the unusual sight. "Who's that for?" "Delenn." Ivanova looked quizzical. "I'm trying to decide if this is just an apology, or if I should also give her some advice." Her look changed to troubled. "John?" "Yes," he grunted. "Our lovable captain. He thinks it's possible for him to love two women." "It's been known to happen," she countered. "It's been known to work." He shook his head. "This is Delenn we're talking about. And Anna Sheridan. They're two of a kind--and it's going to be Delenn that walks away. You know she wouldn't let John say he loves her more than Anna, even if it's true." "They're still together," Ivanova pointed out. "You saw--" "Sure. She's got a death wish." "What?" Garibaldi backed off at her consternation. "No, I put that wrong. She expects fate to solve this." Her voice lowered back to normal. "I don't follow you." "If Delenn is going to die in this war, then it doesn't matter," he explained. "If the John is going to die it doesn't matter either, except that Delenn is going to use Anna as an excuse to tell John that she--Delenn--should make the sacrifice, not John." That got a thoughtful look. "In a twisted way that almost makes sense." "Especially to someone who thinks like Delenn," he agreed. "So what happens when the shooting is over and everyone is still alive?" Ivanova, ever the pessimist, raised her eyebrows as if to ask "Are you taking bets?" "Hey, it could happen," he defended himself. "There's none of us that would wish otherwise. It might hurt Delenn less to just walk away now." "Why would Anna let Delenn leave?" she asked after a pause. It was Garibaldi's turn to be shocked. "Huh?" "'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'?" she quoted. She might as well cast this in terms of "winning" and "losing" since he seemed to be sure a choice would have to be made, though that didn't necessarily have to happen. "Bad strategy." He looked thoughtful again. There was a point to that. As Delenn had said, it wasn't a betrayal. She had saved her life. But he'd never heard any indication that Minbari society accepted group marriage. He shook his head. "You can't be serious." "'Can't"?" she laughed. "You want to say 'can't' to a Sheridan? Any of them?" "Aw, well, no." He looked at the ceiling. "Tried that." "Did it work?" He grinned at her, defeated. "No." "So what's the problem?" she asked. "It's war, and 'now' is what matters. If it were me, I'd rather have pain than regret." Then she added guiltily, "Anna could decide to look elsewhere." "That's not fair to Anna," he answered, surprised he was the one to take her part. He'd only known her as a name and a picture before she'd arrived as a crisis. "It would be too convenient." OK, he admitted to himself, he was trying (unsuccessfully) to take her part. It was the least he could do after being so hard on her. Ivanova could see Garibaldi's uneasiness, and she wonder why they were both in Delenn's corner. But then, she answered herself, I hardly knew Anna. We could have been friends ... but we weren't. I didn't know John and Anna before and after. I did see love happen here: I saw him in pain and I saw Delenn heal him. I've seen her give up too much to sacrifice once again. "Whoever said life was fair?" she asked in a practical tone. "Leave it." Her voice had an edge of threat to it. "It's their problem, not yours, and I'm willing to bet they'll surprise us. Give Delenn the flowers--she'll appreciate that--and keep your thoughts to yourself. Got that?" "Yeah, I guess you're right." It seemed insane, but every other possible scenario looked worse. "I'm always right." "Women." "Aren't we now?" "Wouldn't have it any other way," he laughed and picked up the vase. He had a delivery to make. ===end epilog==