From REWisian@aol.com Mon May 13 18:40:51 1996 Date: Mon, 13 May 1996 21:15:27 -0400 From: REWisian@aol.com Reply-To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com To: b5-creative@lists1.best.com Subject: Newbie alert: This is my first try! Howdy, Yes, the subject line is correct, I'm a newbie (I admit this freely in hopes of gaining some sympathy). I've been "lurking" on this list for a little while, trying to learn the ropes, but I guess it's just time to jump in and see what happens. I've got a few story ideas rolling around my head (and one rolling around on the hard drive), but I figured I'd try sending something short and retarded to start. I don't like it, but if you're really bored between eps, anything with even a hint of B5 is good. It's not really a story set on B5--well, you'll see. Rip it to pieces! (I'm going to quit stalling now. Really I am. Honest! You don't believe me do you....) Oh, and try to pardon typos, I'm in a hurry... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! by Cammy Wisian (Capt. Camelot--don't ask) It was 11:35 P.M. Saturday night. For Babylon 5 fans [stuck] in the Roanoke/Lynchburg area, that meant only 25 minutes were left before the greatest show on T.V. (with the worst time slot) came on. I was doing what I always do at that time--trying to survive those last few minutes before my fix. I had tried all the usual distractions, like checking the E-mail repeatedly hoping someone would post something to the mailing list, or trying the newsgroups; it was no use. No e-mail, and the only thing on the newsgroups I hadn't read were some nit-pick postings about 'Severed Dreams', and the usual 'Battle of the Sexes' thread. I sighed and went down stairs to find a Coke. I could feel drowsiness kicking in (as a recent transplant from Texas, I still had trouble with Eastern time). *No wonder the sell Jolt Cola on the East Coast* I thought *how the heck else do you survive this stinkin' time zone?* I sat down in front of the T.V. to wait. I guess I just made myself too comfortable..... My eyes shot open *Aw, cr#p! How long was I asleep?* I thought. I looked at the clock. Talk about timing, only 2 minutes to go before "Interludes and Examinations"! I waited through the end of that weird Rosanne thing the Fox station puts on before B5. The caffiene and sugar from the Coke really kicked in during the commercial break. I swear the TGI Fridays ad took twice the normal time. Finally the station identification came on. I readied myself for the familiar little PTEN thingy at the beginning--but it didn't happen. Nope. Instead a cheesy late-night talk show came on. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled. "They can't do this again!" My father (who usually watches Babylon 5, but prefers to watch in the basement, since I have the belief that when I yell at the characters on the screen, they can hear me, and this really worries him), came into the room. "What's the yelling about?" he asked. "What do you think? Those buttmunches put this crap on instead of Babylon 5!" i ranted. "This was supposed to be a really big one!" "Huh?" asked my father. "Babylon what? Why aren't you watching Voyager?" "Voyager? That re-hash? You know I don't watch that. C'mon, aren't you ticked?" "What for?" he asked blankly. "Because BABYLON 5 IS NOT ON!" I yelled. I'm used to having to yell at Dad. I don't know who dubbed rocket scientists as geniuses, but they obviously never met my father. "There's no need to wake the dead. Now, I don't know what this Babylon 5 thing is, but you're missing Voyager." "Big-friggin'-whoopee!" I said. "Voyager sucks!" "Hey, I don't what to hear that word out of your mouth again..." "Which one? 'Voyager' or 'sucks'?" "Why don't you go to bed?" he suggested, he really looked concerned. i got the distinct feeling that something was wrong, but I shrugged it off. When I woke up Sunday morning, the first thing I noticed was that my Babylon 5 poster was gone. I jumped out of bed and stromed into the kitchen on a rampage (I'm not a morning person, p*ssing me off is never good, but doing it before 9:30 is suicidal). i was still in a bad mood about that stupid talk show. "Alright! Where'd it go?" I demanded. Members of my family looked at me. "Who took it?" "Who took what?" asked my father. "My Babylon 5 poster! "What is this 'Babylon 5'?" asked my father. "Duh, remember that show we watch every Saturday night? Big space station, shadows, boneheads, funny guy in the encounter suit who confuses everyone..." My family exchanged looks. I could tell they thought I wasn't playing with a full deck. I gave up on them and headed for the computer. I had to find out what happened somehow. I couldn't last a week wondering. My first stop was the Lurkers Guide. I went through the normal routine of getting there, and I was surprised when the computer told me it couldn't connect. *Dangit!* I thought *I kept hearing that people were having problems with the Lurkers Guide. Guess it was bound to happen to me.* I exited the web browser to check the newsgroups for info on how to get around the Lurker's Guide problem. The trouble was, my newsgroups weren't there. Instead of RastB5, and Rastb5 moderated there were Voyager newsgroups. Muttering, I deleted them, and started to dig around for my B5 newsgroups. Of course, as my luck ran, they weren't there. That's when it dawned on me that something was trully wrong. A quick check through my humble collection of Sci-fi magazines confirmed my worst fears--there was no B5. I was either psycho or in the wrong dimension, but either way it wasn't good. In despertion I returned to the computer, trying everything I could think of. None of the B5 websites could be found, there was no mention of it anywhere. I checked a homepage on Claudia Christian. Instead of listing her as an actress on B5, she was doing some soap opera. The closest she'd been to sci-fi T.V. recently was as a guest star on the X-Files. Checking on the other actors, I found simialr situations. Bruce Boxleitner [did I spell that right? I'm to lazy to check] was working on a movie, Bill Mumy was concentrating on his music, and Peter Jurasik was doing some play. At first I couldn't find Jerry Doyle anywhere, but a good amount of digging revealed that he was still on Wall Street. Mira Furlan was doing plays, and rumor had it that there was going to be a made-for-television movie about her life (which she "may" star in). The more I found, the lower I felt. *So this is h#&l* I thought. There was one person left to dig up information on--the master himself. I had a bad feeling. What if he were some accountant or politician or something? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't take the truth. I sulked for a week. It was pathetic. I would never know how the saga ended, and the only source of sci-fi television would be Star-Trek. I began to prepare myself to try and get hooked on the X-Files, or this Dr. Who thing............ I shook myself awake. I was sitting in front of the T.V., with a Coke in my hand. *Could it be?* I thought. I ran to my room. A poster of the B5 characters greeted me. "YES!" I yelled, running back to the living room. My father came in. "Pretty heavy wasn't it?" he asked. "What?" "Babylon 5." I looked at the clock: 1:05 A.M. [D'oh!] And I hadn't set the VCR. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! The End Hope you don't all hate me now. I know it was pathetic, but I was bored. (for the record: I didn't miss the episode) Sorry, Capt. Camelot REWisian@aol.com -The Universe has a very perverse sense of humor-