From: Becki Blumer Subject: Fan Fiction Submission: On the Other Side of The Door Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 18:28:00 +0000 "On the Other Side of the Door" by Meredith D. Holt Sumary: Susan's Thoughts on Marcus, love, the universe, and the rangers. Eighty six years after Babylon 5. Hullo there, I thought up this depressing little dity on the way back from the book store. Blame it on the fact I woke up so early. I'm really trying to finish all my stories so I can have a clean slate for Crusade. The odds are agianst me. Anyway. Thanks to Stephy, Mom, and Adam for Beta reading. Any Questions, Comments, or recommendations for Mental institutions to beckihblumer@fuse.net. Love Always, Meredith D. Holt Legal disclaimer: This all belongs to JMS, (The Wise and Worthy) PTEN and WB (the wealthy). With the exception of Spain, it belongs to the Spaniards, and Susan's middle name, I don't know it, I made it up. Personal discalimer: I'm twisted. Duh. On the Other Side of the Door by Meredith D. Holt beckihblumer@fuse.net I don't sleep any more. At least I try not to. Because I know that when I do, I will return to that night, and I will see it all over again. He died. Marcus Cole, the only man who probably ever really loved me died. And he died telling me he loved me. I relive that night over and over again in my nightmares, waking up to the sound of that horrid machine sucking away the last of his life energy, his arm around me, his head next to mine. No one could stop it. Marcus is dead. He shouldn't be, I'm the one who is supposed to be dead. Why didn't I die? Oh, God why didn't I die? I'd lost so many already, its not as if I wouldn't have wanted to go home, to see Mama, Papa, Ganya, Jeff, Talia...now Marcus' name is added to the list of my stable full of dead loved ones! Why me?! I live on Earth now, no body bothers me anymore, not like they used to. The Rangers wanted their former Entil 'Za to stay on Minbar, but I needed to see St. Petersburg again, to see Earth sky above my head, not Minbari. I was their Entil 'Za, taking up after Jeff, Delenn, & John. I was the Entil 'Za, hair streaked with gray and no laugh lines what so ever. My hair has never turned completely gray in all the eighty six years of my life. I know why. Because Marcus is dead. God, why does it always come back to him? I moved from St. Petersburg ten years ago, to a small beach house in Spain. The doctors said the cold wasn't good for my health. Why won't they let me die? John is fourty years dead. Jeff, sixty one years, Talia, sixty two. Mama, Papa, Ganya, for so long, its hard to count any more. So I live here, alone, as I should be, waiting and hoping that soon I should merge with oblivion and pass beyond the veil. Delenn, I don't know how she goes on. She and John were so in love, you could tell just by looking at them. They deserved some happiness, damn it! But they got it torn away from them. She has come to visit me a few time in the recent years, I know that the only thing that holds her here is David and Lisette, his wife. But even she doesn't wish to cling to life any more. Michael, Michael Garibaldi died of lung cancer a few years back, I don't think he was really all there after Mary and Lise died. Stephen, who knows where he went, just up and left on another one of those walk about things, who knows. Me and Delenn, we are the only ones left for all intents and purposes. I sit alone in the dark, with my vodka. The doctors tried to ban it from me. Like hell! I know that soon, she will come, in her long white gown, which whispers against the stone floors of the hall. I think I must be senile, or insane, or both. Either way, she comes each night, standing just on the other side of the door, her blue eyes just like mine, piercing through the wood, her whispers right in my mind. I didn't mean to! Who asked him to give his life for mine? Who asked him to help me when I was dying? I WANTED to die! But no, I have suffered sixty long years at his expense. She is there. I'm sorry! Its not my fault! This can go on until dawn breaks. What are my choices? The nightmares, or her. I have my drink, I can't pretend she isn't there, but I can drink her away. Tonight is different. Her satin skirts whisper on the hall floor, the front door opens, then closes. I look out my window, and I see her on the beach, the harsh waves crashing on the rocks. Quickly I throw on my robe, and dash down the steps. Why am I in a hurry? I see her on the beach, standing there in the sand. She looks as I did when Marcus died. Young, maybe beautiful. I know. She links hands with mine, and I feel light and dizzy. Mama, Ganya, Papa, Talia, Jeff, John, Michael, Zak, Lennier, Lyta, G'karr, Londo, Virr....Marcus. I come to you now. Susan Lucertia Ivonava 2235-2321 Daughter, Commander, Captian, General, Entil 'Za We all come together in the place where no Shadows fall.