From: Jill Gillham Subject: The One Who Walks Through Walls (1/1) Date: Mon, 16 Mar 1998 15:56:05 -0500 (EST) Disclaimer: Not my universe, I'm only borrowing it for a little while, etc. etc.... Disclaimer #2: This is fluff, and extremely fluffy fluff at that. If you don't like fluff and/or cats, then this story probably isn't for you. Comments are always welcome at jilkey@grfn.org The One Who Walks Through Walls by Jill Gillham circa 2257 "You want me to find a cat?" Lou Welch said. He seemed to be on the verge of rising up and chasing Junior Biologist Andy Cwilinski out of the office, but Andy held his ground. "Not just any cat, but one of the Garden cats." "A cat? I've got three unsolved murders that the Chief's breathing down my neck about and you want me chasing cats? Sorry. Have you tried leaving out a can of tuna and hoping he smells it?" "Really, this is serious." The standing Andy shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Any place you're growing grain, you've got a rodent problem, whether it's the floodplains of the Nile River or a space station light years from Earth. No one's quite sure how the rats and mice got here, but they're here. And we've got so many different species that eat the same cereal grains that we can't just use pesticides on plants like we could back on Earth." "So you brought in a couple of cats. Well if you lose one, it shouldn't be that hard to replace. Cats are supposed to breed like, well, rabbits, aren't they?" Welch seemed slightly less likely to toss him out of the door, but Andy knew he still didn't have him. "The thing is that these aren't just any cats. The old jokes about rats the size of a beagle are pretty close to true. The dogs on Earth they use to kill the big rats are too high maitenance to justify costs, so over the years a few companies have developed cats that were big enough to handle any type of rodents. They started our with the bigger breeds: Maine Coons and Norwegian Forests, but they still have had to do a little gene splicing. Bottom line: the cats we keep in the Garden aren't cheap. A good mouser runs us about fifteen hundred credits for the cat itself. From there, they've got a few surgical implants so we can monitor the number of rodents caught and get some general health information, and that adds a few hundred credits more to the cost. One of the things the vets were supposed to put under their skin is the client for your typical invisible fencing system so that the cats don't get out of the Garden and end up as lunch for the Pak'Ma'Ra. Unfortunately, the invisible fencing, like a lot of stuff here, doesn't appear to be working quite right yet. " "Okay, I'll help you find your cat. However, I'm not looking forward to explaining the paperwork on this one." Welch moved a stack of papers around on his desk before finding the form he wanted. "I guess this qualifies as a missing person. Name?" "Buster." "Species?" "Earth house cat, modified." "Race or ethnic group?" "Maine Coon." "Appearance?" "Long black fur with white patches on chest and nose. Walks on all four paws, and is about 37 pounds, and knee high at his back level." "Okay, that'll do for now. Any suggestions on just how to find the cat? I'd be serious about the tuna, but it's really hard to find around here." "Actually, I think it won't be all that hard. Each cat also has a small transponder in their right shoulder. It's supposed to broadcast health information and number of rodent kills. Our problem is that we don't have the means or the security clearance to track a signal like Security does." Andy pulled a data crystal out of his pocket. "I've got all the signal information right here." "Well why didn't you say so before? This should be easy." Welch fed the data crystal into a hand-held scanner and fussed with a few settings. "Okay, I think we've got a fix on him already. If you want to follow me." The two men were silent as Welch led Andy from security through a few levels which held quarters for station personnel. Finally, they ended up in a corridor populated primarily by alien businessmen. Lou handed Andy the scanner, and knocked on the door. "Anyone home? This is Lou Welch, Station Security, and I need you to open the door." After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal a worker caste minbari businessman. "May I help you with something? I'm afraid you caught me just as I was about to go to sleep." His voice was level, and even though it was hard to read the reactions of a minbari, it didn't seem like the alien had anything to hide. "I'm looking for a lost cat, and we traced it to this general area. Have you seen one?" "A cat? I'm not familiar with that species? You make it sound like it's a child. I have not seen any children around here, but I will help your people find your missing....cat." Lou Welch was about explain what a cat was when Andy interrupted him. "Buster, here kitty, kitty." Andy then made a sharp chirping whistle. >From inside the minbari's quarters, there was a chirping response. "Cat: small furry mammal, walks on four legs, and normally has a tail. They are used as companion animals and for rodent control." "Oh dear." The minbari now looked acutely embarrassed. "Please do come inside. I did not know exactly what a cat was. You have my deepest apologies for misleading you. I think I have the cat you were looking for." The two humans followed the minbari into his quarters. It was a larger unit, consisting of separate living and sleeping areas. And sprawled on the floor in the living quarters was a large black cat. Purring, he lay on his back with four paws sticking in the air, and a few leaves in his mouth. "Buster?" Andy quickly crossed the room and bent down to examine the cat. "I was returning from a meeting at the Fresh Air restaurant when he walked up to me and started rubbing against my legs. He was making that same humming noise then, and he didn't seem hostile, but no matter what I did, he wouldn't stay away from me. I am afraid he followed me home." "What did he eat here? I see the greens, and cats are normally carnivores. I need to know if we need to have Buster's stomach pumped." "It appears to be my clalglen plant. On my home continent, it is a rare spice. I grow it here because you cannot find it for sale off of Mimbar." "Do you have a sample I could have?" "Let me see. I just made a big recipe of flarn with clalglen sauce yesterday so I don't have much left." The minbari vanished into the bedroom area and returned with a small clay pot with a small, tired looking plant in it. "And it appears your friend has been decimating my remaining supply." He passed the pot to Andy, who started to examine it. Andy took the pot, and first looked at the plants, then inhaled sharply to get the smell of them. A few seconds later, he burst out laughing. Lou was quickly at his side. "Is it hallucinogenic? Do I need to take you to Medlab?" Andy stopped laughing, and wiped his eyes. "Well it is sort of a drug, but not something that affects humans. The plant smells like it's the minbari equivalent of Nepeta cataria." "What's that?" Lou said. "Common catnip. I'm guessing our friend here was still smelling a lot like his flarn sauce when he ran into Buster." Lou laughed as well, and Andy quickly explained the effect of catnip on cats to the minbari as he picked up the zoned out Buster and slung him over one shoulder. "Now I need to run some tests on the plant to make sure that it really is mostly harmless, but if you want us to replace the plant that Buster here tore apart, stop into the greenhouse, and we'll grow you some earth style claglen. In the mean time, this brat needs to go back to the garden and earn his keep." And security man, junior biologist, and sedated feline headed out, leaving behind a still bemused minbari businessman. **Finis Jill Gillham jilkey@grfn.org http://members.aol.com/~ferndock2 "Ready?" "Why do your people always ask if someone is ready right before you are going to do something massively unwise?" "Tradition." - Babylon 5