From: Nick Subject: NEW: 'Stranger With This Face' Part Six Date: Mon, 12 Apr 1999 16:16:04 +0100 Me again. You know the drill... Nick xxx Stranger With This Face: part six * Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Marianne stared up at the ceiling, her hands clasped loosely over her belly and her toes wriggling without the constraint of shoes. Dr Franklin had insisted on her being walked back to her quarters to rest after her earlier flashback and so now she lay here feeling utterly pathetic staring at the shiny black space above her. Still anything was better than feeling as useless and redundant as she had when lolling about on that little cot in the office. A few feet away Franklin himself was rummaging around in the tiny kitchenette Marianne shared with her flatmate, cursing and muttering as he sought clean cups and teabags. * "Are you sure you can find everything?" Marianne propped herself up on her elbows * "Yes. It's fine, stay there." * "I am." * "You sure? Your voice sounds louder." His own had taken on a suspicious tone. * "That's because I'm sitting up." Marianne sighed, moving so that she sat up fully. * "Well don't." He appeared from behind the curtain separating the two rooms; a tea towel slung over one shoulder. "Did *I* tell you you could sit up?" * "No *doctor*" Marianne groaned and flopped back down again. Satisfied with her obedience, Stephen wandered back into the kitchen. "I'm fine you know. It's not as if I *collapsed* or anything!" She added, turning her head so that she wouldn't have to look at the ceiling anymore. "Well aside from the near permanent déjà vu..." she murmured to herself. * "Oh really." Franklin re-emerged, a tray containing two mugs and a packet of something in his hands. "Then Dr Hobbs *imagined* your telling her you'd had strange dreams then..." Marianne sniggered at the sight of her benefactor's attempt at domesticity- he still wore the tea towel. * "You're making too much of this." She retorted. "Can I sit up or do I have to drink that through a straw?" * "Actually I was going to feed you intravenously!" Franklin grinned and winked as he handed her a cup. "And anyway, I disagree. Marianne, ever since I've known you it's been like you've been trying to live your life with only half of what you need. We have memories for a reason and you can't go on indefinitely without them." * "Stephen, you know what Dr Raden thought-" The tea tasted like dish water and she covered her distaste by reaching for the packet lying on the tray and struggled to open it. * "Marianne, we both know what I think of William Raden. I don't know why he's so against your actively *trying* to regain you memory... I know that he was the first doctor to treat you after your accident and that he considers himself to be an expert on memory loss but- If your inability to remember *is* because you've somehow repressed the memory as opposed to having suffered physical *damage* to your memory centers then maybe we should work on it..." * "I know, I know... I just... Stephen I *like* my life the way it is... I'm not sure that I want it to change! But, if I'm going to keep having these flashbacks then maybe things *are* going to change so I'd better prepare myself." She forced herself to take another sip and watched, amused as Franklin did the same and almost spat a mouthful of his drink over her. * "Lord! That is *awful*! I've never been able to make tea! It seems so *easy*, all that's involved is mixing a couple of liquids together and swirling a bag in it..." * "There's your problem. Tea making is an *art*. I can tell you didn't even use a pot!" Marianne wagged her finger at him, fighting to keep a grin off her face and failing. ****************** She was worse today. Having seen her chart and received reports from some of the other volunteers, Lennier steeled himself against the woeful sight before him. Palorr's condition had certainly escalated: her formally robust figure was now that of a withered invalid, her whole body shivered with cold and she was rendered almost unrecognisable by the sores that covered her. Barely able to speak, she made an attempt at a wan smile that stretched the already weeping sores painfully. Lennier forced himself not to wince or turn away. Seating himself at her side, he placed one gentle hand over one of her own and moved closer so that he could speak softly. * "How are you today Palorr?" The female merely blinked in reply, not wanting to waste what little energy she had remaining on stating the obvious. From her bed she had stared up at the ward around her for every hour of every day that she did not spend sedated. And, largely left to herself by her busily healthy former colleagues she had been able to observe the behaviour of many of her friends over the past few days. * "Lennier, what is it you have to confess?" Her words were little more than a dry rasp but she was certain that the minbari had heard her for he bowed his head, his eyes closed in shame or embarrassment- she couldn't be certain which. * "I am here to ask after *you*. My problems are insignificant." It was a typically minbari answer and Palorr almost laughed. * "Lennier, you *do* have a problem. I should like to help. As you can see, I have no *problem*," the minbari stared at her in confusion, "I am going to die. That is not a *problem*, it is simply the way things are. My fate cannot be altered, perhaps yours can." Sensing that he had relented, Palorr prodded him a little further, "Tell me about Marianne Charlton." ******************* It was warm. Her eyes still closed; she turned to face the sun, fascinated by the bright orange glow on the inside of her own eyelids. All around her sounded the echoes of other's footsteps, but too busy enjoying the great outdoors, she tuned them out. There was only the heat of the seldom seen sun on her face. Nothing else was of any importance. * An impatient cough from behind her forced her to turn to its owner and greet the sinking feeling of one who has 'things to attend to'. No more sunshine. And no more rain. Back indoors where the walls were cool and clammy inspite of the constant stuffy warmth. * "You've got a visitor." The owner of the cough grunted. * The corridors seemed darker than usual after the brilliant sunshine and she took a few moments to let her eyes grow accustomed to the gloom as numerous gates and doors clanked shut behind her. Moments later, after being led through the silently echoing hallways, a familiar face greeted her with a meek smile and polite bow. ***************** Gulping for air, Marianne struggled to sit up. Sunlight poured in through the sarong her room- mate had fashioned as a blind and there was no sound other than the rhythmic tick-tick of her old fashioned alarm clock. There was no sign of Franklin, he must have left when she'd fallen asleep, she reasoned. Almost mechanically, Marianne got out of bed and pulled on a sweater and trainers over the pants and T-shirt she had worn to bed. No time to shower, things to do people to see. And one in particular, she added grimly. *************** Making something of a fuss about rearranging his clothing as he seated himself, Lennier put off answering his friend's question straight away. It was obvious to him that Pallor would not be put off, or led off the topic some other way and studying his own hands intently, Lennier opened his mouth to speak. * "I have realised that in being here, on this planet, I am breaking a promise I made to a very good friend. I did not realise when I first arrived so that in itself is not my fault, but when I did realise, I did not leave and that is the point at which my promise was broken." * "Continue." Pallor wasn't willing to let her companion escape without telling her anything but the whole truth and realising this, Lennier resigned himself to the fact. * "You understand, of course that what I tell you is to remain in the strictest confidence?" he finally whispered, hazarding a glance into her eyes before edging away again and allowing his gaze to rest on an area of the sheet that covered her. * "Of course. And who would I tell?" Lennier nodded slowly in understanding before he took a deep breath and allowed himself to continue, to finally pour out the entire story. "Several years ago, for reasons I should rather not go into, I found myself on a small colonised moon in Earth space known as Io. While there I met a woman who was about to undergo what humans refer to as the 'death of personality'," here he paused to hazard a glance upward in search of her understanding and when Pallor signalled her comprehension by means of a weak nod, he continued. * "That was the sentence she had been ordered to serve for a crime she had earlier committed. There were some complications and because of possibly fatal side effects the full 'mind wipe' was not carried out. Instead, her memories of her life up until that point were repressed but her personality was to remain intact. For her own and quite compelling reasons Deborah- that was her name, did not ever want to remember her past. And since the presence of anything from her past could in *theory* trigger the recurrence of those memories, she asked me to promise that should I ever see her again that I would, in her words, 'walk away'." * "And now she is Marianne Charlton." Pallor finished for him. * "Yes." * "Why did you not leave as soon as you had realised?" * "I-" Lennier fixed his gaze on his down turned palms, "We were *friends*. Perhaps more than friends- I still find myself missing her after all this time... I have often wondered whom she ended up becoming, how much like the Deborah I knew- When I saw her here- At first I tried to leave- immediately. But I found that I could not bear to leave her just yet- And now we are all stranded here by the quarantine-" * "Lennier." Marianne's voice shook Lennier from his musing. Nervously, he turned in his seat to face her; "I need to speak to you, in private." Her face was paler than usual and her hair hung around it in slept on rat-tails. Dressed in clothing that had clearly seen better days, she stood a short distance away, her hands hanging limply at her sides. * "Go." Pallor whispered to the minbari, "I will still be here when you return." ***************** Moving quickly ahead of him, Marianne reached a low bench a few meters from the temple in the silent and deserted street. Seating herself she patted the space next to her and obediently Lennier joined her. * "What is going on Lennier? I know that you've been uncomfortable around me- avoiding me even- Do we have a problem?" * "Marianne, I do not see a 'problem'." Refusing to match her stare, the Minbari stared instead at a patch of ground a few feet ahead. * "Fine. I suppose I'll have to take your word for it." She sounded defeated, hurt perhaps and Lennier was suddenly struck by the need to reassure her, * "Minbari do not lie." She nodded now and let her head drop forward, stretching out the multitude of kinks in the back of her neck. * "Then- There's something else. And since you don't lie..." Once again upright she fixed him with her gaze. "I've been having dreams- flashbacks-" Lennier felt his heart begin to pound, blooding racing in his ears, colour rising to his typically pale face and he looked away. * "I saw someone I recognised. A Minbari. Was it you?" * Lennier found that he could scarcely hear her over the rush of panic as hastily he leapt to his feet. "Marianne, I am- *glad* that you feel that you are making progress in regaining your memory- Saddened by any distress you may be experiencing but I am not sure that I am the right person to-" * "I was in a prison- It *was* you I saw, wasn't it? Lennier," now she rose to place one hand gently on his arm, cocking her head so that she could see his expression; "It's alright. I felt that- I don't think that I want to know more- I get the feeling that we're in agreement on *that* one, right? I've never 'striven' to learn about my past- I've always felt that it's been buried for a reason- I've always been happy to leave things alone. But I feel that I'm linked to you for some reason- that you're linked to my past! I just want to know if I'm right. A simple yes or no will do, and then I'll leave it be." * "You *are* right." Lennier heard himself answer. "But I cannot help you any further- To do so would mean that I had to break a promise." * "Alright." Loosening her grip on his arm, Marianne let the minbari walk away and staring out across the street she wondered at her acceptance of what was happening to her. * "Marianne? How did it go?" Dr Franklin was suddenly at her side, concern etched into his features. "What did he say?" * "It's okay. I'm not going to ask him anything else. I'm happy enough to remain ignorant of my past..." * "What if the flashbacks won't let you?" * "Then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." She could tell that her friend wasn't going to be as accepting as she but that was not her concern. Turning silently, Marianne headed back into the temple. Stephen however did not follow, choosing instead to hurry off in the direction he had seen Lennier take. *Something* was going on and he *didn't* like it. Even if Marianne was willing to leave things be for now, to let Lennier off the hook, that didn't mean that *he* could. And besides, Stephen knew that someday certain questions wouldn't let themselves be ignored. And when that happened, he intended to make sure that he was there to help answer them. ****************** End of part six. -- "It's the pens! I've *got* to get rid of the pens...!"- Stuart, 'Queer As Folk'. From: Nick Subject: 'Stranger With This Face' Part Seven Date: Sun, 18 Apr 1999 15:24:12 +0100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain;charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Here's part seven, disclaimer et al are in part one. Enjoy! * * 'STRANGER WITH THIS FACE': PART SEVEN * How many more steps... Franklin stopped to catch his breath and stared up into the tower that stretched up above him, then back down into the well below. Damned Lumati with their need for impossibly tall buildings... For what seemed like the hundredth time, the doctor also wished he'd spent as much time keeping in shape as he insisted most of his Earthforce patients did. Adjusting his surgical coat on his arm where he'd draped it having shrugged the garment off three storeys ago, Stephen continued his ascent. A short time ago he'd begun hurrying after Lennier in a bid to discover the truth about what was fast turning into a mystery worthy of any prime time soap opera. Lennier knew something about Stephen's protégé, Marianne: something he wasn't willing to volunteer. Besides that, the doctor still hadn't yet had the chance to find out why the former Ranger was avoiding him and had been since his own arrival on the Lumati homeworld. * Trying to suppress his heavy panting, Stephen reached the fourteenth floor and started rapping exhaustedly on the door before him. * "Lennier? It's Dr Franklin. I think you should open the door. I'm not going to leave until we've spoken." ***************** Having left Marianne standing and staring after him, Lennier had hurried away, his every instinct screaming at him to run, leave this place with its air of death and secrecy. Instead he had steeled himself to the reality that escape was not an option. * But she hadn't asked anything of him. Not really. Besides asking him whether or not he had known her before, she had more or less let him off... For now anyway. And now that his body and mind had finished their panicked exertions, forcing the blood through his veins and the surge of adrenaline had died away, he was left with the realisation that sooner or later he *would* have to betray the promise he had made to Deborah. * The rooms he shared with Grare seemed even smaller and more claustrophobic than ever and lying on his bunk, the Minbari was reminded of the tiny and cramped cockpits of the minbari fighters he'd piloted as a member of the Anla'shok. Staring up at the black and glassy ceiling not far above his head, Lennier recalled his dramatic exit from Delenn's White Star after he'd betrayed her and her husband all that time ago. * All that time... Lennier realised now that it did not hurt him to think of Sheridan as Delenn's life partner... Nor did it cause him any pain to think of the Anla'shok. Rather he felt only sorrow for his betrayal of them. And his betrayal of himself. But now, just as he had felt trapped within that White Star by his choices and mistakes, he felt equally so now. Pointless as it was, the former ranger found himself wishing that he could turn the clock back. ***************** Franklin expected more of a struggle and was surprised and oddly disconcerted to hear a command for the door to be opened almost immediately. Truth be told, the doctor had rehearsed a speech of sorts and now, standing in the tiny and sparsely decorated rooms he found himself at a loss for what to say. * "I think that I expected you." Inspite of the dark colour of the walls, ceiling and floor of the room, the room was bright from the midday light that poured in through the open shutters at the window. Lennier lay flat on his bunk, still fully clothed and shod- unusual for a Minbari, Stephen mused. And particularly unusual for Lennier whom the doctor had always found to be well mannered to the point of annoyance. Franklin had expected to find the minbari stood to attention at his door, hands folded and ready to bow in greeting. This was *not* the Lennier that Franklin had known on Babylon5. * "Then you know why I'm here." Franklin ventured, stepping further into the room. * "This is about my conversation with Miss Charlton." Lennier affirmed flatly and Franklin thought that he heard something strange in the minbari's voice- not defiance exactly but not compliance either. "As I told her, I am not at liberty to discuss this-" * "I'm not just here about that." Franklin cut in, catching the ranger by surprise. Lennier propped himself up on his elbows and swung his feet around to land flat on the floor. Then, slumped forward on his elbows, the minbari remained seated in this strangely lazy position- strange for a Minbari anyway. "You've been avoiding me ever since my arrival here- I got the feeling from President Sheridan, when I spoke to him last that you had left the Rangers very suddenly... He didn't seem to want to tell me why though-" * "He has not spoken of it?" Confusion made it's way across the formerly schooled features of the ranger. * "Nope. Whatever happened, John said it was between you and Delenn." Lennier's lips momentarily formed a surprised 'O' and he stood up, moving over to the tiny kitchen area where he rested his hands on the cool surface of the edge of the sink. * "I will not speak on either matter. The first because to do so would require me to break a confidence and the second because since Sheridan did not consider it to be any of your concern, I do not either." "Lennier, I care about Marianne- a lot. I've been her doctor ever since Doctor Raden assigned her to me after her accident. *He* was so against working toward reversing Marianne's amnesia that I began to suspect that there might have been more to the accident than we were led to believe- I intend to do all I can to protect her and to that end I have to know if her regaining her memory of her life before her 'accident' will put her in any danger." * "Danger?" Lennier whirled around to face his visitor, his hands levering him away from the sink edge slightly. * "Yes. I've known of cases- people who have been relocated by the government after giving evidence in court- or 'disappearing' because of information they have." Franklin was fishing, Lennier could tell that the man knew nothing. Relaxing, although not visibly, Lennier stared through his interviewer. * "You are mistaken." * "Am I. Well, whatever. But if Marianne suffers because of your refusal to co-operate I *will* find you." Stephen did his best to look stern as he got to his feet and moved toward the door. * "Doctor, in my own way I am trying to help her also. But I cannot break the promise I have made to- Another." ****************** "Where's Stephen?" Dr Hobbs question brought Marianne out of her semi- trance and recovering from her start, the younger woman turned to face her new friend, swivelling in her chair, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you-" * "It's okay- I've been pretty on edge all day. Since I've been practically jumping at my own *shadow* my starting every time speaks to me is hardly surprising." Waving off Hobbs' concern, Marianne got cautiously to her feet and headed toward the ever-ready coffee maker. * "Dr Franklin insisted on following Lennier." * "I see. What's going on Marianne?" * "You're asking me?" Marianne allowed a small grin to break through and stood back from the machine, newly filled mug in hand. "All these flashbacks- or whatever they are- they had me confused and frightened- I think Stephen got me 'fired up' for answers- you know how he is- can't just leave anything alone. He's been like a child picking at a scab over this- I was so sure that I wanted to know everything- for about five minutes anyway- Something stopped me- self-preservation perhaps. I think I'm better off leaving it be- at least for now..." Distractedly Marianne reached one arm forward to fiddle with a stack of loose leafed papers on the desk before her, tugging a few stray ones into line with the rest. "We're in the middle of the viral equivalent of a war-zone- this is hardly the time for voyages of self discovery!" Out of the corner of her eye, Marianne could see Hobbs studying her profile, and she turned to match her stare. * "And if the flashbacks continue? To the point that they interfere with your ability to concentrate on your work?" * "If *that's* going to happen then there's no real way of preventing it. It won't matter if I leave things be or carry on digging." * "But the more you know, the more easily you'll be able to put everything into context- understand it, stop *fearing* it." Marianne sighed and looked down at the mug of coffee her hands cradled in her lap, * "I don't think that any sort of *preparation* is going to lessen the blow- A part of me seems to know that no matter how weird, stressful and *mad* my life is *now*, it used to be *worse*" * "That could just be your nervousness speaking- All this cloak and dagger stuff might just have got you worried- Lennier has been very... *dramatic*..." * "How do you mean?" Marianne's attention left the cup and returned, as a frown to her questioner. * "All this *avoidance* and *secrecy*- His running off to the shuttle hangar and trying to leave the planet..." Suddenly an idea came to her, "What if it's not *you* he's trying to protect. Maybe you used to know something about his past- Stephen mentioned that Lennier used to be a Ranger but that he left and disappeared very suddenly and that the subject is pretty much a taboo... Marianne, perhaps you *should* stay away from him for your *own* sake!" * "Lillian, don't be ridiculous! I know I've not known him for long but Lennier doesn't have a *malicious* bone in his body!" * "Marianne," Hobbs crouched down at her friend's chair and touched one had to her arm; "All I'm asking is that you watch your step- Being able to trust people is a *wonderful* gift but just *be careful*. He's done nothing to *earn* your trust." * "Yes he has. You've seen how hard he works. How much he *cares*. How can someone who does such *good*, who gives himself so selflessly, be capable of doing or wanting to do harm?" Seeing that arguing would be pointless, Lillian rose awkwardly to her feet and retreated to her own work station, the gentle sound of Marianne hesitantly calling her back caused her to stop in her tracks and turn slightly toward the younger woman, "Thank you for caring. " * "Anytime." * Now alone, Marianne rejected her now lukewarm coffee mid-sip, wincing with distaste and setting it down on a pile of folders an arm's length away. Out on the ward, she could hear the metallic clank of bedpans being replaced and empty syringes being thrown into kidney dishes to await disposal. There were few voices, and those that did speak did so in such low murmurs that no words could be made out. Shutting her eyes, Marianne concentrated on blocking out those sounds and raised slightly clammy palms to cover her eyelids. There was little use in trying to focus on work today. ****************** "Damn! Damn, damn and damn!" Stephen stormed into the office, a file clasped in one hand and his coattails flapping. "I thought we were onto something, I really did! I can't believe the combination didn't work!" It was two days after Marianne's decision not to actively work toward regaining her memory and those two days had passed in a blur. On his way back from Lennier's quarters, still fuming with anger, Franklin had been hit by a sudden stroke of genius and had run the full journey back to the hospice in his excitement. He knew of a new approach to treating the disorder that was steadily working it's way through the Lumati population. And so from that moment until now, the whole hospice had been a hive of activity and perhaps more importantly, *hope*. One of the volunteers had even noticed that this hope seemed to extend to the patients.. * All that changed when the first death in eleven hours drove Franklin into the office, his face haggard and his eyes filled with tears. * "What's happened? It hasn't adapted already!" Lillian was on her feet in an instant, the colour draining from her face. Marianne stayed at her desk, her heart which had, for the past two days formed a heavy and awkward lump in her mouth now plummeting to her feet. * "No, it hasn't *adapted*" the man snapped, resting one hand against a wall to support him. * "I don't understand?" Hobbs moved to take the folder from Stephen's limp grasp and started opened it, thumbing through it's pages until she suddenly froze and her eyes met his in horror, "It's *mutated*?" * "Yes it's *mutated*!" Franklin almost smirked as he copied her tone. * "How can that be possible? We checked and rechecked everything..." Dr Hobbs was frantically turning the pages of the report, looking for answers, even clues to answers and yet finding none. * "Well, it *did*. And that's not the worst of it either." Franklin sank onto the edge of a desk and passed one hand over weary eyes. "Pallor is one of those who showed signs of improvement- She's deteriorating rapidly. I don't think she'll survive the night..." The man now ceased fighting back his tears and instead allowed them to fall unhindered. Hobbs abandoned the file, dropping it to the floor and moved to wrap her arms around him, trying fruitlessly to support the weight of the heavily built man." * "If the disease has mutated again, we might all be susceptible to contamination." Marianne's voice, flat with shock cut through the room, forcing her two superiors to look around at her. "Everyone should be re- tested. And the others should be told about Pallor's condition-" * "Grare was assisting me with my rounds this morning, he said he'd pass it on." Composing himself, Stephen extricated himself from Hobbs' arms and wiped the sleeve of his lab coat over his face. "Right, right- Panic over, now we need to focus." Mentally tidying his pain away in the recesses of his mind, Franklin retrieved the file from the floor and smoothed one hand thoughtfully over his hair. "There are still a few more avenues we've not investigated- We should get straight on with it. Lillian, you okay?" * "Fine. Just give me a moment." Retreating to her own desk, Lillian took several deep breaths and hands on hips stared up at the ceiling as she willed herself not to cry." * "Right." Suddenly awkward, Stephen stowed the file under his arm and checked his beast pocket for a pen; "I'll be one the ward if anyone needs me." Turning abruptly, the man all but ran from the tiny room and now alone, Marianne swivelled in her chair to pass a roll of tissue to Lillian. * "I'll be alright-" Lillian took the tissue and tore off a large strip, which she used to dab at her eyes, ever watchful of the make up she wore and blew her nose. "I can't just switch my emotions on and off. Never could- death affects me as much now as it did when I was a medical student..." * "It's okay. There's no need to explain. When I get home tonight I'll probably start screaming and breaking things! For now though I'm just going to focus on the task in hand- I'm not going to *do* emotions today!" Half grinning at her friend and receiving a wan smile in return, Marianne turned back to her screen. ****************** End of part seven. Part eight should follow soon. -- Nick