From Mmturner@aol.com Sun Aug 4 01:58:05 1996 Date: Thu, 1 Aug 1996 17:01:37 -0400 From: Mmturner@aol.com To: b5-creative@lists.best.com Subject: [Mmturner@aol.com: Succubus] Hi, This is another Sheridan/Delenn story with a slush factor, and is my take on the infamous "snowglobe scene". Much thanks to Inga, Analise, and Leslie for beta reading and valuable suggestions. The characters are, of course the property of J. Michael Straczinski, Warner Bros, and PTEN My email address is Mmturner @ aol.com. I would appreciate all comments and criticisms. Thanks. Succubus by Mary M. Turner Mmturner@aol.com At first he was restless and guarded, uneasy in his sleep, uneasy with the watcher. Then as the night wore on and even his unconscious relaxed and grew accustomed to her presence, his face revealed more and more. Decency, simple humanity, an earnest core, it was the face of a caring man, brave with innocence, and one she would love till the end of her days. 'And yet,' she thought, 'perhaps I am misreading what I see. I know so little of this race, only what I have researched. If he were Minbari, I would truly understand what is there. Can humans possibly be as transparent as they seem?' She wandered the room, restless in her turn. As much as his night-face, John's quarters revealed him to her. Tidy with the order imposed by long military service, yet reflecting his individuality, the room's shelves held more than the utilitarian objects customary in a Minbari chamber. So many things here, so many strange bits and pieces, yet each treasured by him, and therefore worthy of exploration and understanding. Idly she picked up a convoluted shell, remembering what he had told her of it. "My dad brought that to me when I was in the hospital on my eleventh birthday. I had been looking forward to a trip to the ocean for almost four months, and then the day before we were to go, my appendix burst, and instead of lying on the beach, I wound up on a treatment bed. He brought that to me so I could hear the ocean's roar, and with it a promise that we'd still somehow make the time to go." She held it to her ear as he had shown her and heard, the distant sound, that he swore echoed the oceans on his home world. It was an odd sound, not unpleasant, but distinctly strange. 'Perhaps it only works for humans,' she thought and felt again the isolation of her position. No longer Minbari, not human either, despised by many of both species, obligated by Prophecy, and experiencing a torment of emotions that centered around someone who had long ago become more than her duty. She shivered as she put the shell back in its place and touched a strange round glass object that John called a snowglobe. Just then, the door lock cycled open "Hello." Such an innocuous comment. Delenn sensed, rather than felt the globe slipping from her fingers. "I'm sorry. Obviously I'm in the wrong place. I'm looking for Captain John Sheridan's quarters. Do you know where they are?" "Captain...?" Afterwards Delenn never knew how she forced the word past the lump in her throat. "Yes, that nice Lieutenant Corwin gave me this key. He said I could wait in my husband's quarters while he tried to locate him." Delenn remembered then that they had turned off the comm system - just for tonight. "Del'nn, wha' wazzat? John's sleepy baritone sounded from the bedroom, and the woman's face changed. Just for the flash of a second something ugly peered through her eyes and was as quickly gone. Delenn blinked, but by then the woman was moving past her. "John? Oh, John my darling. Is that you?" "Who? Wha... Anna? Anna, what are you..." But Delenn didn't wait to hear more. Ignoring the fact that she was in her robe, she fled Sheridan's suite for the sanctuary of her own quarters and the order and regularity of Minbari ritual. *************** Sheridan stared at the apparition before him, and even as his mind struggled to deal with the spectre of Anna, some core of his being heard the soft snick of the door closing behind Delenn. It sounded like he had always imagined the chop of the guillotine would sound. Then Anna was embracing him and he had no more time to think of his future. His past had frighteningly become his present. "Hey, wait a minute, Annie. You have to tell me what happened to you. It's been four years. Where..." "John, aren't you glad to see me?" Expertly then, her hands were moving on him and her mouth was on his, and all the years of being together and then being apart came together and his questions were forgotten. *************** In the morning she stretched lazily and trailed her hand in circles across his chest. He woke and for one confused second thought that Delenn had fulfilled his wildest fantasies and done more than just watch him sleep the night before. He turned toward her with a smile, and the events of the night came rushing at him. Anna spoke before he could voice his questions. "John, who is Delenn?" He went cold. "Why?" "You called her name several times last night when we..." "Anna, where did you come from? When did you get to the station? Why didn't you let me know where you were? What happened? How did you get in here? I thought you were..." "Dead. I know. I don't blame you if you found someone else for a little while." "That's not what I meant." Even now, in the first flush of her return, instinct prompted him to downplay the question of Delenn. "You were on the Icarus. Every record we have of that ship indicates it was destroyed with all hands." Still guided by instinct he made no mention of Morden. Anna stood up and smiled at him. She didn't bother with the robe he had left lying on the chair beside the bed. "Do you want some orange juice? No, no, don't bother getting up. I'll play fetch." He couldn't take his eyes off her as she rounded the corner to his small kitchen. Once she was out of sight, he wriggled his neck, trying to ease the cramped muscles in his back. "Is something wrong with you shoulder, darling?" she asked returning with the two glasses. "Just stiff I guess, I must have slept wrong." "And here, I did my level best to see that you didn't sleep at all." She giggled wickedly. "Wait," she handed him both glasses of juice. "I have a sensational powder that we picked up on Sixfen. It cures headaches, eases pain, it's a 23rd century aspirin. I'll get you a bit." "Anna, never mind all that. Tell me how you got on board the station." "John, what does it all matter? I'm here now and we have a lot of time to make up for." She slid against him, and kissed him hungrily. For an instant he gave in to her building passion, but some echo of the door closing behind Delenn last night sounded in his memory and he pulled away=2E "No, Anna. I have to know. What happened on the Icarus? I was so sure you were dead." She looked at him solemnly and settled into the crook of his arm. "For a long time, I didn't know that anything had happened to the Icarus. I only found out that I was supposed to be dead when I reached Arcturus three months ago and there was a problem with my papers." She put a finger on his mouth. "I know. I know. But I had Manorcan fever, and they put me off two days out of Z'ha'dum on a hospital ship bound for a colony on Prima Magna. I was supposed to rejoin the expedition the following month when they called in for supplies. I was bitterly disappointed, but I had no choice... I was quite ill, and it was contagious, so..." "Anna, that was four years ago. Didn't you realize I'd be worried sick? And what about your family? Why didn't you get in touch with us?" "But I did. Or at least I thought I did." She began to stroke her finger along the line of his jaw. "Johnny, you have to understand. I know you've spent a lot of time in space, but you've always been among the Inner Worlds. Things out on the rim are not very civilized. The hospital ship was hijacked by Anterran pirates. Fortunately they proved to be susceptible to Manorcan fever, and after about four months we were free again, but they'd killed our pilot, and gutted our ship to make repairs on their hyper drives. We limped along till we came to a very isolated colony on Sixfen. We put in there to make repairs and tried to hire another pilot, but it took us over a year just to get supplies. I sent word on an outbound freighter that I was all right, but I guess you never got it. Sixfen was a very interesting world, by the way. There were ruins of a civilization far older than anything we have encountered so far. Unfortunately I didn't have all my equipment, but I can assure you that my time there wasn't wasted." "To hell with Sixfen. Surely they had a comm system." "Well, they did and they didn't. It was pretty primitive - sub-light, and it was down about half the time. I swear I did send you messages though. I thought surely one of them would get through." She looked up at him questioningly, and a lock of hair slid forward to dangle across her eyes. Unthinkingly he brushed it back and discovered a scar on her temple, just above and in front of her ear. "What's this?' he asked, fingering it gently. "Well, that's what happened next , actually. We finally completed repairs, and the co-pilot took us out. He'd been so badly wounded we thought he would die, but he recovered, and we set off, back towards Z'ha'dum." "Why there?" "Well, that was my doing. It was the closest place I could think of that might have sophisticated equipment, and the expedition was still supposed to be there." "But you didn't make it back," he said flatly, and she looked at him oddly for a moment, before twining herself more closely about him. "God, I've missed you so much," she said throatily, drawing his head down for a long kiss. After several moments, he pulled back. "I have to go to work today, darling. Finish telling me what happened." She frowned. "Do you have to go in today? Can't you - oh, call in sick or something? Surely it isn't everyday that your wife returns from the grave." "I wish I could, but we're on high alert. The new Vorlon ambassador is due to arrive in five days, and we're having some security problems that have to be nailed down before he can land. To say nothing of the reception, and - some other things, too." He finished lamely, aware of a curious reluctance to discuss the war council with her, just yet. There was a chime at the door and then someone pounding on it. "Captain, are you in there?" It was Ivanova, and Seridan suddenly realized that his comm system was still incommunicado. "Hell," he rasped glancing at his chrono. "I'm late now." Ivanova pounded again. "I'm coming. I'm coming. He seized the robe lying beside his bed and ran for the door. "Sorry, sir, but I couldn't raise you, and Lt. Corwin had something in his report that I thought..." "Who is it John?" Anna called. "Damn. That's her isn't it?" Sheridan didn't even ask how she knew, he just nodded, meeting the look in her eyes. "When?" "Last night." "While D--" "Shhh. Yes." "John?" Suddenly he looked sick. "Oh, God, her clothes..." he muttered. Ivanova stared at him for a second and then whispered, 'It's okay, I'm on it." Raising her voice she said, "Well, Mrs. Sheridan, you're the surprise, I wanted to tell the Captain about. I didn't know you'd managed to find your way here all by yourself. I'm Susan Ivanova, the Exec." She was moving steadily forward, until she was beside the bed where Anna sat upright, wearing John's shirt and neatly tucked into the covers. She stuck her hand out toward Sheridan's wife, and then doubled over. "Cramps. D'you mind if I borrow your bathroom for a second." She all but ran for the small room off the bedroom. When she emerged minutes later, she looked strangely bulky, and wasted no time in making her apologies and leaving, but not before reminding Sheridan, he was already late for the planning meeting for the reception. "I'm sorry, darling," he smiled at Anna, "I can't believe you're here. Really here. I'm afraid I'm going to be tied up all day though. Why don't you make yourself at home here, and I'll call you if I can get free for lunch. We can meet in the Zocalo." "Well, if you must, you must." She kissed him passionately. "Just so you know what you're missing." Anna watched him dress in haste and then depart. Her expression was unreadable. Once he was gone, she amused herself by exploring the entire apartment, pausing occasionally over some item that she did not recognize. Eventually she opened her small hold-all and pulled out a sleek lavender cat suit, and matching tunic. Dressed, she sat down at Sheridan's computer and began to access everything she could find of station records. *************** When Ivanova left the Captain's quarters, she went, not to her own, but to Garibaldi's. "Let me in Michael, we've got big problems." 'Bigger than the Vorlon ambassador, saboteurs, and a freighter pileup in the cargo bay?" he grumbled, opening his door. "Yeah," she said, marching in to slump wearily on his couch. Then she bounced back up to pull something hard and bristly from her back pocket. "What's that?" "Delenn's hairbrush. Anna Sheridan is here." He stared at her. "You're wonky. Are you mainlining those coffee beans? Anna Sheridan is dead." "Okay. The Captain just spent the night with a ghost." "I thought he spent the night with De...Uh-oh." "You're quick, Garibaldi, I'll give you that. Not cute, but quick." "How did she get in?" "Corwin AKA 'I'll have his guts for garters' gave her a passcard last night when she showed up and he couldn't get in touch with the Captain. " "Why couldn't he get in tou...oh, they turned it off." "One too many interruptions, I guess." Briefly she grinned at him, before resuming her frown. She stood up and began to pace. "Damn. Damn. Damn." "What happened?" "I don't know. When I went to bed, he was going to sleep and Delenn was going to watch him do it. When I went to get him this morning, he'd obviously been -- uhh, romping in the hay with a dead woman. Go figure." "Where's Delenn?" "I hope that she's in her quarters. That reminds me, got a bag I can borrow?" She took off her jacket and began to unwind various Minbari garments from around her middle. She caught Garibaldi's expression. "Well, I had to clean the bathroom this morning." She tapped his vid-comm link. "Lennier, this is Ivanova. I'd like to speak to Ambassador Delenn." Lennier's voice was stiff. "I'm sorry, Commander. I'm afraid the Ambassador is -- indisposed." "I'll bet," Garibaldi whispered in the background, as Ivanova shot him a look that should have fried his battle ribbons. "I really need to see her - just for a minute. I have something I need to give her." "I - I'll see." Lennier disappeared from the screen for a second, and then was back. "Commander, can you come now? The Ambassador is due at the planning meeting, but since she is already late, she feels she can spare a few more minutes to see you. I will go in her stead." Ivanova nodded and cut the connection. "He's nervous." "Delenn probably smashed every piece of crystal in their suite, last night. Poor guy, no wonder he's nervous." "Michael, this isn't funny. That woman turning up now is too opportune. I'd like to get a piece of her DNA." "That's -- not a bad idea. Where is she spending the day?" "In Sheridan's quarters, I guess, why?" "Sheridan's quarters. Sheridan's quarters. What's in Sheridan's quarters that could hurt us?" "Okay, I'll play. What?" "I don't...Damn!" "What?" "The computer. Sheridan's computer has open access links to all sorts of restricted areas." Even as he spoke, Garibaldi lunged at his console and began to tap in commands. He studied the screen for a moment. "And she's going for it, too. You're right, Susan. There's something going on." Rapidly he began to type. "There. I just slammed a whole bunch of doors in her face. The best part is - she can't complain to the Captain, because she had no business monkeying around in there in the first place." He looked at Ivanova. "Okay, this is enough to make me suspicious, but what triggered your instincts?" Ivanova hesitated for a second. "I like Delenn, and I don't want to see her get hurt." "That simple?" "That simple. I better get going" She hoisted the bag in a mock salute, "If I'm not back in half an hour, send in a S.W.A.T. team." *************** The chime sounded. Delenn closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Susan, is that you?" she called. "Yes." When the door cycled, Ivanova entered cautiously. The room looked much the same, and so did the Minbari Ambassador. Until she looked at her eyes. Despair and betrayal seemed mirrored there. "Lennier said you had to see me?" "Uhh, yes." Ivanova held up the bag. "I have your clothes." Delenn's lips tightened. "Thank you. How -- kind of the Captain to send them along with you." "He didn't. I mean - that is, he was afraid that SHE would find them in the bathroom, so I spirited them out." "His wife, Susan. It is all right. You can say the words." "Yeah, well, she may have moved in for right now, but I don't, for one second, believe that she is his wife." "He recognized her." "Yeah, I'd recognize my dog Igor, if he came in that door right now, but he died when I was fourteen. That woman is dead, Ambassador, and Garibaldi and I mean to prove it." Delenn frowned. Her encounter with Anna had been brief, but the darkness surrounding her had seemed real. Had Susan seen something similar? She was afraid to ask, worried that Ivanova would read her concern for Sheridan as jealousy of his wife. And, she reminded herself, perhaps it was. She was no longer certain of anything about her relationship with the human Captain. Then she realized what Susan had just said. "Garibaldi." It was a whisper. "How many others know..." Suddenly Ivanova recognized the depth of Delenn's embarrassment, and shame. "Just us, honest. It's not your fault, you know. There's nothing you could have done differently." "Of course there is. I could have behaved according to the dictates of prophecy and ignored my own - eagerness to resolve the situation. I should have behaved more circumspectly, more traditionally, but the - the human side of me came to the fore. It will not, cannot, happen again." She straightened, and looked directly at Ivanova. "It is growing late. I must attend the arbitration session. Thank you for your assistance." She took the bag from Susan's hand and set it down beside the couch. "I will dispose of this later." She moved toward the door. "Wait." Ivanova couldn't let this end this way. "Please, won't you give the Captain a chance to come to his senses? He needs you. And - I think you need him." "His wife is here, Commander. What either of us needs is no longer relevant." *************** Sheridan and Delenn arrived at the League meeting virtually simultaneously. Mollari leered at them briefly, but even he realized that there were cross currents between them that he did not want to explore. Lennier yielded his seat to Delenn and took the stool by her side. He looked at her worriedly. "I can handle this meeting, Ambassador if you want to deal with the other matter." She stared at him. "What other matter, Lennier?" "The other matter," he said urgently, cutting his eyes toward the Captain, and Delenn realized that he was trying to provide her an excuse to leave the room. For one moment she almost availed herself of his subterfuge, then she pictured a long series of meetings with Lennier in attendance while she hid in her quarters. She made a stiff little bow and smiled tightly at him. "It is all right, Lennier. This matter is important, and the other -- will have to wait until I decide how to manage." The dispute over Drazi burial colonies and Pak'ma'ra landing rights was essentially unresolvable, although they spent a large chunk of the morning on it. Finally, in frustration, Sheridan called a halt to the proceedings. His head was pounding. "We're not getting anywhere today, gentle beings. I'm recessing this matter until 1400 hours, next Tuesday." Despite numerous protests from both the Drazi and Pak'ma'ra representatives, the room began to clear. "Ambassador Delenn, could you stay for a moment? I have a matter to discuss with you that only concerns the Minbari." "Of course, Captain Sheridan." She sank gracefully back into her chair. Lennier hovered at her side. "It is all right Lennier. Go on." "But Delenn..." "Go." He hesitated and then bowed to her and turned to leave, but not before shooting Sheridan a look that made the other man wince. Once they were alone, Sheridan took her hand in both of his. "Delenn... Delenn, please. I didn't know she was coming last night. Hell, I didn't even know she was alive last night. Every thing I said to you...everything you mean to me ...it's all still true." Her voice was dry and cool, impersonal but perfectly polite. "It is all right, Captain Sheridan. It was my fault. I was precipitate. I -- have a tendency to want to rush some of the Prophecies, instead of allowing events to unfold as they must." "I wish you'd call me John." "I am sorry." For just a moment her composure shattered, and he could see the anguish in her eyes. "What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?" "Captain, circumstances have conspired...that is, neither of us is exactly a free agent. I have Minbar to think of, and you have your -- wife." "Delenn, please. We can't leave this between us this way." For a heartbeat, her face twisted in pain. "Oh, John..." she whispered, reaching to touch his cheek, and then she was herself again, perfectly self-contained. Remote, lovely, and no longer his. "Good day, Captain." Left alone in the conference room, Sheridan sat for a long time intently staring at the burled surface of the table, tracing the pattern of the wood grain over and over again. Finally his comm link chirped. "Captain, your wife is looking for you. Something about lunch," Corwin relayed. He stood, weary as man his father's age, and said aloud very deliberately. "It is the happiest day of my life. My wife, whom I thought dead, has been restored to me. It is everything I have longed for over the past four years." Why then, did he feel the death of love in his soul? ************** Tuesday passed, and so did Wednesday. By Thursday the entire station thrummed with a massive case of stage fright, as the time for the Vorlon Ambassador to arrive drew nearer. Garibaldi's sweeps gathered in an increasing number of petty criminals from the Zocalo and Down Below, but the bigger fish eluded him. He knew there was a saboteur active on the station. It had started with little things - a small glitch in the waste reclamation system, a hitch in the methane air system. Then it had gotten bigger when a freighter smashed against loading bay doors that failed to open properly. From there the events escalated in frequency and significance until something major was going wrong on the average of four or five times a day. Garibaldi called in all his men and added the reserve Narns, and still he was always too late, and in the wrong place. The frustration of the affair occupied all his thoughts, driving Ivanova's campaign against Anna Sheridan down to about 82nd on his list. Ivanova was more steadfast, but there was a huge increase in traffic because of the upcoming reception. When Corwin called in with a bad case of measles (of all things) it meant double shifts for her. "Probably got 'em from you when you chewed his butt about 'letting unauthorized personnel have access to restricted areas of the station'," Garibaldi chuckled, before dashing off to respond to a fire call in Green 18. And the Captain and his beautiful wife were everywhere, lunching in the Zocalo, dining in the Fresh Air restaurant, dancing at Earhart's, and if he sometimes looked less than pleased to be there, no one of consequence was present to note the fact. Ambassador Delenn spent all the time she was not actually required to be present in meetings, in her quarters, trying to complete a complex Minbari ritual of soul-cleansing. *************** Sheridan shifted in his chair, and balled a pack of flimsies in his fist. "Dammmit, Garibaldi, we have got to get a handle on these saboteurs. Every incident is an escalation of the one before. If this keeps going the way it has been, in three days, they'll blow the station to Kingdom Come." "I'm doing my best, Captain." There was an angry jut to Garibaldi's jaw. "Every source I've got is dry. My men are on double shifts. There's just not enough of us to go around. I can't guard every corridor and every door." "Call in the Narns, then. Do I have to tell you how to do your job?" "No. Sir." The two men stared at each other pugnaciously and Ivanova held her breath. "Oh, hell, Garibaldi, I know you're doing your best." Sheridan sat back down and rubbed his eyes. "I'm tired. Everybody's on edge. Between the Vorlons coming and the sabotage, and this lousy paperwork..." he made a violent gesture at his desk. "And I can't seem to get rid of this lousy headache." "It's none of my business but, perhaps you might be in a better frame of mind if you weren't out dancing every night till Earhart's closes." Garibaldi wasn't backing down. "You're right, Mister Garibaldi, it isn't any of your business. And what the hell am I supposed to do. Anna had an absolutely rotten time these last four years -- sick, lost, alone. The least I can do is take her to what few pleasures Babylon 5 has to offer. It's not like we have an overabundance." "And how many of those 'pleasures' had you taken Ambassador Delenn to?" "Uh, Michael...?" Ivanova ventured, but Sheridan roared at him. "You are way out of line, Garibaldi ." The Captain's knuckles were white as he bunched them into a fist. Garibaldi knew he had gone too far. "I'm sorry, Captain. I shouldn't have said that. It's just -- have you looked at Delenn lately? She looks like death warmed over. And your wife has gone out of her way to have tea with her twice in the Zocalo." "What? Anna and Delenn....?" "Yes." "Are you following Anna?" "It's for her own safety, sir. She could be a target. We don't know what's loose on this station, and I believe in taking precautions. Sir." "Followed. Next you'll be telling me that you suspect her of being the saboteur." Ivanova and Garibaldi exchanged glances. "What? You do? Not seriously." Ivanova said slowly, "No, we don't think she's the saboteur, but Captain, you've got to admit that there's something fishy about the way she just turned up here. And her documents are all phony." "She explained that." "Well, she explained it. But we've been too tied up with everything else to follow up on it. And that's pretty damn convenient. And a lot of it - there's no way to check. I mean -- Anterran pirates, Borolian nephytes, c'mon, Captain ." Sheridan shook his head. The headache he had had ever since the night Anna arrived was getting steadily worse. "Look Garibaldi, just do your job and leave my wife to me. Stop the damn sabotage, stop spying on Anna, stop worrying about Delenn, just stop." "But Captain..." "That's an order. Now both of you get out of here." Reluctantly, Ivanova and Michael stood and left. Susan would have stayed to argue more, but Garibaldi grabbed her arm and pulled her away. Sheridan rubbed his temples and winced. If he could just think straight....And Garibaldi was right. In that morning's council session Delenn's eyes looked as though she hadn't slept since the night in his quarters. He was worried that she was making herself ill. If he could just think...... *************** "Anna, do we have to go out again, tonight? I'm dead." Sheridan lay stretched out on the couch watching his wife dress. "But John, I've been cooped up in here all day. Don't you want to have any fun?" She came over and dropped a kiss on his face. "Afterwards we can come back and I'll -- reward you," she whispered, tracing his lips with her finger. He groaned. "My head is killing me. How 'bout letting me get a fifteen minute nap first." "Poor baby. Let me rub your temples." She sat on the edge of the couch and pulled his head into her lap. "Feels nice, mmmm." He began to relax. "We were good together, before, weren't we Anna?" "Of course we were. And it was so much fun. Every time we reunited it was like another honeymoon." Sheridan nodded, remembering their past. It had been like one long honeymoon, full of lovemaking, laughter and light-hearted camraderie. They had never had the chance to grow bored with each other, or even to have too many serious conversations. They'd meet, somewhere exotic, whenever they could get leave together, indulge themselves and then part, rested, sated and ready to resume their 'real lives'. In some ways it had been idyllic, but now, in retrospect, Sheridan found himself wondering if it had been good for them. Anna was --different -- than the girl who had stood on Thalos IV and dared him to skinny dip in the pools of the Moon. She seemed more complicated and yet, somehow, more grimly determined on pleasure, than he remembered. His head throbbed, and he winced at the sharp pain stabbing his temple. Lately it seemed every time he tried to relive an incident from his marriage, or make a decision regarding the station, his headaches grew worse. And trying to grasp the complexities of the Anhelgs' treaties this afternoon had been like thinking with a brain full of mush. "If this keeps up I may have to speak to the Doctor and see if he can give me anything," he thought and wasn't aware he'd spoken aloud until Anna said, "Isn't your head any better? Remember when we were staying at that little inn in New Tokyo? You had a headache then, but I gave you something else to think about? Oh, Johnny, those were the days.You were handsome, and adventurous, and fun!" "And now, I'm old, dull, and station-bound." "Silly." "Let's stay home, tonight. We hardly ever get a chance to talk to each other. And Earhart's will be noisy." "Pooh. Who wants to talk when we can dance? I haven't even seen a nightclub in four years, Johnny. Four years!" "I know. But I have a station to run and I'm so tired..." She slid out from under his head. "I know what you need. I'll make you one of my headache powders. That'll fix you right up. I learned quite a lot on that hospital ship, you know." "All right, but then, I'm going to sleep for a while." "John, our reservations are for six o'clock." She pouted a little and wearily he climbed to his feet and headed for the bathroom. She looked after him and smiled in triumph. There was a sudden chittering sound in the room. "No, not yet. He's more resistant than I expected. Soon, but not yet." In the shower, Sheridan leaned against the wall. 'Delenn would have understood...' he thought involuntarily and then shoved that idea deeply back into his subconscious, and tried to muster enthusiasm for the night ahead. *************** Ivanova stared out the viewpoint at Epsilon 3, but she didn't really see the planet below. Corwin looked at her. At least it made a change from the unremitting pacing she had been doing for the last two hours. Her thoughts chased round in her head and she worried about what she privately called 'The Sheridan Situation'. 'Too bad I can't send her down to Draal for analysis', she thought and then snapped to attention. "Draal," she said and wasn't even aware she'd spoken aloud until Lt. Maxson on her left, said "Sir?" "Never mind. It should be pretty quiet in here now, Maxson, Lt. Corwin. Most everybody who's coming has already arrived. You have the watch. I need to take a little trip." She almost ran to the launch bay. Maybe Draal could help her solve this dilemma. She knew it was a long shot. Hell, he might not even let her land. But Delenn had been his favorite pupil, and aalthough Draal was often short-tempered, she didn't think he would refuse her request. Maybe there was something The Great Machine could tell them, maybe..... Her steps slowed and she thought about the Icarus again. Maybe the machine could display the death of the Icarus. Maybe... She shuddered, remembering the aftermath of her last encounter with Draal's interfaces. 'But if it will help the station and the Captain and Delenn, I'll do it." She nodded firmly, and picked up the pace toward the bay again. In the shuttle, on the way to the planet's surface, she punched in the codes to let Draal know she was on her way in. She didn't want to think about what she was about to propose. *************** "Poor Delenn. She must feel this humiliation deeply after going through so much to obey the prophecies." For an instant Ivanova's expression lightened. "Up to this point, I don't think she found it a hardship." Then she frowned again. "Of course, now everything is different. Draal, you know I wouldn't ask if it were frivolous, but I know something is wrong, and that it's too coincidental that Anna Sheridan turns up here. Now. And her story -- well, I guess it could have happened the way she said, but it sounds fishy to me, and I think even the Captain is having trouble swallowing it." "You want to enter the machine." "I picked up Santiago's death, before. Do you think I could focus on the destruction of the Icarus?" "I don't know. Humans aren't supposed to be able to do what you did, even once, let alone over and over, but I suppose it's worth a shot." "Worth a shot." Ivanova's eyebrows rose. "That doesn't sound very Minbari." Draal's projection actually seemed to blush. "I find myself picking up the oddest expressions as I travel," he admitted. "Come, let us begin." Once in the Great Machine, Ivanova set forth tentatively, focusing on the Icarus, following the pathways between the stars as she had before. Suddenly she found herself watching the loading and launch of the exploratory vessel from Earth. She saw a laughing Anna Sheridan board the ship arm-in-arm with the elderly, bearded geophysicist, who was heading the project. They were surrounded by other members of the team. All seemed to be in high spirits and eager for the future. A sullen, closed-face Morden dealt with the baggage. Then, in her mind she followed the voyage of the vessel, off-loading some supplies at Proxima three and picking up the final digger at a brief stop on the colony world of Maldur. She focused in and walked the corridors of the ship, a ghost projected into the lives of the soon-to-die. It was clear that Anna was a well-respected member of the research team, and that she knew her field thoroughly. The other team members seemed to come to her for advice or even simply to chat. There seemed little dissension or tension in the group and clearly they all liked one another=2E Anna Sheridan was playing cards with three of her fellows when the pilot announced "Coming up on target, please strap in for landing." Ivanova winced as she felt the explosion rock the ship, saw the life pods launch, saw the Shadow vessels swoop in and gather them up, followed them to the caves on the planet below, saw the deaths of those who resisted, and the indoctrination of those who did not, and through it all, she walked in the footsteps of Anna Sheridan. "Susan. Susan!" gradually Draal's voice reached her, pulling her back along the blue pathways of light until she was able to wrench her mind free of the horrors of the Shadow world. When she refocused on the kindly Minbari standing before her, she was gasping, drenched with sweat, and terror lingered in her eyes. "Did...," she tried her voice again. "Did you record that?" He looked at her with compassion. "I do not think you should try this again, Susan. I had great difficulty in pulling you back. Your interaction with this machine is like nothing I have ever seen before. It is like nothing the other keepers have felt. I think you could lose your very soul in your wanderings." "It was -- necessary," she gasped, leaning hard against him for support. "I had to have proof. Even Sheridan will have to listen to me now." "I think he already knows in his heart, that something is wrong," he said. "But he is an honorable man, and she was his wife before..." "I know. But you should have seen Delenn's face. Her eyes..." She straightened, wincing visibly as she did so. "God, I feel a hundred years old. I must return to the station at once. This can't wait. Thank you Draal." *************** Garibaldi looked at her gravely. "Un - fraggin' - believable. How do you do this, Susan?" "I don't know. Can it be authenticated? I don't want Sheridan thinking I faked something together." "Oh yeah. The drive signatures, the pilot's transmission. There's lots of things. It's no fraud." He diddled with his controls for a moment, popped another data crystal in the port, and then stood. Ejecting both crystals, he stored the first in his data safe, and tossed the other in the air catching it in his other hand. "C'mon. Let's go get this over with." "You mean - now." Ivanova shrank back against her seat. She was still shaky after last night's experience, and the thought of the confrontation to come made her cringe. "You got a better time? This isn't going to get any easier. And the longer she goes unexposed, the more she could hurt us." "And the Captain. All right. Where are they?" "Having an early lunch in the Zocalo. There is a meeting of the League in half an hour. That doesn't give us a lot of time." The scene in the small restaurant in the center of the Zocalo was peaceful - even pleasant. Londo Mollari and a reluctant Lennier had joined Sheridan and his wife at a table near the bar, and Anna was going out of her way to be charming and pleasant. The Captain, relaxed and laughing, thought 'This is the Anna I remember. She was always the life of the party.' Then he noticed Ivanova and Garibaldi, looking particularly grim, standing beside him. "Sit down, sit down. We have some time before the next meeting." Sheridan gestured expansively. Almost reflexively he rubbed at his forehead, trying to ease the tight band of pain encircling it. "Sir, we need to speak with you. Privately." Ivanova couldn't meet his eyes Anna looked at her and the laughter died on her lips. Just then Delenn entered from the marketplace, looking for Lennier. Anna waved her over "Delenn," she called. "Over here." Reluctantly the Minbari came toward the table. "I must go," Lennier said, scrambling to his feet. "The Ambassador..." WHOOOMMPPPP The world tilted sideways, and Ivanova found herself sliding across the floor to tangle with a series of random chairs and a dead Pak'ma'ra. "Bomb," she screamed. "Get down." The next few seconds were filled with sharp noises and sharp objects and the unspeakable smell of the dead. By the time Ivanova got her feet under her and managed to stand, using half a table as a prop, the universe was starting to settle down, although there was a haze of acrid smoke over the entire room. "Sweet Jesus," she breathed, looking frantically for those who had been seated at the table moments before. Garibaldi lay on his back, out cold. Sheridan was sprawled across the table in a pool of blood. Mollari seemed to have been flung toward the bar and that had taken the brunt of the explosion for him. Lennier had catapulted across the table to land in a heap at her feet, and Delenn lay crumpled beside the table, a large chunk of the ceiling covering her upper torso. Her cloak had been torn from her shoulders and now lay several feet away over some debris. "Med team to the Zocalo, stat," she snarled into her link, and went to help Garibaldi to his feet, when he groaned. Between them they managed to check on the others and were just attempting to shift the ceiling piece from Delenn, when the Med team arrived. "Where's the Captain's wife?" Michael asked. "I'm here," a muffled voice called and they realized that Delenn's cloak covered Anna Sheridan's prostrate body. *************** Sheridan stood beside the sleeping Minbari Ambassador, immobilized on a treatment gurney in MedLab. "You're sure she'll suffer no permanent damage," he insisted. Hernandez sighed. "Look Captain, she's a tough lady. We already know that. And yes, having half the Zocalo come down on you is not a day at the beach, but she's going to be fine. Stiff, sore, uncomfortable, and disabled for a while, but in the end, she'll be fine. Of course, if she doesn't stay absolutely still, there's a strong chance her spinal cord could be permanently damaged. That's why we've got her immobilized on a stasis bed. And I can tell you that if it hadn't been for her quick-thinking, jerking your wife out of the way, you'd have a lot more to worry about right now. She saved her life." "I know. I --- know." Just then Delenn opened her eyes. "John?" she whispered. She frowned, seeing the bandage on his left cheek. "You're hurt." "It's a scratch - nothing more. Are you in much pain?" "No. Your doctors seem to be much more effective at controlling pain than the meditation techniques we practice," she smiled. "Delenn, if it hadn't been for you...You saved Anna's life. I don't know how to thank you." "Anna. John, there is something I..." she stopped, acutely aware that her perception of the darkness that surrounded Anna might come less from real Shadows than from the pain that seeing them together made her feel. He leaned over to brush his lips across her forehead. "I -- I better go." "Be happy, John." For a moment their eyes locked, and then he wrenched his away. *************** "The crystal is gone." Garibaldi declared angrily. "Right out of my fraggin' pocket." "It must be in the Zocalo someplace. Maybe it rolled under another table." "Whatever. We have to find it. That's way too dangerous to have floating around loose in the station." But their searches came up empty, and at last Garibaldi acknowledged defeat. "At least we have the original." Ivanova didn't like his expression. "We do have the original, don't we? Garibaldi ? Don't we?" "It's wiped," he admitted. "Wiped? How...? Do you know what I went through...?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I say? I'm sorry. Somehow - I screwed up. Or somehow somebody got access to the data safe." "Is that what happened?" "I can't prove it." "You can't disprove it either." "Data safes are supposed to be impregnable." "Ceilings aren't supposed to fall, either." "Yeah." He stared gloomily at his hands "So we have no evidence. No proof. Nothing.." "You got it." Ivanova slumped wearily against the couch. "So what it comes down to is this. We know Anna is Shadowed, but we have no way to prove it to the Captain. And after this last incident, he can barely let her out of his sight." "Yep." Garibaldi looked as unhappy as she did. "How much worse can things get?" *************** Lennier frowned at the sheets of flimsies he held in his hand. It was much too late to disturb Ambassador Delenn in MedLab, but if this information concerning the Rangers had even the barest possible foundation in truth, she had to be informed at once. He paced the confined space of his quarters several times, trying to decide on a course of action. Finally he reached a compromise with himself. He would go to MedLab and watch over Delenn. If she woke and her condition was no worse, he would broach the question. If she was still as ill as she had been when the doctor first immobilized her, then he would wait and find some means to deal with the matter himself. Perhaps he would discuss it with Captain Sheridan. Lennier smiled grimply and shook his head. The insult that Delenn had taken from Sheridan still rankled. He knew that the Captain had not deliberately embarassed her, but Lennier had seen the depth of the hurt, however unintended the slight. It was difficult for him to behave naturally around the Captain when every instinct cried out to exact vengeance for Delenn. Only the thought of how deeply she would be appalled prevented him. Years of training seemed to count for nothing. With an effort, Lennier brought his mind back to the matter at hand, and set off resolutely. The instant he entered her iso-unit, he knew something was deperately wrong. The Ambassador's skin was a pale greenish shade, her lips were open and she was gasping for air, and her body quivered with constant tremors. "L-Lennier," she cried. "Help me. I -- my throat, and I thought - this bed is moving. Still. Supposed to be still ...oh, it burns...my veins are cold, help me, Lennier..." Lennier smacked the computer switching unit, and instantly the bed went still. As the monitor lights died, a nurse and two orderlies ran into the unit. "Get the doctor here at once," he ordered, and activated the vid-comm. "Commander Ivanova, please come to MedLab. Someone has just tried to murder the Ambassador. *************** Garibaldi stared at the doctor. "So you're saying that the computer malfunctioned?" "Yes. It essentially reversed her treatment. Stims instead of pain alleviators, active manipulation instead of immobility, and then a massive dose of carticalosine." "What's that?" "An antibiotic that's highly toxic to Minbari. Very effective for humans and Drazi, though" "So this was no mistake?" "I don't see how. If she had not been able to call on years of deep meditation techniques, and if her transformation had resulted in just a fraction less human physiology, she'd be dead or permanently paralyzed right now. I've given her a shot of mecrolosine. That should counteract it, but she's going to be pretty uncomfortable for a while. I'm afraid to return her to the computer regulated pain drip." Ivanova turned to Garibaldi ."Is there any way to trace the computer that tapped into MedLabs?" "I'm working on it, but it seems to have been a worm that vanished, taking all traces of it's point of origin." "Damn. Next time it won't be unsuccessful." "We'll post guards." "Against a computer?" She paced back and forth. "Doctor, how many people know this attempt failed?" "Just you two. Mr. Lennier wouldn't let me notify anybody else until he talked with you." Garibaldi and Ivanova exchanged glances and looked through the thick plasglass at Lennier sitting beside Delenn's bed, while she slept fitfully.. "The Captain doesn't know?" "Mr. Garibaldi, it's three in the morning. If anybody is going to wake up the Captain with this kind of news, I'd a lot rather that it was you than me." "All right then. Delenn is dead." "What?" "Hear me out. We move her down to her quarters. We treat her the old fashioned way. No computers. We tell everybody that the attempt on her life was successful. Lennier looks after her, and lets no one into their suite. That buys us a little time to find out what happened." "Aren't you going to tell the Captain?" Hernandez was scandalized. "Yeah. Sure. In my own time." They explained the plan to Delenn and Lennier, and Lennier nodded in approval. "Excellent. We will set a trap, and I promise you that no one will get in to see the Ambassador and discover that she is alive." Delenn protested groggily. "John will be very upset if you do not tell him the truth." "Yeah, well, he'll forgive us when it's all over. We can't take a chance with your life." As Lennier pushed the gurney toward the transit tubes, Ivanova and Garibaldi scouted ahead. She looked at him. "You didn't lock MedLabs out of his computer, did you?" "Never even thought of it." *************** It was less than twenty-four hours before the Vorlon ship was due. Sheridan had stacks of paperwork piled all across his desk. He stared at it blindly and then used his open hand to sweep it all to the floor. "Oh hell," he groaned, feeling as though his heart was slowly being squeezed by an iron fist. "You're sure? There's no possibility of a mistake?" "I'm sorry, sir." Ivanova looked at him. He was aging before her eyes. "Has..." he drew in a deep shuddering breath and tried again. "Has the Minbari government been notified?" "Lennier is seeing to all that." "God, Lennier. I should call him." Ivanova stopped him. "I wouldn't, Sir. He's pretty upset." "Find out who is responsible." Sheridan stared at the blank surface of his desk, hearing a soft voice say "We are star stuff. We are the universe." He clenched his hand and struck the desk. "I want to ... Find them, Susan, Find out who is responsible. Find them.." "Yes, sir." *************** "How'd he take it?" Garibaldi asked. "Stunned. How did you expect him to take it? Now we have to figure out what to do next. " "Yeah. I was reading the Book of G'Quan last night." She looked at him and he muttered, "Well, I couldn't sleep, okay? Anyway there was something... See what you think. Painstakingly he translated. "The dark ones came down from the North, bringing with them, those whom they had subsumed. These were as the Narn, but more evil, for their hearts were of the Darkness. And they walked among us, and we, unknowing, accepted them to our hearths. They bred with us and our pouchlings were born with the curse of Darkness." He looked up. "Well, you've named the disease. Did G'Quan have a cure?" "Maybe." He read on. "In the fullness of time, the Darkness crept across the land, bringing to its banner those who were, and those who believed and those who followed. And in all the land there was no way to tell the evil-hearted ones. Then a wise sage from Narcrektin appeared in the city, bringing with him a pouch of the juice of the flower of G'Lan. And he sprinkled it on all and sundry and those who followed fell away, and those who believed came to their senses, and those who were, were exposed, and their shadow souls revealed themselves." "The juice of the flower of G'Lan..." Susan raised her link. "G'Kar. We need to speak with you immediately." *************** Ivanova studied the unprepossessing plant in the Narn section of the garden. Then she plucked one of the small, yellowish white flowers and sniffed it. "This stuff stinks. Are you sure this is the flower of G'Lan?" "I am sure of nothing, not even why you seek this bloom, but yes, this is the flower we call G'Lan's." G'Kar stood frowning in the garden, looking at her. "Why does this concern you? Does it have something to do with Delenn's death?" "I'd tell you if I could, and I will when I can, but right now, I need to get busy and extract as much of the --juice -- of this as I can." Ivanova frowned at him. "The juice...? Oh. I see." Ivanova was afraid that he did. *************** Garibaldi stared at the pair standing before his desk. They wore greasy coveralls that marked their employment in the waste reclamation center. "Would you care to tell me why you embarked on this campaign against the station?" The smaller of the two shifted his weight, and looked uneasily at his companion. "Now boys, I'm asking you nice. You don't want to wait till I ask you nasty." With a show of bravado, the other one said sneeringly, 'Money, whaddya think?" Garibaldi stood, unfolding his height from the chair, till he towered over both of them. He leaned forward until he was within spitting distance of their faces. "Do you know what it's like to be spaced? I shove you out an airlock. There's no air in space. It's a vacuum. You try to breathe, and all there is, is vacuum. Pretty soon every bit of oxygen in your tissues is used up and you start to bleed in every organ. You can't help gasping, even though your lungs are on fire. Pretty soon that fire spreads through your entire body, and then you start dying - Slow - your toes first, and then your feet. Your fingers, your hands...the last thing to go is head. It takes a while to die in space, There's plenty of time to say your prayers and remember that you had the chance to tell me who paid you, and you chose to get cute instead." "Monko, the Ccephrathann, hired us, but Morden, the human, gave him the credits. I saw him." It was the weasly faced little one. "Shut up. You know what Monko said would happen if we talked." "I don't care. I don't want to get spaced!" "Aww, the hell with it. Take 'em back to their cells, we'll see if they're ready to tell the truth in a couple of hours" Garibaldi gestured at Lou Welch, and the two of them were led away quarreling. "Wow." Zack Allen said. "You really scared them, Chief. Not that I blame 'em. I wouldn't want to be spaced, either. Is that really what it's like?" Garibaldi stared at him. "How the hell would I know? Nobody's ever come back to describe it to me. And Zack - there's such a thing as due process. I just let 'em think I would space them. I've never really done it." *************** "How are we going to work this?" Garibaldi asked. "She's hardly going to let you anoint her in the middle of an Ambassadorial reception." "I know. That's why I split it up into two batches. If I'm not successful, it's your turn. We don't even know if this is going to work. We're basing this on a pretty slim thread." "If you have a better idea..." Her comm link beeped. "Commander, the Vorlon ship is docking." "Show time. Let's rock and roll." "Where do you get those expressions, Garibaldi?" The reception was a success, but Sheridan looked ravaged. Delenn's death continued to affect him. Every where he looked he saw a link to her. Here in the garden, where they had talked so many times, it was especially poignant. "John, I know she was a good friend, but you have got to behave better. You act like you're not even on this station, let alone a representative of Earth." Anna whispered in his ear. She was wearing a long formal skirt of synthvelvet, topped by a long-sleeved, high-necked tunic of the same fabric. Her hair gleamed, and he looked at her proudly=2E Anna was a beautiful woman. Yet he grieved for Delenn. 'Was it his fate', he wondered, 'to grieve for the woman who was not there?' With an effort he shook off his gloom and marched forward to meet the new Vorlon Ambassador. Beside him Anna tensed, and then Ivanova was walking beside them. "What a beautiful ring," she exclaimed taking Anna's hand and swinging her to a halt beside a stone bench. Sheridan frowned. "Susan!" But Ivanova held Anna's hand firmly and poured the little vial of liquid she held over it. For an instant, nothing happened, and she saw her career flashing in front of her. Then the hand in her grasp writhed and turned into something quite different, and a laser flash of pain in her mind drove her to her knees. Sheridan stared transfixed as Anna -- flickered. One moment she was standing next to Ivanova, the next, something black and immensely old was there, and then Anna was back and wrenching away from Ivanova's grip. Garibaldi dashed in from the side, tossing his vial of liquid in her face and she flickered again, holding the other shape for longer this time because some of the liquid had entered her mouth. Then she was Anna, with a PPG in her hands and Sheridan in its sight. Sheridan shook off his astonishment and lethargy and started toward her. "Anna. What are you doing? Give me that gun." "Oh, John, you're such a fool. So trusting. Even willing to give up your Minbari trollop to do the 'honorable' thing by your wife. What a joke. I guess you're doomed to couple with women who are 'a bit of this and a bit of that'. " She laughed nastily, and swung the gun toward Garibaldi . "That's far enough, Michael. This pistol is fully charged. I can do for you and John, and maybe even dear little Susan, too." She shifted to look at John again. "Too bad about Delenn, but really John, did you think I would stand for you replacing me with a freak? A Minbari freak at that." "You - You killed Delenn? But she saved your life." Realization hit him then and he rushed her. She fired again, and again, hitting him in the shoulder, and the leg, but then he was on her, tackling her with the gun between them. Garibaldi tried to reach the pair, but the PPG went off before he made it to their side. *************** "What do you mean, 'gone'?" "Gone, as in vanished. As in never was there. As in, I don't know." Garibaldi shook his head and winced as Hernandez probed his upper arm where the PPG had grazed him. "Ouch. That's human flesh you've got there, Doc=2E Go easy." He looked at the other man. How do you feel, Captain?" "I- I don't know. It's all been -- And now you say Anna's body is gone." "Yeah. If there ever was a body to begin with. We were pretty concerned with trying to get you and the other three wounded to MedLab. Maybe she just played dead, and sneaked out afterward." "Is that possible?" "Hell, Captain, I don't know." "Did I kill her or not?" "I don't know." Hernandez came over to stare at the pair of them. "Captain Sheridan, we just got back the results of the blood scans we did on you. It showed abnormally high concentrations of thallium and marzynous oxide." "What does that mean, doc?" Garibaldi asked. "It means he's lucky he's alive. That's a deadly combination. Poisonous." "What are the symptoms? " "Severe headaches, irritability, fatigue, clouded reasoning, inability to focus on decisions... It's usually administered in small doses, and the effects are cumulative. After about a week, the victim is helpless - and dead soon after. It's an interesting combination, found on some of the Centauri colony worlds." "Are you saying that the Centauri tried to poison...?" "Not unless he's been drinking Mollari's rhune. This was administered by mouth." Sheridan groaned. "Hell. Anna kept giving me headache powders." "Well, that's one way of describing them, I guess. You're going to have to take the next week off, Captain, until that stuff is out of your system." Sheridan slumped back against the bench in MedLab. "Oh well, it doesn't matter. Nobody got killed, and nothing will bring Delenn back. I -- Michael, what should I do, now?" Garibaldi stared at him, appalled by the depth of the despair in his voice. For the first time Sheridan sounded defeated. "Why don't you take a walk - okay, a hobble, with me." Ivanova said, coming into the room. "There's someone who wants to see you." She and Garibaldi exchanged glances. "Susan, I'm afraid, I'm not up to station business, just now. Can't you handle it?" "I could, but it wouldn't be the same." "Come on, Captain. Let's go." Head down, Sheridan leaned heavily on the cane that Hernandez supplied and followed them, lost in his own thoughts. He paid no attention to the corridors they led him through, until he realized they were standing outside the Minbari diplomatic headquarters. "Susan I can't. Surely Lennier couldn't expect me to..." His protests were cut off by the opening door, and Garibaldi urged him forward. The room was dark, lit only by candles, and something large occupied the center of the floor. Sheridan closed his eyes briefly. 'Her bier', he thought and was startled by words seeming to come from the center of it. "John, is it really you? Are you badly hurt? Tell me what happened." "Who...Delenn...?" he cried rounding on Ivanova. "Delenn's dead. You told me..." "Nope. I'm afraid we lied to you. Sir." Ivanova said. His knees gave way then and he would have fallen to the floor, if Garibaldi hadn't shoved a chair under him. "We can't move her back to MedLab without giving away the secret of her survival, so, for the time being, she's going to stay here. I want to be sure there isn't any other threat to her life. Besides, we thought it would be more private." And then Lennier, Garibaldi and Ivanova moved toward the door as Sheridan made his way shakily toward the bed. He touched her face, her hair, her hand. "I can't believe it. Delenn, when Ivanova told me you were ...were... I didn't know what to do. I was bereft. It was as if a part of me had suddenly been taken away. I didn't know I could miss someone so badly. I -- I want to hold you." "I would like that very much. But you cannot. They have secured me in this bed. It is a very odd sensation." She looked at him, saw his pain and bewilderment, his confusion, and underneath it all, the longing in his eyes when he looked at her. She sighed. It would not be easy. She still did not understand her own feelings, and if she was to help him, she would have to learn more that was hurtful. He was worth fighting for, she remained convinced of that, but it would be nearly impossible to forget. She sighed again, and felt his hand stroking her wrist. Gathering the deep reserves of faith and determination that had helped her survive her transformation, she smiled and turned her eyes toward his. "Talk to me John. Tell me everything that happened," she said and listened as he poured out the whole story, holding nothing back When he was done, he leaned back in his chair, exhausted. Her face was in shadow, and her eyes were full of pain. "Delenn, can you forgive me?" "For what?" "For -- for what happened." "She was your wife, John." "No. No, my wife died a long time ago. She was -- I don't know what she was, but she wasn't Anna. And when I thought you were gone too...I nearly went mad. Delenn, I've missed you so much." He wanted to bury his face against hers, but he was afraid of hurting her. In the end, he simply sat beside her, his hand resting on hers, as the drugs the computer pumped into her system sent her into peaceful healing sleep. He watched her all that night, completing, though he did not know it, part of the ancient Minbari ritual.