From: Coridon.Henshaw@TCSconcordia.tor250.org (Coridon Henshaw) Subject: A little humor Date: 08 Sep 97 22:16:58 -0500 "Surprises" This is take-off on Mira Furlan, Bill Mumy and Bruce B.'s joking comments to the Official B5 magazine in the UK, talking about the surprises in 'mid-season four.' See August's 'news' section from the John and Delenn page at http://www.johndelenn.com for the details. After reading it, I thought 'what the hell' and decided to write the incident up as if it happened. For the humor impared, this is parody written as a serious work. While this scene is not erotica (I will not be caught dead writing that!) it does _mention_ subjects that are of a mature nature, specifically prostitution, and may not be suitable for immature or deeply religious persons. Minor season 5 speculation. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 ============================================================================== "They're talking about you on ISN, hon--," John corrected himself, "Delenn." He had learned the hard way that Delenn did not take well to pet names, although not as hard as that idiot Captain Lochley who had called her a 'freak' in a diplomatic meeting, and earned a broken wrist, courtesy of Delenn's pike, for her trouble. "I am in the mood for some amusement," she said from the kitchen. It was, unfortunately, John's turn to 'cook,' making it her turn to wash up afterwards. One of these days, she would have to find an honorable way to teach him _how_ to cook... She walked into the living room and settled down beside John on the sofa, just as he put his arm around her. There was a 'commercial break' on the ISN feed. Delenn asked "do you know what they are going to say?" "Nope," he replied. "I just saw the promo before the ad break. They said something about 'discovering your secret double identity.'" She laughed. The only fatal secret she had was personally starting the Earth/Minbari war, and if that ever became public, it would both be the lead story on ISN news, and she expected to be dead very soon afterwards. All her remaining secrets where simply embarrassing or amusing. John turned off the mute on the communications terminal as the evening 'newscast' resumed. "ISN News has received an unconfirmed story on previously unknown aspect of Minbari Ambassador Delenn's history. Minbari sources--" "That is a contradiction in terms," Delenn snidely commented. Minbari never told anyone anything without a good reason. And in this case, the reason was unlikely to be pleasant. The announcer continued "have told ISN that, allegedly, Ambassador Delenn, who is rumored to have been Satai Delenn, one of the ruling ten presidents of the Minbari republic, may have operated a brothel on Minbar for at least five years." Delenn looked down in embarrassment, doing her best to hide her blush, but failing miserably. "This information came from ISN's shocking expose', 'Minbari Delenn: saint, freak, or mass murderer,' to air--" Seething with rage, Sheridan pounded the off button on the remote control and slammed it to the armrest. "I'll tear their god damned heads off!" "What are you so upset about, John?" She asked, slowly blinking. "Not me, I hope." In surprise, he turned to see her, looking embarrassed and slightly surprised, but not angry. "But," he said, calming down. "How can you put up with them lying about you like that?" "John," she said, slowly, but found herself at a loss for words. He could be such an idiot, at times. Delenn settled on sighing. He asked, disbelieving "you mean it's true?" She made a small smile and nodded. "The details are, of course, wrong, but in essence, they are correct. It is something I did do." John sighed in desperation. /In Valen's name, what have I married?/ He hoped that he pronounced his Aderonto properly: he didn't want to call her a 'hat rack' by accident... "You've married _me._" It was a declaration that stood on it's own. She explained, "we view these things differently than your people do. It may not be very honorable, and seldom mentioned in public, but such things are hardly forbidden, and do happen in both genders in all castes." "I am nearly ninety, John. I have led a very full life before I met you, and even before I was Satai. I even have two children, other than the one I am carrying now," she said, rubbing her belly. She was already three months pregnant with little David. He looked at her, quizzically. "Not like that," she chided, smiling. "Legitimate children. Two daughters, now aged thirty eight and forty two." "But--" he stammered. "Do I, er, have to worry about any of your past family slitting my throat when I sleep?" "No," she said, coolly. "It was an arranged marriage, like my parents'. We did not love each other, so after our duty was performed -- two children to maintain the numbers of the Mir family, we parted company." At least there was that, John thought. Neo-Nightwatch and Earth First! gave the couple enough problems, without having to worry about jealous former lovers. "Did you," he couldn't find a 'dignified' way of phrasing this, not that it really mattered, now, 'um, participate, in your 'work?'" Delenn could not help bursting out laughing. "In Valen's name, NO!" "Oh, dear," she said, regaining her self-control. John had never seen her so amused, or out of control, before. "Let me explain. I was born as ruling class. It is has been my duty, for the first part of my adult life, to direct others in their duties, not to do things myself." He asked "You know how this looks to us, Delenn?" She made a face that he was unable to interpret. "It looks like your government supports this kind of, uh, behavior. We consider prostitution to be abuse." "I didn't abuse my employees, John," she said, slightly offended. "No one was forced into a life they did not wish to lead, and I paid them all well." "I amassed approximately ten million credits, in your currency," John, who was taking a sip from a glass, of, unfortunately, orange juice (Delenn forbid all alcohol in what where still, legally, her quarters), had to expend considerable effort to prevent spraying it all over the floor. "Why do you seem surprised?" "It's just," he shook his head, "wow. Ten million credits." Delenn grinned. "I live quite comfortably off the interest, at two point five percent a year. I kept a third of the revenue for myself, and split the remaining two thirds between expenses and wages. What you call 'the world's oldest profession' has always paid well." "What made you decide to switch..er..occupations?" She looked down, thoughtfully. "There is no need for you to be uncomfortable about this. I talk in euphemisms about acts of pleasure not because I dislike the word 'sex,' but because I have heard too much, stated in far too much detail, when I was younger." Delenn sighed and looked saddened, avoiding his gaze. "I was young, and my business sense outweighed my ethical sense." She looked up," my ethics changed as I aged, John. I was unprepared to continue what I was doing, so I returned to temple, and studied social dynamics, um," she searched for the proper description, "how cultures interact with each other, then began my present life, almost entirely, as you say, 'from scratch.'" John chuckled, squeezing her tighter. "You know, Delenn, your autobiography would make incredibly interesting reading." A not-so-subtle hint that she should open up more. "What happened to those children of yours, anyway?" Her smile returned. "Lennier is in love with my eldest. Which suits me well, actually. The youngest joined the worker caste at an early age and is on Minbar." "You know," she continued, "I do not know if Lennier will be able to look at me with a straight face again since this has been made public." John looked at her face and returned her smile, still not quite settled with Delenn's very unusual first job. He knew that marrying Delenn would open up a world of surprises, but he had never expected this. She leant her head on his shoulder, humming softly to herself in some unrecognizable melody, signalling that their conversation was over. ============================================================================== Delenn-is-a-saint fanatics are invitied to send mailbombs and flames to /dev/nul. Who says I can't have a little fun with my favorite character every once in a while? :-) Watch this space for Wonders I: Discovery, sooner or later. -- | Fidonet : Coridon Henshaw 1:250/820 | Internet: Coridon.Henshaw@TCSconcordia.tor250.org