From fmlecou@mailbox.syr.edu Wed Dec 25 00:43:47 1996 Date: Thu, 21 Nov 1996 14:37:10 -0500 (EST) From: "Felicia M. Le Cou" To: b5-creative@lists.best.com Subject: Surrendering to Tock I know its been a long time since I posted. The truth is that its been a long time since I've gotten anything decent written. The following is short. It is basically my response to the episode "Whatever Happened to Mr. Garibaldi." I hope you enjoy it. Surrendering to Tock By Felicia Le Cou fmlecou@mailbox.syr.edu Surrendering to Tock Tick tock tick tock tick tock. With tick you're trapped in between time with tock you're dead. Surrender to tock, he said. Let go of life, he said. Easier to say than to do because with surrendering to tock you don't know where that leaves you. Surrender to tock. Tick or tock, tock or tick. Tick is trapped, tock is...fate. If you go to Z'Ha'Dum you will die, Kosh said. And Lorien said that Kosh most certaintly knew about him long before he jumped down the chasm. You are dead, Lorien said, his elongated alien face betraying no anger, no sadness, only an odd kind of wisdom, of knowlege. He knew. Lorien knew something he would not share. Tick tock tick tock. If he does not choose he will be trapped here forever. Where is here? A series of caverns lighted by endlessly burning torches that never seemed to go out. No food, no water was to be found yet he did not crave these things. Further proof, according to Lorien, that he was dead. And he had no pulse. If you go to Z'Ha'Dum you will die, Kosh said. How could Kosh know the how's and why's of the universe. He may not know everything but he seemed to know more than he should. Were Vorlons time travelers? And the lights grew dim as he and Lorien discussed the matters of life and death. Surrender to tock, you are one step closer, the voice in the back of his mind said. Or did Lorien say it, he was no longer sure. Surrender to death, stop living only to flee death. You must have a stronger reason for living than that. What if you don't catch me as I fall? I caught you before, Lorien said. Tick tock tick tock. He jumped into the chasm, refusing the demon-tortured hand that offered him life, but at a cost. Even then it was already too late; the White Star was about to crash into the Shadow city carrying its deadly cargo. What do you have to live for? Kosh's voice and Lorien's voice blended together in his mind. The wind rushed over his body. No, not the wind. He was falling now. He was falling towards tock. Tick... What did he have to live for? Images of the night that Kosh died flashed through his mind. The Shadows, the fear, Mr. Morden, the fear. The fear of death and what might happen afterwards. His fear? Or Kosh's. Tock... He was falling a long ways. Bottom must come soon. What did he have to die for? There were plenty of things he was willing to die for. He would die defending his honor, his friends, the things that he believed in, the cause in the war, Delenn-- Delenn, he would die for Delenn. Tick... Yes, but what did he have to live for, the voice asked again in his mind. He sensed a flash and the door to a room in the back of his mind seemed to open up. He found himself in the crew quarters on the White Star. He was on one bed; Delenn was directly across from him. "I will watch, and catch you if you fall," she said. She held his hand. She held his hand until he fell asleep listening to the sound of rain in the middle of hyperspace. Their love was still new. It didn't have a chance to grow or develop beyond this point. Just as things started to deepen the Shadow's interference started. He wasn't ready to leave her yet. He would live for Delenn. Tock... "Delenn," he cried out, afraid it was already too late. The air around him slowed. He saw only darkness. He didn't hit bottom, he hoped as his mind faded into the darkness. Hope was all we had, Lorien had said. Did Lorien catch him? Copyright 1996 by Felicia Le Cou. All rights reserved except those already owned by others. Please send comments to fmlecou@mailbox.syr.edu.