From: Laura Hale Subject: [Fwd: Zack and Lyta go to Minbar...] Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998 08:04:27 -0500 Funny short fan fic from b5teens From: "Catherine Cronquist" To: "B5 Teens" Subject: Zack and Lyta go to Minbar... Sorry guys, it just came to me with all the linguistic talk: ZACK AND LYTA GO TO MINBAR (A SHORT FF) by Cat herself! ***Minbar*** [enter Zack and Lyta] Lyta: Zack, look at this temple! It's 5,000 years old and carved from a single piece of aventurine by architects who took vows of silence until the temple was finished. Isn't it breathtaking? All the painstaking labor that went into carving each of these figures and designs from the crystal? Zack: I don't know, Lyta, I still think this was a bad choice.... Lyta: But it's perfect for a honeymoon! It's such a romantic setting, full of ambience and beauty and delicacy. Zack: That's what I mean. I know I'm going to break something. Lyta: Of course not, that would get Delenn in trouble. She did personally issue our visas. Zack: In fact, maybe I just ought to break something small now and get it over with. How about this? Lyta: ZACK! Don't touch that! It's a cha'lak'sha'lak'sha, one of their most sacred relics! Zack: It looks like an ashtray. Lyta: How can you be so culturally dead? Of course it's not an ashtray. Zack: Sorry. How did you know that anyway? Lyta: Our guide told me. It was a little muddled though. Zack: Ah HA! So they do speak English! Lyta: No, he told me...mentally. Zack: Oh. Well, I still say they all really speak English, and their just faking this religious caste dialect stuff. Lyta: That is the most imbecilic, uncaring, loutish remark I have ever heard you make! Zack: Do you listen when I talk? Lyta: I mean, good heavens, this is a different PLANET! Of course they don't speak ENGLISH! Zack: Look, 5,000 years ago they didn't, but now everybody speaks English. Everybody should. Lyta: You are a terrible tourist. Zack: Sorry. [enter Minbari religious acolyte, lighting candles along what vaguely resembles an altar] Zack: Which custom are you following here? Is this a nightly candle-lighting or some special occassion? Acolyte: Ch'shlok ritah noth zomos sh'ch'sh. ("I am very sorry, I do not understand your language.") Zack: [speaking loudly and slowly] Which CUS-tom is THIS? [pointing at the candles] [Lyta moans, shakes her head, pretends to admire the cha'lak'sha'lak'sha] Acolyte: Sh'lok'ch ashya itnok comala. Won kis'ch'ad ilsdo. ("It's called a 'candle.' You are rather slow on the uptake.") Zack: No, no, ENG-lish. Speak-chay vous English. I'm HU-man. [points at himself] Acolyte: Han thiskyqq silze sh'ch'ch? Ch'shak thopshai, caquel, opsib cha'lak'sha'lak'sha? ("Do you have some neural disorder or are you just a human tourist? And why is she gazing admiringly at the ashtray?") Zack: Lyta, I told you we should have gone to Disneyplanet. **********